The Fallen (Part Six)
It took less than a week for Dalen’s family to realize he was changed from the child he had once been. His mother took him out immediately and bought him proper clothes but they felt stuffy and immovable after years of wearing the Karrem’s garb. He took all the toys he’d had as a child and placed them all on a shelf in his room, took the frivolous items and gave them away or threw them out. When he was done the room looked sparser and he felt he could relax better. He pushed the bed to one side and found a rug to place there, allowing him room to kneel in meditation if he should need it.
In another week he would be going off to training, leaving his family behind again and he was actually looking forward to it. He felt too big in his skin there with their continued attempts to make him into the child he could never remember being.
As the sun began to creep into the sky, he made his way down the family yard and to the small garden his mother kept. He felt a presence with him and ignored it, knowing there were no words that needed to be said. For the first time Coltran could see a glimpse of the world Dalen had come from and he had no way of understanding it. Instead he stopped at the end of the small stone path and bowed his head. He took a deep breath, wondering why he was letting his parent’s concerns stop him from what he felt was right. They didn’t understand the idea of giving thanks like this, or celebrating the life he lived the way the Karrem did and maybe he was underestimating them by not trying to explain it. He wasn’t sure, but he let himself fall to his knees then, resting his weight on his heels before he bowed deeply in the garden, sending his gratitude into the world.
It felt good to remind himself of what he had in his life, especially when the week had seen so much change. It let him focus on the things he’d once had and what he still had. He could hold his sister in his arms again, kiss his mother’s cheek, shake his father and brother’s hands. And as always, there was Coltran, even if he was vision from the other side of the Veil.
Coltran moved beside him, the ghost of his presence taking up position to offer his own thanks. Dalen ignored him as he had learned to on the other side, keeping his meditation to himself, but as he was done he looked over and could see Coltran, and behind him the vague impression of the hillside on which he stood, the land beyond him dim in the filmy window the Veil gave them. When Coltran looked up there was a sad smile on his face. “I wondered if you would continue with our ways or if you would leave them behind.”
Dalen looked down at his hands. “I don’t think I could leave them anymore than you could. It’s not the same here though.”
Coltran looked around him and Dalen knew he was looking at the vague images of a world he would never walk in. “No, it isn’t.”
“Dalen?”
Dalen stood up, turning to face his brother. “Yes Derek?”
“Who are you talking to?”
Dalen took a deep breath. “Coltran. We were discussing the difference in his garden and this one.” Coltran snickered beside him but Dalen ignored it. Derek couldn’t see or hear him anyway.
“What were you doing, sitting like that?”
“Are you going to interrogate me for everything I do Derek?”
“We don’t … do things like that.”
Dalen’s eyes widened and he felt his anger rising at Derek, his self-appointed reminder of how different he was. “I do.”
“You aren’t among the veil-men anymore. Maybe it would be better if you acted less like them.”
Dalen laughed, surprising his brother. Coltran was oddly silent. “You’re right. We aren’t among the Karrem. But remember Derek, I don’t belong there anymore than I belong here. You’ve spent years mourning the fact that I’m one of the Fallen. You don’t get to forget it now that I’m back. You don’t get to try to force me to live a life I don’t want. The Veil has already asked too much of me. I won’t allow anyone else to.”
“Dalen,” Coltran took a step closer but it would never be close enough with the Veil separating them.
“No Coltran. It was not my choice to come back here,” he said, looking up to see his brother’s shocked expression. “I would have stayed with the Karrem had Coltran not had the courage to send me the last step through. I would have died rather than cross the Veil again so don’t tell me what I should or should not do brother. You don’t know what this life has cost me.”
Dalen pushed past him and stopped, finding his parents at the back door as well. He felt an echo of frustration through the bond and knew that Coltran was as disturbed by it all as he was. He took a deep breath and shook his head. “I need to speak to the elders to see when they want me to go to training.”
“Dalen, are you sure it’s a good idea? Maybe you need more time to … adapt.”
He smiled sadly at his mother. “What will I adapt to? I’m Fallen.” The words had stopped meaning anything on the other side, the people he’d come to know had accepted him for who he was. On this side though it had meaning again. “They said another week, but I don’t see the reason to postpone it.”
