myspacee
1:14 AM - LOGIC WILL BREAK YOUR HEART.
Logic is a damn confusing thing. The twisted kind, the obvious kind, the hidden kind. The way people function, they never seize to surprise me. The way I surprise myself. The Stills titled one of their albums "Logic Will Break Your Heart" but its more like Your Heart (is likely) to Break Logic. The problem is, not enough people follow their hearts. When it comes to anything, not just love. So I thought I'd change that. And for the past two weeks, I've followed my heart when it comes to almost everything and I've acted on every impulse. I said what was on my mind, which seemed to be a word or two exceeding of what is necessary. But honestly, if we always only said what was necessary...what is the point of talking at all? Its always those other things on my mind that matter more than the general point. Because when it comes down to the petty little details, especially regarding feelings, they are the hardest to articulate words for and seem to say the most.
In the past two weeks: I spoke my mind completely to my best friend, something i havent been able to do in a very long time. I stood up for myself against someone I never thought I'd have the courage to. I've confessed my drama queen feelings to someone who came out to be just like every other guy. And I am completely enamored by someone a little bit out of reach.
So I've broken all my rules. I've defied self-logic. I never stopped to think once if what i was saying, or doing was in my best interest.
And where did this get me? I turned my friendship around with her, full 180. We are more open now than ever and i realize that i DO love this girl. As for standing up for myself and yelling back at someone with a little bit more...well...just someone more capable than me, reflecting on that about 20 seconds after i did it was hilarious and so i laughed. That set her off even more but hey, you gotta laugh when funny shit happens. As for the confession, it was to no avail but not everything can work to my benefit, right? And this new interest that I've found, well, its going to be different. I don't see him every day. The fact that we even talk at all takes more of an effort than just having class together everyday and that, to me, merits for something. I am going to try something new, getting to know him and just hope for the best.
Which brings me back to the reason why I even started writing tonight. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day aka SINGLES AWARENESS DAY and I will be sure to eat my feelings. :)
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25 Jan 2007
1:45 AM - SUMMER DAY
Come to me. Where you know I'll always be. Sunny sky that summer day, we wandered restlessly.
Find me there, the smell of sweetness in my hair. Funny how, thinking back now. You were always there. For me.
All those nights, at such great heights. You climbed, to get to me.
But now where you are, is much too far for me to wander restlessly.
And to think that you could sink, to the far back corner of my mind. And tonight on paper, with ink, I'll write the feelings you could never find.
Summer seems to create in us, alter identities. hopefully this summer will successfully bring the summer-you back to me.
On this swing, I forget life, forgo everything. On this swing, I find that I have no love to bring, to you.
So I'll sit here, on a summer day waiting for you to come around. While youre at home, getting stoned, recollecting memories that you've found..of us.
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22 Jan 2007
4:33 PM - A.L.Lover
I miss talking to you. Just about anything random, just being able to call you on your phone and talking for hours at a time. Because you were never like any body else. You never judged, you only listened and every laugh we shared was mutual and friendly. Not out of spite, not forced, I never felt forced to be any way with you. I could just be me. But now it seems like you're swarmed, with so many different things that finding a free minute to talk to you is impossible. I wish i werent last on your to call list. I wish the things I do, and the people I talk about didn't disgust you so much, and for once, I feel like i'm not accepted by you. And that, is something I can't accept. Maybe I should disregard petty high school drama the way you do. Maybe i should care less about the things that don't seem to matter. No matter how many times you deny it, I know you are disappointed in me. I know we aren't in the same league. I just know. And for the first time I feel like being me, is just not good enough for you.
