When Nobody Knew (Chapter 4)
Title: When Nobody Knew
Fandom: RPS/Pern Fusion
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Summary: One of these days, everyone would stop watching him so closely. One of these days, they’ll all stop waiting for him to fail.
After their nap, Jared and the other new weyrlings spent time with their mates. Weyrlingmaster J’mes and his second, T’moh made the rounds to talk to each of them and see that their dragons had been properly fed and well oiled. The weyr didn’t suffer fools, J’mes had taught them quickly enough in candidate training, and it suffered foolish riders even less.
With their dragons well stuffed from a second meal, the newest weyrlings left their dragons sleeping to go out to join the feast that had begun in their honor. There were lords from all over the Northern Continent, not just those beholden to Ista Weyr. Jared recognized a few from his time in the Harper Hall, but he recognized the shoulder knots of five of the main Holds and a half dozen smaller ones.
At the head table, Jared saw the Weyrleaders from Fort, High Reaches, and Telgar had come to join in their festivities.
“Someday, you’ll be sitting at that table,” Alona said as she came to sit beside him at the weyrling tables. Jared looked down at his plate, grateful for her friendship. He’d been sitting alone, no one sure of what to make of him yet.
“I can’t get my head around that thought,” he admitted.
“Neither can we,” J’ke said as he sat across from Alona. “We get to say we knew him when he was a lowly candidate….”
Jared let out a laugh at that and his tension dissipated. He had no idea what was in store for him, but he knew not everyone would embrace him as a gold rider. He had a few friends, at least.
“I can’t believe we all impressed at the same time,” Jared confided. “Where are O’sric and C’lin?”
“They’re both still staring at their dragons, all goo-goo eyed,” Katie said as she approached the table. “Can I join you, um, what should I call you?”
“Jared?” he asked.
She let out a deep breath when he nodded and she took a seat next to J’ke. “Those two are so besotted with their dragons. I think J’mes is going to have to force them out of the weyrling barracks to go eat.”
“It’s kinda crazy, isn’t it?” he asked. He could feel Aloqueth in the back of his head, her gentle slumber soothing his nerves. “I’ve listened to all the stories, told more than a few myself, but nothing seems to do it justice, does it?”
Katie smiled at him and J’ke’s eyes took a faraway look that Jared thought might mean he was speaking with his dragon. Alona bumped his shoulder and nodded. “Guess you’ll have to try to write your own songs about it now.”
“Right, because I’m sure J’mes and T’moh will leave us plenty of spare time for that.”
They ate their meal quickly after that as the excitement and newness wore off to the practicality of empty bellies. Riders stopped by to congratulate them and pass on bits of wisdom to them, or just to make themselves known. C’lin made it to the table while they were still eating but O’sric was actually led out by T’moh. The Weyrlingmaster 2nd led him firmly to the table and set food in front of him, but there was a fond smile on his face as he did so.
Harpers filled the hall with music and Jared listened as Master Richard led them through song after song about the weyrs and the majesty of their dragons. Master Richard was an adequate singer, but he was an amazing story teller and Jared had found himself captivated by the harper on more than one occasion. He was truly gifted.
“Jared, I’m afraid I need to borrow you for a moment,” Danneel broke him from his enjoyment of the harper with her words.
“Weyrwoman,” he said as he looked up at her. She smiled, but he could see that this wasn’t a personal visit. Her warmth was there, but her smile was forced. “Of course.”
She stepped back and he realized she wanted him to follow. As they stepped away from the table, she spoke quietly. “Some of the other weyr leaders wanted to meet you. Your Impression has left them … well … shocked is the best word for it I suppose.”
Jared had been too wrapped up in his own experience with Aloqueth but at her words he realized a hush had fallen on the people around them. The harpers tried their best to keep the music going, but all eyes in the cavern had fallen on Jared as he walked up to the Weyrleader’s table.
“Just be yourself, Jared. No one who knows you could possibly hate you,” She encouraged him with a small smile.
It was real and Jared couldn’t help but smile back at her. “Right. Just be me.”
Why wouldn’t you be? Aloqueth asked sleepily. She wasn’t truly awake. Jared wondered if she’d felt his concern and woke or if it was just a coincidence but it made him feel better to hear her voice in his head.
I’m going to meet the Weyrleaders of three other weyrs. It’s a bit intimidating, he informed her.
She huffed away his concern and he felt her drift back to sleep again. He laughed in spite of himself.
“Aloqueth?” Danneel asked.
He nodded, with a smile. “She was unimpressed with my worries about the weyrleaders.”
Danneel’s smile grew. “The good thing about dragons is they always remind you of what’s important.”
They were at the head table then and Danneel had brought him to stand directly in front of J’frey and Samantha. He’d spoke briefly with them after his Impression but it was different to see them in this setting. They’d always seemed kind to him, though they could be stern when needed.
“Weyrleaders,” he said with a bow of his head.
J’frey and Samantha both smiled at him and he relaxed a little more. “Jared, how fares Aloqueth?” J’frey asked.
“She’s very full and happily asleep at the moment,” Jared said, unable to respond without a smile when he was talking about his dragon.
“She is a beauty, Jared,” Samantha said, as if they were old friends. “Trust J’mes and T’moh to teach you the right way to care for her and I think she’ll be something special.”
“She would have to be, wouldn’t she?” One of the other weyrleaders said from down the table. “She has already proven to be unorthodox. A male rider when she had the choice of so many prime females?”
“T’mothy, do you doubt the dragon’s choice?” the Weyrwoman to his right asked.
“Never, my dear Gen, but it is something new and I can’t help but wonder what it portents.”
“Jared, may I introduce you to Weyrleader T’mothy and Weyrwoman Genevieve of Fort Weyr,” Danneel said.
“Not so formal, Danneel. Jared was a candidate with us for two turns,” T’mothy said as he directed a grisly smile at Jared. The man appeared a beast, with a glower that would make most turn and run in the other direction, but underneath that was a man with a kind heart and a truly gentle spirit.
“Nothing against your Impression, I am happy to have been here to witness it,” he continued, “but I’ll be honest and tell you I had hoped to see you reach your Mastery and return to Fort Weyr as a harper.”
“What would you do with Master Rob, then?” Jared asked.
“I could probably send him out to sing to the dragons. They seem as enthralled with him as he is with them,” T’mothy answered.
Jared laughed and it felt good. He’d almost forgotten how friendly T’mothy had been with him at Fort. He’d allowed Jared to continue working on his studies in his very limited spare time and he’d been able to walk the tables to become a Journeyman Harper at Fort Weyr. He’d never be a Master now, but he had enjoyed Fort Weyr.
“I’m afraid you’ll be stuck with him for a while longer then. My duties to Ista Weyr and Aloqueth will probably take up too much time to work on my harper training.”
“Jared, this is Weyrleader F’ed and Weyrwoman Amanda, from High Reaches. And this is S’ling and Ruth from Telgar Weyr.”
Jared nodded his head in greeting, “Thank you for your attendance today. You honor us.”
“Give Aloqueth our greetings, young rider,” Amanda said though Jared felt no warmth from her words. F’ed stared at him openly and Jared wondered if his Impression would cause a strain on the relationship between Ista and High Reaches Weyr.
S’ling seemed to stare at him with open curiosity and his weyrwoman, Ruth, smiled with amusement. He wasn’t sure what to think of that, but he looked back to J’frey and Samantha. “If you would excuse me, Weyrleaders, Aloqueth is waking and I feel the need to attend to her.”
He waited until he had their approval before he said his good byes to the other weyrleaders and headed past the tables. Aloqueth was still sleeping but he doubted anyone would fault him for his need to leave.
He was at the last table when a rider stopped him with a hand to the wall. Jared had been so focused on walking calmly out of the room that he hadn’t seen the rider move to intercept him. He looked up at the brown rider who had stopped him.
He was an older rider, someone Jared had seen around Danneel from time to time. Danneel never seemed happy in his company but she’d never mentioned him to Jared before either.
“What did you do, boy? How did you get a Queen to choose you against her very nature?”
“What?”
“We all know you were allowed to go into the sands alone. What did you and that Goldrider do to get this to happen?”
Jared might have been worried about the man’s words, but the implication that Danneel would do anything to one of her eggs set his hackles to rise. “Danneel is a good Weyrwoman who would never do anything to jeopardize the dragons of her weyr. To say so is preposterious.”
“You aren’t a weyrwoman. No man can be. You aren’t a rider or your name would have changed. You’re just an imposter. And I’m going to find out what you did and fix it.”
A body came up behind Jared and as much as he hated the feeling of being boxed in, he didn’t dare turn his back on M’tch.
“Back off, M’tch. This isn’t the time or place.”
Jared nearly sagged in relief at J’sen’s voice behind him but he stood his ground as he watched M’tch. The man sneered at him as he looked him over, then walked away. Jared let out a shuttered breath but when he turned to say thank you to J’sen, the bronze rider was gone.
He looked back up towards the head table and saw that J’frey had been aware of the intense scene even if he hadn’t been able to hear the words spoken. Jared gave him a polite smile before he headed back to the barracks to take comfort in his queen.
