A Sacrifice of Memory (Part Three)
Title: A Sacrifice of Memory
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Relationships: Snape/Ron, Harry/Hermione/Draco
Rating: NC-17
Warnings/Content Notes: PTSD, past non-con, torture, AU from book 5 onward.
Summary: In the end, Hogwarts wasn't the place of safety they all thought it was. Dumbledore was defeated in the castle before Harry and his friends could complete their fifth year, and the rest of the wizarding world is in chaos. Those not sworn to the Dark Lord by fervent belief have taken the Dark Mark to protect those they love. England is a wizarding battleground and the entire country is a shadow of what it once was. But not all hope is lost.
The Order of the Phoenix is still fighting. Under Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, the Order strives to find a way to weaken the Dark Lord and end his reign. When the Order gets word from an agent inside the Dark Lord's ranks, they think they might get the break they've been waiting for. Instead, they find one of their own, thought dead year before. Ron Weasley was tortured and used as a Death Eater play thing and only the quick thinking of Severus Snape kept him alive. While Harry and Hermione try to heal their broken friend, they find out that Ron isn't as broken as they thought and that he just might be the break they were looking for after all.
“The problem isn’t finding a place that’s deserted,” Remus said in an unusual outburst of frustration. “It’s finding a place that isn’t so deserted it’s impossible to set up a base. The destruction is almost complete. There is no running water or power. The number of people that would be apparating in the area would draw attention in ways we’ve avoided by being in the city.”
“We’ll find it,” Harry reassured Remus. “We didn’t think it would be an easy task but we still have time.”
“At least we have enough rooms for everyone here,” Hermione said as she walked into the room. They’d all felt her apparate into the other room so they weren’t surprised when she joined in on the conversation.
Harry watched the tension in her shoulders and wondered just what the last few hours had been like for her. He wanted to walk over and sooth her but she took a seat next to Snape and Harry decided against it.
“Then they’re coming?” Ron asked.
Hermione nodded. “All of them.”
Ron stared at her for a moment before standing up. “That’s great then.” He left before anyone could say anything and Harry wanted to go after him as much as he’d wanted to go to Hermione but he knew he was unwanted there. Snape didn’t follow him either but he watched Ron go and Harry knew the need was there as well.
“I explained the situation to them,” Hermione said quietly. “They know he doesn’t remember them, but they wanted to come anyway. I said we’d send for them tomorrow morning,” she touched Snape’s hand then to get his attention. “I knew you’d want the night to prepare Ron for it.”
“Thank you Hermione, but I don’t know that a year would be enough time to prepare him for the Weasley family.”
“They have a right to be here,” Sirius snapped.
“I don’t disagree,” Snape answered. “The entire Weasley family is a lot to take for anyone, let alone a man who doesn’t remember them. They will be no better than any of you were, watching him constantly for some sign of recognition.”
Hermione nodded. “I tried to tell them that he wouldn’t remember them, but I fear you’re right.” She looked at Harry. “You know how his mum is. I thought she was going to force me to take her then and there until I explained why it would be such a bad idea.”
“What exactly did you explain to her?” Remus asked.
Harry was afraid to know. He hadn’t seen the Weasley family since right after they thought Ron had died. He’d told them how Ron had died saving them but he hadn’t been able to face them since. The others were still out there, working with the Order just as Harry was but it was Remus who talked to them now.
“Everything,” Hermione said. She looked at Snape again. “I … I didn’t know what else to do. I had to say something about the way he looks to you,” Hermione said. “He won’t stop just because they think he should and I didn’t want them to be surprised by it. It was hard enough for us to see it. I wanted them to have a chance to digest it before they witnessed it.”
“You are smarter than we are, Hermione,” Remus said with a kind smile, “and braver. I would not have wanted to face Molly with the truth of what had happened to Ron.”
“I know but it was better to have them hear it all from a friend.” She took a deep breath and sighed. “I need a bath.”
There was a laugh around the table but Harry didn’t think she was kidding. The talk turned to other things and Harry slipped out of the kitchen. A few minutes later Hermione found him in the upstairs bathroom. The bathroom of the Black house was enormous. Harry had lived in smaller spaces than the smallest of the Black washrooms. A large footed tub sat against the wall and a vanity was built into the wall across from it.
The room was warm from the water of the tub and smelled faintly of rose. Harry had found some scented oils in one of the houses they’d searched last week and he’d been waiting to surprise her with it. Tonight seemed a good time.
“Harry? What is all this?” She asked as she stepped into the bathroom.
He pulled her close and held her for a moment, breathing in the scent of her before he released her. She stayed where she was, but looked up at him in surprise.
“I thought you could use a little help relaxing. I know seeing Ron’s family must have been hard.”
She nodded but Harry stopped her before she could say more. “Relax, ‘Mione. They’ll be here in the morning and there is nothing we can do for Ron tonight. We’ll be there tomorrow to make sure his family isn’t too much, but tonight we can relax.”
She let out a deep breath and Harry took the opportunity to help her strip out of her clothes. He took his time and let his hands caress her skin as he placed soft kisses everywhere. When he was done, he held her hand as she stepped into the warm bath.
She leaned back and closed her eyes just as a knock sounded at the door. It opened without waiting and Harry wasn’t surprised to see Draco come in. He closed the door quickly before coming in to settle on the floor beside the bath.
They didn’t say anything for a long while but then Draco sat up and reached for a washcloth and began rubbing across Hermione’s shoulders. She brought her knees up and leaned into them, resting her head on her arms as she looked at Harry.
“I told them everything, Harry,” she said softly. “I think … they always knew … they could see what was happening even if Ron and I were still too young to see it.”
Harry let out a deep breath and understood why she was so tense now. He hadn’t been looking forward to that confrontation either but he refused to ask Draco to be any less a part of them with the Weasleys present than he usually was. He wasn’t ashamed of Draco and he would defend him against anyone that doubted him; even if it was the woman who had been the closest to a mother since his own had died.
“You didn’t have to,” Draco said. “I was planning to remove myself after they arrived. I don’t want to be in the way.”
“No, you don’t have to do that,” Harry said.
Draco gave Harry a small smile. “Hermione took that out of our hands, eh? I won’t ask you two to face off against the Weasleys without me here to look after you.”
“They won’t be like that, Draco,” Hermione said. She reached out and took Draco’s hand in her own. “They were shocked, but I told them everything. They know you’ve been helping Ron. They’re grateful for that.”
He looked away and Harry knew the doubt that filled Draco. It always came out at times like this, when he was faced with people who only knew the prat he’d once been.
“We’re grateful for that too, by the way,” Harry said as he slunk down and took a seat beside Draco on the floor of the bathroom. “He responds better to you than to either of us.”
Draco shrugged it off but they all knew it was true. “We have a common experience that he can remember well and I have had more time to spend with him than either of you. It also helps that Snape and I are close. Ron is sensitive to the way people perceive Severus.”
“So I’ll never get close to him then,” Harry teased with a small smile.
Draco smiled back. “Give it enough time and maybe being close to me will be enough.”
Harry leaned in then and watched as Draco’s eyes grew wider. “This close enough?”
Draco inhaled sharply before licking his lips. “Not quite.”
Harry smiled again as he closed the distance between them. The kiss was short and almost chaste but it broke the tension he’d felt falling between them as they spoke of Ron.
“They’ll be here early,” Hermione said, smiling down at him from over the edge of the bath. “We should get to bed soon if we expect to get any sleep.”
“It’s still early,” Draco reminded her.
“Perhaps I plan to keep you up a while longer,” Hermione reached for a towel at the end of the tub then and stood, wrapping it around herself.
There were scars on her back but Harry thought they made her more beautiful; a testament to the woman that she was. He knew Draco felt the same and they often played with her scars, tracing them to remind themselves that she was probably the strongest of them all.
