Love of My Life
Title: Love of My Life
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Summary: “General, would you mind giving us a few minutes?”
Roy looked up, and though Alphonse was staring at his brother, Roy had no doubt the hardened gaze would fall on him if he didn’t leave the room. Roy was smart enough to know when to push the Elric brothers and when to leave them to their own devices.
Author's Note: Sequel to Forever. I got few requests for the morning after, when Al gets his chance to yell at his brother for his stupidity and the idea wouldn't leave me alone :P This is Roy's POV, the next morning. Enjoy!
Roy Mustang sat at the side of the bed as he waited for the doctor to give the all clear to his subordinate. His… hell, it was hard to think of what to call Ed now. Lover wasn’t the right word just yet, but it would be as soon as he could take care of that little detail.
His pain in the ass? Because Ed had been that for years. The thorn in his side. The noose around his neck. The bane of his existence. The reason for his existence. The perfect circle in every transmutation. The beauty he saw in every sunrise. His heart, walking around leaving him shredded and bleeding every god damned day.
He wanted to drop his head into his hands and just take a moment to pull himself together but he didn’t have that time. Not yet. Ed had almost died last night for the most stupid of reasons and Roy couldn’t walk away to catch his own breath.
Not even last night, in Ed’s bed with the man he loved wrapped in his arms, had he been able to relax. Alphonse had come in every hour on the hour to check on him, and Roy had stayed awake all through the night to feel the beat of Ed’s heart and the rise of his chest as his breath became smoother and more at ease.
Hanahaki killed 83% of all the people it infected. He didn’t need to know that fact, but he couldn’t forget the way Breda had said it out at the bar one night. They had been taking a well needed night out and somehow they had come upon the topic. No one then had known that Breda’s brother had died of it. Now, the words he’d spoken were stuck in his head. As was the image of Ed, on his knees surrounded by a circle of red and orange flame lilies, his arms wrapped around his waist and his head down as if in supplication, as he continued to choke the flowers out between pained gasps for breath.
Flame lilies were poisonous, so not only was the flower and its roots choking Ed as it grew in his lungs and chest cavity, but it was poisoning him as well.
And if it weren’t enough that Ed had been dying, it had been Hanahaki; a disease that killed those who suffered from unrequited love. Roy had been in love with Ed for far longer than he usually liked to admit. If he had said something, if he had shown any indication that he’d harbored feelings for Roy, this would have gone so much differently.
He could have slowly courted the man he had come to love. He would have allowed Ed to see how much he admired his determination and his loyalty. Ed would have seen how much Roy had come to respect him, as an alchemist, as a soldier, and as a man. He would have been allowed to slowly see the unadulterated affection and love that Roy felt for him. It wouldn’t have been harsh words and near-death bed confessions with kisses that were far too desperate.
He pressed the heel of his hands to his eyes to try to keep from letting any of that desperation bleed through to his eyes today. Ed was going to be fine. He was going to live and even if it wasn’t the start he had wanted them to have, Roy would still have the chance to show Ed the softer side of him, the private life that he kept so removed from the working persona he had cultivated.
Roy looked up as the doctor finished his notes and set the clipboard back down. Alphonse sat in a chair on the other side of the bed from him as they waited for Edward’s final clearance.
“Doctor?” Al’s voice sounded better this morning, though Roy could easily see the dark bags under his eyes and the nervous way his hands kept slipping up, as if to touch his brother. “I know that Hanahaki is supposed to be cleared up if the person my brother loves confesses in return, but it didn’t happen immediately. Is that normal?”
The doctor nodded reassuringly. “There are a lot of old wives tales about Hanahaki and most of them are untrue. It is, quite honestly, a very difficult illness for doctors to treat. We don’t know what causes some people who have unrequited love to be free of it and why some fall sick. We don’t know how the illness can be certain when the ‘cure’ is present. We do keep detailed notes about what we do know though. We do know that once the love confession is recognized the plants begin to shrink. The type of plant and the depth of the root growth can cause a more prolonged effect, though the growth is usually dissolved within moments. Your brother’s case seems to have been in the very late stages so it took some time.”
“The lilies in his lungs were poisonous,” Roy pointed out. “Would that have a lasting effect?”
The doctor shook his head. “Most doctors would say that the body’s natural defenses protect it from such things but I’ll be honest and tell you that we don’t know why, but once the plant is removed its effects are as well. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t affecting Ed when he was ill, though.”
“But there’s no lasting affects now, correct Doctor?” Alphonse asked from the other side of the bed.
“He is in perfect health. Or, as perfect as he’s ever going to be,” the doctor quickly amended. “I would think a visit to your automail mechanic would settle the other issues we discussed,” the doctor said to Ed.
“Oh, so now you remember that I’m in the room.”
“Brother.”
“Can I go home now?”
“We are waiting on the blood test results before you are released. We have never seen any issues with Hanahaki interfering with automail, but the combination of the roots, the automail, and the poisonous nature of the plants makes me feel a little caution is warranted.”
“Ah, come on. I’m sure it’s all fine. I’m feeling 100% better, really!”
“And we’re supposed to believe you?”
“What’s that supposed to mean, Al?”
“A year and a half!”
“Gentleman, I think it’s time for me to exit this conversation. I will stop by as soon as we have the test results back. However, as I said before, every indication is that Ed is perfectly healthy now. The Hanahaki has gone into complete remission. However, it is still advised that you remain together,” he said as he looked at Roy, “for a few more days to make certain there aren’t any complications.”
“Is that common?” Roy asked.
“When Hanahaki develops to this late stage before the confession is made, there are some patients who have a hard time processing their emotions. Denial can sometimes cause setbacks, but I haven’t seen any sign of it here. Staying together for a few days is a precaution.”
The doctor walked out and Roy wasn’t sure what to say next. He was just as irritated with Ed as his brother was. He was torn between wanting to strangle him and wanting to wrap him in his arms and just hold him again.
“General, would you mind giving us a few minutes?”
Roy looked up, and though Alphonse was staring at his brother, Roy had no doubt the hardened gaze would fall on him if he didn’t leave the room. Roy was smart enough to know when to push the Elric brothers and when to leave them to their own devices.
“Um, hey Doc,” Ed tried to call out to where the door had just shut behind the doctor, “shouldn’t I take it easy for a few days? You know… lots of rest and recuperation?”
It was no use and Roy stood quietly. “I’ll be outside if you need anything, Alphonse.”
“Hey, wait!” Ed said. “You said you loved me! Shouldn’t you be protecting me or something?”