**
The next day went by in a flurry of chores and classes. When the others got to take a break, Jared was pulled away for meetings with the Weyr leaders. A Queen was cherished by the Weyr, and her rider was always a leader among their kind. Jared didn’t fit in as a weyrwoman exactly but he was chosen by his little Queen, and the Weyr Leaders weren’t about to let anyone show any disrespect to an Ista Queen rider. There had apparently been some grumbling in the Hatching Cavern and more concerns at the feast that Jared had missed. The Weyr leaders were very supportive of Jared though and he felt lucky, once again, to be at Ista Weyr.
He was paraded around to every person of interest in the Weyr, and when that was done, he was finally allowed to seek the comfort of the Weyrling Barracks. He collapsed on top of his blankets and might have fallen asleep if he hadn’t had one last thought. He hadn’t talked to J’sen. Not all day long. They hadn’t exchanged words since before the hatching.
He tried to close his eyes and sleep but he couldn’t. Of all the people he had expected to see, J’sen would have been the first. He knew J’sen had duties, but he could have at least given Jared a moment at the feast, once M’tch had walked away. Jared tried not to let the hurt show, but J’sen was his best friend and he had no idea why the bronzerider hadn’t come to see him. It had been a busy day but most of the Weyr had made an excuse to see him at some point. Everyone wanted to pay their respects to the newest Queenrider, especially the wingleaders. So why was J’sen the exception?
Why are you upset, Rider? Aloqueth asked.
He sat up straight in his bed and Aloqueth looked up, her eyes slowly swirling yellow in annoyance.
It’s nothing, Jared said as he tried to placate her. It was something they’d been warned about. Young dragons were emotionally immature. Too strong an emotional reaction from their rider could cause trouble for the dragonet.
No, it’s not nothing. It’s something. Why are you upset?
She butted her head against his knee, and Jared sighed as he reached down and scratched at her eye ridge. You’re going to get too big to do that, you know? You’ll try to knock into my knee and knock me down instead. But that’s okay, because we’re all we need, right? You and me?
Always, the little Queen answered. Her eyes started to turn red and Jared could feel her confusion. So why are you still upset?
“Excuse me, Jared?”
Jared looked up from Aloqueth to find T’moh smiling down at him. It was a welcoming smile and Jared felt himself calmed by the other man’s presence. Jared wondered if J’mes had trained the man as a Weyrlingmaster Second because of that calming influence, or if his time working with weyrlings had given him that quality. Jared shook his head at the way his mind tried to shy away from his concerns about J’sen.
“What can I do for you, Weyrlingmaster T’moh?” Jared asked. He didn’t think he was in trouble. It wasn’t his fault that he’d been called away from his first day of weyrling training as often as he had been. Except for the part where it was, because the Weyr leaders wanted to make sure that everyone knew that Jared, even though he was male, had their full support as their newest Queen rider.
“Tough day?” T’moh asked as he sat in the empty bed across from Jared.
Jared let out a tired laugh. “I’ve hardly had time to think today until I finally found my bed.”
“And as soon as you did, Aloqueth began to swirl her eyes in alarm.”
“Annoyance I think, not really alarm.”
“She spoke to Halth and asked for help in calming you.”
Jared’s eyes widened. “Sir, I am so sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“I hope she does call again, if she needs help. It’s what we’re here for. We’re all worried about you Jared. Not that you won’t make a fine rider, because I’ve rarely seen a Candidate come into these Barracks that had more of an intuitive understanding of the Weyr than you do. But Aloqueth’s choice has put you in a position we wouldn’t wish on anyone. You know there have been grumblings about your Impression to our queen. It will put more pressure on you than any of the others. Right now you are both vulnerable, and anything that upsets you can be damaging to Aloqueth.”
“How, exactly?” Jared asked. “I know we’ve heard it before, keeping an even head about us and all that, but how is my emotional reaction something that would hurt her? I’d never hurt her.”
“No one would willingly hurt their own dragon, Jared. It isn’t an intentional thing. You know we tell you in Candidate classes that dragonets don’t understand human emotions. While the bond is still young, they count on their riders to help them navigate those emotions. When they come across something particularly strong it confuses them and because their rider is compromised, they aren’t as good at calming them down.”
T’moh closed his eyes in thought and when he opened them, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “A while back we had a Candidate come into the Weyr. He was really smart and funny. He seemed to take his change in surroundings completely in stride. He’d never been to a Weyr before, but after a single day here he seemed to know the run of things better than a weyrbrat. I’ve never seen anyone learn the Ista tunnels quicker,” he said with a grin.
Jared laughed at that because there was no counting the number of times Jared and his friends had been lost in the caverns while they’d been Candidates. He still wasn’t sure he wouldn’t get lost again.
“The clutch Hatched on his third day as a Candidate. He was shuffled out onto the Sands with everyone else and he was the first rider picked that day. He came back, fed his dragonet and oiled him up. And as soon as he sat down with his dragonet, everything turned to chaos. He’d had someone special back home. You see, he never thought he’d actually Impress a dragon and he was suddenly faced with the fact that he was a dragonrider. He would never go back to the life he’d had before. To the person he’d left behind. He got so worked up that his dragon began to panic, also.”
“What happened?”
“His dragon tried to go between.”
“But, he couldn’t, right? They can’t fly this young.”
“A dragonet can’t carry a rider’s weight, but they are born with the instinct to fly. Who is to say what the dragonet would have done, if the Queen hadn’t been aware of his alarm? She calmed the dragonet before there was a disaster, but it took quite some time to calm the rider enough to understand what had happened. We were able to get him to calm down but it was two weeks before the Senior Queen stopped constantly monitoring the pair. It was a mess.”
“How could you be so upset when you’d just Impressed a dragon?” Jared asked.
“Why are you so upset that Aloqueth called to us?” T’moh turned the question around.
Jared let out a deep breath and thought about the Candidate T’moh had mentioned instead of his own feelings. He didn’t want to hurt his dragonet. “I just … I can’t imagine. I mean, I love Aloqueth. I can’t imagine leaving her behind for someone else.”
“Neither could he. His distress came from knowing he would never see that person again. That the life he thought they’d have together was gone forever.”
“Surely, he could have talked to the girl and made her understand. If he loved her so much-”
“I don’t know what he did to come to terms with it in the end, but I want you to understand, Jared. What you feel affects her very deeply. And as a Queen, what she feels gets directed at the other dragonets as well. You above all others will have to keep your emotions in check.”
“Because she’s a Queen.”
“Yes.”
“And more so again because I’m male.”
“Yes. You will be judged harshly for everything you do because the more hidebound of us will not be able to understand why Aloqueth chose a male rider. Aloqueth may have made your path more difficult Jared, but do not fear. She chose well when she chose you.”
Jared gave T’moh a small smile. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“J’sen? Rider of Strith? We were friends. I know it’s been a crazy day, but I thought he’d at least stop by and …” he trailed off because he didn’t know how to finish the sentence anymore and he didn’t want to upset Aloqueth.
T’moh smiled. “There were many riders who stopped to say hello to the new Weyrlings while you were called away with the Weyrleader and the Weyrwoman. Perhaps J’sen stopped in while you were away and wasn’t able to return later? I know J’sen, and when he isn’t fighting Thread he’s drilling his Wing harder than any other wingleader I know.”
“Really?”
“He got his position when the previous wingleader was caught by Thread and went between. There might have been other riders with more experience, but J’sen knew his Wing and he knew how to make them fly. His first few Falls after his promotion were hard, and every time Thread scored a rider or dragon in his Wing it seemed a personal offense to him. He learned to handle the job quickly, but he still drills his men like no other. They hate him for it when they see the others come back candlemarks before they do, but they love him for it when Thread falls and they have the fewest casualties.”
“Thank you. I know it isn’t important but it just bothered me. Aloqueth picked up on that I guess.”
“It will take time for you and Aloqueth to learn how to be together, Jared. You have a strong bond with her already but that will continue to grow. Don’t worry. You won’t always have to be so guarded. As she grows older, she’ll get used to your emotions. She’ll hardly acknowledge them and when she does she’ll be better able to understand. For now, get some sleep. And let me know if there is anything else you need, Queenrider.”
Jared watched T’moh leave and finally let out a deep breath. Aloqueth must have decided he was fine because she was asleep now and Jared let himself relax against her warm hide. He fell asleep instantly.
**
Jared fell into the routine of weyrling life quickly enough. His schedule was a little different than the others since he had to learn other things as well. Samantha and Danneel pulled him aside to talk about things like diplomacy and record keeping. He sat in with J’frey and learned about Threadfall charts and the importance of the different members of the weyr.
It kept him busy and most nights he didn’t have time to wonder about J’sen. He saw the rider around the weyr, but it never seemed to be at a time when Jared could speak with him. On the occasion when Jared tried to follow him after a wingleader meeting, J’frey or Samantha always seemed to need his help or had somewhere else they needed him to be. He’d think it was a conspiracy if he didn’t know just how busy everyone was.
Running a weyr was no easy feat and with Threadfall it was even harder.
So Jared continued to wonder about J’sen but he never had the time to do anything about. Except late at night, when he finally found his sleeping furs, and he thought back to that last encounter. J’sen never denounced M’tch’s words. He never said that Jared hadn’t done anything to influence the hatching. While he had stopped M’tch from making a scene in front of the weyr and the visiting Weyrleaders, he’d never actually defended Jared.
That kept him awake more nights than he wanted to admit.