“But if you prefer to sit down in the kitchen with Snape or Remus, feel free,” Hermione said as she walked out the door, not bothering with the wet footprints that followed in her wake.
Harry watched her go for a moment before Draco bumped his shoulder. “I always knew she would be the death of me. I just never understood how,” he said with a wicked grin.
Harry laughed as he stood, offering Draco a hand up. It had been so long since they’d all laughed together, but he was closer than he had been in years. They all were and it was Ron who had given them that.
“What a way to go,” Harry said with a grin.
Draco leaned in and brushed his lips against Harry’s before he walked to the door. “What a way to go, indeed.”
When he walked out, Harry followed. Hermione was already waiting in their bed and as the door closed, Harry let his fears for the morning go. He had tonight and he would remind his lovers just what they were fighting for.
**
The day began peacefully. Snape woke in the early morning hours with Ron pressed firmly against his chest. In sleep, Ron seemed more the boy he had once been and it never failed to make Snape smile. He still saw shades of that boy when they were alone, but Ron was still hiding himself when others were present. Surprisingly, Draco was making headway with Ron more than anyone else.
Snape pushed the hair back from Ron’s face as he began to stir. “Good morning,” Snape said as he watched Ron’s eyes open.
“Master?”
“We’re still alone Ron,” Snape gently chided.
Ron smiled at the reprimand which was a good sign for the day to come. Some mornings Ron woke in a nearly catatonic state. More often though, he was beginning to wake with a sense of himself. The humor the boy had once known was coming through again and so was some of his independence. Draco had been right when he’d decided to give Ron something to do. He was making good progress, if only the others would see it that way.
“Severus,” Ron said, yawning as he stretched. “What time is it?”
“Time to get breakfast. We have visitors coming soon and we should probably have breakfast before they arrive.”
Ron rolled out of bed immediately but it wasn’t because he was obeying orders. He looked at Snape with mild anxiety in his eyes.
“My family is coming today,” he said softly.
Snape nodded. “They care a great deal about you, Ron. They mourned your death and they are overjoyed at finding you alive again. You shouldn’t fear them.”
Ron snorted. “Easy for you to say. You’re not the one with a bloody blank for a brain. They’ll be even worse than the others.”
Snape nodded slowly. “Yes, they will. You aren’t alone though. Harry and Hermione know your family and they’ll do their best to help them understand. Draco and I will be with you as well.”
“I know, I just …” Ron sighed as he ran a hand through ragged red curls. “I thought I’d remember more by the time I started meeting the people I knew.”
“How much did you expect to know?” Snape had no idea what Ron had thought would happen. He’d taken for granted that Ron would simply rely on him to figure things out. Ron had his own ideas and thoughts about his life now and Snape silently cursed himself for forgetting that.
“Anything. Something. I don’t remember them at all.”
“Tell me what you do remember.”
Ron shivered violently but before Snape could get off the bed, Ron came to him. He lay down on the bed and rested his head against Snape’s thigh. “I remember being afraid. I was cold all the time and it was hard to breath.”
Snape ran his hand through Ron’s hair as he spoke, trying to ground Ron in the moment instead of letting him fall into the darkness of his past.
“It’s all blurry, really. Sometimes I feel like I should remember things. When Harry says something and looks at me, it’s like I almost do. When I see Draco sitting next to Hermione, I feel something and I don’t know why.” Ron stood up, pacing the room as he tried to express himself. “I know if I can feel it, then I can remember it!”
As powerless as Snape often felt about the journey they were on, he knew he needed to give Ron the space to move around while he tried to explain himself. If he crowded too close he knew Ron would close up, no matter that he felt the need to comfort Ron.
“I just … I don’t.” Ron’s shoulders slumped down and he stopped moving, eyes fixed on the floor.
“No one can expect you to do more than you already are. It will come in time. The fact that you are remembering anything at all means something.”
Ron simply nodded and it was more than Snape could bear. He got out of bed and stood behind Ron, pulling him back against his chest. “Let’s get breakfast. You’ll feel better after you eat.”
“They’ll be here after I eat,” Ron reminded him.
“They’ll be here whether you eat or not. I don’t want to face your mother and have to tell her that I haven’t been feeding you.”
Ron let out a small laugh at that. “I have a hard time imagining you worried about my mum when you’ve been a double agent against the Dark Lord for longer than I’ve been alive.”
“That my dear boy is because you don’t remember your mother yet.”
He felt the soft shift of Ron’s shoulders as he laughed softly. It wasn’t a real laugh but it was something lighter than it had been and Snape was grateful they’d managed to change the mood a bit.
“Let’s get some breakfast now.”
They went down to the kitchen where the mood was sober. In better times, Sirius and Molly had argued over Harry’s wellbeing whenever they were together and Remus spent those times trying to keep the two of them civil. He didn’t want to know what Molly would be like over the wellbeing of her youngest son.
They were all quiet around the table, Sirius keeping busy by taking breakfast duty. Remus and Harry sat together at the head of the table, talking quietly to themselves. Hermione was sitting next to Harry, eyes on her plate with a concentration he remembered seeing when she used to work out a tricky problem in potions class.
Draco came in last and he took a seat next to Ron. He smiled encouragingly at Ron who seemed to sit a little taller. Snape didn’t entirely understand the relationship that Draco was developing with Ron. It wasn’t quite friendship but it was the closest thing he could describe it as. It was good for Ron and Snape thought it was probably good for Draco too.
When food was set in front of him, Ron turned to it with all the concentration of a man suffering through his last meal. Breakfast was over quickly. No one seemed to be able to break the tension that was building.
The dishes were cleaned up before there was a loud boom in the front room, notifying them that someone was coming. Everyone looked up, half of them pulling their wands at the ready.
Snape was relieved that Ron didn’t try to hide behind him, but had instead stayed seated, even if he’d leaned in closer to Snape. It was an improvement over his initial reactions when they’d come to Grimmauld Place. Snape would take any signs of improvement as a sign that they were doing the right things.
A moment later there was the sound of people in the front hallway. Remus and Sirius were in the doorway, making sure their visitors were the expected ones. There was an initial murmuring of greetings and the scuffle of feet that meant they were coming. The others stood and Snape stayed at Ron’s side. Ron didn’t get up, but he turned to face the people coming in the room.
“Ron?”
Molly came into the room slowly, as if Ron was an animal that would spook easily. Arthur’s eyes scanned the room, taking in the other- the war had been hard on them all. That Arthur’s first priority was sussing out exits and looking for traps said much about their current times - before he finally let them settle on Ron. The rest of his siblings filed into the room behind him, with the notable exception of Percy. There was bad blood there and Percy had declined the visit, telling Hermione that he would come at another time when his parents weren’t there. It was perhaps the smartest thing the Weasley boy had ever done. His faith in the Ministry had been poorly placed and rumor said he still refused to admit his mistake, causing a rift in the Weasley family.
“Molly,” Snape used her first name to draw her attention and give Ron time to take in the appearance of his family. “It’s good to see you well,” he said calmly. He’d had no real interest in the Weasley family before, but Ron changed everything and for his sake Snape was willing to make the effort.
Arthur came forward, offering his hand to Snape and he took it, hiding his surprise at the gesture. It seemed Arthur was willing to make the effort for his son as well.
“Severus. Hermione explained to us the hand you had in getting Ron to safety. We can’t ever express our gratitude.”
Snape smiled then because no matter what else he thought about the Weasley family, they loved their children and that was obvious. Whatever they had done to raise them, however they had instilled the passion and strength in them, they had made Ron the man he was. Ron had survived because of the people they were.
“Ron, honey,” his mother came forward but Ron stood then, halting her. Snape stood with him, unsure of Ron’s motives.
