He Will Always Let Me In
Title: He Will Always Let Me In
Author: hunters_retreat
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Pairing: Derek/Stiles
Warnings: PTSD, Spoilers for Season 3 finale
Summary: “Scott, son, this isn’t about a key,” Stiles heard his father say but Stiles only had eyes for Derek. He didn’t want Derek to offer him a key. He wouldn’t take it if he did and the pack wouldn’t know what to think of that either.
Author's Note: Beta's by the awesome verucasalt123. This is my first foray into the Teen Wolf fandom. Hope you enjoy it!
No one got it. No one got him. Things changed and they mourned and adjusted and life continued on. But he couldn’t.
His dad moved around the house in the morning, the same routine as ever. He stopped at Stiles’ door before he had to leave and knocked. Stiles didn’t say anything but his dad opened the door anyway.
“Good, you’re awake. I’ll be home for dinner. Call me if you want me to pick something up on the way home.”
Stiles nodded, then his dad was gone and Stiles was left alone again with his thoughts.
It wasn’t a good way to spend the day.
He distracted himself with the internet. With searches on faeries and trolls and vampires to see if he could find truth in the lies. Deaton wouldn’t tell Stiles if any of them were real and Derek just stared at him when he asked.
“What?”
“Like we need to borrow any more trouble, Stiles.”
He read through pamphlets his father had collected for local colleges. Ignored the ones Scott and Derek and Isaac had collected for better colleges. They all had plans for him, except him. He was lucky to get out of bed some days. On a great day his smile was good enough to fool his dad. On a bad day, he cowered in his room in fear that his friends would return to tell him the nogitsune wasn’t gone and they had to finish him off after all but then Stiles killed them slowly, one by one, laughing all the while.
Tonight, dinner was followed by a pack meeting. Scott was getting better at being an alpha. Derek made him a better alpha by being the kind of second that never failed to back him up and he shared what he knew freely. Chris Argent was pack now. He came and went unexpectedly but on Saturday mornings he was always at the Preserve, offering to teach his skills to the wolves and the humans who ran with them.
Things had been quiet for a while, but the pack was rowdy again. Scott had taken in two more betas who had fled their territory when their alpha had been killed by the alpha pack. They were young too and their laughter made the others remember lighter times.
When the meeting was over, everyone filtered out of Derek’s loft. It was the only place big enough for them all. Derek called it the pack home and made sure they all knew they were welcome. He’d given them each a key ring with a simple charm on it. They’d all been different. Stiles didn’t get one. Scott hadn’t said anything when Stiles was left out but he knew there had been a fight.
Stiles still didn’t have a key.
The others left but Stiles didn’t move from his position on the couch. It had taken too much effort to smile and laugh with the pack tonight. He needed time to recover before he could go home and put on a fake smile for his father.
Derek moved about the loft, cleaning up Erica’s leftover pizza and Isaac’s empty soda cans. He threw Scott’s jacket in a basket by the door along with all the other things Scott absent-mindedly forgot over the last few months.
The TV was on and the lights were off. A movie played in the background, the sound muted as Derek sat on the other end of the couch.
Stiles closed his eyes and it was the most peaceful he’d felt all day. Just … not alone but Derek would probably prefer it if he didn’t talk and Stiles wasn’t in the mood to be entertaining.
“I get it, you know?”
Stiles turned his head to look over at Derek. The light caressed his face in soft hues and for once his expression was open and almost vulnerable.
“What?”
“What this is like.”
“How could you?” Stiles scoffed. “How could you have any idea what it’s like? To have someone use you to hurt the people you love? To have to wait for months before they stop flinching when they touch you?”
“No, I suppose not,” Derek said softly. He stood and looked down at Stiles. “Laura was the only one left alive and she never knew about Kate. I didn’t have to face the others. They died.”
He walked out and Stiles just sat on the couch and let his head tip back. He closed his eyes and felt tears fill them. He hadn’t cried about it yet. He hadn’t cried about Allison or how he’d ripped apart the twins or any of the others that had been hurt or killed by the nogitsune. He hadn’t cried about his own fears and trauma, about being held captive in his own body. He had tears now though. Tears for Derek fucking Hale.
What. The. Fuck.
**
He woke better rested than usual. He didn’t open his eyes. Whatever peaceful spell was over him, he didn’t want to break it. He stretched slightly and was unsurprised to find a warm body beside him. A very warm body. With strong muscular arms that wrapped around Stiles and held him close. He didn’t need to open his eyes to know he was in Derek’s bed.
It should be surprising since the only place in the loft that Derek called off limits was this space. No one went into his room, not even when Derek had given Lydia his credit card and given her free reign to decorate his loft in a fashionable, but manly and pack-practical manner.
The old Stiles would have been too curious to contain himself. He would have squirmed around and opened his eyes and been unable to contain himself at the trove of information he could glean from Derek’s inner sanctum. This Stiles though, he was too content to move. He’d slept through the night and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten more than 3 or 4 hours at a spell. Not only had he slept through the night but he’d apparently been deep enough to miss being carried to bed.
He felt almost healthy.