Roy grit his teeth as he faced Ed. “Yes, I love you, and I was hours away from mourning you for the rest of my life. Anyone,” Roy hissed as he grabbed the bed rail and leaned closer to Ed, “Anyone that knew me knew how I felt about you. I wasn’t very good at hiding it. Your brother knew. My whole damn team knew. And you almost killed yourself because you couldn’t admit what you felt to anyone. Or that you were sick. You and Al have kept each other alive through more danger than most people could even think to live through. I doubt he’s going to kill you now.”
Ed looked like he was about to plead again and Roy cut him off with a hard kiss. “I love you. Good luck. There are five others lined up outside when your brother is done.”
Roy stood up and nodded to Alphonse, who gave him a nod. “Don’t take it easy on him.”
“Hey!”
“He almost killed the love of my life,” Roy said, partially to soften the blow for Ed, but also to see the way his eyes widened at Roy’s admission.
“And my brother,” Alphonse said with a small smile.
If nothing else came of all this, at least he and Alphonse were of the same mind. They were both prepared to spend the rest of their days protecting Edward Elric from his own ingenious stupidity.
He closed the door behind himself as he gave Alphonse the time to deal with his brother. Roy looked at the others, gathered in the hallway for the verdict. “Ed will be fine. Unless Alphonse kills him.”
“You think Alphonse is really going to let him have it?” Havoc asked. Roy looked at his team and he could see they were all concerned. Yes, the Elric brothers had managed to work their way into the heart of his team and they were there to see that Ed knew exactly how stupid his plan had been.
“What the hell were you thinking!” the angry yell was heard perfectly clear through the closed door into the hallway. Roy didn’t have to try to stay close to the door to eavesdrop.
“Why yes,” he said with a smile. “I think he really is.”
He didn’t hear what Ed might have replied because Alphonse began again.
“No! You don’t get to talk. You don’t get to explain. Why did I have to get stuck with such an idiot brother! A letter? After everything we’ve been through, everything you’ve done for me you were going to leave me behind with just a letter! You know surgery could have saved your life but you left a note even refusing that!”
Roy startled at that and he looked at Riza who sat in a hospital chair across from him with eyes blown wide. Not everyone with Hanahaki was a candidate for surgery. He had assumed Ed had been one of those unlucky few who weren’t qualified for it, not that he had chosen to keep his condition.
“If you didn’t have any hope that he could love you back, why would you die to keep loving him? Why not just have the surgery to remove the roots? I don’t understand.”
There was a pause but then Alphonse began again.
“Right! Because my brother is an idiot!” he yelled. “You’ve been hiding this from all of us for a year and a half. A year and a half, Ed, and as bad as it was when I walked in yesterday, you must have been in a lot of pain. And that doesn’t even count the poison! Why would you keep that from me?”
“Poison?” Breda asked.
Mustang took a deep breath and looked around at his team. Hawkeye had her hands held in her lap, white knuckled as she tried to keep her fear for Ed in control. Next to her sat Fuery who just stared at his own hands. Havoc was leaning against the wall beside Roy, and Breda stood opposite, looking like a man who’d spent the night with too many harsh memories.
“The flowers Ed was choking on, flame lilies are poisonous. Once the flower was produced, he was being poisoned as well as choked by them.” His voice was calm and collected in ways he wished he truly felt.
“Ed really hid this from us for that long?” Riza asked.
This was the part that hurt so much, the part he hadn’t had time to deal with. Ed had to have known, hadn’t he? That even if Roy hadn’t loved him back then - which he damn well did, more the idiots the both of them - that he would have tried? He’d have courted him. He’d have wined and dined him and taken the admiration and respect he felt for the man and tried to give them a shot. Ed hadn’t given him that chance though. He’d have rather died.
“From all of us.”
It fell silent again until Alphonse’s voice came through the door again.
“I don’t give a flying rat’s ass what - don’t you dare tell me who I’ve been spending too much time with!” Alphonse’s words were even louder this time. Whatever had been said had done the opposite of placating the younger Elric. “You were going to leave me alone to spend the rest of my life without you! My brother! My best friend! So you don’t get to talk to me about my language! You were leaving me! You were… you were leaving us! All of us!”
Roy could hear the pause but he’d been through enough Elric fights to know that Alphonse was getting good and geared up.
“If I read your letter would it even explain? Or were you trying to protect the General even when you were dying because of him? Were you going to tell me you were dying because you loved the General, or were you just writing a good bye letter that would leave it vague so no one would know and I’d have to research and track down the truth on my own? Only it wouldn’t be on my own would it? There are six people out in that hallway, waiting for a chance to see you because they care about you! You know Mustang wouldn’t have accepted some lame letter! The whole team would be all over it because they’re family Ed! Family. Like, Fuery, who spent hours at our place a few weeks ago rereading that damn file over and over for you because something wasn’t right and he was worried you were obsessing over it!”
Fuery had a small smile on his face and Roy could see that whatever incident Al was talking about was fondly remembered.
“Or Breda who comes over and makes sure you get at least one healthy meal a week when I’m too swamped at school to notice anything but my books!”
Breda smiled as well, though there was something self-deprecating about it, as if he didn’t think Alphonse had noticed. He had been a younger brother, left to care for the older when he was unable to. Of course he would have noticed when Alphonse was too busy and Ed was left to his own devices.
“Falman, who we met on a gun fight on a train, remember that? The guy who is all rules and regulations but who never bats an eye at the amount of rules you break on a daily basis, just by being you?”
Falman shook his head like he could deny that, but then let out a little half laugh. “He could at least wear the uniform,” he said with small grin. It made them all smile a little.
“Havoc has literally taken a bullet for you and Hawkeye has actually killed people to protect you! You think they were going to take a stupid letter, Ed? But you’re a damned idiot and can’t see how much people care about you!”
Havoc fumbled a cigarette out of his pocket and put it to his mouth but as soon as it was there, he ran his hand over the flesh of his upper arm. The bullet had only been a graze but it could have ended Fullmetal if Havoc hadn’t pushed him out of the way.
Hawkeye didn’t respond at all to the words Alphonse had spoken. It was true. She had killed for the Elrics, to protect them. She had killed to protect all of them at some point or other in their relationship. She was calm and collected and never hesitated to do what had to be done. Now, she was eerily motionless as she listened to the fight on the other side of the door.
“What about Granny? And Winry. Gracia and Elysia. Don’t you think they’d have been hurt when you just up and died?”
“What the hell was I supposed to do, Al?” Edward finally shouted back. It spoke to how much guilt he felt that he’d been quiet for so long. “Tell you, so you could watch me die slowly instead? There was nothing anyone could do. I couldn’t stop what I was feeling. I’ve been in love with the Bastard since the god damned Promised Day!”
“Ed!”