“I don’t remember you,” he said softly. “I’m sorry, but I don’t. I know everyone expects to walk in and I’ll have some sort of epiphany but it never happens. Whoever you were to me, I buried it so deep I don’t think it will ever come back.”
Snape had no idea what to say. Molly’s eyes were tearing up and Arthur was staring at his son, unable to hide the pain his son’s words caused.
“Well then, now that we got that out of the way,” one of the twins came to the rescue of the group. “I’m Fred and this is George. You might not remember us, but you owe us 10 galleons.”
“And you promised to do the washing for a whole month,” George said.
“And you didn’t finish sweeping my room,” Fred continued. “Being captured by the Dark Lord is,”
“No excuse for squelching on a debt,” they said in unison.
The room was dead silent for a moment, the other Weasleys too appalled at the twin’s cavalier treatment of Ron’s captivity to speak. A moment was all it took though and Ron’s shoulders shook softly.
“Ron?”
“A gambling debt?” Ron asked, laughter in his voice. Snape had rarely heard humor from his pet and it was all the more surprising considering the context. Snape looked at the twins though and realized he’d forgotten something. Perhaps Ron didn’t remember who he was or the people around him, but his family and friends had known him and at the core, Ron was still the same person.
“Honestly, you don’t expect us to forget it, do you?” One of the twins asked.
Ron smiled at his brothers. “You’ll have to discuss my debt with Master Snape. My last employer was rather stingy with his coin.”
“Perhaps at another time,” Snape said, grateful to the two for the way they’d made Ron feel comfortable. No one else had managed it as of yet. The twins looked at Snape and audibly gulped in unison and it was familiar territory.
“How are you feeling dear?” Molly asked, moving closer to Ron. She was wringing her hands in her lap as if she needed something to do to keep from touching Ron. It was a valiant effort and Snape had a sudden fondness for a mother that would do so much for her children, even if it was painful to herself.
“Good,” Ron said softly, sitting back down at the table. “A lot better than I felt when Master escaped with me.”
Arthur’s eyes met his and there was anger buried just under the surface. Snape had been expecting it to be more obvious but no matter how it showed, Snape would have to deal with it at some point.
“Mrs. Weasley, would you like a cup of tea?” Hermione asked, coming forward with a tray of mugs for their visitors..
“Oh, thank you dear,” Molly said politely. The others took mugs, sitting around the table and when Hermione handed Snape a mug of tea she held it for a moment until he looked up at her. The girl had a wealth of strength in her and Snape gave her a small smile in gratitude. The tea was good, but Hermione’s presence was a balm to all their nerves and he hoped she understood that.
“I’m Ginny,” Ron’s sister said, smiling at him. “I was a year behind you at Hogwarts. We were all Gryffindor, of course.”
She said it as if it should mean something to him but Snape wasn’t sure it would. So much of what Ron had blocked out was centered at his time in Hogwarts. It was hard to know what his pet would remember.
“Did any of us play quidditch?” Ron asked, looking around the table.
“Beaters,” The twins said in unison.
“Chaser,” Ginny responded.
“I was a seeker,” Charlie answered.
“Really? It’s a brilliant game. I’d fancy going to see a match sometime.”
“You were a keeper as well,” Snape said quietly.
Ron looked back at him in surprise. “Really?”
“Harry was the captain of the team and the seeker. You played with Fred and George. You also played against Malfoy who was the Slytherin seeker.”
“The git,” the twins said.
Ron smiled. “The git probably ought not to hide around the corner. Do you have something to add to the conversation Draco?”
Snape looked up to see Draco walking into the room. He’d disappeared when the Weasleys arrived, along with Sirius and Remus.
“Just came looking for some tea. Though to be honest, I think Granger put a spell on Cormac to get you on the team. He was better at the Gryffindor try outs.”
The room was quiet until Ron laughed again. “Seems like something Hermione would do, though I can’t imagine her sitting around a quidditch pitch.”
“I enjoy a good game of quidditch,” Hermione defended herself. “You don’t remember, but before fourth year your father took us to see the World Quidditch Cup. It was amazing.”
“You ever try out?”
Hermione laughed as did Ginny. “Not likely. I don’t like flying.”
Ron shook his head, though he wore a small smile. “There is something wrong with you, Hermione.”
Draco hid a smile behind his mug of tea as he left the room. Snape was certain he’d just come to check on Ron and the way Ron watched him go, Snape was sure he’d noticed it too.
There was a lull in the conversation until Ron let out a deep breath. “So, are there more of us?”
Molly gave a half smile. “Your brother, Percy wasn’t able to come today. He’s a year older than you.”
“You’re all part of the Order then?”
“Yes, we are,” Arthur answered. “I worked for the Ministry of Magic before You-Know-Who came back. We went into hiding when he came into power. There are many of us, hiding, doing what we can until the time has come to strike back.”
Ron nodded. “He used to tell me you were dead. He thought my amnesia was a lie so he tried to catch me at it. I would have believed him. The things he did, I knew he was capable of it, but Master always told me you were still out there fighting against him. I didn’t remember anything, but it always felt good, thinking there was someone out there hoping I’d come home.”
“Every day,” Molly whispered through her tears.
Ron stood up suddenly, backing away from the table. “Master, I …” he nearly ran out of the room and Snape was too surprised to try to stop him. In all the time since they’d been together Ron had never walked away without permission before. It was heartening and disconcerting at the same time.
“I’ll go-”
“No,” Snape interrupted Molly before she could finish her offer. “I’m sure Draco is already checking on him.”
“Malfoy? Why would Ron-”
“Draco is the only friend Ron has right now,” Hermione set the tea pot on the table, facing off with Molly. “Besides Severus, he is the only one who understands what Ron has been through and he is the only one that doesn’t make him feel bad that he can’t remember anything. You should be thankful Draco looks after him the way he does.”
The Weasley matriarch stared at the young woman before her, eyes wide and her mouth opening and closing without sound. Snape was sure Hermione had never spoke to Molly like that before and it was about time the woman saw the steal in Hermione. It was time the Weasleys realized that there was true steal in the children they had once lovingly sent off to Hogwarts.
“What has happened to him?”
All eyes shifted to Ginny. Her back was straight and her eyes were directed at Snape. She didn’t cower as some of the others did when he looked her way, no matter how terrified she’d been in his classroom during her first years at Hogwarts.
“Hermione told you some of it, yes?”
“She did,” Molly said, turning back to him. Her shoulders were stiff and she drew up, as if facing him in a fight. “What I want to know is why he isn’t home with his family, where he belongs?”
“Ron has been through a great deal. We hoped to help him regain his strength before he was confronted with his past.”
“Who is we?” Molly asked. Arthur looked down at his wife with concern as her tone become more and more angry. Snape understood her anger and he knew she needed a place to direct it at.
“I decided,” Snape answered coolly.
“And we supported his decision,” Remus and Sirius stepped back into the room. It wasn’t until Hermione came in behind him that Snape realized she’d left the room. She looked quickly between Molly and Snape and he knew then that Hermione feared what the confrontation would bring.
She should be.
“Molly,” Remus gave her a sad smile. “At first we didn’t contact you because we wanted Ron to gain his strength back. We had hoped that given some time with people he knew that he would regain his memories. No offense meant, but Harry and Hermione were closer to him than family in those last few years and we believed they would be able to help him remember who he was.”
“It was a tough call,” Sirius stepped up behind Remus. “We did what we felt was best. Ron’s reaction here is part of what we feared. Not that you don’t love him, but the face of that much emotion is hard to bear when you don’t remember it. Even with us, he sought out Draco’s friendship. He knows the discomfort it causes us and we are trying to help him heal as painlessly as possible.”
It was an oversimplification of everything, but Snape knew that Sirius was trying to make Molly see the truth. In her anger, she wanted to lash out at someone.
“He is my son and I won’t leave without him.”