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07 Jan 2007
1:04 AM - ITS NOT LOVE DON'T GET IT TWISTED
Shuttered, sorry, silent state. I'm giving in to this debate. Head versus heart with no where to turn. Lessons combined that I should have learned. Anything more seems too hard to say, when nothing will make things go my way. Why its never you and always just me, that speaks my mind so foolishly. I want you to remember me as more than just me. As the girl that you saw so willingly. And today the sun sets with words unsaid, our yesterday's prospects are nearly dead. Its been so long that I've made you wait, while i tried to figure things out and now its too late. There are too many things I wish you knew. There are too many problems when it comes to you. There is nothing I wouldn't do or say. to change things to how they were yesterday. If you're reading this, I hope that you know. The hardest part of it all, was not letting you go. But forgetting all the things that we ever said, while sharing our breaths and sharing your bed. And finding the courage to stand up and say, you arent the "someone" that i need today. And promising myself that when I see you around, I'll keep my thoughts to myself, and my eyes to the ground.
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23 Dec 2006
1:08 AM - HEAVEN SCENT.
Current mood: blah
There are those certain people. They can break your heart with a single look and make your day with a passing glance. They are, though you'll never admit, the same people that keep your universe in tune, that keep you alive. And though you may not see it now: they make you. Likewise, they can just as easily make you cry your heart out or stop your tears with a few seemingly heart felt words. Seemingly because there are too many insincere people these days, and too few genuine souls. Seemingly because the chances of coming across someone worth it, is one in a million. They can make you feel completely incomplete and incompetent, yet reassure you that you have the potential to possibly meet their standards. Possibly. Theirs. Their words, their rules is what you chose to play by. And by consenting to this, you find yourself contemplating for so much longer than you should of ways to impress them. The problem is, too often these people come and go. They come into your life, turn it upside down and inside out, reach their hands into your pocket and steal every single ounce of your dignity in exchange for a few fake words and with that, theyre gone. Yesterday, they were the complex puzzle that you starved to figure out. Yesterday, they were the one you couldnt live without. But today is different. Today, you see that actually living was the one thing you could never do while being with them.
Then you realize that despite it all, the crisp aroma of fresh air feels better than anything they could ever have given to you and its true, there is a "too late" to every relationship.
Logic is a damn confusing thing. The twisted kind, the obvious kind, the hidden kind. The way people function, they never seize to surprise me. The way I surprise myself. The Stills titled one of their albums "Logic Will Break Your Heart" but its more like Your Heart (is likely) to Break Logic. The problem is, not enough people follow their hearts. When it comes to anything, not just love. So I thought I'd change that. And for the past two weeks, I've followed my heart when it comes to almost everything and I've acted on every impulse. I said what was on my mind, which seemed to be a word or two exceeding of what is necessary. But honestly, if we always only said what was necessary...what is the point of talking at all? Its always those other things on my mind that matter more than the general point. Because when it comes down to the petty little details, especially regarding feelings, they are the hardest to articulate words for and seem to say the most.
In the past two weeks: I spoke my mind completely to my best friend, something i havent been able to do in a very long time. I stood up for myself against someone I never thought I'd have the courage to. I've confessed my drama queen feelings to someone who came out to be just like every other guy. And I am completely enamored by someone a little bit out of reach.
So I've broken all my rules. I've defied self-logic. I never stopped to think once if what i was saying, or doing was in my best interest.
And where did this get me? I turned my friendship around with her, full 180. We are more open now than ever and i realize that i DO love this girl. As for standing up for myself and yelling back at someone with a little bit more...well...just someone more capable than me, reflecting on that about 20 seconds after i did it was hilarious and so i laughed. That set her off even more but hey, you gotta laugh when funny shit happens. As for the confession, it was to no avail but not everything can work to my benefit, right? And this new interest that I've found, well, its going to be different. I don't see him every day. The fact that we even talk at all takes more of an effort than just having class together everyday and that, to me, merits for something. I am going to try something new, getting to know him and just hope for the best.
Which brings me back to the reason why I even started writing tonight. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day aka SINGLES AWARENESS DAY and I will be sure to eat my feelings. :)
0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Edit - Remove
25 Jan 2007
1:45 AM - SUMMER DAY
Come to me. Where you know I'll always be. Sunny sky that summer day, we wandered restlessly.
