FUCK LIFE!! I FUCKIN GIVE UP ON EVERYTHING!!!!
Here I am.. tears straming down my face. My whole world just crashed beneath me... I lost my brother to my fucking stupidity, Kyle's really mad at me, Lindsey won't talk to me.. anyone else wana not talk to me?? Go ahead. I don't fucking give a shit anymore.. why have friends when all they ever do is leave you and let you get hurt even more?? The family is fucked over. My friends don't give a shit about anyone else anymore.. and when they do.. it's all just a fucking act until one of us dies. Everything is just so fucked over for myself.. I keep on making it worse and worse everyday. I can't fucking stand it anymore. The world doesn't matter to me anymore.. all it ever does is just cause me to go about my day even more pissed than what i was the day before.
I wana be with Amanda and my pepere more than anything right now. I want to cry on a shoulder and be told that everything's gona be okay... but even though I know it won't be. I know I'm a huge mistake and huge ass disappoint and it's starting to show from everyone in my family right now... but my God.. I never it expected it turn out where I wanted to leave this family.. knowing that no one wouldn't care where I was or how I was doing. I'm sorry.. I make wrong choices and choose to take my anger out in the wrong ways... but you gotta expect who I am and stop TRYING to punish me for it, by not talking to me.
I don't know what to do anymore... I just wana go somewhere and start over fresh. I'm too hurt by everyone treating me like shit EVERYDAY. I'm not as happy as I look. I'm not as strong as I seem. I'm just this girl who is dying inside and suffering from all the pain.. who doesn't know how to control it anymore. People say I'm strong all the time.. I know I'm not!! I'm so fucking weak.. it's not even. I set goals for myself.. but I always fail at them.
I don't wana deal with all this shit anymore.. I don't wana be here... I don't wana be ME!
Yes.. I have a shitty home life, my family just doesn't give a shit about me anymore.. except for my mom and Gerry. My friends are too blind to see what's going on with me and how I'm dealing with all this... what the fuck am I supposed to do?? Act like nothing is wrong and just carry on with my day! I just can't be doing that all the time.. it hurts too much in the end. I'm sorry, if you can't respect that... but oh well.. I am who I am.. I am not like it.. but I can't do anything about it.
~Meghan~