“Molly,” Arthur’s tone was consoling and Snape knew he was about to try to reason with her, but he didn’t intend to leave any doubt in the Weasley family’s mind about where his place was in all of this.
“Fine, we’ll be packed to leave by nightfall,” Snape said.
“We?” Molly asked.
“Yes, we. He will not go without me, nor would I so much as ask it of him. Ron leaving this room when he was distressed without me to comfort him was a large step towards his healing and he has lived in this house for three months now. Understand this Molly. He cannot be parted from me and I will not allow it.”
“He is my son.” Molly stood as she spoke and Snape followed her, unable to keep his seat.
“He is mine.”
“Stop this!” Harry yelled at the two of them. Snape didn’t look away from her, but Molly turned in surprise to look at Harry.
“Mrs. Weasley, you’ve been like a mother to me. Your entire family accepted me when I was nothing but a scrawny git Ron dragged home from Hogwarts. Who I was, what had happened to me, none of it matter except that I was Ron’s friend. Right now, I have to ask you to do the hardest thing I’ve ever asked of anyone. You have to understand that Severus is the most important thing in Ron’s life. I know what you heard. The first time I heard Ron address him as Master I was ready to fight tooth and nail to free him from that. You haven’t seen the rest of it though. You haven’t seen Ron slip up and call him by his first name. It’s not often, but when he first got here I’m not sure he was capable of addressing him that way at all. I’ve seen him smiling with Draco. He laughed today. Do you have any idea what a miracle that is?”
Harry looked at Snape and not for the first time they shared a moment of understanding. “You don’t,” Harry continued, “because you don’t know what happened to Ron and you don’t know what it was like when he arrived here with us.”
The family was silent again but Snape felt his own anger rising. It wasn’t directed at the Weasley family but at the entire mess. He’d never wanted to be the double agent for Dumbledore but he’d done it for love. He’d never wanted to put his neck out on the line for anyone like that again, but he had. Again, for love. He was hopelessly in love with a damaged boy who would someday become the man he was meant to be; a man who would remember all too well the things Severus Snape had done to him to save him and how much he hated him.
“What could they have done to him to make him forget everything he ever loved?” The eldest Weasley son asked.
“Nothing they did made him forget,” Snape snapped. “Do not take the single most powerful sacrifice I have ever seen and demean it by turning it into something that was done to him. Don’t you dare dishonor Ron’s strength like that!”
“Severus,”
He ignored the sound of pity in Remus’ voice and pushed ahead. “He didn’t forget you. When they tortured him for your location, when they cursed him and left him bloody on the floor, when they left him to be a plaything for the Dark Lord’s minions, he didn’t speak. When they began experimenting with spells to make him speak the truth against his will, then and only then, did he forget. When he was no longer able to protect the order and his precious family, he did the only thing he could. He forgot them.”
He sneered at the others and he could see that the true depth of what had happened to Ron -and the depth of his own feelings for the boy - was finally perceived. “They did not make him forget. If you comprehend nothing else from this, understand the strength it must have taken him to lose everything that made him who he was. His sacrifice of memory was an act of greatness.”
“Is it such a great sacrifice if you can’t remember it?”
Snape turned sharply to find Ron standing in the doorway to the kitchen. There was a look in his eyes that Snape feared, something of trust and maybe even love that made Snape want to flee. There was no place to run though and Snape knew he never would. Just as he had never been able to turn away from Harry because of his love for Lily.
He ignored the others and crossed the room to reach Ron. Ron dropped his head to Snape’s shoulder and Snape wrapped his arms around Ron, letting the feel of Ron’s heart calm his anger. When he looked down at Ron, he cupped his cheek gently.
“It is an act of bravery the likes of which I hope to never see again. So long as your memory fails, I will remember it for the both of us.”
**
“Severus,” Remus watched the two of them together and felt more than ever the need to protect. He’d lost one love to the war and another hung in the
balance, but listening to Severus speak of Ron reminded him all over again. “We’ll let you know when lunch is ready.”
This thing between Ron and his Master wasn’t theirs to judge. It wasn’t theirs to witness either and Remus didn’t want Molly or Arthur to interrupt the moment between Severus and Ron. He didn’t want Molly’s overprotective nature to cause rifts with Ron before they could understand.
Severus looked away from Ron and nodded before pulling Ron after him. No one spoke but Remus heard the soft sniffing of tears shed and of those being denied. He had no words of comfort to offer the others if Severus’ obvious love for Ron didn’t give them some measure of well-being.
The tea pot whistled behind him and Remus turned in surprise to find Draco tending it. He hadn’t noticed when Draco had come in but there were fresh mugs set about the table as well as the food Hermione had prepared for the Weasley’s visit. It was a beautiful spread of fruits and breads and cheeses that he feared no one would now appreciate.
Molly’s head was buried in Arthur’s neck, his hand idly stroking her hair as Arthur looked to his children. Fred and George sat together staring at their hands in an unusually silent moment. Next to them, Charlie sat on the bench beside Ginny who simply leaned against him. Charlie was unconsciously mimicking his father’s gesture, running a hand through Ginny’s hair as he looked to his older brother.
Bill seemed unaware of his brother’s gaze as he stood beside him at the table but even as Remus thought it, Bill moved a fraction, letting his leg brush up against Charlie. The other Weasley seemed to take comfort from it. Bill didn’t look down at Charlie, but kept his gaze on Remus. He didn’t say anything, but the look in his eyes was haunted. Bill had been captured a year earlier but they’d managed to get him free before he’d been taken to the Death Eaters.
“Mrs. Weasley, here’s a little something to help settle you before Ron comes back down. Hermione said it was your favorite and went to five different shops until she found it.”
Draco held the tea out for Molly and there was only concern in the boy’s face as he spoke to her. He was smart; inciting Molly’s innate politeness by telling her of Hermione’s trouble locating the tea. The last few years had changed them all; Draco was one of the few who had come to better days because of it. No one could call the life they led good but Draco had love and a place to belong where he could be himself. None of that had been his before. The love of Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy was a snake coiled up and ready to bite at the slightest provocation.
Molly looked up at Draco like she had never seen him before, but Ginny saved her mother from having to find her voice.
“Might I have a cuppa?” she asked softly. “I could use a little something about now.”
Draco smiled at her and handed another cup out. Harry followed behind, offering a splash of whiskey for anyone who wanted it.
A hand landed on the small of Remus’ back and as much as he wanted to lean back into Sirius, he couldn’t. He took comfort from the small amount of contact thought before he sat at the table with the others.
They sat together, the Weasley family with Remus and Sirius, Harry and Hermione. Draco moved in the background, coming to and away, seeing to their cups and plates before leaving the room with a tray. When he came back empty handed, Ginny broke the silence.
“He can’t come home, can he?”
She looked to him and Remus wanted to curse the day he’d become her professor in the same way he was filled with awe at her confidence that her former teacher could answer her questions. “Not yet,” he said softly. “Perhaps not ever, but the longer he’s with us the more faith we have that Ron will recover his strength. He will never be the young man that he was, but there are moments when we all see him returning.” Remus looked to the twins and smiled. “His sense of humor was always one of his strong points. Thank you for reminding us of that.”
The twins looked to one another then smiled in unison. “Our pleasure.”
“What can be done then, Remus?” Arthur asked.
“I’m not sure I can answer that,” Remus said softly.
“We have to trust Severus in this,” Sirius said beside him. “He and I have not always seen eye to eye on Order business.” He paused at the snort that brought up from the oldest Weasley but continued without hesitation. “Severus is the only one who knows what the boy went through and what it will take to heal him. And it is impossible to separate them even if we wished it,” he conceded.
It wasn’t a comforting thought; Remus knew they were all concerned about what Severus’ influence on Ron would be. Not that Remus believed Severus would harm him, but the dependency he saw in Ron was an unhealthy matter and he feared that it was one wound time would not heal.