“I was just some stupid kid whose whole life was wrapped up in getting his brother back and there he fucking was, angry and devastated and he refused to do the transmutation to give Father the sacrifice he needed. And then they did it to him anyway and he rose out of the fucking ground with Hawkeye at his side, blind and stumbling and fucking glorious because even when someone shoved blades through his hands, forced him to the portal, and he lost his god damned eye sight, he still came up swinging! How the fuck am I supposed to not love that?”
“You’re such an idiot! You just had to tell him!”
“I’m just a fucking brat under his command! He’s going to be Fuhrer and I can’t fuck that up!”
“Idiot! He can make up his own mind about that! He’s a fucking general! He’s smart enough to know what’s best for him!”
Roy couldn’t help but smile. When he looked up the others were looking at him, curious.
“That man-”
He was interested to hear what Fullmetal had to say, but Alphonse cut him off again.
“thinks you hang the moon!” Alphonse finished his brother’s sentence. “He did everything he could to help you get my body back, no matter how disrespectful and argumentative you were. He gave us leads and put us in touch with the right people to further our goals. And it didn’t stop on the Promised Day either! If anyone on his team didn’t already know he was in love with you then it’s because they’re purposely looking the other way. He lights up when you enter his office. He hides it well when we’re outside of the office but we all know how he feels about you. Do you have any idea how devastated he was when I told him you had Hanahaki? When he walked into the front room and saw the flame lilies all over the goddamned floor?”
Al’s voice was still loud enough to hear but there was so much pain in it that Roy wished he couldn’t. “When I had to watch the moment he realized that he was killing you?”
Roy closed his eyes at the memory. Al had let him in, quiet and utterly devastated by what was happening with his brother. He told Roy about Ed’s disease and they’d both heard Ed moving around upstairs. Then Al had said he needed to finish his brother’s tea and led him down the hallway where it opened into the front room on one side and the kitchen on the other.
Roy had gasped because he knew, even without the name of the flowers what it had meant. Al had led him there purposefully so he could see the extent of it himself. He’d looked up at Al to see the tears the younger man had been holding back had finally fallen.
He’d been about to reach out for Al, when they both heard a loud thump from upstairs.
“Brother!” Al shouted, but Roy had already been down the hallway and headed for Ed.
“Sir,” the quiet sympathy in Hawkeye’s voice brought him away from the moment. Whatever else was being said in the room, Roy figured they were past the yelling stage.
She gripped his hand in her own and he took a deep breath. “He’s fine,” he said to reassure them, and to say it one more time for himself. “He was already being a pain in the ass when I left the room.”
She nodded and gave him a tight smile. “I’ll head back to the office then and make sure some work gets done today. Let me know when the doctors think you can leave him long enough to return to work.”
“You don’t want your turn to yell at him?” Roy teased.
She smiled at him then. “I don’t think anything will get through to him if what Al said doesn’t. Besides, a well-placed hand will be more reinforcing once he’s back to work.”
He laughed softly and then she walked away. Falman and Fuery went with her and Roy knew that while they would like to have stayed, they were making sure that their office didn’t suffer. The military didn’t suffer that sort of thing.
Havoc, Roy knew, had been left behind to make sure Roy was okay and Breda would need to see Ed again before he’d be able to pull himself together.
The door opened beside him a moment later and Al stepped out, eyes red-rimmed and face flushed from anger and tears. “If you want to go see him, he’s ready.”
Roy motioned the other two in and he sat down beside Al, who’d taken Hawkeye’s former seat.
“Are you okay, Al?”
“You know, I don’t think I am. I love my brother, General, but I don’t understand how someone so smart can be so stupid.” Al demanded. “Brother and I faced a lot of dangerous things over the years, but to die of something like this? And when he was so completely oblivious to what you felt?”
Roy took a deep breath and tried to hide what he was feeling now. He knew his own heart and he had his reasons for not telling Ed how he’d felt. Yes, he’d told himself time and time again that as his subordinate, Roy could never be the first to show his feelings. He’d admitted often enough that if Ed did show something, he’d find a way to make it work. He owed Hughes that much. The man had spent a good part of his life trying to find someone that would make Roy happy. He could have shown something though, couldn’t he?
“I’m sorry.”
Roy looked over at Al and the younger man looked on the verge of tears again.
“I don’t mean to imply that you did anything wrong,” Al continued. “I knew my brother had strong feelings for you. I didn’t realize they were romantic, but, well, he’s never had a romantic relationship so how was I to know? If I had seen anything, you have to believe, I would have made him talk to you. Or I would have told him the truth myself until he saw it.”
“I know Al,” Roy said in his most soothing voice. Ed would kill him if they walked in and Al was crying again. “I keep thinking back, wondering what I could have done, but he hid so well that none of us knew. None of us could have guessed that this was happening to him.”
“What are we gonna do now?” Al asked with a sigh.
“You should go get some sleep,” Roy said, putting up a hand before Al could tell him all the reasons he needed to stay by his brother’s side.
“I can’t leave. You know what the doctor said. Seven days before I can leave him for more than an hour or two at a time. Which means not only is he going to go stir crazy when he can’t go in to work, it means you’re going to have to deal with the both of us, underfoot, trying to get used to this. So one of us has to be thinking clear headed.”
“You didn’t sleep at all last night, did you?” Al said, his eyes finally taking in Roy’s immaculate clothes, but darkened eyes and pale skin.
“Not a wink. Every time he breathes, I keep feeling for it, that twitch that means the cough is coming back.”
“He loves you, and now that you confessed his feelings, it won’t come back.”
“I know. I just,” he looked down at his feet and sighed. “I’ve loved him from afar for so long, hiding it, hoping that he might somehow forget what a bastard I am. Who I am. I keep thinking this is wrong. That there’s someone else he loves.”
There was a sound as someone moved past them and then Al spoke. “Who are you?” Al asked quietly.
Roy gave a bitter laugh. “The Hero of Ishval. Nothing I do outweighs that, Al. You and your brother, you did the right thing, no matter the cost. I admire you for it, but I wasn’t always able to do that and I can’t forget it. I know neither of you can either.”
“You’re a good man, General.”
“I’m a broken man, and I’m sorry that somehow the two of you seem to be stuck with me.”
“Yeah, well, maybe our broken parts will fit together.”
Roy looked up because it was Ed’s voice. “What are you doing out of bed?”
“I sent Breda and Havoc on the way and came out to see what was keeping you two. You coming back in, or what?”
Roy had expected to see something hard in Ed’s eyes, but that wasn’t what he saw at all. Instead, there was understanding. Roy didn’t know what the hell he thought he understood, but Roy would take whatever stay of execution he could get.
“I think I’m going to go home and get some sleep, Brother,” Al said as he looked at Roy. “Maybe clean up a little bit before you get sent home.”
“Are you okay, Al?” Ed asked.
“I’m fine,” he said with a smile for his brother. “As the General pointed out, neither of us slept well last night so someone should get some real sleep before we’re all stuck in close quarters.”