Almost … alive.
He felt something even scarier than that. It was an illusion at best, but it felt real all the same.
He felt safe.
Stiles couldn’t help the mewl that came out of his throat at the thought. Derek pulled him closer, back to chest and his arm tightened around Stiles’ mid-section before he buried his nose in Stiles’ neck. Soft murmurs of comfort came from the wolf but Stile knew Derek wasn’t even awake. He was just comforting Stiles without thought.
It wasn’t Derek’s instincts that had gotten him in trouble as an alpha. It was the thought process that stopped him from following through. Thoughts that kept Peter alive and made Derek try to save his young betas from trouble instead of pulling them together to fight.
Stiles had asked once and been surprised at Derek’s openness. It was after Derek had come back from his trip with Cora and before the nogitsune had come to full power.
“How do you know when to follow your wolf and when to follow the man?”
“You don’t always know,” Derek had confided. “Most of the time my wolf and I are the same. It’s just that sometimes … they clash. My Mom used to say … that was what a mate was for. To remind you when you were too human. To back you down when you were too wolf.”
“You never wanted to find a mate?”
“What makes you think I haven’t?”
Stiles was too familiar with Derek’s romantic history to pursue that any further and he’d practically jumped when Deaton and Scott had finished their work and Scott had been ready to leave. Stiles never wanted to remember the pain and hunger in Derek’s eyes when he’d spoken. He saw it almost every time he closed his eyes- covered in blood red and shadows, like every other life he’d touched since the nogitsune.
“Go back to sleep Stiles,” Derek woke enough to grumble.
Stiles turned over in his arms and looked up at Derek. Derek pulled him close again and Stiles fell asleep with Derek’s hand slowly rubbing the triskelion pattern into his skin and his nose buried in Derek’s neck.
**
“Stiles? Hey, where were you man?”
Stiles looked over at Scott and back to the controller in his hand. He’d played with Scott a million times like this, but he couldn’t seem to focus tonight.
“Is this about Derek?” Scott asked.
Stiles wanted to laugh at that. Of all the things this was about, his once confused feelings about Derek Hale were the last to consider.
“Is this about the key thing? I could make him give you one. You know, alpha out on him. I don’t know why he’s being such an ass about it. He doesn’t even argue about whether you’re pack or not. He just says… I don’t get it, Stiles.”
“He says I don’t need a key.” Stiles knew why he didn’t have a key and Derek was right that he didn’t need one. “Derek lets me in.”
And that was the crux of his problem with Derek. Derek let Stiles in where he turned the others away. He made small comments when he would otherwise bite his tongue. He let Stiles understand him in ways the others couldn’t fathom because they just didn’t see it. Derek let him in and he let Stiles be himself. He didn’t need to be entertained or reassured. Stiles could mouth off a hundred miles an hour or he could stare quietly out the window of the loft. Derek sat quietly at his side, either way, and let him be what he needed to be. Stiles got to see the side of Derek that the others never did, and for that Stiles got to stop pretending for a little while that he was alright.
“I don’t need a key because Derek will always let me in.”
**
Some days, Stiles had to bang on the door three or four times before Derek got to it. Other days, like today, Derek had the door open as he waited for him.
“Scott called.”
“Scott’s an ass.”
Derek gave him a small smile. “Sometimes, but he’s worried about you.”
“He’s worried that you won’t give me a key and that it says something about how you see my place in the pack.”
Derek stepped back, inviting Stiles in without a word. “I guess it does.”
Stiles smiled, the first real smile he’d felt since the whole thing had begun. Tears stung his eyes and Derek was there, arms wrapped around Stiles and a soft, growling hum that he knew was meant to sooth and comfort. It said he was protected and safe in those arms and in this place. He let out a shaky laugh, another first, and looked up at Derek. “Yeah, I guess it does.”
**
“Can you get the door, Stiles?”
Lydia has her hands full of shopping bags that she wouldn’t let Stiles carry up but she glared at him when he knocked on the door. “What?”
“A key Stiles. These are heavy.”
“I don’t have a key Lydia.”
She looked at him dumbly for a moment, which was really quite a feat. He hadn’t seen that expression of vacancy on her face since she learned about the wolves. The wait was longer than normal and Stiles was about to mention to Lydia that she had a key if she’d like to offer it up but he heard something shuffling behind the door.
The door opened and Derek answered in low slung jeans and nothing else. Water still dripped over his skin. Stiles had been on this side of the door often enough to know he’d caught Derek in the shower.
“Lydia, you have a key,” Derek said as he left the door open and headed back upstairs to the bathroom.
Stiles watched him go with a fond smile and it was only when the shower started up again that he followed Lydia into the kitchen area. Lydia, who was watching him closely.
“Alright then. Let’s get this put away and we can start making dinner before everyone arrives.”
He fell into the easy routine of listening to her voice as he moved around the kitchen. Lydia was one of the few who had overcome her fears quickly. Considering the things the nogitsune had done to her, it was a remarkable feat.