**
Jared stared around the infirmary to see if there was anything out of place. He was assigned to be with the dragonhealers during Threadfall. Whether it was because he’d always helped there as a candidate, or because they wanted to keep Aloqueth close to the healers in case anything happened he didn’t know, but Jared was grateful for the familiarity of it. His first Fall since he’d Impressed Aloqueth was daunting, and in his head he kept thinking that someday soon it would be them in the skies.
That someday wasn’t for more than another Turn but it was their future.
“Everything looks in order,” Kim, the Master Dragonhealer said to Jared as he caught her eye.
He nodded. “If there is anything Aloqueth can help with, she’s ready.”
Kim nodded. “Just make sure you take care of her if you need to, Jared. You’ve always been a boon to us during Threadfall, but if it becomes too much, you take care of your dragonet.”
Jared nodded. “I will.”
Kim nodded but was called away a moment later by one of the journeymen, and Jared decided to run to the back to grab another handful of towels. They’d need more before it was all done. He was in the back storeroom when he heard his name called.
“Back here!” he called out. His arms were full as he turned around to the door and nearly dropped them in surprise.
“J’sen?”
J’sen bowed his head quickly. “Queenrider,” he said the title with a stiffness that Jared hadn’t seen since they’d first met at the Harper Hall.
“My name is still Jared,” he said shortly.
J’sen stared at him for a moment, and Jared had no idea what to say.
“I just … before Fall starts, I needed … I’m happy for you, Jared. I know the circumstances are hard, but you’re going to do amazing things for the Weyr and … I’m proud of you.”
“Was that really so hard that it took you three weeks to say?”
Jared wanted the words back as soon as he said them and J’sen flinched. “Jared, I don’t have an excuse. I just … take care of her. She’s beautiful. You deserve her.” He looked away and Jared knew it was Strith. “I have to go. I’m sorry, I should have come sooner but I need to get to my Wing.”
“Of course. Be safe, Wingleader.”
“You too, Queenrider.”
J’sen left as abruptly as he’d shown up and Jared wasn’t sure what to think of the exchange.
**
It was bad. The winds were strong above Ista Hold and Thread fell without pattern or form. Three riders had been sent to the infirmary with nasty threadburns but as usual, they’d refused to leave the dragon infirmary until their dragons had been cared for. They were through the majority of fall and they’d managed so far without any deaths. There were never enough dragons and each and every one was needed during Threadfall.
“Doing alright, Queenrider?” M’sha asked. He’d flown one of his wingmates into the weyr. The wingsail had been hit by a huge clump of Thread. Aloqueth was already talking to bronze Proth to keep him calm.
“Find me after Fall and ask, M’sha,” Jared said tersely, “then ask me. I’m too busy for coddling.”
M’sha laughed and Jared gave him a small smile. M’sha was allowed a little leeway since his Donath had sired Aloqueth but Jared was really tired of answering that question.
“You heard him, flyboy,” Kim, the Master Dragonhealer said. “Make way for people who actually need some help.”
It was kindly said, but no one gainsaid Kim in her infirmary. Or anywhere else for that matter. “Call us if you need us,” M’sha said, then he was out the front of the cavern to join Donath in the battle with Thread.
Jared noticed M’rk then as Kim pushed him out of her way to get a better look at his Bronze’s injuries.
“Are you well, Bronzerider?” Jared said as he turned to the rider of Proth. Proth’s rider was older but he had a very reserved bearing. He’d transferred from High Reaches long before Jared had been searched and while M’rk never spoke ill of his former weyr, it was obvious that he was happy in Ista.
“I’m not hurt.”
Jared gave the rider a skin of water that had some fellis in it. It wasn’t enough to knock him out, but it would help the nerves if nothing else. “Aloqueth said Proth is a hero.”
“Proth tipped to the side to keep me from getting hit. If he hadn’t, that Thread would have been the end of me.”
“Glad to have you both with us still,” Jared said as he grinned at the Bronzerider.
“Jared, come help me,” Kim called out.
M’rk followed him and they began the delicate work of helping to care for Proth’s wingsail.
It was hard work and made worse by the continued interruptions as needed hands were drawn to other places. Aloqueth kept a steady dialogue with Proth to keep the dragon still and Jared commended her for her efforts throughout. She, in turn, complemented his ability to keep working when everyone kept asking him how he was doing. She could feel his annoyance turn to frustration as everyone continued to check up on them. Like Jared wasn’t strong enough to help out in the infirmary. Like Aloqueth wasn’t strong enough to help. Like he’d fail and lose something as precious as Aloqueth to the stress of Threadfall.
When Proth was properly slathered with numbweed, sewn up, and bandaged to the best of their ability, she was sent to sleep, with M’rk at her side.
Jared envied them the ability to sleep but it wasn’t time for them to quit yet. Kim smiled at him over a bowl of water where they washed their hands together. “Still up for more?” She asked.
It wasn’t patronizing coming from Kim. Working with the Dragon healers during Threadfall was exhausting and she’d asked everyone if they needed breaks throughout the Fall. She always did, even before he’d Impressed. Not that she’d take one herself.
Jared smiled his best, tired smile at her. “As long as they’re still coming, we’re still ready,” he said.
Bring ‘em to me, Aloqueth agreed. His Queen might be too little to take to the skies yet, but her hatred of Thread was as fierce as her full grown brethren and she was ready to do whatever she could.
“Aloqueth is ready too.”
“She’s a good girl, Jared,” Kim said with a smile before they heard a racket at the front of the weyr. “Oh, shard it all. Let’s see what that was.”
**
Thread Fall ended and Jared kept working. He knew the weyrlings who had been helping with the other areas of the weyr would be back in the barracks already but Jared wouldn’t leave, not while he could be of help. C’lin showed up after Fall had ended to lend a hand as well. He’d apparently been apprenticed to a healer and could at least apply numbweed properly and was able to run and grab supplies as needed.
Two candlemarks after Fall, the dragon infirmary was finally quiet.
Jared sat with his back on the wall, too tired to get up just yet. Kim had handed him a skin of water and he’d slid down, took a few drinks, and not gotten up. Aloqueth ambled up alongside him and sat with him, her head pillowed on his lap.
I’m too tired to go back to the barracks to sleep, she declared. She’d let me sleep here.
Jared let out a tired laugh. She might let you sleep here, but she’d kick me out. You going to stay here by yourself?
He could feel Aloqueth’s pout. No. Everyone would ask questions and you are already too upset about everyone’s questions.
She’d gotten over some of her fussiness about Jared’s reaction to things but his Queen picked up on too much of his irritation with the weyr. It wasn’t that he thought everyone wanted them to fail, but they were watched constantly. M’tch wasn’t the only one to imply that Jared had forced Aloqueth to choose him and Jared wasn’t sure he’d ever hear the end of it. Some people were just too hidebound to allow new ideas and Jared now represented anything new.
He dropped his head back to the wall and closed his eyes. You were amazing today. I know everyone was concerned about how you’d hold up under Fall in the dragon infirmary, but you proved to them that you can handle anything.
I know.
Jared laughed again but it sounded off even to his own ear.
One of these days everyone would stop asking how he was doing. One of these days, everyone would stop watching him so closely. One of these days, they’ll all stop waiting for him to fail.
**
Jared let out a deep breath as he tried to reel in his temper. He didn’t get angry often but he was frustrated with the way half the weyr was right in his face, ready to see him fail. And J’sen had sent his wing second, once again, in his place at the Wingleader meeting. He was still avoiding Jared.
“Shard it all!” Jared said as he grabbed the Threadfall chart off the table and started to roll it up.
“That bad a meeting?”
Jared turned sharply and nearly dropped the chart as the Weyrleader walked into the room. In the month since his Impression of Aloqueth he still hadn’t gotten used to the visits from the Weyrleader or the Weyrwoman.
“J’frey,” he tripped over his own tongue to say the name, but he’d been admonished enough times to stop saying Weyrleader every time they spoke. “No, it wasn’t a bad meeting, really.”
“Which one?”
“What?”
“Which wingleader bothered you?”
“No one,” Jared answered. “No one said anything or did anything inappropriate.”
“But-“
“But even though I’m just here to observe the meetings and learn from them, I feel like everyone is waiting for me to do something wrong. To prove that I’m not supposed to be here.”
“Jared, you know that Samantha and I believe in you.”
“Thank you,” Jared said with a deep breath. It was true, and he knew it. Samantha and J’frey had spent more than enough time with Jared to convince him that they saw his worth to the Weyr. Danneel had been there every step of the way too. It was the rest of the Weyr that judged him. It was a certain Wingleader who kept finding legitimate reasons to send his Wing Second to meetings instead of being in the same room with Jared for more than perfunctory congratulations and a hasty retreat.
“I was already aware of how lucky I was to come to Ista Weyr before I Impressed Aloqueth. The support you and Samantha have given me has been incredible. I’m not sure I’d have survived this long without it.”
“Nonsense. Ista Queens don’t choose weak riders,” J’frey said with a smile. “Which is part of what I wanted to speak with you about, actually.”
“So this wasn’t a social call.”
“Did I need to say that?”
Jared laughed. “No. I’ve learned well enough that the Weyrleader and Weyrwoman are too busy for social visits very often. Especially during a Pass.”
J’frey nodded. “Have you heard the latest rumors?”