“Al, have Havoc drive you home.”
“I can just-”
“I would be able to rest easier if I knew you were home safe.” Al looked like he was about to fight it, but he relented in the end, then hugged his brother and left.
With Al gone, Ed looked at Roy for a minute before he went back into the hospital room. He crawled into the bed and leaned back, staring up at the ceiling. “I hate being stuck in here,” Ed said finally.
“I know,” Roy said with a sigh. “But until the doctor gets the tests clear there’s nothing we can do.”
“Can’t you do something about that? You’re a general! Rank is supposed to have its privileges!”
“It does. And it’s keeping you from being able to check out early,” Roy said as he approached the bed.
“What? You’re doing this on purpose?”
“I’m making sure that you don’t die, Ed. Excuse me if last night left an impression.”
“The roots aren’t there anymore. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“I was poisoning you, Ed. Do you understand that? Those flowers were poisonous. I’m not letting you walk out of here until I know that there aren’t any lingering effects from it! Do I have to ask Hawkeye to stand outside your door, just in case?”
Ed sighed and there was something defeated in it that Roy hated.
“I’m sorry. No, I’ll wait.” Ed sat up and Roy could see something was bothering him. Last night, Ed had been too tired to deal with any of this. Now, it seemed, it had caught up.
As much as Roy wanted to make him sweat it out, he’d been holding back for so long, nothing could keep him from closing the distance now. He crawled up into the bed beside a surprised Ed and pulled him back into his arms. He pressed a kiss to his temple and Ed stiffened in his arms.
“Ed?”
“I’m so sorry,” he said quietly as he seemed to melt into Roy’s embrace. He felt the shake of his body and he finally pieces it all together. Ed was actually crying. And it broke Roy’s heart to feel it.
“Ed, you don’t need to say that, okay? Everything is going to be fine. Havoc will take care of Al today. He’ll understand what I meant when I said to give him a ride home. You don’t need to worry about that.”
“I already apologized to Al,” Ed said, his voice soft but the tone firmer. “I meant… Al said … you saw the flowers in the front room.”
Roy held him closer and let out a deep breath. “When we heard you upstairs, when you fell, I thought I was too late,” he admitted. His lips were against Ed’s temple and he couldn’t bring himself to move away. “I thought I was going to find you dead upstairs.”
“You almost did.”
“Ed-”
“When I spoke with the doctor by myself, he said with the damage they could still see, your confession saved my life.”
“Why?” Roy asked. It had been bothering him and he had to ask before Ed was looking at him and the urge to kiss him overcame his need to know. “Did you think I wouldn’t have tried, even if I hadn’t already loved you? I had a year and a half to learn to love you.”
“You think I don’t know you would have?” Ed pushed back against him and Roy was looking him in the eyes again. “But I never wanted you to learn to love me. I just wanted you to love me. How could I ever know that … that I was the right one? That I hadn’t stolen you from someone else that would be so much better for you? I … you … I always thought… it was just a matter of time.”
“What?”
“Hawkeye,” he said with his eyes lowered.
Roy let out a deep sigh as he reached a hand out to cup Ed’s face. “You’re an idiot.”
“Hey!”
“Hawkeye is one of the most loyal people I have ever known. She is beautiful and smart and damn near perfect. And her job is to protect me. There was a time when it could have happened, but we both let it go. We had a goal to reach and at that time it seemed we could stay on that path, or become something else. There is no turning back from that choice and I’ve never regretted it. No matter what else has happened, she’s the friend I need and my strongest supporter. This was never what stopped that.”
“No?”
Roy shook his head. “No.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me? Some little… sign. Anything! I looked so damn hard and you never once showed anything.”
“I never wanted you to feel pressured. I know you’ll say that you wouldn’t have but I had a lot of power over you when you were younger and I couldn’t let any of that be a factor in this. And … maybe, I was afraid to. I was afraid to put my heart on the line when I’d spent years denying I had much of one.”
Ed crept up a little closer and Roy could see something working its way around his head.
“So … we … this …”
“I love you, Ed.”
His eyes went wide again and Roy smiled. “I’ll tell you a million times, until you believe it.”
“You would think the flowers going away would make it stick, but I just … I still can’t believe it.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling,” Roy agreed as he felt the exhaustion hit him again. It had come in waves over the course of the night and following morning. It was both physical and emotional. He had almost lost Ed forever, and now he was Roy’s. It was an unbelievable turn of events.
“Roy,” Ed said his name and he was closer now. When Roy opened his eyes, Ed was just a breath away. “I love you too.”
He gasped at the words and tried to still his speeding heart but Ed brushed his nose against Roy’s and cupped his face in his hand. “I’ll keep telling you until you believe it too.”
When he closed the distance between them the kiss was chaste, but there was a sweet promise in his lips.
“We could both use some sleep,” Ed whispered against his lips.
“Probably.”
“So, you’re coming to live with me for a few days?’ Ed asked as he settled in against Roy’s chest again. Roy pulled him close, resting his head on the top of Ed’s while his hand ran through his hair and down his back.
“Until we can figure out what comes next. I know you and Al need to stay close so whenever you’re ready the two of you could move into my house, if you wanted. There’s more space and you wouldn’t have to keep raiding my library.”
“Wow, you must love me. You just gave me access to your kitchen and your books at all hours of the day.”
“True, but I have ulterior motives.”
“Yeah?” Ed asked as he looked up at Roy.
“I have plans to keep you occupied in those hours of the night.”
The kiss Roy pressed to his lips was not nearly as chaste as Ed’s but there was nothing but love and adoration in it. When Ed smiled against his lips, Roy pulled back to look at him.
“What you said earlier, to Al.”
“Yeah?” He wasn’t sure what he’d said, but it had apparently meant something because there was a look in Ed’s eyes that Roy didn’t recognize.
“He asked why I didn’t have the surgery.”
“I heard and I wondered myself.”
“You didn’t hear my answer?” Roy shook his head and Ed continued. “I know who I am, my good and my bad. And I knew that no matter what happened, I would never love anyone like this again. I couldn’t imagine living a life without love. I couldn’t cut away the part of me that made my life worth living. No matter how it hurt or how long it took. You are the love of my life. And I couldn’t live without that star to guide me.”
Roy pressed his forehead to Ed’s. “No more, okay Ed? The both of us. No more hiding. No more skirting around the truth. Even if we have to play games for the world to see at times, we keep this honest between us. I need that from you.”
“Of course. You’re my life, Roy. My Life.”
Roy pulled him in for another kiss before he finally felt Ed’s body relax enough that he thought they might both be able to sleep.
“Good night, My Life,” Ed said with a grin against his chest.
Roy kissed the top of his head. “Good night, My Love.”