Before long Derek joined them and he and Lydia spoke softly about her college applications and the early admissions she’d already received. She talked about the other pack members plans for next year and Derek made tentative plans of how to keep the pack close and safe. Stiles just drifted between them as he followed Lydia’s orders and bumped shoulders with Derek every so often to ground himself.
Dinner was rowdy and quiet in turns. Chris and Melissa and his dad had all managed to get a night off together. Isaac showed up with Chris, the werewolf being trained to follow the Argent family traditions as Allison had left them. Isaac had been lost after her death and Chris had needed someone to look after. They’d drifted together in their grief and Isaac had found a father figure who would care for him the way he deserved. If nothing else good had come of it all, there was that at least.
Scott and Kira cleaned dishes as the others finished eating and when it was all done, they were all settled in the couches and chairs in the living room.
“I have to say, it looks a lot nicer than the last time I was here,” Melissa said from her seat next to the Sheriff.
Derek pointed at Lydia. “We gave her a credit card.”
Lydia preened at the praise and she deserved it. The loft was no longer industrial-rave material. It was stylish with a sharp edge but with enough soft edges to be welcoming.
“And everyone else keys,” Scott muttered.
Stiles closed his eyes because he knew better than to think Scott would let it go again. Scott had convinced himself that the key was the issue. That if Stiles had a key then everything would be fine. He loved Scott like a brother but sometimes he was a dense as a cement block.
“Scott,” Melissa tried to butt in but Lydia added her voice before Melissa could finish.
“I find it interesting that Stiles is the only one without a key. He isn’t the only human so it can’t be that humans aren’t pack. Even Kira has one and she is a kitsune. I’m a banshee. This isn’t about Stiles being human.”
Derek’s face was closed off when Stiles looked at him. Derek was looking over their heads at nothing.
“No, it isn’t.”
“It isn’t about Stiles being pack, because he is,” she affirmed.
Derek nodded. “Yes, he is.”
“Scott, son, this isn’t about a key,” Stiles heard his father say but Stiles only had eyes for Derek. He didn’t want Derek to offer him a key. He wouldn’t take it if he did and the pack wouldn’t know what to think of that either.
Derek’s eyes finally dropped to meet Stiles’. “You don’t want a key.”
“I don’t fucking need a goddamned key,” he snarled. He stood to leave but Derek grabbed his wrist and he turned to glare at the wolf. Derek just held his eyes for a moment and Stiles could breathe again. He nodded at Derek and the other man let go of his arm. Stiles didn’t look back at the pack as he grabbed his jacket and slammed out of the front door.
**
“He could be anywhere.”
Stiles could hear Scott yelling through crack in the door.
“Scott, I know you mean well, but give him some space.”
“I’m his alpha!” Scott yelled.
“I’m his father!” His dad yelled right back.
There was a growl from deeper in the room and Stiles could imagine Derek pulled into the middle of the two.
“And he’s standing right outside the door listening to your pissing contest.”
Stiles let out a soft laugh at that but it was more relief than humor. He was just surprised Derek wasn’t in the middle of that contest too. Grateful, because that was a whole mess he didn’t want to think about, but surprised none the less.
The door jerked open and Scott pulled him into the loft without thinking. Stiles pushed him away but before he could say anything, Derek was there.
“Hey, come on in,” he pushed Stiles over to the couch. A bottle of water was handed to him a minute later as Scott looked on in confusion. His dad stooped down in front of him and smiled when he put a hand on his shoulder.
“Give me a call when you’re ready to come home. I’ve got the early shift tomorrow so I better call it a night.”
He pulled Stiles close and Stiles inhaled him in for a second before he smiled up at him. “Thanks.” He didn’t know how much his dad understood about what was happening but he wasn’t stupid and he knew trauma when he saw it. He didn’t push and he was available. That mattered more to Stiles than anything. “Love you, Dad.”
“Love you, kiddo,” his dad said. When he stood up, his dad looked at Scott and nodded to the door. “Come on Scott, we’ll talk on the way down.”
Scott left with a nod for Stiles and a glare for Derek. His dad stopped at the door and spoke softly to Derek. “You let me know if he needs anything.”
“Of course,” Derek answered immediately. The sheriff gripped Derek’s shoulder for a moment but then he was out the door and Derek and Stiles were alone again.
“Sorry.”
“Not your fault Scott is an ass.”
“It might be. I was a very encouraging best friend during his formative years.”
“Then I blame you for it.”
Stiles laughed and Derek smiled and that was all he needed to make it all feel right again.
Derek sat on the couch next to him and let out a deep breath. “I’m glad you came back.”
“You knew I would.”
“Yeah, but I’m still glad you came back.”
Stiles closed his eyes and let his head rest back against the couch but Derek shifted beside him and he was pulled closer into Derek’s side. He felt Derek’s arm go around his shoulder and he leaned in to rest his head on Derek’s chest. Stiles felt calmer as Derek’s fingers began to run through his hair.
He let the peace settle around them before he spoke. “You know what this is?”
“Even if I didn’t, you left your research here last week. Spread out all over the table. I took the hint and read it.”
“You already knew though.”
“I told you.”