Find me there, the smell of sweetness in my hair. Funny how, thinking back now. You were always there. For me.
All those nights, at such great heights. You climbed, to get to me.
But now where you are, is much too far for me to wander restlessly.
And to think that you could sink, to the far back corner of my mind. And tonight on paper, with ink, I'll write the feelings you could never find.
Summer seems to create in us, alter identities. hopefully this summer will successfully bring the summer-you back to me.
On this swing, I forget life, forgo everything. On this swing, I find that I have no love to bring, to you.
So I'll sit here, on a summer day waiting for you to come around. While youre at home, getting stoned, recollecting memories that you've found..of us.
0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Edit - Remove
22 Jan 2007
4:33 PM - A.L.Lover
I miss talking to you. Just about anything random, just being able to call you on your phone and talking for hours at a time. Because you were never like any body else. You never judged, you only listened and every laugh we shared was mutual and friendly. Not out of spite, not forced, I never felt forced to be any way with you. I could just be me. But now it seems like you're swarmed, with so many different things that finding a free minute to talk to you is impossible. I wish i werent last on your to call list. I wish the things I do, and the people I talk about didn't disgust you so much, and for once, I feel like i'm not accepted by you. And that, is something I can't accept. Maybe I should disregard petty high school drama the way you do. Maybe i should care less about the things that don't seem to matter. No matter how many times you deny it, I know you are disappointed in me. I know we aren't in the same league. I just know. And for the first time I feel like being me, is just not good enough for you.
0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Edit - Remove
07 Jan 2007
1:04 AM - ITS NOT LOVE DON'T GET IT TWISTED
Shuttered, sorry, silent state. I'm giving in to this debate. Head versus heart with no where to turn. Lessons combined that I should have learned. Anything more seems too hard to say, when nothing will make things go my way. Why its never you and always just me, that speaks my mind so foolishly. I want you to remember me as more than just me. As the girl that you saw so willingly. And today the sun sets with words unsaid, our yesterday's prospects are nearly dead. Its been so long that I've made you wait, while i tried to figure things out and now its too late. There are too many things I wish you knew. There are too many problems when it comes to you. There is nothing I wouldn't do or say. to change things to how they were yesterday. If you're reading this, I hope that you know. The hardest part of it all, was not letting you go. But forgetting all the things that we ever said, while sharing our breaths and sharing your bed. And finding the courage to stand up and say, you arent the "someone" that i need today. And promising myself that when I see you around, I'll keep my thoughts to myself, and my eyes to the ground.
0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Edit - Remove
23 Dec 2006
1:08 AM - HEAVEN SCENT.
Current mood: blah
There are those certain people. They can break your heart with a single look and make your day with a passing glance. They are, though you'll never admit, the same people that keep your universe in tune, that keep you alive. And though you may not see it now: they make you. Likewise, they can just as easily make you cry your heart out or stop your tears with a few seemingly heart felt words. Seemingly because there are too many insincere people these days, and too few genuine souls. Seemingly because the chances of coming across someone worth it, is one in a million. They can make you feel completely incomplete and incompetent, yet reassure you that you have the potential to possibly meet their standards. Possibly. Theirs. Their words, their rules is what you chose to play by. And by consenting to this, you find yourself contemplating for so much longer than you should of ways to impress them. The problem is, too often these people come and go. They come into your life, turn it upside down and inside out, reach their hands into your pocket and steal every single ounce of your dignity in exchange for a few fake words and with that, theyre gone. Yesterday, they were the complex puzzle that you starved to figure out. Yesterday, they were the one you couldnt live without. But today is different. Today, you see that actually living was the one thing you could never do while being with them.
Then you realize that despite it all, the crisp aroma of fresh air feels better than anything they could ever have given to you and its true, there is a "too late" to every relationship.