On to Part Four
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Relationships: Snape/Ron, Harry/Hermione/Draco
Rating: NC-17
Warnings/Content Notes: PTSD, past non-con, torture, AU from book 5 onward.
Summary: In the end, Hogwarts wasn't the place of safety they all thought it was. Dumbledore was defeated in the castle before Harry and his friends could complete their fifth year, and the rest of the wizarding world is in chaos. Those not sworn to the Dark Lord by fervent belief have taken the Dark Mark to protect those they love. England is a wizarding battleground and the entire country is a shadow of what it once was. But not all hope is lost.
The Order of the Phoenix is still fighting. Under Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, the Order strives to find a way to weaken the Dark Lord and end his reign. When the Order gets word from an agent inside the Dark Lord's ranks, they think they might get the break they've been waiting for. Instead, they find one of their own, thought dead year before. Ron Weasley was tortured and used as a Death Eater play thing and only the quick thinking of Severus Snape kept him alive. While Harry and Hermione try to heal their broken friend, they find out that Ron isn't as broken as they thought and that he just might be the break they were looking for after all.
“The problem isn’t finding a place that’s deserted,” Remus said in an unusual outburst of frustration. “It’s finding a place that isn’t so deserted it’s impossible to set up a base. The destruction is almost complete. There is no running water or power. The number of people that would be apparating in the area would draw attention in ways we’ve avoided by being in the city.”
“We’ll find it,” Harry reassured Remus. “We didn’t think it would be an easy task but we still have time.”
“At least we have enough rooms for everyone here,” Hermione said as she walked into the room. They’d all felt her apparate into the other room so they weren’t surprised when she joined in on the conversation.
Harry watched the tension in her shoulders and wondered just what the last few hours had been like for her. He wanted to walk over and sooth her but she took a seat next to Snape and Harry decided against it.
“Then they’re coming?” Ron asked.
Hermione nodded. “All of them.”
Ron stared at her for a moment before standing up. “That’s great then.” He left before anyone could say anything and Harry wanted to go after him as much as he’d wanted to go to Hermione but he knew he was unwanted there. Snape didn’t follow him either but he watched Ron go and Harry knew the need was there as well.
“I explained the situation to them,” Hermione said quietly. “They know he doesn’t remember them, but they wanted to come anyway. I said we’d send for them tomorrow morning,” she touched Snape’s hand then to get his attention. “I knew you’d want the night to prepare Ron for it.”
“Thank you Hermione, but I don’t know that a year would be enough time to prepare him for the Weasley family.”
“They have a right to be here,” Sirius snapped.
“I don’t disagree,” Snape answered. “The entire Weasley family is a lot to take for anyone, let alone a man who doesn’t remember them. They will be no better than any of you were, watching him constantly for some sign of recognition.”
Hermione nodded. “I tried to tell them that he wouldn’t remember them, but I fear you’re right.” She looked at Harry. “You know how his mum is. I thought she was going to force me to take her then and there until I explained why it would be such a bad idea.”
“What exactly did you explain to her?” Remus asked.
Harry was afraid to know. He hadn’t seen the Weasley family since right after they thought Ron had died. He’d told them how Ron had died saving them but he hadn’t been able to face them since. The others were still out there, working with the Order just as Harry was but it was Remus who talked to them now.
“Everything,” Hermione said. She looked at Snape again. “I … I didn’t know what else to do. I had to say something about the way he looks to you,” Hermione said. “He won’t stop just because they think he should and I didn’t want them to be surprised by it. It was hard enough for us to see it. I wanted them to have a chance to digest it before they witnessed it.”
“You are smarter than we are, Hermione,” Remus said with a kind smile, “and braver. I would not have wanted to face Molly with the truth of what had happened to Ron.”
“I know but it was better to have them hear it all from a friend.” She took a deep breath and sighed. “I need a bath.”
There was a laugh around the table but Harry didn’t think she was kidding. The talk turned to other things and Harry slipped out of the kitchen. A few minutes later Hermione found him in the upstairs bathroom. The bathroom of the Black house was enormous. Harry had lived in smaller spaces than the smallest of the Black washrooms. A large footed tub sat against the wall and a vanity was built into the wall across from it.
The room was warm from the water of the tub and smelled faintly of rose. Harry had found some scented oils in one of the houses they’d searched last week and he’d been waiting to surprise her with it. Tonight seemed a good time.
“Harry? What is all this?” She asked as she stepped into the bathroom.
He pulled her close and held her for a moment, breathing in the scent of her before he released her. She stayed where she was, but looked up at him in surprise.
“I thought you could use a little help relaxing. I know seeing Ron’s family must have been hard.”
She nodded but Harry stopped her before she could say more. “Relax, ‘Mione. They’ll be here in the morning and there is nothing we can do for Ron tonight. We’ll be there tomorrow to make sure his family isn’t too much, but tonight we can relax.”
She let out a deep breath and Harry took the opportunity to help her strip out of her clothes. He took his time and let his hands caress her skin as he placed soft kisses everywhere. When he was done, he held her hand as she stepped into the warm bath.
She leaned back and closed her eyes just as a knock sounded at the door. It opened without waiting and Harry wasn’t surprised to see Draco come in. He closed the door quickly before coming in to settle on the floor beside the bath.
They didn’t say anything for a long while but then Draco sat up and reached for a washcloth and began rubbing across Hermione’s shoulders. She brought her knees up and leaned into them, resting her head on her arms as she looked at Harry.
“I told them everything, Harry,” she said softly. “I think … they always knew … they could see what was happening even if Ron and I were still too young to see it.”
Harry let out a deep breath and understood why she was so tense now. He hadn’t been looking forward to that confrontation either but he refused to ask Draco to be any less a part of them with the Weasleys present than he usually was. He wasn’t ashamed of Draco and he would defend him against anyone that doubted him; even if it was the woman who had been the closest to a mother since his own had died.
“You didn’t have to,” Draco said. “I was planning to remove myself after they arrived. I don’t want to be in the way.”
“No, you don’t have to do that,” Harry said.
Draco gave Harry a small smile. “Hermione took that out of our hands, eh? I won’t ask you two to face off against the Weasleys without me here to look after you.”
“They won’t be like that, Draco,” Hermione said. She reached out and took Draco’s hand in her own. “They were shocked, but I told them everything. They know you’ve been helping Ron. They’re grateful for that.”
He looked away and Harry knew the doubt that filled Draco. It always came out at times like this, when he was faced with people who only knew the prat he’d once been.
“We’re grateful for that too, by the way,” Harry said as he slunk down and took a seat beside Draco on the floor of the bathroom. “He responds better to you than to either of us.”
Draco shrugged it off but they all knew it was true. “We have a common experience that he can remember well and I have had more time to spend with him than either of you. It also helps that Snape and I are close. Ron is sensitive to the way people perceive Severus.”
“So I’ll never get close to him then,” Harry teased with a small smile.
Draco smiled back. “Give it enough time and maybe being close to me will be enough.”
Harry leaned in then and watched as Draco’s eyes grew wider. “This close enough?”
Draco inhaled sharply before licking his lips. “Not quite.”
Harry smiled again as he closed the distance between them. The kiss was short and almost chaste but it broke the tension he’d felt falling between them as they spoke of Ron.
“They’ll be here early,” Hermione said, smiling down at him from over the edge of the bath. “We should get to bed soon if we expect to get any sleep.”
“It’s still early,” Draco reminded her.
“Perhaps I plan to keep you up a while longer,” Hermione reached for a towel at the end of the tub then and stood, wrapping it around herself.
There were scars on her back but Harry thought they made her more beautiful; a testament to the woman that she was. He knew Draco felt the same and they often played with her scars, tracing them to remind themselves that she was probably the strongest of them all.