Stiles let out a little huff. “Yeah, you did. I just didn’t realize it. I mean… how could that happen? I’m a pain in the ass and that’s without anything supernatural going on.”
Derek laughed and Stiles felt it where he was leaned against him.
“Well, I’m a pain in the ass and I’m always going to be supernatural.”
“Good point.”
There was a long pause before Derek broke the silence. “Your dad is taking this well.”
“Dad knows I’m not … I’m not alright. He knows I’m better here.”
Derek pressed a kiss to the top of Stiles’ head before he moved away from Stiles and stood up. He held a hand out though and Stiles let himself be pulled up off the couch.
“Bedtime?” he asked.
Derek nodded, then led him back to the bedroom.
**
The pack was there when Stiles woke. He could hear them down there, hear them bickering even if he couldn’t hear the words. He looked up at Derek who was watching him with a small smile on his face. Outside, he could hear Scott’s arrival as he started to complain about Stiles spending the night again.
No one understood and Derek never gave any indication that he wanted to explain to them. It had been slow building. A relationship that started in fear and hate that had turned to allies of the necessary evil kind. They’d worked up to grudgingly respecting each other until there’d come a time when Stiles had actively comforted the wolf. There came a time when Stiles had needed the favor returned and it had been Derek who had given him the comfort of a quiet hand on the shoulder. A quiet shoulder to cry on. A friend who didn’t need him to be the person he wasn’t anymore.
Derek pulled Stiles out of bed and he grumbled and stumbled his way out to the kitchen where Derek fixed him coffee and placed the mug in his hand. Stiles sat sideways on a bar stool at the counter facing Derek. The wolf’s back was leaned against the counter but his legs were between Stiles’.
It was Saturday morning and everyone was there, except his dad. They’d agreed to meet for breakfast before heading to the Preserve for training. The pack was dead quiet and that’s when Stiles realized he’d just stumbled out of Derek’s bed, the two of them in nothing but pajama bottoms. It was obvious they’d been in bed together to even the un-wolfys in the group.
Derek didn’t look at him, but his voice was quiet. His words were loud in the silence of the room though. “You know why you don’t have a key, right?”
“I don’t need a key. The others, you gave them a key so they’d have a place to come to, a place to call home. They needed to know that they could come to you whenever they wanted to and you needed them to know it too.”
“But not with you.”
“No, I never wanted a key to open the doors on my own. I never wanted to push my way into your space and into your life like everyone else. I wanted something else.”
“You wanted to be invited in. You wanted me to let you in. It had nothing to do with the front door and everything to do with you wanting to be in my life. A pack member. A friend. A confidante. You made me open the door every time, because it was a conscious choice on my part to let you into my life.”
“It made it conscious on my part, too, that you were allowing me here. That I mattered to you, no matter who I was.” Stiles took a deep breath. He needed to say the words. Not because Derek didn’t know, but because he needed the pack to hear it. He needed his best friend to hear it.
“I’m not the kid I was last year. What happened, it changed me, and you never once looked at me like you expected to see that kid again.”
“You don’t need to be that annoying kid. You’re annoying enough without looking back.”
“Shut up,” Stiles said with a smile. “You love it.”
Derek let out a deep sigh but he turned his head to look at Stiles with a smile on his face. “Yeah, I do. You’re my mate. How could I not?”
Stiles eyes widened at that admission, even if they’d danced around it the night before. Derek had told him, a long time ago, that he’d found his mate. It wasn’t until after the nogitsune that Stiles understood. It wasn’t until Derek quieted the shattered parts of his mind that he knew he had found his way to that bond as well. It wasn’t perfect and Derek was a jackass sometimes and Stiles was still a broken mess, but they understood each other.
That’s what his father understood when he walked out the night before.
Stiles had found a mate in Derek, a partner, a lover who would stand by him no matter what. He leaned up and his fingers caressed Derek’s cheek as he leaned in to press a kiss to his lips. “My mate,” he whispered the words against Derek’s lips
“Um, oh,” Scott said across the room.
Derek laughed against his mouth and Stiles couldn’t help but return it. Scott finally got it. Derek was laughing and it made something in Stiles feel lighter as well. He leaned his head against Derek’s shoulder but turned his head to look at his friends.
Kira laughed and Isaac rolled his eyes but Lydia watched them for a second before she nodded her approval. Chris and Melissa were there as well and while Chris shook his head, Melissa looked happy for him.
“Alright, who’s cooking breakfast with me?” Melissa asked.
Stiles stayed in the kitchen at Derek’s side as they helped her with breakfast.
When they all left to train, Scott walked with him at the Preserve, a small smile on his face. “So. You and Derek.”
“Yeah. Me and Derek.”
“I just … why him?”
It was a simple question and Stiles knew there was nothing mean in his words. It was his best friend doing his best to understand how Stiles had become so close to someone they had both feared.
“It’s about the key, isn’t it?”
Stiles nodded and Scott just let out a huff of understanding. Stiles wrapped an arm around Scott’s shoulders, feeling more relaxed around his friend than he had in a while.
“He’ll always let you in.”
He saw Derek turn his head in front of them and returned the smile.
