The first step is Acceptance.

[huntsthings]

It wasn't Sam's fault that he'd had to stay after school for detention. Russ Saunders had been picking on that skinny kid who had started two days ago and Sam had come along at the wrong time. Well, wrong time for Saunders, just in time for the new kid. He'd almost laughed when the vice principal had threatened to get John on the phone, but had

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[huntsthings]

Sam sighed and shook his head. He was used to Dana being overprotective and bossing him around, but more and more her concern made him feel constricted and trapped. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Maybe it was because for the first time in his life he was doing something behind her back, or maybe it was because he had come to the conclusion that he had to leave and drawing it out and waiting for the right time was torture. Either way it was easier to get angry at it than to feel guilty.

"You don't have to worry, Dana," he said, an edge of annoyance in his voice before the letter landed before him. He froze for a split second, looking at the return address in Palo Alto, his fingers twitching in surprise before scooping it up. For a second he was so surprised it was there at all that he smiled before looking up at Dana and feeling the color drain out of his face. He wasn't ready for this. He thought he'd have more time to soften the blow.

He moved back from her, wanting or needing to put some space between them, afraid that she would snatch the letter away from him. "Did you read it?"

[siswinchester]

The smile all but had her anger bubbling over. Oh, yeah, she looked almost calm, but to anyone who knew her, they could tell. With how stiff she was standing, how blank her face was, the way her jaw was clenched tight.

"No. I didn't." Her voice was hard, matching her gaze. "Were you ever going to tell us about this or were you just going to up and run off, never clue us in?"

[huntsthings]

He knew that look and he put another foot of space between them because of it. He tried to match it with his own stony look of resolve, but his guilt was shining through.

"I was going to tell you," he said, his mouth dry. "I just hadn't found the right time yet." There would be other letters. He wasn't so arrogant to assume that he wouldn't need a back up plan, but this was the only letter he really cared about. There was college and then there was Stanford.. He glanced down at the letter in his hand.

"I don't even know if I got in or not," he said, slowly. "What was the point of telling you until I was sure where I'd be going?"

[siswinchester]

"Right time? The right time would have been when you started applying to colleges in the first place Sam!" She was afraid of moving from her spot, of doing something stupid. Instead she just watched as he stepped back further from her, anger flaring higher as she attempted to keep it reigned in. "Or maybe when you started thinking about applying to colleges. I just...I can't believe you. The hell were you thinking?"

[huntsthings]

"What the hell was I thinking?" Sam asked, feeling anger surge up through him at her words. "I don't know, Dana. Maybe I was thinking I'm smart. Maybe I was thinking that I didn't want to be on the road for the rest of my life, moving to place to place and chasing monsters. Maybe I thought I wanted something better."

His hand tightened on the letter, wrinkling it in his fingers. "Do you know what you sound like? Getting mad at me for apply to college? Do you know how many people want their kids to go to college? How many of them want better futures for their kids or brothers and sisters? I just wish you could hear what you sound like right now."

She shook his head and sighed. "Do you really think mom didn't want me to go?"