“But if you prefer to sit down in the kitchen with Snape or Remus, feel free,” Hermione said as she walked out the door, not bothering with the wet footprints that followed in her wake.
Harry watched her go for a moment before Draco bumped his shoulder. “I always knew she would be the death of me. I just never understood how,” he said with a wicked grin.
Harry laughed as he stood, offering Draco a hand up. It had been so long since they’d all laughed together, but he was closer than he had been in years. They all were and it was Ron who had given them that.
“What a way to go,” Harry said with a grin.
Draco leaned in and brushed his lips against Harry’s before he walked to the door. “What a way to go, indeed.”
When he walked out, Harry followed. Hermione was already waiting in their bed and as the door closed, Harry let his fears for the morning go. He had tonight and he would remind his lovers just what they were fighting for.
**
The day began peacefully. Snape woke in the early morning hours with Ron pressed firmly against his chest. In sleep, Ron seemed more the boy he had once been and it never failed to make Snape smile. He still saw shades of that boy when they were alone, but Ron was still hiding himself when others were present. Surprisingly, Draco was making headway with Ron more than anyone else.
Snape pushed the hair back from Ron’s face as he began to stir. “Good morning,” Snape said as he watched Ron’s eyes open.
“Master?”
“We’re still alone Ron,” Snape gently chided.
Ron smiled at the reprimand which was a good sign for the day to come. Some mornings Ron woke in a nearly catatonic state. More often though, he was beginning to wake with a sense of himself. The humor the boy had once known was coming through again and so was some of his independence. Draco had been right when he’d decided to give Ron something to do. He was making good progress, if only the others would see it that way.
“Severus,” Ron said, yawning as he stretched. “What time is it?”
“Time to get breakfast. We have visitors coming soon and we should probably have breakfast before they arrive.”
Ron rolled out of bed immediately but it wasn’t because he was obeying orders. He looked at Snape with mild anxiety in his eyes.
“My family is coming today,” he said softly.
Snape nodded. “They care a great deal about you, Ron. They mourned your death and they are overjoyed at finding you alive again. You shouldn’t fear them.”
Ron snorted. “Easy for you to say. You’re not the one with a bloody blank for a brain. They’ll be even worse than the others.”
Snape nodded slowly. “Yes, they will. You aren’t alone though. Harry and Hermione know your family and they’ll do their best to help them understand. Draco and I will be with you as well.”
“I know, I just …” Ron sighed as he ran a hand through ragged red curls. “I thought I’d remember more by the time I started meeting the people I knew.”
“How much did you expect to know?” Snape had no idea what Ron had thought would happen. He’d taken for granted that Ron would simply rely on him to figure things out. Ron had his own ideas and thoughts about his life now and Snape silently cursed himself for forgetting that.
“Anything. Something. I don’t remember them at all.”
“Tell me what you do remember.”
Ron shivered violently but before Snape could get off the bed, Ron came to him. He lay down on the bed and rested his head against Snape’s thigh. “I remember being afraid. I was cold all the time and it was hard to breath.”
Snape ran his hand through Ron’s hair as he spoke, trying to ground Ron in the moment instead of letting him fall into the darkness of his past.
“It’s all blurry, really. Sometimes I feel like I should remember things. When Harry says something and looks at me, it’s like I almost do. When I see Draco sitting next to Hermione, I feel something and I don’t know why.” Ron stood up, pacing the room as he tried to express himself. “I know if I can feel it, then I can remember it!”
As powerless as Snape often felt about the journey they were on, he knew he needed to give Ron the space to move around while he tried to explain himself. If he crowded too close he knew Ron would close up, no matter that he felt the need to comfort Ron.
“I just … I don’t.” Ron’s shoulders slumped down and he stopped moving, eyes fixed on the floor.
“No one can expect you to do more than you already are. It will come in time. The fact that you are remembering anything at all means something.”
Ron simply nodded and it was more than Snape could bear. He got out of bed and stood behind Ron, pulling him back against his chest. “Let’s get breakfast. You’ll feel better after you eat.”
“They’ll be here after I eat,” Ron reminded him.
“They’ll be here whether you eat or not. I don’t want to face your mother and have to tell her that I haven’t been feeding you.”
Ron let out a small laugh at that. “I have a hard time imagining you worried about my mum when you’ve been a double agent against the Dark Lord for longer than I’ve been alive.”
“That my dear boy is because you don’t remember your mother yet.”
He felt the soft shift of Ron’s shoulders as he laughed softly. It wasn’t a real laugh but it was something lighter than it had been and Snape was grateful they’d managed to change the mood a bit.
“Let’s get some breakfast now.”
They went down to the kitchen where the mood was sober. In better times, Sirius and Molly had argued over Harry’s wellbeing whenever they were together and Remus spent those times trying to keep the two of them civil. He didn’t want to know what Molly would be like over the wellbeing of her youngest son.
They were all quiet around the table, Sirius keeping busy by taking breakfast duty. Remus and Harry sat together at the head of the table, talking quietly to themselves. Hermione was sitting next to Harry, eyes on her plate with a concentration he remembered seeing when she used to work out a tricky problem in potions class.
Draco came in last and he took a seat next to Ron. He smiled encouragingly at Ron who seemed to sit a little taller. Snape didn’t entirely understand the relationship that Draco was developing with Ron. It wasn’t quite friendship but it was the closest thing he could describe it as. It was good for Ron and Snape thought it was probably good for Draco too.
When food was set in front of him, Ron turned to it with all the concentration of a man suffering through his last meal. Breakfast was over quickly. No one seemed to be able to break the tension that was building.
The dishes were cleaned up before there was a loud boom in the front room, notifying them that someone was coming. Everyone looked up, half of them pulling their wands at the ready.
Snape was relieved that Ron didn’t try to hide behind him, but had instead stayed seated, even if he’d leaned in closer to Snape. It was an improvement over his initial reactions when they’d come to Grimmauld Place. Snape would take any signs of improvement as a sign that they were doing the right things.
A moment later there was the sound of people in the front hallway. Remus and Sirius were in the doorway, making sure their visitors were the expected ones. There was an initial murmuring of greetings and the scuffle of feet that meant they were coming. The others stood and Snape stayed at Ron’s side. Ron didn’t get up, but he turned to face the people coming in the room.
“Ron?”
Molly came into the room slowly, as if Ron was an animal that would spook easily. Arthur’s eyes scanned the room, taking in the other- the war had been hard on them all. That Arthur’s first priority was sussing out exits and looking for traps said much about their current times - before he finally let them settle on Ron. The rest of his siblings filed into the room behind him, with the notable exception of Percy. There was bad blood there and Percy had declined the visit, telling Hermione that he would come at another time when his parents weren’t there. It was perhaps the smartest thing the Weasley boy had ever done. His faith in the Ministry had been poorly placed and rumor said he still refused to admit his mistake, causing a rift in the Weasley family.
“Molly,” Snape used her first name to draw her attention and give Ron time to take in the appearance of his family. “It’s good to see you well,” he said calmly. He’d had no real interest in the Weasley family before, but Ron changed everything and for his sake Snape was willing to make the effort.
Arthur came forward, offering his hand to Snape and he took it, hiding his surprise at the gesture. It seemed Arthur was willing to make the effort for his son as well.
“Severus. Hermione explained to us the hand you had in getting Ron to safety. We can’t ever express our gratitude.”
Snape smiled then because no matter what else he thought about the Weasley family, they loved their children and that was obvious. Whatever they had done to raise them, however they had instilled the passion and strength in them, they had made Ron the man he was. Ron had survived because of the people they were.
“Ron, honey,” his mother came forward but Ron stood then, halting her. Snape stood with him, unsure of Ron’s motives.
“I don’t remember you,” he said softly. “I’m sorry, but I don’t. I know everyone expects to walk in and I’ll have some sort of epiphany but it never happens. Whoever you were to me, I buried it so deep I don’t think it will ever come back.”