Jared sighed. “You mean the one circulating the Lower Caverns that says the only reason Aloqueth chose me was because Dani convinced Fantith to force her to?”
“That would be the one.”
“I’ve tried to ignore it.”
“You should.”
“Really? I’m not so sure.”
“Jared-”
“You remember how Fantith kicked the other candidates out of the cavern the first time I visited? How she made me visit with Aloqueth’s egg before she’d hatched?”
“Jared, no one can make a dragon choose someone. We don’t know how a dragon chooses, but if exposure were the only thing that mattered every Candidate would Impress at some point. This isn’t the first time a dragonet has turned a nose up at the offered Candidates and gone outside of the offerings. Bluerider S’bast was a Lower Cavern boy on an errand who got tackled by a dragonet when he dashed into the Hatching Cavern to deliver a message. Dragons know who their rider is and no one can change that. No matter how much people want to cast aspersions on the relationship you had with our junior weyrwoman. Or Wingleader J’sen.”
Jared had purposely left out J’sen when he mentioned the rumors. J’frey wasn’t an idiot, though, even if he was kind enough to be discrete. “Sorry. I know that. I just can’t help but worry and then…”
“The Wingleader.”
“Yeah,” Jared said with a sigh.
“Is J’sen becoming an issue?”
“No. When I see him he treats me with complete respect. He just never seems to come to meetings if he knows I’m here. We used to be friends so it’s been a difficult transition. He has never treated me with disrespect though.”
J’frey sighed. “Jared, I’m going to be really clear on this. If anyone gives you grief, I want you to tell me. You might want to turn a blind eye to it, but I will not have a member of our Weyr leadership treated poorly. A slight to you is the same as one to myself or Samantha or Danneel. I know J’mes and T’moh will make certain you are treated fairly under their eyes, but you have other duties that call you away as a Weyr … Queen rider.”
“You’re going to slip up one of these days and say it,” Jared teased.
“We’re going to have to find something to call you since Weyrwoman doesn’t fit. What is it T’moh calls you? Queenrider?”
“He does.”
“I like it. It describes you well enough. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Queenrider, I have a Weyrwoman to reassure about your well-being, and you have some records to clean up.”
“Thank you, Weyrleader.”
J’frey left and Jared felt his spirits rise. It didn’t make the other’s reactions to him any better, or the sting of J’sen’s avoidance any less, but he had J’frey’s support. There wasn’t much the Weyrleader wasn’t capable of and he was firmly on Jared’s side.
Even if Jared had to wear down the hide-bound members of the Weyr, at least he had J’frey, Samantha, and Danneel on his side.
**
Jared squinted as he stared up at the sky to see the Weyr leaders come out of between. They were back from their meeting at Igen Weyr and Aloqueth hadn’t sensed any alarm at their return. Instead, the Queen continued to glide across the waters of the bathing pool. In a few months she’d be strong enough to fly her way down to the ocean shallows. Until then, Jared was just glad the pools were close by.
Jared sat at the edge of the pool lake and watched Aloqueth as she sunned herself. The pool was more like a large pond than a bathing pool. Aloqueth was one of three dragons using it but Jared had plenty of space to keep to himself.
It was his first free day since he’d Impressed his dragonet. His first task of the day had been to bathe and oil her. His morning was half over already but she was well cared for, and Jared planned to relax right where he was until his stomach forced him into the kitchen. If it happened after lunch, Jared wasn’t worried. The Headwoman, Julie, was kind and Jared knew she’d let him steal a tray of whatever was available when he showed up.
You are happy today, Aloqueth said lazily.
Guess I am. It’s nice to relax for a change. I might just stay right here all day and do nothing at all.
He got a mental snort from Aloqueth in response.
What? I could use the relaxation.
Yes, which means you won’t do it for long.
You’ve gotten cynical at the ripe old age of three months.
You’re already thinking about the hides you saw in the store rooms.
Jared laughed because he couldn’t deny it. As much as he enjoyed the time off, he’d had a project in mind since he’d seen a handful of the Weyr’s records. Ista had good records, but some of the oldest hides were beginning to fade and crack beyond use. Jared had a fair hand from his days at the Harper Hall, and he wanted to convince Dani to help him as well. He knew she’d see the need to store them well, and she had a beautiful hand.
Maybe later, Jared confessed. I was thinking about a swim, actually.
That would be good. There are many riders around the Weyr that would appreciate that.
Aloqueth!
What? You didn’t want to know that?
No!
I am just telling you what I hear from the dragons.
Well… stop.
He heard a laugh and looked up to find Danneel smiling at him. He felt his cheeks flush, but Dani just smiled brighter. “So, Aloqueth is trying to get you to turn red, be it sunburn or embarrassment today,” she teased.
Jared shook his head. “Apparently.”
“She should. You need some time to relax and enjoy yourself. We don’t get that often enough, as weyrlings or as part of the Weyr leadership.”
“And what are you doing out and about today?”
“Saw you two stretched out here, and I wanted to check in on my favorite weyrlings. Don’t tell anyone I said that though. There are enough rumors about us to begin with,” she said with a smile.
“Free day for you, too?”
“I have some duties to attend to later, but I have a free morning. How are you and Aloqueth fairing?”
“I know the healers and dragonhealers report to the Weyr Leaders about us constantly, as well as J’mes and T’moh.”
“I wasn’t asking about that. I meant, how are you doing? I’m your friend, Jared, not just a fellow queen rider. You looked out for me when I was a lowly drudge. Don’t think I’m not going to keep an eye on you now.”
He smiled then, because it was Dani and she was right. They’d always looked after one another, and of all the things he was grateful about once he Impressed Aloqueth, being able to spend more time with Dani was certainly one of them.
“I’m well. Happy, as Aloqueth informed me this morning. Some of the rumors over my Impression seem to have died down here, and the routine is settled in enough that I’m not dead tired every night.”
“Might need to talk to J’mes if he’s getting soft…”
“Don’t you dare!” Jared laughed. “I’m still plenty tired. And I was told we’d be starting firestone drills tomorrow.” Firestone was necessary to the dragons to fight thread. They chewed it up and it allowed them to breathe fire. The drills were necessary to the weyrlings to build up the strength they’d need to handle firestone during thread to keep their dragons properly stoked. The bags were heavy though and Jared had no doubt he’d be exhausted and sore after the first day. “I think it’s the only reason he gave us a freeday today. Lure us in with a false sense of security.”
Dani laughed at that. Jared lay back on his elbows on the sandy beach edge of the pool as he watched her. She let out a deep breath, and her smile faded.
“What did you actually come to talk to me about?”
“I can’t just come check on you?”
“You can. And you do. But I can see there’s something you need to talk about. If it was something personal, you’d have started off with it. Which means you wanted to check on me as a friend before you talked to me about Weyr business.”
“I hate that you know me so well,” Dani muttered.
“So, what new rumor has cropped up that they think you need to talk to me about?” Jared asked. Normally J’frey or Samantha would come to him themselves if they thought there was an issue, but they weren’t above using his friendship with Danneel if they felt it was something a little too personal.
Dani sighed. “We received a request from Igen Weyr.”
“Samantha and J’frey have been back and forth a few times this sevenday. We have a strong relationship with them. It’s good to see they can come to us in need,” Jared said when she paused.
“They’ve had discipline issues with one of their wingleaders. They’ve asked us to send someone over who can replace their current wingleader and get his Wing in shape for Threadfall as quickly as possible.”
“Why not replace him with one of their own?”
“They’re making an example of him. The Weyrleader is slightly hidebound but more flexible than most of his Weyr. He wants new blood to make them see that the old ways aren’t always the best ways.”
“I suppose that makes sense. Have they thought about who they’ll ask to go?”
“It’s already been decided. J’sen.”
“He asked to move to Igen?” Jared asked. He was too shocked to say anything else. Their few meetings had been rough, but he never thought J’sen would actually ask to leave the Weyr because of him. He knew how J’sen felt about the Weyr, about his Wing.
“He’s being transferred, Jared. He wasn’t asked. We felt he was the best candidate for the position.”
“What? You agreed to it?”
Danneel nodded. “He’s young and strong and proud, Jared. He’s a hard worker, and he’ll be able to get his new Wing up to speed before their next Fall. They need someone like him.”
“You’re sending him away because of me.”
“No,” Dani said as she looked at Jared. There was anger in her eyes and a hint of tears as well, but Jared ignored it. He felt betrayed and lost at the thought of losing J’sen once again, even if his former friend barely acknowledged him. “I’m doing it for him. It’s my duty to do what is best for the Weyr and all its Riders.”
She got up and left before Jared could think of anything else to say.
Fantith says her rider is very upset about the transfer. She is still very close to Strith’s rider. She is concerned about him though and thought he would be better off to spend some time away from the weyr.
Jared let out a deep breath as he listened to Aloqueth. He hadn’t meant to accuse Dani of anything but his strained relationship with J’sen had been eating away at him. What little he said to Jared was always polite but there were too many times J’sen had walked away from snide comments or rumors without saying a word in Jared’s defense. Just because he was polite to the goldrider didn’t mean he supported Jared. It hurt because of all the people in the weyr he’d expected the support from, J’sen was on the top of his list.
Aloqueth, ask Fantith when Strith’s rider is leaving.
A moment later his dragon butted her head against Jared’s side, and he wrapped his arms around her neck.