“Yeah. He’ll always let me in."
Author: hunters_retreat
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Pairing: Derek/Stiles
Warnings: PTSD, Spoilers for Season 3 finale
Summary: “Scott, son, this isn’t about a key,” Stiles heard his father say but Stiles only had eyes for Derek. He didn’t want Derek to offer him a key. He wouldn’t take it if he did and the pack wouldn’t know what to think of that either.
Author's Note: Beta's by the awesome verucasalt123. This is my first foray into the Teen Wolf fandom. Hope you enjoy it!
No one got it. No one got him. Things changed and they mourned and adjusted and life continued on. But he couldn’t.
His dad moved around the house in the morning, the same routine as ever. He stopped at Stiles’ door before he had to leave and knocked. Stiles didn’t say anything but his dad opened the door anyway.
“Good, you’re awake. I’ll be home for dinner. Call me if you want me to pick something up on the way home.”
Stiles nodded, then his dad was gone and Stiles was left alone again with his thoughts.
It wasn’t a good way to spend the day.
He distracted himself with the internet. With searches on faeries and trolls and vampires to see if he could find truth in the lies. Deaton wouldn’t tell Stiles if any of them were real and Derek just stared at him when he asked.
“What?”
“Like we need to borrow any more trouble, Stiles.”
He read through pamphlets his father had collected for local colleges. Ignored the ones Scott and Derek and Isaac had collected for better colleges. They all had plans for him, except him. He was lucky to get out of bed some days. On a great day his smile was good enough to fool his dad. On a bad day, he cowered in his room in fear that his friends would return to tell him the nogitsune wasn’t gone and they had to finish him off after all but then Stiles killed them slowly, one by one, laughing all the while.
Tonight, dinner was followed by a pack meeting. Scott was getting better at being an alpha. Derek made him a better alpha by being the kind of second that never failed to back him up and he shared what he knew freely. Chris Argent was pack now. He came and went unexpectedly but on Saturday mornings he was always at the Preserve, offering to teach his skills to the wolves and the humans who ran with them.
Things had been quiet for a while, but the pack was rowdy again. Scott had taken in two more betas who had fled their territory when their alpha had been killed by the alpha pack. They were young too and their laughter made the others remember lighter times.
When the meeting was over, everyone filtered out of Derek’s loft. It was the only place big enough for them all. Derek called it the pack home and made sure they all knew they were welcome. He’d given them each a key ring with a simple charm on it. They’d all been different. Stiles didn’t get one. Scott hadn’t said anything when Stiles was left out but he knew there had been a fight.
Stiles still didn’t have a key.
The others left but Stiles didn’t move from his position on the couch. It had taken too much effort to smile and laugh with the pack tonight. He needed time to recover before he could go home and put on a fake smile for his father.
Derek moved about the loft, cleaning up Erica’s leftover pizza and Isaac’s empty soda cans. He threw Scott’s jacket in a basket by the door along with all the other things Scott absent-mindedly forgot over the last few months.
The TV was on and the lights were off. A movie played in the background, the sound muted as Derek sat on the other end of the couch.
Stiles closed his eyes and it was the most peaceful he’d felt all day. Just … not alone but Derek would probably prefer it if he didn’t talk and Stiles wasn’t in the mood to be entertaining.
“I get it, you know?”
Stiles turned his head to look over at Derek. The light caressed his face in soft hues and for once his expression was open and almost vulnerable.
“What?”
“What this is like.”
“How could you?” Stiles scoffed. “How could you have any idea what it’s like? To have someone use you to hurt the people you love? To have to wait for months before they stop flinching when they touch you?”
“No, I suppose not,” Derek said softly. He stood and looked down at Stiles. “Laura was the only one left alive and she never knew about Kate. I didn’t have to face the others. They died.”
He walked out and Stiles just sat on the couch and let his head tip back. He closed his eyes and felt tears fill them. He hadn’t cried about it yet. He hadn’t cried about Allison or how he’d ripped apart the twins or any of the others that had been hurt or killed by the nogitsune. He hadn’t cried about his own fears and trauma, about being held captive in his own body. He had tears now though. Tears for Derek fucking Hale.
What. The. Fuck.
**
He woke better rested than usual. He didn’t open his eyes. Whatever peaceful spell was over him, he didn’t want to break it. He stretched slightly and was unsurprised to find a warm body beside him. A very warm body. With strong muscular arms that wrapped around Stiles and held him close. He didn’t need to open his eyes to know he was in Derek’s bed.
It should be surprising since the only place in the loft that Derek called off limits was this space. No one went into his room, not even when Derek had given Lydia his credit card and given her free reign to decorate his loft in a fashionable, but manly and pack-practical manner.
The old Stiles would have been too curious to contain himself. He would have squirmed around and opened his eyes and been unable to contain himself at the trove of information he could glean from Derek’s inner sanctum. This Stiles though, he was too content to move. He’d slept through the night and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten more than 3 or 4 hours at a spell. Not only had he slept through the night but he’d apparently been deep enough to miss being carried to bed.
He felt almost healthy.
Almost … alive.