On to Lovers
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Summary: “General, would you mind giving us a few minutes?”
Roy looked up, and though Alphonse was staring at his brother, Roy had no doubt the hardened gaze would fall on him if he didn’t leave the room. Roy was smart enough to know when to push the Elric brothers and when to leave them to their own devices.
Author's Note: Sequel to Forever. I got few requests for the morning after, when Al gets his chance to yell at his brother for his stupidity and the idea wouldn't leave me alone :P This is Roy's POV, the next morning. Enjoy!
Roy Mustang sat at the side of the bed as he waited for the doctor to give the all clear to his subordinate. His… hell, it was hard to think of what to call Ed now. Lover wasn’t the right word just yet, but it would be as soon as he could take care of that little detail.
His pain in the ass? Because Ed had been that for years. The thorn in his side. The noose around his neck. The bane of his existence. The reason for his existence. The perfect circle in every transmutation. The beauty he saw in every sunrise. His heart, walking around leaving him shredded and bleeding every god damned day.
He wanted to drop his head into his hands and just take a moment to pull himself together but he didn’t have that time. Not yet. Ed had almost died last night for the most stupid of reasons and Roy couldn’t walk away to catch his own breath.
Not even last night, in Ed’s bed with the man he loved wrapped in his arms, had he been able to relax. Alphonse had come in every hour on the hour to check on him, and Roy had stayed awake all through the night to feel the beat of Ed’s heart and the rise of his chest as his breath became smoother and more at ease.
Hanahaki killed 83% of all the people it infected. He didn’t need to know that fact, but he couldn’t forget the way Breda had said it out at the bar one night. They had been taking a well needed night out and somehow they had come upon the topic. No one then had known that Breda’s brother had died of it. Now, the words he’d spoken were stuck in his head. As was the image of Ed, on his knees surrounded by a circle of red and orange flame lilies, his arms wrapped around his waist and his head down as if in supplication, as he continued to choke the flowers out between pained gasps for breath.
Flame lilies were poisonous, so not only was the flower and its roots choking Ed as it grew in his lungs and chest cavity, but it was poisoning him as well.
And if it weren’t enough that Ed had been dying, it had been Hanahaki; a disease that killed those who suffered from unrequited love. Roy had been in love with Ed for far longer than he usually liked to admit. If he had said something, if he had shown any indication that he’d harbored feelings for Roy, this would have gone so much differently.
He could have slowly courted the man he had come to love. He would have allowed Ed to see how much he admired his determination and his loyalty. Ed would have seen how much Roy had come to respect him, as an alchemist, as a soldier, and as a man. He would have been allowed to slowly see the unadulterated affection and love that Roy felt for him. It wouldn’t have been harsh words and near-death bed confessions with kisses that were far too desperate.
He pressed the heel of his hands to his eyes to try to keep from letting any of that desperation bleed through to his eyes today. Ed was going to be fine. He was going to live and even if it wasn’t the start he had wanted them to have, Roy would still have the chance to show Ed the softer side of him, the private life that he kept so removed from the working persona he had cultivated.
Roy looked up as the doctor finished his notes and set the clipboard back down. Alphonse sat in a chair on the other side of the bed from him as they waited for Edward’s final clearance.
“Doctor?” Al’s voice sounded better this morning, though Roy could easily see the dark bags under his eyes and the nervous way his hands kept slipping up, as if to touch his brother. “I know that Hanahaki is supposed to be cleared up if the person my brother loves confesses in return, but it didn’t happen immediately. Is that normal?”
The doctor nodded reassuringly. “There are a lot of old wives tales about Hanahaki and most of them are untrue. It is, quite honestly, a very difficult illness for doctors to treat. We don’t know what causes some people who have unrequited love to be free of it and why some fall sick. We don’t know how the illness can be certain when the ‘cure’ is present. We do keep detailed notes about what we do know though. We do know that once the love confession is recognized the plants begin to shrink. The type of plant and the depth of the root growth can cause a more prolonged effect, though the growth is usually dissolved within moments. Your brother’s case seems to have been in the very late stages so it took some time.”
“The lilies in his lungs were poisonous,” Roy pointed out. “Would that have a lasting effect?”
The doctor shook his head. “Most doctors would say that the body’s natural defenses protect it from such things but I’ll be honest and tell you that we don’t know why, but once the plant is removed its effects are as well. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t affecting Ed when he was ill, though.”
“But there’s no lasting affects now, correct Doctor?” Alphonse asked from the other side of the bed.
“He is in perfect health. Or, as perfect as he’s ever going to be,” the doctor quickly amended. “I would think a visit to your automail mechanic would settle the other issues we discussed,” the doctor said to Ed.
“Oh, so now you remember that I’m in the room.”
“Brother.”
“Can I go home now?”
“We are waiting on the blood test results before you are released. We have never seen any issues with Hanahaki interfering with automail, but the combination of the roots, the automail, and the poisonous nature of the plants makes me feel a little caution is warranted.”
“Ah, come on. I’m sure it’s all fine. I’m feeling 100% better, really!”
“And we’re supposed to believe you?”
“What’s that supposed to mean, Al?”
“A year and a half!”
“Gentleman, I think it’s time for me to exit this conversation. I will stop by as soon as we have the test results back. However, as I said before, every indication is that Ed is perfectly healthy now. The Hanahaki has gone into complete remission. However, it is still advised that you remain together,” he said as he looked at Roy, “for a few more days to make certain there aren’t any complications.”
“Is that common?” Roy asked.
“When Hanahaki develops to this late stage before the confession is made, there are some patients who have a hard time processing their emotions. Denial can sometimes cause setbacks, but I haven’t seen any sign of it here. Staying together for a few days is a precaution.”
The doctor walked out and Roy wasn’t sure what to say next. He was just as irritated with Ed as his brother was. He was torn between wanting to strangle him and wanting to wrap him in his arms and just hold him again.
“General, would you mind giving us a few minutes?”
Roy looked up, and though Alphonse was staring at his brother, Roy had no doubt the hardened gaze would fall on him if he didn’t leave the room. Roy was smart enough to know when to push the Elric brothers and when to leave them to their own devices.
“Um, hey Doc,” Ed tried to call out to where the door had just shut behind the doctor, “shouldn’t I take it easy for a few days? You know… lots of rest and recuperation?”
It was no use and Roy stood quietly. “I’ll be outside if you need anything, Alphonse.”
“Hey, wait!” Ed said. “You said you loved me! Shouldn’t you be protecting me or something?”