Snape had no idea what to say. Molly’s eyes were tearing up and Arthur was staring at his son, unable to hide the pain his son’s words caused.
“Well then, now that we got that out of the way,” one of the twins came to the rescue of the group. “I’m Fred and this is George. You might not remember us, but you owe us 10 galleons.”
“And you promised to do the washing for a whole month,” George said.
“And you didn’t finish sweeping my room,” Fred continued. “Being captured by the Dark Lord is,”
“No excuse for squelching on a debt,” they said in unison.
The room was dead silent for a moment, the other Weasleys too appalled at the twin’s cavalier treatment of Ron’s captivity to speak. A moment was all it took though and Ron’s shoulders shook softly.
“Ron?”
“A gambling debt?” Ron asked, laughter in his voice. Snape had rarely heard humor from his pet and it was all the more surprising considering the context. Snape looked at the twins though and realized he’d forgotten something. Perhaps Ron didn’t remember who he was or the people around him, but his family and friends had known him and at the core, Ron was still the same person.
“Honestly, you don’t expect us to forget it, do you?” One of the twins asked.
Ron smiled at his brothers. “You’ll have to discuss my debt with Master Snape. My last employer was rather stingy with his coin.”
“Perhaps at another time,” Snape said, grateful to the two for the way they’d made Ron feel comfortable. No one else had managed it as of yet. The twins looked at Snape and audibly gulped in unison and it was familiar territory.
“How are you feeling dear?” Molly asked, moving closer to Ron. She was wringing her hands in her lap as if she needed something to do to keep from touching Ron. It was a valiant effort and Snape had a sudden fondness for a mother that would do so much for her children, even if it was painful to herself.
“Good,” Ron said softly, sitting back down at the table. “A lot better than I felt when Master escaped with me.”
Arthur’s eyes met his and there was anger buried just under the surface. Snape had been expecting it to be more obvious but no matter how it showed, Snape would have to deal with it at some point.
“Mrs. Weasley, would you like a cup of tea?” Hermione asked, coming forward with a tray of mugs for their visitors..
“Oh, thank you dear,” Molly said politely. The others took mugs, sitting around the table and when Hermione handed Snape a mug of tea she held it for a moment until he looked up at her. The girl had a wealth of strength in her and Snape gave her a small smile in gratitude. The tea was good, but Hermione’s presence was a balm to all their nerves and he hoped she understood that.
“I’m Ginny,” Ron’s sister said, smiling at him. “I was a year behind you at Hogwarts. We were all Gryffindor, of course.”
She said it as if it should mean something to him but Snape wasn’t sure it would. So much of what Ron had blocked out was centered at his time in Hogwarts. It was hard to know what his pet would remember.
“Did any of us play quidditch?” Ron asked, looking around the table.
“Beaters,” The twins said in unison.
“Chaser,” Ginny responded.
“I was a seeker,” Charlie answered.
“Really? It’s a brilliant game. I’d fancy going to see a match sometime.”
“You were a keeper as well,” Snape said quietly.
Ron looked back at him in surprise. “Really?”
“Harry was the captain of the team and the seeker. You played with Fred and George. You also played against Malfoy who was the Slytherin seeker.”
“The git,” the twins said.
Ron smiled. “The git probably ought not to hide around the corner. Do you have something to add to the conversation Draco?”
Snape looked up to see Draco walking into the room. He’d disappeared when the Weasleys arrived, along with Sirius and Remus.
“Just came looking for some tea. Though to be honest, I think Granger put a spell on Cormac to get you on the team. He was better at the Gryffindor try outs.”
The room was quiet until Ron laughed again. “Seems like something Hermione would do, though I can’t imagine her sitting around a quidditch pitch.”
“I enjoy a good game of quidditch,” Hermione defended herself. “You don’t remember, but before fourth year your father took us to see the World Quidditch Cup. It was amazing.”
“You ever try out?”
Hermione laughed as did Ginny. “Not likely. I don’t like flying.”
Ron shook his head, though he wore a small smile. “There is something wrong with you, Hermione.”
Draco hid a smile behind his mug of tea as he left the room. Snape was certain he’d just come to check on Ron and the way Ron watched him go, Snape was sure he’d noticed it too.
There was a lull in the conversation until Ron let out a deep breath. “So, are there more of us?”
Molly gave a half smile. “Your brother, Percy wasn’t able to come today. He’s a year older than you.”
“You’re all part of the Order then?”
“Yes, we are,” Arthur answered. “I worked for the Ministry of Magic before You-Know-Who came back. We went into hiding when he came into power. There are many of us, hiding, doing what we can until the time has come to strike back.”
Ron nodded. “He used to tell me you were dead. He thought my amnesia was a lie so he tried to catch me at it. I would have believed him. The things he did, I knew he was capable of it, but Master always told me you were still out there fighting against him. I didn’t remember anything, but it always felt good, thinking there was someone out there hoping I’d come home.”
“Every day,” Molly whispered through her tears.
Ron stood up suddenly, backing away from the table. “Master, I …” he nearly ran out of the room and Snape was too surprised to try to stop him. In all the time since they’d been together Ron had never walked away without permission before. It was heartening and disconcerting at the same time.
“I’ll go-”
“No,” Snape interrupted Molly before she could finish her offer. “I’m sure Draco is already checking on him.”
“Malfoy? Why would Ron-”
“Draco is the only friend Ron has right now,” Hermione set the tea pot on the table, facing off with Molly. “Besides Severus, he is the only one who understands what Ron has been through and he is the only one that doesn’t make him feel bad that he can’t remember anything. You should be thankful Draco looks after him the way he does.”
The Weasley matriarch stared at the young woman before her, eyes wide and her mouth opening and closing without sound. Snape was sure Hermione had never spoke to Molly like that before and it was about time the woman saw the steal in Hermione. It was time the Weasleys realized that there was true steal in the children they had once lovingly sent off to Hogwarts.
“What has happened to him?”
All eyes shifted to Ginny. Her back was straight and her eyes were directed at Snape. She didn’t cower as some of the others did when he looked her way, no matter how terrified she’d been in his classroom during her first years at Hogwarts.
“Hermione told you some of it, yes?”
“She did,” Molly said, turning back to him. Her shoulders were stiff and she drew up, as if facing him in a fight. “What I want to know is why he isn’t home with his family, where he belongs?”
“Ron has been through a great deal. We hoped to help him regain his strength before he was confronted with his past.”
“Who is we?” Molly asked. Arthur looked down at his wife with concern as her tone become more and more angry. Snape understood her anger and he knew she needed a place to direct it at.
“I decided,” Snape answered coolly.
“And we supported his decision,” Remus and Sirius stepped back into the room. It wasn’t until Hermione came in behind him that Snape realized she’d left the room. She looked quickly between Molly and Snape and he knew then that Hermione feared what the confrontation would bring.
She should be.
“Molly,” Remus gave her a sad smile. “At first we didn’t contact you because we wanted Ron to gain his strength back. We had hoped that given some time with people he knew that he would regain his memories. No offense meant, but Harry and Hermione were closer to him than family in those last few years and we believed they would be able to help him remember who he was.”
“It was a tough call,” Sirius stepped up behind Remus. “We did what we felt was best. Ron’s reaction here is part of what we feared. Not that you don’t love him, but the face of that much emotion is hard to bear when you don’t remember it. Even with us, he sought out Draco’s friendship. He knows the discomfort it causes us and we are trying to help him heal as painlessly as possible.”
It was an oversimplification of everything, but Snape knew that Sirius was trying to make Molly see the truth. In her anger, she wanted to lash out at someone.
“He is my son and I won’t leave without him.”
“Molly,” Arthur’s tone was consoling and Snape knew he was about to try to reason with her, but he didn’t intend to leave any doubt in the Weasley family’s mind about where his place was in all of this.