He felt something even scarier than that. It was an illusion at best, but it felt real all the same.
He felt safe.
Stiles couldn’t help the mewl that came out of his throat at the thought. Derek pulled him closer, back to chest and his arm tightened around Stiles’ mid-section before he buried his nose in Stiles’ neck. Soft murmurs of comfort came from the wolf but Stile knew Derek wasn’t even awake. He was just comforting Stiles without thought.
It wasn’t Derek’s instincts that had gotten him in trouble as an alpha. It was the thought process that stopped him from following through. Thoughts that kept Peter alive and made Derek try to save his young betas from trouble instead of pulling them together to fight.
Stiles had asked once and been surprised at Derek’s openness. It was after Derek had come back from his trip with Cora and before the nogitsune had come to full power.
“How do you know when to follow your wolf and when to follow the man?”
“You don’t always know,” Derek had confided. “Most of the time my wolf and I are the same. It’s just that sometimes … they clash. My Mom used to say … that was what a mate was for. To remind you when you were too human. To back you down when you were too wolf.”
“You never wanted to find a mate?”
“What makes you think I haven’t?”
Stiles was too familiar with Derek’s romantic history to pursue that any further and he’d practically jumped when Deaton and Scott had finished their work and Scott had been ready to leave. Stiles never wanted to remember the pain and hunger in Derek’s eyes when he’d spoken. He saw it almost every time he closed his eyes- covered in blood red and shadows, like every other life he’d touched since the nogitsune.
“Go back to sleep Stiles,” Derek woke enough to grumble.
Stiles turned over in his arms and looked up at Derek. Derek pulled him close again and Stiles fell asleep with Derek’s hand slowly rubbing the triskelion pattern into his skin and his nose buried in Derek’s neck.
**
“Stiles? Hey, where were you man?”
Stiles looked over at Scott and back to the controller in his hand. He’d played with Scott a million times like this, but he couldn’t seem to focus tonight.
“Is this about Derek?” Scott asked.
Stiles wanted to laugh at that. Of all the things this was about, his once confused feelings about Derek Hale were the last to consider.
“Is this about the key thing? I could make him give you one. You know, alpha out on him. I don’t know why he’s being such an ass about it. He doesn’t even argue about whether you’re pack or not. He just says… I don’t get it, Stiles.”
“He says I don’t need a key.” Stiles knew why he didn’t have a key and Derek was right that he didn’t need one. “Derek lets me in.”
And that was the crux of his problem with Derek. Derek let Stiles in where he turned the others away. He made small comments when he would otherwise bite his tongue. He let Stiles understand him in ways the others couldn’t fathom because they just didn’t see it. Derek let him in and he let Stiles be himself. He didn’t need to be entertained or reassured. Stiles could mouth off a hundred miles an hour or he could stare quietly out the window of the loft. Derek sat quietly at his side, either way, and let him be what he needed to be. Stiles got to see the side of Derek that the others never did, and for that Stiles got to stop pretending for a little while that he was alright.
“I don’t need a key because Derek will always let me in.”
**
Some days, Stiles had to bang on the door three or four times before Derek got to it. Other days, like today, Derek had the door open as he waited for him.
“Scott called.”
“Scott’s an ass.”
Derek gave him a small smile. “Sometimes, but he’s worried about you.”
“He’s worried that you won’t give me a key and that it says something about how you see my place in the pack.”
Derek stepped back, inviting Stiles in without a word. “I guess it does.”
Stiles smiled, the first real smile he’d felt since the whole thing had begun. Tears stung his eyes and Derek was there, arms wrapped around Stiles and a soft, growling hum that he knew was meant to sooth and comfort. It said he was protected and safe in those arms and in this place. He let out a shaky laugh, another first, and looked up at Derek. “Yeah, I guess it does.”
**
“Can you get the door, Stiles?”
Lydia has her hands full of shopping bags that she wouldn’t let Stiles carry up but she glared at him when he knocked on the door. “What?”
“A key Stiles. These are heavy.”
“I don’t have a key Lydia.”
She looked at him dumbly for a moment, which was really quite a feat. He hadn’t seen that expression of vacancy on her face since she learned about the wolves. The wait was longer than normal and Stiles was about to mention to Lydia that she had a key if she’d like to offer it up but he heard something shuffling behind the door.
The door opened and Derek answered in low slung jeans and nothing else. Water still dripped over his skin. Stiles had been on this side of the door often enough to know he’d caught Derek in the shower.
“Lydia, you have a key,” Derek said as he left the door open and headed back upstairs to the bathroom.
Stiles watched him go with a fond smile and it was only when the shower started up again that he followed Lydia into the kitchen area. Lydia, who was watching him closely.
“Alright then. Let’s get this put away and we can start making dinner before everyone arrives.”
He fell into the easy routine of listening to her voice as he moved around the kitchen. Lydia was one of the few who had overcome her fears quickly. Considering the things the nogitsune had done to her, it was a remarkable feat.