Roy grit his teeth as he faced Ed. “Yes, I love you, and I was hours away from mourning you for the rest of my life. Anyone,” Roy hissed as he grabbed the bed rail and leaned closer to Ed, “Anyone that knew me knew how I felt about you. I wasn’t very good at hiding it. Your brother knew. My whole damn team knew. And you almost killed yourself because you couldn’t admit what you felt to anyone. Or that you were sick. You and Al have kept each other alive through more danger than most people could even think to live through. I doubt he’s going to kill you now.”
Ed looked like he was about to plead again and Roy cut him off with a hard kiss. “I love you. Good luck. There are five others lined up outside when your brother is done.”
Roy stood up and nodded to Alphonse, who gave him a nod. “Don’t take it easy on him.”
“Hey!”
“He almost killed the love of my life,” Roy said, partially to soften the blow for Ed, but also to see the way his eyes widened at Roy’s admission.
“And my brother,” Alphonse said with a small smile.
If nothing else came of all this, at least he and Alphonse were of the same mind. They were both prepared to spend the rest of their days protecting Edward Elric from his own ingenious stupidity.
He closed the door behind himself as he gave Alphonse the time to deal with his brother. Roy looked at the others, gathered in the hallway for the verdict. “Ed will be fine. Unless Alphonse kills him.”
“You think Alphonse is really going to let him have it?” Havoc asked. Roy looked at his team and he could see they were all concerned. Yes, the Elric brothers had managed to work their way into the heart of his team and they were there to see that Ed knew exactly how stupid his plan had been.
“What the hell were you thinking!” the angry yell was heard perfectly clear through the closed door into the hallway. Roy didn’t have to try to stay close to the door to eavesdrop.
“Why yes,” he said with a smile. “I think he really is.”
He didn’t hear what Ed might have replied because Alphonse began again.
“No! You don’t get to talk. You don’t get to explain. Why did I have to get stuck with such an idiot brother! A letter? After everything we’ve been through, everything you’ve done for me you were going to leave me behind with just a letter! You know surgery could have saved your life but you left a note even refusing that!”
Roy startled at that and he looked at Riza who sat in a hospital chair across from him with eyes blown wide. Not everyone with Hanahaki was a candidate for surgery. He had assumed Ed had been one of those unlucky few who weren’t qualified for it, not that he had chosen to keep his condition.
“If you didn’t have any hope that he could love you back, why would you die to keep loving him? Why not just have the surgery to remove the roots? I don’t understand.”
There was a pause but then Alphonse began again.
“Right! Because my brother is an idiot!” he yelled. “You’ve been hiding this from all of us for a year and a half. A year and a half, Ed, and as bad as it was when I walked in yesterday, you must have been in a lot of pain. And that doesn’t even count the poison! Why would you keep that from me?”
“Poison?” Breda asked.
Mustang took a deep breath and looked around at his team. Hawkeye had her hands held in her lap, white knuckled as she tried to keep her fear for Ed in control. Next to her sat Fuery who just stared at his own hands. Havoc was leaning against the wall beside Roy, and Breda stood opposite, looking like a man who’d spent the night with too many harsh memories.
“The flowers Ed was choking on, flame lilies are poisonous. Once the flower was produced, he was being poisoned as well as choked by them.” His voice was calm and collected in ways he wished he truly felt.
“Ed really hid this from us for that long?” Riza asked.
This was the part that hurt so much, the part he hadn’t had time to deal with. Ed had to have known, hadn’t he? That even if Roy hadn’t loved him back then - which he damn well did, more the idiots the both of them - that he would have tried? He’d have courted him. He’d have wined and dined him and taken the admiration and respect he felt for the man and tried to give them a shot. Ed hadn’t given him that chance though. He’d have rather died.
“From all of us.”
It fell silent again until Alphonse’s voice came through the door again.
“I don’t give a flying rat’s ass what - don’t you dare tell me who I’ve been spending too much time with!” Alphonse’s words were even louder this time. Whatever had been said had done the opposite of placating the younger Elric. “You were going to leave me alone to spend the rest of my life without you! My brother! My best friend! So you don’t get to talk to me about my language! You were leaving me! You were… you were leaving us! All of us!”
Roy could hear the pause but he’d been through enough Elric fights to know that Alphonse was getting good and geared up.
“If I read your letter would it even explain? Or were you trying to protect the General even when you were dying because of him? Were you going to tell me you were dying because you loved the General, or were you just writing a good bye letter that would leave it vague so no one would know and I’d have to research and track down the truth on my own? Only it wouldn’t be on my own would it? There are six people out in that hallway, waiting for a chance to see you because they care about you! You know Mustang wouldn’t have accepted some lame letter! The whole team would be all over it because they’re family Ed! Family. Like, Fuery, who spent hours at our place a few weeks ago rereading that damn file over and over for you because something wasn’t right and he was worried you were obsessing over it!”
Fuery had a small smile on his face and Roy could see that whatever incident Al was talking about was fondly remembered.
“Or Breda who comes over and makes sure you get at least one healthy meal a week when I’m too swamped at school to notice anything but my books!”
Breda smiled as well, though there was something self-deprecating about it, as if he didn’t think Alphonse had noticed. He had been a younger brother, left to care for the older when he was unable to. Of course he would have noticed when Alphonse was too busy and Ed was left to his own devices.
“Falman, who we met on a gun fight on a train, remember that? The guy who is all rules and regulations but who never bats an eye at the amount of rules you break on a daily basis, just by being you?”
Falman shook his head like he could deny that, but then let out a little half laugh. “He could at least wear the uniform,” he said with small grin. It made them all smile a little.
“Havoc has literally taken a bullet for you and Hawkeye has actually killed people to protect you! You think they were going to take a stupid letter, Ed? But you’re a damned idiot and can’t see how much people care about you!”
Havoc fumbled a cigarette out of his pocket and put it to his mouth but as soon as it was there, he ran his hand over the flesh of his upper arm. The bullet had only been a graze but it could have ended Fullmetal if Havoc hadn’t pushed him out of the way.
Hawkeye didn’t respond at all to the words Alphonse had spoken. It was true. She had killed for the Elrics, to protect them. She had killed to protect all of them at some point or other in their relationship. She was calm and collected and never hesitated to do what had to be done. Now, she was eerily motionless as she listened to the fight on the other side of the door.
“What about Granny? And Winry. Gracia and Elysia. Don’t you think they’d have been hurt when you just up and died?”
“What the hell was I supposed to do, Al?” Edward finally shouted back. It spoke to how much guilt he felt that he’d been quiet for so long. “Tell you, so you could watch me die slowly instead? There was nothing anyone could do. I couldn’t stop what I was feeling. I’ve been in love with the Bastard since the god damned Promised Day!”
“Ed!”
“I was just some stupid kid whose whole life was wrapped up in getting his brother back and there he fucking was, angry and devastated and he refused to do the transmutation to give Father the sacrifice he needed. And then they did it to him anyway and he rose out of the fucking ground with Hawkeye at his side, blind and stumbling and fucking glorious because even when someone shoved blades through his hands, forced him to the portal, and he lost his god damned eye sight, he still came up swinging! How the fuck am I supposed to not love that?”