“Fine, we’ll be packed to leave by nightfall,” Snape said.
“We?” Molly asked.
“Yes, we. He will not go without me, nor would I so much as ask it of him. Ron leaving this room when he was distressed without me to comfort him was a large step towards his healing and he has lived in this house for three months now. Understand this Molly. He cannot be parted from me and I will not allow it.”
“He is my son.” Molly stood as she spoke and Snape followed her, unable to keep his seat.
“He is mine.”
“Stop this!” Harry yelled at the two of them. Snape didn’t look away from her, but Molly turned in surprise to look at Harry.
“Mrs. Weasley, you’ve been like a mother to me. Your entire family accepted me when I was nothing but a scrawny git Ron dragged home from Hogwarts. Who I was, what had happened to me, none of it matter except that I was Ron’s friend. Right now, I have to ask you to do the hardest thing I’ve ever asked of anyone. You have to understand that Severus is the most important thing in Ron’s life. I know what you heard. The first time I heard Ron address him as Master I was ready to fight tooth and nail to free him from that. You haven’t seen the rest of it though. You haven’t seen Ron slip up and call him by his first name. It’s not often, but when he first got here I’m not sure he was capable of addressing him that way at all. I’ve seen him smiling with Draco. He laughed today. Do you have any idea what a miracle that is?”
Harry looked at Snape and not for the first time they shared a moment of understanding. “You don’t,” Harry continued, “because you don’t know what happened to Ron and you don’t know what it was like when he arrived here with us.”
The family was silent again but Snape felt his own anger rising. It wasn’t directed at the Weasley family but at the entire mess. He’d never wanted to be the double agent for Dumbledore but he’d done it for love. He’d never wanted to put his neck out on the line for anyone like that again, but he had. Again, for love. He was hopelessly in love with a damaged boy who would someday become the man he was meant to be; a man who would remember all too well the things Severus Snape had done to him to save him and how much he hated him.
“What could they have done to him to make him forget everything he ever loved?” The eldest Weasley son asked.
“Nothing they did made him forget,” Snape snapped. “Do not take the single most powerful sacrifice I have ever seen and demean it by turning it into something that was done to him. Don’t you dare dishonor Ron’s strength like that!”
“Severus,”
He ignored the sound of pity in Remus’ voice and pushed ahead. “He didn’t forget you. When they tortured him for your location, when they cursed him and left him bloody on the floor, when they left him to be a plaything for the Dark Lord’s minions, he didn’t speak. When they began experimenting with spells to make him speak the truth against his will, then and only then, did he forget. When he was no longer able to protect the order and his precious family, he did the only thing he could. He forgot them.”
He sneered at the others and he could see that the true depth of what had happened to Ron -and the depth of his own feelings for the boy - was finally perceived. “They did not make him forget. If you comprehend nothing else from this, understand the strength it must have taken him to lose everything that made him who he was. His sacrifice of memory was an act of greatness.”
“Is it such a great sacrifice if you can’t remember it?”
Snape turned sharply to find Ron standing in the doorway to the kitchen. There was a look in his eyes that Snape feared, something of trust and maybe even love that made Snape want to flee. There was no place to run though and Snape knew he never would. Just as he had never been able to turn away from Harry because of his love for Lily.
He ignored the others and crossed the room to reach Ron. Ron dropped his head to Snape’s shoulder and Snape wrapped his arms around Ron, letting the feel of Ron’s heart calm his anger. When he looked down at Ron, he cupped his cheek gently.
“It is an act of bravery the likes of which I hope to never see again. So long as your memory fails, I will remember it for the both of us.”
**
“Severus,” Remus watched the two of them together and felt more than ever the need to protect. He’d lost one love to the war and another hung in the
balance, but listening to Severus speak of Ron reminded him all over again. “We’ll let you know when lunch is ready.”
This thing between Ron and his Master wasn’t theirs to judge. It wasn’t theirs to witness either and Remus didn’t want Molly or Arthur to interrupt the moment between Severus and Ron. He didn’t want Molly’s overprotective nature to cause rifts with Ron before they could understand.
Severus looked away from Ron and nodded before pulling Ron after him. No one spoke but Remus heard the soft sniffing of tears shed and of those being denied. He had no words of comfort to offer the others if Severus’ obvious love for Ron didn’t give them some measure of well-being.
The tea pot whistled behind him and Remus turned in surprise to find Draco tending it. He hadn’t noticed when Draco had come in but there were fresh mugs set about the table as well as the food Hermione had prepared for the Weasley’s visit. It was a beautiful spread of fruits and breads and cheeses that he feared no one would now appreciate.
Molly’s head was buried in Arthur’s neck, his hand idly stroking her hair as Arthur looked to his children. Fred and George sat together staring at their hands in an unusually silent moment. Next to them, Charlie sat on the bench beside Ginny who simply leaned against him. Charlie was unconsciously mimicking his father’s gesture, running a hand through Ginny’s hair as he looked to his older brother.
Bill seemed unaware of his brother’s gaze as he stood beside him at the table but even as Remus thought it, Bill moved a fraction, letting his leg brush up against Charlie. The other Weasley seemed to take comfort from it. Bill didn’t look down at Charlie, but kept his gaze on Remus. He didn’t say anything, but the look in his eyes was haunted. Bill had been captured a year earlier but they’d managed to get him free before he’d been taken to the Death Eaters.
“Mrs. Weasley, here’s a little something to help settle you before Ron comes back down. Hermione said it was your favorite and went to five different shops until she found it.”
Draco held the tea out for Molly and there was only concern in the boy’s face as he spoke to her. He was smart; inciting Molly’s innate politeness by telling her of Hermione’s trouble locating the tea. The last few years had changed them all; Draco was one of the few who had come to better days because of it. No one could call the life they led good but Draco had love and a place to belong where he could be himself. None of that had been his before. The love of Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy was a snake coiled up and ready to bite at the slightest provocation.
Molly looked up at Draco like she had never seen him before, but Ginny saved her mother from having to find her voice.
“Might I have a cuppa?” she asked softly. “I could use a little something about now.”
Draco smiled at her and handed another cup out. Harry followed behind, offering a splash of whiskey for anyone who wanted it.
A hand landed on the small of Remus’ back and as much as he wanted to lean back into Sirius, he couldn’t. He took comfort from the small amount of contact thought before he sat at the table with the others.
They sat together, the Weasley family with Remus and Sirius, Harry and Hermione. Draco moved in the background, coming to and away, seeing to their cups and plates before leaving the room with a tray. When he came back empty handed, Ginny broke the silence.
“He can’t come home, can he?”
She looked to him and Remus wanted to curse the day he’d become her professor in the same way he was filled with awe at her confidence that her former teacher could answer her questions. “Not yet,” he said softly. “Perhaps not ever, but the longer he’s with us the more faith we have that Ron will recover his strength. He will never be the young man that he was, but there are moments when we all see him returning.” Remus looked to the twins and smiled. “His sense of humor was always one of his strong points. Thank you for reminding us of that.”
The twins looked to one another then smiled in unison. “Our pleasure.”
“What can be done then, Remus?” Arthur asked.
“I’m not sure I can answer that,” Remus said softly.
“We have to trust Severus in this,” Sirius said beside him. “He and I have not always seen eye to eye on Order business.” He paused at the snort that brought up from the oldest Weasley but continued without hesitation. “Severus is the only one who knows what the boy went through and what it will take to heal him. And it is impossible to separate them even if we wished it,” he conceded.
It wasn’t a comforting thought; Remus knew they were all concerned about what Severus’ influence on Ron would be. Not that Remus believed Severus would harm him, but the dependency he saw in Ron was an unhealthy matter and he feared that it was one wound time would not heal.
On to Part Four