Before long Derek joined them and he and Lydia spoke softly about her college applications and the early admissions she’d already received. She talked about the other pack members plans for next year and Derek made tentative plans of how to keep the pack close and safe. Stiles just drifted between them as he followed Lydia’s orders and bumped shoulders with Derek every so often to ground himself.
Dinner was rowdy and quiet in turns. Chris and Melissa and his dad had all managed to get a night off together. Isaac showed up with Chris, the werewolf being trained to follow the Argent family traditions as Allison had left them. Isaac had been lost after her death and Chris had needed someone to look after. They’d drifted together in their grief and Isaac had found a father figure who would care for him the way he deserved. If nothing else good had come of it all, there was that at least.
Scott and Kira cleaned dishes as the others finished eating and when it was all done, they were all settled in the couches and chairs in the living room.
“I have to say, it looks a lot nicer than the last time I was here,” Melissa said from her seat next to the Sheriff.
Derek pointed at Lydia. “We gave her a credit card.”
Lydia preened at the praise and she deserved it. The loft was no longer industrial-rave material. It was stylish with a sharp edge but with enough soft edges to be welcoming.
“And everyone else keys,” Scott muttered.
Stiles closed his eyes because he knew better than to think Scott would let it go again. Scott had convinced himself that the key was the issue. That if Stiles had a key then everything would be fine. He loved Scott like a brother but sometimes he was a dense as a cement block.
“Scott,” Melissa tried to butt in but Lydia added her voice before Melissa could finish.
“I find it interesting that Stiles is the only one without a key. He isn’t the only human so it can’t be that humans aren’t pack. Even Kira has one and she is a kitsune. I’m a banshee. This isn’t about Stiles being human.”
Derek’s face was closed off when Stiles looked at him. Derek was looking over their heads at nothing.
“No, it isn’t.”
“It isn’t about Stiles being pack, because he is,” she affirmed.
Derek nodded. “Yes, he is.”
“Scott, son, this isn’t about a key,” Stiles heard his father say but Stiles only had eyes for Derek. He didn’t want Derek to offer him a key. He wouldn’t take it if he did and the pack wouldn’t know what to think of that either.
Derek’s eyes finally dropped to meet Stiles’. “You don’t want a key.”
“I don’t fucking need a goddamned key,” he snarled. He stood to leave but Derek grabbed his wrist and he turned to glare at the wolf. Derek just held his eyes for a moment and Stiles could breathe again. He nodded at Derek and the other man let go of his arm. Stiles didn’t look back at the pack as he grabbed his jacket and slammed out of the front door.
**
“He could be anywhere.”
Stiles could hear Scott yelling through crack in the door.
“Scott, I know you mean well, but give him some space.”
“I’m his alpha!” Scott yelled.
“I’m his father!” His dad yelled right back.
There was a growl from deeper in the room and Stiles could imagine Derek pulled into the middle of the two.
“And he’s standing right outside the door listening to your pissing contest.”
Stiles let out a soft laugh at that but it was more relief than humor. He was just surprised Derek wasn’t in the middle of that contest too. Grateful, because that was a whole mess he didn’t want to think about, but surprised none the less.
The door jerked open and Scott pulled him into the loft without thinking. Stiles pushed him away but before he could say anything, Derek was there.
“Hey, come on in,” he pushed Stiles over to the couch. A bottle of water was handed to him a minute later as Scott looked on in confusion. His dad stooped down in front of him and smiled when he put a hand on his shoulder.
“Give me a call when you’re ready to come home. I’ve got the early shift tomorrow so I better call it a night.”
He pulled Stiles close and Stiles inhaled him in for a second before he smiled up at him. “Thanks.” He didn’t know how much his dad understood about what was happening but he wasn’t stupid and he knew trauma when he saw it. He didn’t push and he was available. That mattered more to Stiles than anything. “Love you, Dad.”
“Love you, kiddo,” his dad said. When he stood up, his dad looked at Scott and nodded to the door. “Come on Scott, we’ll talk on the way down.”
Scott left with a nod for Stiles and a glare for Derek. His dad stopped at the door and spoke softly to Derek. “You let me know if he needs anything.”
“Of course,” Derek answered immediately. The sheriff gripped Derek’s shoulder for a moment but then he was out the door and Derek and Stiles were alone again.
“Sorry.”
“Not your fault Scott is an ass.”
“It might be. I was a very encouraging best friend during his formative years.”
“Then I blame you for it.”
Stiles laughed and Derek smiled and that was all he needed to make it all feel right again.
Derek sat on the couch next to him and let out a deep breath. “I’m glad you came back.”
“You knew I would.”
“Yeah, but I’m still glad you came back.”
Stiles closed his eyes and let his head rest back against the couch but Derek shifted beside him and he was pulled closer into Derek’s side. He felt Derek’s arm go around his shoulder and he leaned in to rest his head on Derek’s chest. Stiles felt calmer as Derek’s fingers began to run through his hair.
He let the peace settle around them before he spoke. “You know what this is?”
“Even if I didn’t, you left your research here last week. Spread out all over the table. I took the hint and read it.”
“You already knew though.”
“I told you.”
Stiles let out a little huff. “Yeah, you did. I just didn’t realize it. I mean… how could that happen? I’m a pain in the ass and that’s without anything supernatural going on.”