They are already gone.
On to Chapter Five
Fandom: RPS/Pern Fusion
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Summary: One of these days, everyone would stop watching him so closely. One of these days, they’ll all stop waiting for him to fail.
After their nap, Jared and the other new weyrlings spent time with their mates. Weyrlingmaster J’mes and his second, T’moh made the rounds to talk to each of them and see that their dragons had been properly fed and well oiled. The weyr didn’t suffer fools, J’mes had taught them quickly enough in candidate training, and it suffered foolish riders even less.
With their dragons well stuffed from a second meal, the newest weyrlings left their dragons sleeping to go out to join the feast that had begun in their honor. There were lords from all over the Northern Continent, not just those beholden to Ista Weyr. Jared recognized a few from his time in the Harper Hall, but he recognized the shoulder knots of five of the main Holds and a half dozen smaller ones.
At the head table, Jared saw the Weyrleaders from Fort, High Reaches, and Telgar had come to join in their festivities.
“Someday, you’ll be sitting at that table,” Alona said as she came to sit beside him at the weyrling tables. Jared looked down at his plate, grateful for her friendship. He’d been sitting alone, no one sure of what to make of him yet.
“I can’t get my head around that thought,” he admitted.
“Neither can we,” J’ke said as he sat across from Alona. “We get to say we knew him when he was a lowly candidate….”
Jared let out a laugh at that and his tension dissipated. He had no idea what was in store for him, but he knew not everyone would embrace him as a gold rider. He had a few friends, at least.
“I can’t believe we all impressed at the same time,” Jared confided. “Where are O’sric and C’lin?”
“They’re both still staring at their dragons, all goo-goo eyed,” Katie said as she approached the table. “Can I join you, um, what should I call you?”
“Jared?” he asked.
She let out a deep breath when he nodded and she took a seat next to J’ke. “Those two are so besotted with their dragons. I think J’mes is going to have to force them out of the weyrling barracks to go eat.”
“It’s kinda crazy, isn’t it?” he asked. He could feel Aloqueth in the back of his head, her gentle slumber soothing his nerves. “I’ve listened to all the stories, told more than a few myself, but nothing seems to do it justice, does it?”
Katie smiled at him and J’ke’s eyes took a faraway look that Jared thought might mean he was speaking with his dragon. Alona bumped his shoulder and nodded. “Guess you’ll have to try to write your own songs about it now.”
“Right, because I’m sure J’mes and T’moh will leave us plenty of spare time for that.”
They ate their meal quickly after that as the excitement and newness wore off to the practicality of empty bellies. Riders stopped by to congratulate them and pass on bits of wisdom to them, or just to make themselves known. C’lin made it to the table while they were still eating but O’sric was actually led out by T’moh. The Weyrlingmaster 2nd led him firmly to the table and set food in front of him, but there was a fond smile on his face as he did so.
Harpers filled the hall with music and Jared listened as Master Richard led them through song after song about the weyrs and the majesty of their dragons. Master Richard was an adequate singer, but he was an amazing story teller and Jared had found himself captivated by the harper on more than one occasion. He was truly gifted.
“Jared, I’m afraid I need to borrow you for a moment,” Danneel broke him from his enjoyment of the harper with her words.
“Weyrwoman,” he said as he looked up at her. She smiled, but he could see that this wasn’t a personal visit. Her warmth was there, but her smile was forced. “Of course.”
She stepped back and he realized she wanted him to follow. As they stepped away from the table, she spoke quietly. “Some of the other weyr leaders wanted to meet you. Your Impression has left them … well … shocked is the best word for it I suppose.”
Jared had been too wrapped up in his own experience with Aloqueth but at her words he realized a hush had fallen on the people around them. The harpers tried their best to keep the music going, but all eyes in the cavern had fallen on Jared as he walked up to the Weyrleader’s table.
“Just be yourself, Jared. No one who knows you could possibly hate you,” She encouraged him with a small smile.
It was real and Jared couldn’t help but smile back at her. “Right. Just be me.”
Why wouldn’t you be? Aloqueth asked sleepily. She wasn’t truly awake. Jared wondered if she’d felt his concern and woke or if it was just a coincidence but it made him feel better to hear her voice in his head.
I’m going to meet the Weyrleaders of three other weyrs. It’s a bit intimidating, he informed her.
She huffed away his concern and he felt her drift back to sleep again. He laughed in spite of himself.
“Aloqueth?” Danneel asked.
He nodded, with a smile. “She was unimpressed with my worries about the weyrleaders.”
Danneel’s smile grew. “The good thing about dragons is they always remind you of what’s important.”
They were at the head table then and Danneel had brought him to stand directly in front of J’frey and Samantha. He’d spoke briefly with them after his Impression but it was different to see them in this setting. They’d always seemed kind to him, though they could be stern when needed.
“Weyrleaders,” he said with a bow of his head.
J’frey and Samantha both smiled at him and he relaxed a little more. “Jared, how fares Aloqueth?” J’frey asked.
“She’s very full and happily asleep at the moment,” Jared said, unable to respond without a smile when he was talking about his dragon.
“She is a beauty, Jared,” Samantha said, as if they were old friends. “Trust J’mes and T’moh to teach you the right way to care for her and I think she’ll be something special.”
“She would have to be, wouldn’t she?” One of the other weyrleaders said from down the table. “She has already proven to be unorthodox. A male rider when she had the choice of so many prime females?”
“T’mothy, do you doubt the dragon’s choice?” the Weyrwoman to his right asked.
“Never, my dear Gen, but it is something new and I can’t help but wonder what it portents.”
“Jared, may I introduce you to Weyrleader T’mothy and Weyrwoman Genevieve of Fort Weyr,” Danneel said.
“Not so formal, Danneel. Jared was a candidate with us for two turns,” T’mothy said as he directed a grisly smile at Jared. The man appeared a beast, with a glower that would make most turn and run in the other direction, but underneath that was a man with a kind heart and a truly gentle spirit.
“Nothing against your Impression, I am happy to have been here to witness it,” he continued, “but I’ll be honest and tell you I had hoped to see you reach your Mastery and return to Fort Weyr as a harper.”
“What would you do with Master Rob, then?” Jared asked.
“I could probably send him out to sing to the dragons. They seem as enthralled with him as he is with them,” T’mothy answered.
Jared laughed and it felt good. He’d almost forgotten how friendly T’mothy had been with him at Fort. He’d allowed Jared to continue working on his studies in his very limited spare time and he’d been able to walk the tables to become a Journeyman Harper at Fort Weyr. He’d never be a Master now, but he had enjoyed Fort Weyr.
“I’m afraid you’ll be stuck with him for a while longer then. My duties to Ista Weyr and Aloqueth will probably take up too much time to work on my harper training.”
“Jared, this is Weyrleader F’ed and Weyrwoman Amanda, from High Reaches. And this is S’ling and Ruth from Telgar Weyr.”
Jared nodded his head in greeting, “Thank you for your attendance today. You honor us.”
“Give Aloqueth our greetings, young rider,” Amanda said though Jared felt no warmth from her words. F’ed stared at him openly and Jared wondered if his Impression would cause a strain on the relationship between Ista and High Reaches Weyr.
S’ling seemed to stare at him with open curiosity and his weyrwoman, Ruth, smiled with amusement. He wasn’t sure what to think of that, but he looked back to J’frey and Samantha. “If you would excuse me, Weyrleaders, Aloqueth is waking and I feel the need to attend to her.”
He waited until he had their approval before he said his good byes to the other weyrleaders and headed past the tables. Aloqueth was still sleeping but he doubted anyone would fault him for his need to leave.
He was at the last table when a rider stopped him with a hand to the wall. Jared had been so focused on walking calmly out of the room that he hadn’t seen the rider move to intercept him. He looked up at the brown rider who had stopped him.
He was an older rider, someone Jared had seen around Danneel from time to time. Danneel never seemed happy in his company but she’d never mentioned him to Jared before either.
“What did you do, boy? How did you get a Queen to choose you against her very nature?”
“What?”
“We all know you were allowed to go into the sands alone. What did you and that Goldrider do to get this to happen?”
Jared might have been worried about the man’s words, but the implication that Danneel would do anything to one of her eggs set his hackles to rise. “Danneel is a good Weyrwoman who would never do anything to jeopardize the dragons of her weyr. To say so is preposterious.”
“You aren’t a weyrwoman. No man can be. You aren’t a rider or your name would have changed. You’re just an imposter. And I’m going to find out what you did and fix it.”
A body came up behind Jared and as much as he hated the feeling of being boxed in, he didn’t dare turn his back on M’tch.
“Back off, M’tch. This isn’t the time or place.”
Jared nearly sagged in relief at J’sen’s voice behind him but he stood his ground as he watched M’tch. The man sneered at him as he looked him over, then walked away. Jared let out a shuttered breath but when he turned to say thank you to J’sen, the bronze rider was gone.
He looked back up towards the head table and saw that J’frey had been aware of the intense scene even if he hadn’t been able to hear the words spoken. Jared gave him a polite smile before he headed back to the barracks to take comfort in his queen.