“You’re such an idiot! You just had to tell him!”
“I’m just a fucking brat under his command! He’s going to be Fuhrer and I can’t fuck that up!”
“Idiot! He can make up his own mind about that! He’s a fucking general! He’s smart enough to know what’s best for him!”
Roy couldn’t help but smile. When he looked up the others were looking at him, curious.
“That man-”
He was interested to hear what Fullmetal had to say, but Alphonse cut him off again.
“thinks you hang the moon!” Alphonse finished his brother’s sentence. “He did everything he could to help you get my body back, no matter how disrespectful and argumentative you were. He gave us leads and put us in touch with the right people to further our goals. And it didn’t stop on the Promised Day either! If anyone on his team didn’t already know he was in love with you then it’s because they’re purposely looking the other way. He lights up when you enter his office. He hides it well when we’re outside of the office but we all know how he feels about you. Do you have any idea how devastated he was when I told him you had Hanahaki? When he walked into the front room and saw the flame lilies all over the goddamned floor?”
Al’s voice was still loud enough to hear but there was so much pain in it that Roy wished he couldn’t. “When I had to watch the moment he realized that he was killing you?”
Roy closed his eyes at the memory. Al had let him in, quiet and utterly devastated by what was happening with his brother. He told Roy about Ed’s disease and they’d both heard Ed moving around upstairs. Then Al had said he needed to finish his brother’s tea and led him down the hallway where it opened into the front room on one side and the kitchen on the other.
Roy had gasped because he knew, even without the name of the flowers what it had meant. Al had led him there purposefully so he could see the extent of it himself. He’d looked up at Al to see the tears the younger man had been holding back had finally fallen.
He’d been about to reach out for Al, when they both heard a loud thump from upstairs.
“Brother!” Al shouted, but Roy had already been down the hallway and headed for Ed.
“Sir,” the quiet sympathy in Hawkeye’s voice brought him away from the moment. Whatever else was being said in the room, Roy figured they were past the yelling stage.
She gripped his hand in her own and he took a deep breath. “He’s fine,” he said to reassure them, and to say it one more time for himself. “He was already being a pain in the ass when I left the room.”
She nodded and gave him a tight smile. “I’ll head back to the office then and make sure some work gets done today. Let me know when the doctors think you can leave him long enough to return to work.”
“You don’t want your turn to yell at him?” Roy teased.
She smiled at him then. “I don’t think anything will get through to him if what Al said doesn’t. Besides, a well-placed hand will be more reinforcing once he’s back to work.”
He laughed softly and then she walked away. Falman and Fuery went with her and Roy knew that while they would like to have stayed, they were making sure that their office didn’t suffer. The military didn’t suffer that sort of thing.
Havoc, Roy knew, had been left behind to make sure Roy was okay and Breda would need to see Ed again before he’d be able to pull himself together.
The door opened beside him a moment later and Al stepped out, eyes red-rimmed and face flushed from anger and tears. “If you want to go see him, he’s ready.”
Roy motioned the other two in and he sat down beside Al, who’d taken Hawkeye’s former seat.
“Are you okay, Al?”
“You know, I don’t think I am. I love my brother, General, but I don’t understand how someone so smart can be so stupid.” Al demanded. “Brother and I faced a lot of dangerous things over the years, but to die of something like this? And when he was so completely oblivious to what you felt?”
Roy took a deep breath and tried to hide what he was feeling now. He knew his own heart and he had his reasons for not telling Ed how he’d felt. Yes, he’d told himself time and time again that as his subordinate, Roy could never be the first to show his feelings. He’d admitted often enough that if Ed did show something, he’d find a way to make it work. He owed Hughes that much. The man had spent a good part of his life trying to find someone that would make Roy happy. He could have shown something though, couldn’t he?
“I’m sorry.”
Roy looked over at Al and the younger man looked on the verge of tears again.
“I don’t mean to imply that you did anything wrong,” Al continued. “I knew my brother had strong feelings for you. I didn’t realize they were romantic, but, well, he’s never had a romantic relationship so how was I to know? If I had seen anything, you have to believe, I would have made him talk to you. Or I would have told him the truth myself until he saw it.”
“I know Al,” Roy said in his most soothing voice. Ed would kill him if they walked in and Al was crying again. “I keep thinking back, wondering what I could have done, but he hid so well that none of us knew. None of us could have guessed that this was happening to him.”
“What are we gonna do now?” Al asked with a sigh.
“You should go get some sleep,” Roy said, putting up a hand before Al could tell him all the reasons he needed to stay by his brother’s side.
“I can’t leave. You know what the doctor said. Seven days before I can leave him for more than an hour or two at a time. Which means not only is he going to go stir crazy when he can’t go in to work, it means you’re going to have to deal with the both of us, underfoot, trying to get used to this. So one of us has to be thinking clear headed.”
“You didn’t sleep at all last night, did you?” Al said, his eyes finally taking in Roy’s immaculate clothes, but darkened eyes and pale skin.
“Not a wink. Every time he breathes, I keep feeling for it, that twitch that means the cough is coming back.”
“He loves you, and now that you confessed his feelings, it won’t come back.”
“I know. I just,” he looked down at his feet and sighed. “I’ve loved him from afar for so long, hiding it, hoping that he might somehow forget what a bastard I am. Who I am. I keep thinking this is wrong. That there’s someone else he loves.”
There was a sound as someone moved past them and then Al spoke. “Who are you?” Al asked quietly.
Roy gave a bitter laugh. “The Hero of Ishval. Nothing I do outweighs that, Al. You and your brother, you did the right thing, no matter the cost. I admire you for it, but I wasn’t always able to do that and I can’t forget it. I know neither of you can either.”
“You’re a good man, General.”
“I’m a broken man, and I’m sorry that somehow the two of you seem to be stuck with me.”
“Yeah, well, maybe our broken parts will fit together.”
Roy looked up because it was Ed’s voice. “What are you doing out of bed?”
“I sent Breda and Havoc on the way and came out to see what was keeping you two. You coming back in, or what?”
Roy had expected to see something hard in Ed’s eyes, but that wasn’t what he saw at all. Instead, there was understanding. Roy didn’t know what the hell he thought he understood, but Roy would take whatever stay of execution he could get.
“I think I’m going to go home and get some sleep, Brother,” Al said as he looked at Roy. “Maybe clean up a little bit before you get sent home.”
“Are you okay, Al?” Ed asked.
“I’m fine,” he said with a smile for his brother. “As the General pointed out, neither of us slept well last night so someone should get some real sleep before we’re all stuck in close quarters.”