Derek laughed and Stiles felt it where he was leaned against him.
“Well, I’m a pain in the ass and I’m always going to be supernatural.”
“Good point.”
There was a long pause before Derek broke the silence. “Your dad is taking this well.”
“Dad knows I’m not … I’m not alright. He knows I’m better here.”
Derek pressed a kiss to the top of Stiles’ head before he moved away from Stiles and stood up. He held a hand out though and Stiles let himself be pulled up off the couch.
“Bedtime?” he asked.
Derek nodded, then led him back to the bedroom.
**
The pack was there when Stiles woke. He could hear them down there, hear them bickering even if he couldn’t hear the words. He looked up at Derek who was watching him with a small smile on his face. Outside, he could hear Scott’s arrival as he started to complain about Stiles spending the night again.
No one understood and Derek never gave any indication that he wanted to explain to them. It had been slow building. A relationship that started in fear and hate that had turned to allies of the necessary evil kind. They’d worked up to grudgingly respecting each other until there’d come a time when Stiles had actively comforted the wolf. There came a time when Stiles had needed the favor returned and it had been Derek who had given him the comfort of a quiet hand on the shoulder. A quiet shoulder to cry on. A friend who didn’t need him to be the person he wasn’t anymore.
Derek pulled Stiles out of bed and he grumbled and stumbled his way out to the kitchen where Derek fixed him coffee and placed the mug in his hand. Stiles sat sideways on a bar stool at the counter facing Derek. The wolf’s back was leaned against the counter but his legs were between Stiles’.
It was Saturday morning and everyone was there, except his dad. They’d agreed to meet for breakfast before heading to the Preserve for training. The pack was dead quiet and that’s when Stiles realized he’d just stumbled out of Derek’s bed, the two of them in nothing but pajama bottoms. It was obvious they’d been in bed together to even the un-wolfys in the group.
Derek didn’t look at him, but his voice was quiet. His words were loud in the silence of the room though. “You know why you don’t have a key, right?”
“I don’t need a key. The others, you gave them a key so they’d have a place to come to, a place to call home. They needed to know that they could come to you whenever they wanted to and you needed them to know it too.”
“But not with you.”
“No, I never wanted a key to open the doors on my own. I never wanted to push my way into your space and into your life like everyone else. I wanted something else.”
“You wanted to be invited in. You wanted me to let you in. It had nothing to do with the front door and everything to do with you wanting to be in my life. A pack member. A friend. A confidante. You made me open the door every time, because it was a conscious choice on my part to let you into my life.”
“It made it conscious on my part, too, that you were allowing me here. That I mattered to you, no matter who I was.” Stiles took a deep breath. He needed to say the words. Not because Derek didn’t know, but because he needed the pack to hear it. He needed his best friend to hear it.
“I’m not the kid I was last year. What happened, it changed me, and you never once looked at me like you expected to see that kid again.”
“You don’t need to be that annoying kid. You’re annoying enough without looking back.”
“Shut up,” Stiles said with a smile. “You love it.”
Derek let out a deep sigh but he turned his head to look at Stiles with a smile on his face. “Yeah, I do. You’re my mate. How could I not?”
Stiles eyes widened at that admission, even if they’d danced around it the night before. Derek had told him, a long time ago, that he’d found his mate. It wasn’t until after the nogitsune that Stiles understood. It wasn’t until Derek quieted the shattered parts of his mind that he knew he had found his way to that bond as well. It wasn’t perfect and Derek was a jackass sometimes and Stiles was still a broken mess, but they understood each other.
That’s what his father understood when he walked out the night before.
Stiles had found a mate in Derek, a partner, a lover who would stand by him no matter what. He leaned up and his fingers caressed Derek’s cheek as he leaned in to press a kiss to his lips. “My mate,” he whispered the words against Derek’s lips
“Um, oh,” Scott said across the room.
Derek laughed against his mouth and Stiles couldn’t help but return it. Scott finally got it. Derek was laughing and it made something in Stiles feel lighter as well. He leaned his head against Derek’s shoulder but turned his head to look at his friends.
Kira laughed and Isaac rolled his eyes but Lydia watched them for a second before she nodded her approval. Chris and Melissa were there as well and while Chris shook his head, Melissa looked happy for him.
“Alright, who’s cooking breakfast with me?” Melissa asked.
Stiles stayed in the kitchen at Derek’s side as they helped her with breakfast.
When they all left to train, Scott walked with him at the Preserve, a small smile on his face. “So. You and Derek.”
“Yeah. Me and Derek.”
“I just … why him?”
It was a simple question and Stiles knew there was nothing mean in his words. It was his best friend doing his best to understand how Stiles had become so close to someone they had both feared.
“It’s about the key, isn’t it?”
Stiles nodded and Scott just let out a huff of understanding. Stiles wrapped an arm around Scott’s shoulders, feeling more relaxed around his friend than he had in a while.
“He’ll always let you in.”
He saw Derek turn his head in front of them and returned the smile.
“Yeah. He’ll always let me in."