**
The next day went by in a flurry of chores and classes. When the others got to take a break, Jared was pulled away for meetings with the Weyr leaders. A Queen was cherished by the Weyr, and her rider was always a leader among their kind. Jared didn’t fit in as a weyrwoman exactly but he was chosen by his little Queen, and the Weyr Leaders weren’t about to let anyone show any disrespect to an Ista Queen rider. There had apparently been some grumbling in the Hatching Cavern and more concerns at the feast that Jared had missed. The Weyr leaders were very supportive of Jared though and he felt lucky, once again, to be at Ista Weyr.
He was paraded around to every person of interest in the Weyr, and when that was done, he was finally allowed to seek the comfort of the Weyrling Barracks. He collapsed on top of his blankets and might have fallen asleep if he hadn’t had one last thought. He hadn’t talked to J’sen. Not all day long. They hadn’t exchanged words since before the hatching.
He tried to close his eyes and sleep but he couldn’t. Of all the people he had expected to see, J’sen would have been the first. He knew J’sen had duties, but he could have at least given Jared a moment at the feast, once M’tch had walked away. Jared tried not to let the hurt show, but J’sen was his best friend and he had no idea why the bronzerider hadn’t come to see him. It had been a busy day but most of the Weyr had made an excuse to see him at some point. Everyone wanted to pay their respects to the newest Queenrider, especially the wingleaders. So why was J’sen the exception?
Why are you upset, Rider? Aloqueth asked.
He sat up straight in his bed and Aloqueth looked up, her eyes slowly swirling yellow in annoyance.
It’s nothing, Jared said as he tried to placate her. It was something they’d been warned about. Young dragons were emotionally immature. Too strong an emotional reaction from their rider could cause trouble for the dragonet.
No, it’s not nothing. It’s something. Why are you upset?
She butted her head against his knee, and Jared sighed as he reached down and scratched at her eye ridge. You’re going to get too big to do that, you know? You’ll try to knock into my knee and knock me down instead. But that’s okay, because we’re all we need, right? You and me?
Always, the little Queen answered. Her eyes started to turn red and Jared could feel her confusion. So why are you still upset?
“Excuse me, Jared?”
Jared looked up from Aloqueth to find T’moh smiling down at him. It was a welcoming smile and Jared felt himself calmed by the other man’s presence. Jared wondered if J’mes had trained the man as a Weyrlingmaster Second because of that calming influence, or if his time working with weyrlings had given him that quality. Jared shook his head at the way his mind tried to shy away from his concerns about J’sen.
“What can I do for you, Weyrlingmaster T’moh?” Jared asked. He didn’t think he was in trouble. It wasn’t his fault that he’d been called away from his first day of weyrling training as often as he had been. Except for the part where it was, because the Weyr leaders wanted to make sure that everyone knew that Jared, even though he was male, had their full support as their newest Queen rider.
“Tough day?” T’moh asked as he sat in the empty bed across from Jared.
Jared let out a tired laugh. “I’ve hardly had time to think today until I finally found my bed.”
“And as soon as you did, Aloqueth began to swirl her eyes in alarm.”
“Annoyance I think, not really alarm.”
“She spoke to Halth and asked for help in calming you.”
Jared’s eyes widened. “Sir, I am so sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“I hope she does call again, if she needs help. It’s what we’re here for. We’re all worried about you Jared. Not that you won’t make a fine rider, because I’ve rarely seen a Candidate come into these Barracks that had more of an intuitive understanding of the Weyr than you do. But Aloqueth’s choice has put you in a position we wouldn’t wish on anyone. You know there have been grumblings about your Impression to our queen. It will put more pressure on you than any of the others. Right now you are both vulnerable, and anything that upsets you can be damaging to Aloqueth.”
“How, exactly?” Jared asked. “I know we’ve heard it before, keeping an even head about us and all that, but how is my emotional reaction something that would hurt her? I’d never hurt her.”
“No one would willingly hurt their own dragon, Jared. It isn’t an intentional thing. You know we tell you in Candidate classes that dragonets don’t understand human emotions. While the bond is still young, they count on their riders to help them navigate those emotions. When they come across something particularly strong it confuses them and because their rider is compromised, they aren’t as good at calming them down.”
T’moh closed his eyes in thought and when he opened them, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “A while back we had a Candidate come into the Weyr. He was really smart and funny. He seemed to take his change in surroundings completely in stride. He’d never been to a Weyr before, but after a single day here he seemed to know the run of things better than a weyrbrat. I’ve never seen anyone learn the Ista tunnels quicker,” he said with a grin.
Jared laughed at that because there was no counting the number of times Jared and his friends had been lost in the caverns while they’d been Candidates. He still wasn’t sure he wouldn’t get lost again.
“The clutch Hatched on his third day as a Candidate. He was shuffled out onto the Sands with everyone else and he was the first rider picked that day. He came back, fed his dragonet and oiled him up. And as soon as he sat down with his dragonet, everything turned to chaos. He’d had someone special back home. You see, he never thought he’d actually Impress a dragon and he was suddenly faced with the fact that he was a dragonrider. He would never go back to the life he’d had before. To the person he’d left behind. He got so worked up that his dragon began to panic, also.”
“What happened?”
“His dragon tried to go between.”
“But, he couldn’t, right? They can’t fly this young.”
“A dragonet can’t carry a rider’s weight, but they are born with the instinct to fly. Who is to say what the dragonet would have done, if the Queen hadn’t been aware of his alarm? She calmed the dragonet before there was a disaster, but it took quite some time to calm the rider enough to understand what had happened. We were able to get him to calm down but it was two weeks before the Senior Queen stopped constantly monitoring the pair. It was a mess.”
“How could you be so upset when you’d just Impressed a dragon?” Jared asked.
“Why are you so upset that Aloqueth called to us?” T’moh turned the question around.
Jared let out a deep breath and thought about the Candidate T’moh had mentioned instead of his own feelings. He didn’t want to hurt his dragonet. “I just … I can’t imagine. I mean, I love Aloqueth. I can’t imagine leaving her behind for someone else.”
“Neither could he. His distress came from knowing he would never see that person again. That the life he thought they’d have together was gone forever.”
“Surely, he could have talked to the girl and made her understand. If he loved her so much-”
“I don’t know what he did to come to terms with it in the end, but I want you to understand, Jared. What you feel affects her very deeply. And as a Queen, what she feels gets directed at the other dragonets as well. You above all others will have to keep your emotions in check.”
“Because she’s a Queen.”
“Yes.”
“And more so again because I’m male.”
“Yes. You will be judged harshly for everything you do because the more hidebound of us will not be able to understand why Aloqueth chose a male rider. Aloqueth may have made your path more difficult Jared, but do not fear. She chose well when she chose you.”
Jared gave T’moh a small smile. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“J’sen? Rider of Strith? We were friends. I know it’s been a crazy day, but I thought he’d at least stop by and …” he trailed off because he didn’t know how to finish the sentence anymore and he didn’t want to upset Aloqueth.
T’moh smiled. “There were many riders who stopped to say hello to the new Weyrlings while you were called away with the Weyrleader and the Weyrwoman. Perhaps J’sen stopped in while you were away and wasn’t able to return later? I know J’sen, and when he isn’t fighting Thread he’s drilling his Wing harder than any other wingleader I know.”
“Really?”
“He got his position when the previous wingleader was caught by Thread and went between. There might have been other riders with more experience, but J’sen knew his Wing and he knew how to make them fly. His first few Falls after his promotion were hard, and every time Thread scored a rider or dragon in his Wing it seemed a personal offense to him. He learned to handle the job quickly, but he still drills his men like no other. They hate him for it when they see the others come back candlemarks before they do, but they love him for it when Thread falls and they have the fewest casualties.”
“Thank you. I know it isn’t important but it just bothered me. Aloqueth picked up on that I guess.”
“It will take time for you and Aloqueth to learn how to be together, Jared. You have a strong bond with her already but that will continue to grow. Don’t worry. You won’t always have to be so guarded. As she grows older, she’ll get used to your emotions. She’ll hardly acknowledge them and when she does she’ll be better able to understand. For now, get some sleep. And let me know if there is anything else you need, Queenrider.”
Jared watched T’moh leave and finally let out a deep breath. Aloqueth must have decided he was fine because she was asleep now and Jared let himself relax against her warm hide. He fell asleep instantly.
**
Jared fell into the routine of weyrling life quickly enough. His schedule was a little different than the others since he had to learn other things as well. Samantha and Danneel pulled him aside to talk about things like diplomacy and record keeping. He sat in with J’frey and learned about Threadfall charts and the importance of the different members of the weyr.
It kept him busy and most nights he didn’t have time to wonder about J’sen. He saw the rider around the weyr, but it never seemed to be at a time when Jared could speak with him. On the occasion when Jared tried to follow him after a wingleader meeting, J’frey or Samantha always seemed to need his help or had somewhere else they needed him to be. He’d think it was a conspiracy if he didn’t know just how busy everyone was.
Running a weyr was no easy feat and with Threadfall it was even harder.
So Jared continued to wonder about J’sen but he never had the time to do anything about. Except late at night, when he finally found his sleeping furs, and he thought back to that last encounter. J’sen never denounced M’tch’s words. He never said that Jared hadn’t done anything to influence the hatching. While he had stopped M’tch from making a scene in front of the weyr and the visiting Weyrleaders, he’d never actually defended Jared.
That kept him awake more nights than he wanted to admit.