“Al, have Havoc drive you home.”
“I can just-”
“I would be able to rest easier if I knew you were home safe.” Al looked like he was about to fight it, but he relented in the end, then hugged his brother and left.
With Al gone, Ed looked at Roy for a minute before he went back into the hospital room. He crawled into the bed and leaned back, staring up at the ceiling. “I hate being stuck in here,” Ed said finally.
“I know,” Roy said with a sigh. “But until the doctor gets the tests clear there’s nothing we can do.”
“Can’t you do something about that? You’re a general! Rank is supposed to have its privileges!”
“It does. And it’s keeping you from being able to check out early,” Roy said as he approached the bed.
“What? You’re doing this on purpose?”
“I’m making sure that you don’t die, Ed. Excuse me if last night left an impression.”
“The roots aren’t there anymore. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“I was poisoning you, Ed. Do you understand that? Those flowers were poisonous. I’m not letting you walk out of here until I know that there aren’t any lingering effects from it! Do I have to ask Hawkeye to stand outside your door, just in case?”
Ed sighed and there was something defeated in it that Roy hated.
“I’m sorry. No, I’ll wait.” Ed sat up and Roy could see something was bothering him. Last night, Ed had been too tired to deal with any of this. Now, it seemed, it had caught up.
As much as Roy wanted to make him sweat it out, he’d been holding back for so long, nothing could keep him from closing the distance now. He crawled up into the bed beside a surprised Ed and pulled him back into his arms. He pressed a kiss to his temple and Ed stiffened in his arms.
“Ed?”
“I’m so sorry,” he said quietly as he seemed to melt into Roy’s embrace. He felt the shake of his body and he finally pieces it all together. Ed was actually crying. And it broke Roy’s heart to feel it.
“Ed, you don’t need to say that, okay? Everything is going to be fine. Havoc will take care of Al today. He’ll understand what I meant when I said to give him a ride home. You don’t need to worry about that.”
“I already apologized to Al,” Ed said, his voice soft but the tone firmer. “I meant… Al said … you saw the flowers in the front room.”
Roy held him closer and let out a deep breath. “When we heard you upstairs, when you fell, I thought I was too late,” he admitted. His lips were against Ed’s temple and he couldn’t bring himself to move away. “I thought I was going to find you dead upstairs.”
“You almost did.”
“Ed-”
“When I spoke with the doctor by myself, he said with the damage they could still see, your confession saved my life.”
“Why?” Roy asked. It had been bothering him and he had to ask before Ed was looking at him and the urge to kiss him overcame his need to know. “Did you think I wouldn’t have tried, even if I hadn’t already loved you? I had a year and a half to learn to love you.”
“You think I don’t know you would have?” Ed pushed back against him and Roy was looking him in the eyes again. “But I never wanted you to learn to love me. I just wanted you to love me. How could I ever know that … that I was the right one? That I hadn’t stolen you from someone else that would be so much better for you? I … you … I always thought… it was just a matter of time.”
“What?”
“Hawkeye,” he said with his eyes lowered.
Roy let out a deep sigh as he reached a hand out to cup Ed’s face. “You’re an idiot.”
“Hey!”
“Hawkeye is one of the most loyal people I have ever known. She is beautiful and smart and damn near perfect. And her job is to protect me. There was a time when it could have happened, but we both let it go. We had a goal to reach and at that time it seemed we could stay on that path, or become something else. There is no turning back from that choice and I’ve never regretted it. No matter what else has happened, she’s the friend I need and my strongest supporter. This was never what stopped that.”
“No?”
Roy shook his head. “No.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me? Some little… sign. Anything! I looked so damn hard and you never once showed anything.”
“I never wanted you to feel pressured. I know you’ll say that you wouldn’t have but I had a lot of power over you when you were younger and I couldn’t let any of that be a factor in this. And … maybe, I was afraid to. I was afraid to put my heart on the line when I’d spent years denying I had much of one.”
Ed crept up a little closer and Roy could see something working its way around his head.
“So … we … this …”
“I love you, Ed.”
His eyes went wide again and Roy smiled. “I’ll tell you a million times, until you believe it.”
“You would think the flowers going away would make it stick, but I just … I still can’t believe it.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling,” Roy agreed as he felt the exhaustion hit him again. It had come in waves over the course of the night and following morning. It was both physical and emotional. He had almost lost Ed forever, and now he was Roy’s. It was an unbelievable turn of events.
“Roy,” Ed said his name and he was closer now. When Roy opened his eyes, Ed was just a breath away. “I love you too.”
He gasped at the words and tried to still his speeding heart but Ed brushed his nose against Roy’s and cupped his face in his hand. “I’ll keep telling you until you believe it too.”
When he closed the distance between them the kiss was chaste, but there was a sweet promise in his lips.
“We could both use some sleep,” Ed whispered against his lips.
“Probably.”
“So, you’re coming to live with me for a few days?’ Ed asked as he settled in against Roy’s chest again. Roy pulled him close, resting his head on the top of Ed’s while his hand ran through his hair and down his back.
“Until we can figure out what comes next. I know you and Al need to stay close so whenever you’re ready the two of you could move into my house, if you wanted. There’s more space and you wouldn’t have to keep raiding my library.”
“Wow, you must love me. You just gave me access to your kitchen and your books at all hours of the day.”
“True, but I have ulterior motives.”
“Yeah?” Ed asked as he looked up at Roy.
“I have plans to keep you occupied in those hours of the night.”
The kiss Roy pressed to his lips was not nearly as chaste as Ed’s but there was nothing but love and adoration in it. When Ed smiled against his lips, Roy pulled back to look at him.
“What you said earlier, to Al.”
“Yeah?” He wasn’t sure what he’d said, but it had apparently meant something because there was a look in Ed’s eyes that Roy didn’t recognize.
“He asked why I didn’t have the surgery.”
“I heard and I wondered myself.”
“You didn’t hear my answer?” Roy shook his head and Ed continued. “I know who I am, my good and my bad. And I knew that no matter what happened, I would never love anyone like this again. I couldn’t imagine living a life without love. I couldn’t cut away the part of me that made my life worth living. No matter how it hurt or how long it took. You are the love of my life. And I couldn’t live without that star to guide me.”
Roy pressed his forehead to Ed’s. “No more, okay Ed? The both of us. No more hiding. No more skirting around the truth. Even if we have to play games for the world to see at times, we keep this honest between us. I need that from you.”
“Of course. You’re my life, Roy. My Life.”
Roy pulled him in for another kiss before he finally felt Ed’s body relax enough that he thought they might both be able to sleep.
“Good night, My Life,” Ed said with a grin against his chest.
Roy kissed the top of his head. “Good night, My Love.”
On to Lovers