**
Jared stared around the infirmary to see if there was anything out of place. He was assigned to be with the dragonhealers during Threadfall. Whether it was because he’d always helped there as a candidate, or because they wanted to keep Aloqueth close to the healers in case anything happened he didn’t know, but Jared was grateful for the familiarity of it. His first Fall since he’d Impressed Aloqueth was daunting, and in his head he kept thinking that someday soon it would be them in the skies.
That someday wasn’t for more than another Turn but it was their future.
“Everything looks in order,” Kim, the Master Dragonhealer said to Jared as he caught her eye.
He nodded. “If there is anything Aloqueth can help with, she’s ready.”
Kim nodded. “Just make sure you take care of her if you need to, Jared. You’ve always been a boon to us during Threadfall, but if it becomes too much, you take care of your dragonet.”
Jared nodded. “I will.”
Kim nodded but was called away a moment later by one of the journeymen, and Jared decided to run to the back to grab another handful of towels. They’d need more before it was all done. He was in the back storeroom when he heard his name called.
“Back here!” he called out. His arms were full as he turned around to the door and nearly dropped them in surprise.
“J’sen?”
J’sen bowed his head quickly. “Queenrider,” he said the title with a stiffness that Jared hadn’t seen since they’d first met at the Harper Hall.
“My name is still Jared,” he said shortly.
J’sen stared at him for a moment, and Jared had no idea what to say.
“I just … before Fall starts, I needed … I’m happy for you, Jared. I know the circumstances are hard, but you’re going to do amazing things for the Weyr and … I’m proud of you.”
“Was that really so hard that it took you three weeks to say?”
Jared wanted the words back as soon as he said them and J’sen flinched. “Jared, I don’t have an excuse. I just … take care of her. She’s beautiful. You deserve her.” He looked away and Jared knew it was Strith. “I have to go. I’m sorry, I should have come sooner but I need to get to my Wing.”
“Of course. Be safe, Wingleader.”
“You too, Queenrider.”
J’sen left as abruptly as he’d shown up and Jared wasn’t sure what to think of the exchange.
**
It was bad. The winds were strong above Ista Hold and Thread fell without pattern or form. Three riders had been sent to the infirmary with nasty threadburns but as usual, they’d refused to leave the dragon infirmary until their dragons had been cared for. They were through the majority of fall and they’d managed so far without any deaths. There were never enough dragons and each and every one was needed during Threadfall.
“Doing alright, Queenrider?” M’sha asked. He’d flown one of his wingmates into the weyr. The wingsail had been hit by a huge clump of Thread. Aloqueth was already talking to bronze Proth to keep him calm.
“Find me after Fall and ask, M’sha,” Jared said tersely, “then ask me. I’m too busy for coddling.”
M’sha laughed and Jared gave him a small smile. M’sha was allowed a little leeway since his Donath had sired Aloqueth but Jared was really tired of answering that question.
“You heard him, flyboy,” Kim, the Master Dragonhealer said. “Make way for people who actually need some help.”
It was kindly said, but no one gainsaid Kim in her infirmary. Or anywhere else for that matter. “Call us if you need us,” M’sha said, then he was out the front of the cavern to join Donath in the battle with Thread.
Jared noticed M’rk then as Kim pushed him out of her way to get a better look at his Bronze’s injuries.
“Are you well, Bronzerider?” Jared said as he turned to the rider of Proth. Proth’s rider was older but he had a very reserved bearing. He’d transferred from High Reaches long before Jared had been searched and while M’rk never spoke ill of his former weyr, it was obvious that he was happy in Ista.
“I’m not hurt.”
Jared gave the rider a skin of water that had some fellis in it. It wasn’t enough to knock him out, but it would help the nerves if nothing else. “Aloqueth said Proth is a hero.”
“Proth tipped to the side to keep me from getting hit. If he hadn’t, that Thread would have been the end of me.”
“Glad to have you both with us still,” Jared said as he grinned at the Bronzerider.
“Jared, come help me,” Kim called out.
M’rk followed him and they began the delicate work of helping to care for Proth’s wingsail.
It was hard work and made worse by the continued interruptions as needed hands were drawn to other places. Aloqueth kept a steady dialogue with Proth to keep the dragon still and Jared commended her for her efforts throughout. She, in turn, complemented his ability to keep working when everyone kept asking him how he was doing. She could feel his annoyance turn to frustration as everyone continued to check up on them. Like Jared wasn’t strong enough to help out in the infirmary. Like Aloqueth wasn’t strong enough to help. Like he’d fail and lose something as precious as Aloqueth to the stress of Threadfall.
When Proth was properly slathered with numbweed, sewn up, and bandaged to the best of their ability, she was sent to sleep, with M’rk at her side.
Jared envied them the ability to sleep but it wasn’t time for them to quit yet. Kim smiled at him over a bowl of water where they washed their hands together. “Still up for more?” She asked.
It wasn’t patronizing coming from Kim. Working with the Dragon healers during Threadfall was exhausting and she’d asked everyone if they needed breaks throughout the Fall. She always did, even before he’d Impressed. Not that she’d take one herself.
Jared smiled his best, tired smile at her. “As long as they’re still coming, we’re still ready,” he said.
Bring ‘em to me, Aloqueth agreed. His Queen might be too little to take to the skies yet, but her hatred of Thread was as fierce as her full grown brethren and she was ready to do whatever she could.
“Aloqueth is ready too.”
“She’s a good girl, Jared,” Kim said with a smile before they heard a racket at the front of the weyr. “Oh, shard it all. Let’s see what that was.”
**
Thread Fall ended and Jared kept working. He knew the weyrlings who had been helping with the other areas of the weyr would be back in the barracks already but Jared wouldn’t leave, not while he could be of help. C’lin showed up after Fall had ended to lend a hand as well. He’d apparently been apprenticed to a healer and could at least apply numbweed properly and was able to run and grab supplies as needed.
Two candlemarks after Fall, the dragon infirmary was finally quiet.
Jared sat with his back on the wall, too tired to get up just yet. Kim had handed him a skin of water and he’d slid down, took a few drinks, and not gotten up. Aloqueth ambled up alongside him and sat with him, her head pillowed on his lap.
I’m too tired to go back to the barracks to sleep, she declared. She’d let me sleep here.
Jared let out a tired laugh. She might let you sleep here, but she’d kick me out. You going to stay here by yourself?
He could feel Aloqueth’s pout. No. Everyone would ask questions and you are already too upset about everyone’s questions.
She’d gotten over some of her fussiness about Jared’s reaction to things but his Queen picked up on too much of his irritation with the weyr. It wasn’t that he thought everyone wanted them to fail, but they were watched constantly. M’tch wasn’t the only one to imply that Jared had forced Aloqueth to choose him and Jared wasn’t sure he’d ever hear the end of it. Some people were just too hidebound to allow new ideas and Jared now represented anything new.
He dropped his head back to the wall and closed his eyes. You were amazing today. I know everyone was concerned about how you’d hold up under Fall in the dragon infirmary, but you proved to them that you can handle anything.
I know.
Jared laughed again but it sounded off even to his own ear.
One of these days everyone would stop asking how he was doing. One of these days, everyone would stop watching him so closely. One of these days, they’ll all stop waiting for him to fail.
**
Jared let out a deep breath as he tried to reel in his temper. He didn’t get angry often but he was frustrated with the way half the weyr was right in his face, ready to see him fail. And J’sen had sent his wing second, once again, in his place at the Wingleader meeting. He was still avoiding Jared.
“Shard it all!” Jared said as he grabbed the Threadfall chart off the table and started to roll it up.
“That bad a meeting?”
Jared turned sharply and nearly dropped the chart as the Weyrleader walked into the room. In the month since his Impression of Aloqueth he still hadn’t gotten used to the visits from the Weyrleader or the Weyrwoman.
“J’frey,” he tripped over his own tongue to say the name, but he’d been admonished enough times to stop saying Weyrleader every time they spoke. “No, it wasn’t a bad meeting, really.”
“Which one?”
“What?”
“Which wingleader bothered you?”
“No one,” Jared answered. “No one said anything or did anything inappropriate.”
“But-“
“But even though I’m just here to observe the meetings and learn from them, I feel like everyone is waiting for me to do something wrong. To prove that I’m not supposed to be here.”
“Jared, you know that Samantha and I believe in you.”
“Thank you,” Jared said with a deep breath. It was true, and he knew it. Samantha and J’frey had spent more than enough time with Jared to convince him that they saw his worth to the Weyr. Danneel had been there every step of the way too. It was the rest of the Weyr that judged him. It was a certain Wingleader who kept finding legitimate reasons to send his Wing Second to meetings instead of being in the same room with Jared for more than perfunctory congratulations and a hasty retreat.
“I was already aware of how lucky I was to come to Ista Weyr before I Impressed Aloqueth. The support you and Samantha have given me has been incredible. I’m not sure I’d have survived this long without it.”
“Nonsense. Ista Queens don’t choose weak riders,” J’frey said with a smile. “Which is part of what I wanted to speak with you about, actually.”
“So this wasn’t a social call.”
“Did I need to say that?”
Jared laughed. “No. I’ve learned well enough that the Weyrleader and Weyrwoman are too busy for social visits very often. Especially during a Pass.”
J’frey nodded. “Have you heard the latest rumors?”
Jared sighed. “You mean the one circulating the Lower Caverns that says the only reason Aloqueth chose me was because Dani convinced Fantith to force her to?”
“That would be the one.”
“I’ve tried to ignore it.”
“You should.”
“Really? I’m not so sure.”
“Jared-”
“You remember how Fantith kicked the other candidates out of the cavern the first time I visited? How she made me visit with Aloqueth’s egg before she’d hatched?”
“Jared, no one can make a dragon choose someone. We don’t know how a dragon chooses, but if exposure were the only thing that mattered every Candidate would Impress at some point. This isn’t the first time a dragonet has turned a nose up at the offered Candidates and gone outside of the offerings. Bluerider S’bast was a Lower Cavern boy on an errand who got tackled by a dragonet when he dashed into the Hatching Cavern to deliver a message. Dragons know who their rider is and no one can change that. No matter how much people want to cast aspersions on the relationship you had with our junior weyrwoman. Or Wingleader J’sen.”
Jared had purposely left out J’sen when he mentioned the rumors. J’frey wasn’t an idiot, though, even if he was kind enough to be discrete. “Sorry. I know that. I just can’t help but worry and then…”
“The Wingleader.”
“Yeah,” Jared said with a sigh.
“Is J’sen becoming an issue?”
“No. When I see him he treats me with complete respect. He just never seems to come to meetings if he knows I’m here. We used to be friends so it’s been a difficult transition. He has never treated me with disrespect though.”
J’frey sighed. “Jared, I’m going to be really clear on this. If anyone gives you grief, I want you to tell me. You might want to turn a blind eye to it, but I will not have a member of our Weyr leadership treated poorly. A slight to you is the same as one to myself or Samantha or Danneel. I know J’mes and T’moh will make certain you are treated fairly under their eyes, but you have other duties that call you away as a Weyr … Queen rider.”
“You’re going to slip up one of these days and say it,” Jared teased.
“We’re going to have to find something to call you since Weyrwoman doesn’t fit. What is it T’moh calls you? Queenrider?”
“He does.”
“I like it. It describes you well enough. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Queenrider, I have a Weyrwoman to reassure about your well-being, and you have some records to clean up.”
“Thank you, Weyrleader.”
J’frey left and Jared felt his spirits rise. It didn’t make the other’s reactions to him any better, or the sting of J’sen’s avoidance any less, but he had J’frey’s support. There wasn’t much the Weyrleader wasn’t capable of and he was firmly on Jared’s side.
Even if Jared had to wear down the hide-bound members of the Weyr, at least he had J’frey, Samantha, and Danneel on his side.
**
Jared squinted as he stared up at the sky to see the Weyr leaders come out of between. They were back from their meeting at Igen Weyr and Aloqueth hadn’t sensed any alarm at their return. Instead, the Queen continued to glide across the waters of the bathing pool. In a few months she’d be strong enough to fly her way down to the ocean shallows. Until then, Jared was just glad the pools were close by.
Jared sat at the edge of the pool lake and watched Aloqueth as she sunned herself. The pool was more like a large pond than a bathing pool. Aloqueth was one of three dragons using it but Jared had plenty of space to keep to himself.
It was his first free day since he’d Impressed his dragonet. His first task of the day had been to bathe and oil her. His morning was half over already but she was well cared for, and Jared planned to relax right where he was until his stomach forced him into the kitchen. If it happened after lunch, Jared wasn’t worried. The Headwoman, Julie, was kind and Jared knew she’d let him steal a tray of whatever was available when he showed up.
You are happy today, Aloqueth said lazily.
Guess I am. It’s nice to relax for a change. I might just stay right here all day and do nothing at all.
He got a mental snort from Aloqueth in response.
What? I could use the relaxation.
Yes, which means you won’t do it for long.
You’ve gotten cynical at the ripe old age of three months.
You’re already thinking about the hides you saw in the store rooms.
Jared laughed because he couldn’t deny it. As much as he enjoyed the time off, he’d had a project in mind since he’d seen a handful of the Weyr’s records. Ista had good records, but some of the oldest hides were beginning to fade and crack beyond use. Jared had a fair hand from his days at the Harper Hall, and he wanted to convince Dani to help him as well. He knew she’d see the need to store them well, and she had a beautiful hand.
Maybe later, Jared confessed. I was thinking about a swim, actually.
That would be good. There are many riders around the Weyr that would appreciate that.
Aloqueth!
What? You didn’t want to know that?
No!
I am just telling you what I hear from the dragons.
Well… stop.
He heard a laugh and looked up to find Danneel smiling at him. He felt his cheeks flush, but Dani just smiled brighter. “So, Aloqueth is trying to get you to turn red, be it sunburn or embarrassment today,” she teased.
Jared shook his head. “Apparently.”
“She should. You need some time to relax and enjoy yourself. We don’t get that often enough, as weyrlings or as part of the Weyr leadership.”
“And what are you doing out and about today?”
“Saw you two stretched out here, and I wanted to check in on my favorite weyrlings. Don’t tell anyone I said that though. There are enough rumors about us to begin with,” she said with a smile.
“Free day for you, too?”
“I have some duties to attend to later, but I have a free morning. How are you and Aloqueth fairing?”
“I know the healers and dragonhealers report to the Weyr Leaders about us constantly, as well as J’mes and T’moh.”
“I wasn’t asking about that. I meant, how are you doing? I’m your friend, Jared, not just a fellow queen rider. You looked out for me when I was a lowly drudge. Don’t think I’m not going to keep an eye on you now.”
He smiled then, because it was Dani and she was right. They’d always looked after one another, and of all the things he was grateful about once he Impressed Aloqueth, being able to spend more time with Dani was certainly one of them.
“I’m well. Happy, as Aloqueth informed me this morning. Some of the rumors over my Impression seem to have died down here, and the routine is settled in enough that I’m not dead tired every night.”
“Might need to talk to J’mes if he’s getting soft…”
“Don’t you dare!” Jared laughed. “I’m still plenty tired. And I was told we’d be starting firestone drills tomorrow.” Firestone was necessary to the dragons to fight thread. They chewed it up and it allowed them to breathe fire. The drills were necessary to the weyrlings to build up the strength they’d need to handle firestone during thread to keep their dragons properly stoked. The bags were heavy though and Jared had no doubt he’d be exhausted and sore after the first day. “I think it’s the only reason he gave us a freeday today. Lure us in with a false sense of security.”
Dani laughed at that. Jared lay back on his elbows on the sandy beach edge of the pool as he watched her. She let out a deep breath, and her smile faded.
“What did you actually come to talk to me about?”
“I can’t just come check on you?”
“You can. And you do. But I can see there’s something you need to talk about. If it was something personal, you’d have started off with it. Which means you wanted to check on me as a friend before you talked to me about Weyr business.”
“I hate that you know me so well,” Dani muttered.
“So, what new rumor has cropped up that they think you need to talk to me about?” Jared asked. Normally J’frey or Samantha would come to him themselves if they thought there was an issue, but they weren’t above using his friendship with Danneel if they felt it was something a little too personal.
Dani sighed. “We received a request from Igen Weyr.”
“Samantha and J’frey have been back and forth a few times this sevenday. We have a strong relationship with them. It’s good to see they can come to us in need,” Jared said when she paused.
“They’ve had discipline issues with one of their wingleaders. They’ve asked us to send someone over who can replace their current wingleader and get his Wing in shape for Threadfall as quickly as possible.”
“Why not replace him with one of their own?”
“They’re making an example of him. The Weyrleader is slightly hidebound but more flexible than most of his Weyr. He wants new blood to make them see that the old ways aren’t always the best ways.”
“I suppose that makes sense. Have they thought about who they’ll ask to go?”
“It’s already been decided. J’sen.”
“He asked to move to Igen?” Jared asked. He was too shocked to say anything else. Their few meetings had been rough, but he never thought J’sen would actually ask to leave the Weyr because of him. He knew how J’sen felt about the Weyr, about his Wing.
“He’s being transferred, Jared. He wasn’t asked. We felt he was the best candidate for the position.”
“What? You agreed to it?”
Danneel nodded. “He’s young and strong and proud, Jared. He’s a hard worker, and he’ll be able to get his new Wing up to speed before their next Fall. They need someone like him.”
“You’re sending him away because of me.”
“No,” Dani said as she looked at Jared. There was anger in her eyes and a hint of tears as well, but Jared ignored it. He felt betrayed and lost at the thought of losing J’sen once again, even if his former friend barely acknowledged him. “I’m doing it for him. It’s my duty to do what is best for the Weyr and all its Riders.”
She got up and left before Jared could think of anything else to say.
Fantith says her rider is very upset about the transfer. She is still very close to Strith’s rider. She is concerned about him though and thought he would be better off to spend some time away from the weyr.
Jared let out a deep breath as he listened to Aloqueth. He hadn’t meant to accuse Dani of anything but his strained relationship with J’sen had been eating away at him. What little he said to Jared was always polite but there were too many times J’sen had walked away from snide comments or rumors without saying a word in Jared’s defense. Just because he was polite to the goldrider didn’t mean he supported Jared. It hurt because of all the people in the weyr he’d expected the support from, J’sen was on the top of his list.
Aloqueth, ask Fantith when Strith’s rider is leaving.
A moment later his dragon butted her head against Jared’s side, and he wrapped his arms around her neck.
They are already gone.
On to Chapter Five