“Dalen,” Coltran’s voice was almost a whisper in his ear and he looked over his shoulder to see his bond mate there. “You have to give them time. They lost you so abruptly. They’ve been mourning you ever since.”
Dalen scoffed. “They started mourning when we bonded Coltran. My leaving didn’t start it.” He looked up at his parents and saw the way they reacted to him talking across the Veil. “I am Fallen. I don’t belong in this world anymore but I’m here. My duty is to fight the horde and I will see it done.”
“You don’t have to run off to battle so soon,” his father said softly. “No one would think less of you if you weren’t ready to learn about the horrors just yet.”
He laughed softly because he knew they’d been told about his training on the other side. They couldn’t accept it, any more than they would be able to accept him. “I don’t need to learn about the horrors, Father. I spent the last year fighting them, being a scout for the Karrem and learning their movements. I’ll go train so that I can learn to use the bond with Coltran across the Veil, but I have spent the last three years training and fighting as the veil-men do. I’ll make the arrangements. You have been gracious, but I have a purpose here and I have to see it through,” he said as he bowed his head lightly out of respect.
When he moved to walk past them, his parents moved out of the way, allowing him the space he needed.
**
The elders tried to talk him into staying for another two weeks but in the end it was Coltran’s words that convinced him. His bond mate reminded him that the Karrem had been given a lot of time to adjust to who he was but he was expecting his family to understand the person he’d become instantly. They were trying, he knew they were, but their expectations of the boy that would cross the Veil were far different from the man that had come back to them. Dalen was a much different person, one that fit in far better with a culture they would never know. He tried to bite his tongue then, to take a deep breath before he could lash out at his family. Coltran kept quiet through most of the encounters though and that caused as many problems as it solved when Dalen realized what he was doing. He had no intention of shutting his bond mate out of his life just because the others couldn’t see or hear him. If they wanted to understand him then they needed to understand the life he lived, and that included his time with the Karrem and his bond.
When it was time to leave, he thought his parents were just as relieved as he was. They loved him, but they were still looking for the little boy in him and he was growing resentful of the constant comparison to the life he would have lived had he not become one of the Fallen.
The day was dreary and gray, a fitting day for travel Coltran had teased across the Veil. He’d laughed at the comment while trying to shift his bags on his back. He was doing better than the four other young men who were standing around the Binding House with their families waiting to go. None of them looked like they’d ever been far from home. The Binding House was probably the farthest they’d ever gone and he couldn’t imagine what it was like for them, newly bonded and having them constantly at their side while being thrust into a war at the same time.
“We were lucky,” he said softly for Coltran’s ears.
Coltran looked up at him and even if he couldn’t see them, he knew that Coltran was looking towards the other Karrem. “We’re probably the only ones that think so.”
It made Dalen smile, knowing that Coltran saw their bonding as a blessing rather than the curse that so many people seemed to believe the Fallen was.
A man came out of the Binding House and though he wasn’t an old man he was obviously a veteran of the war. The others watched him warily but Dalen was curious about the man and his bond mate. He couldn’t see the other man’s bond mate any more than the others could, but the idea that someone else was there caught Dalen’s fancy. It was the first time he’d ever met others with a bond mate and the man before him was confident and outgoing, unlike the boys who had just bonded.
Dalen said good bye to his family then, kissing his mother and sister and hugging his father and brother. The good bye was brief, but he wasn’t sure what to say to them. He was as glad to be leaving this time as he would have been had he been conscious last time. As much as he loved his family, he was part of a different world now. He would be back to visit from time to time, but it would never again be home. In place of his family, that word belonged to a simple house on a ridge overlooking a valley, where Chantree would someday welcome him back.
He took a few steps back and looked his family over one more time before bowing low at the waist. “Thank you for your care of me.” He could feel other eyes on him and knew that people were staring at yet another of his oddities but he didn’t let it distract him from the respect he felt his family deserved. “I will do my best to honor you and to make you proud.”
He turned away then to find the warrior that was to lead them to the training camp watching him. He didn’t say anything but he could feel the regard that was directed at him. Coltran radiated warmth through the bond and he realized that his bond mate was just as excited to get to training as he was. As much as he thought of Coltran as the much older and wiser of them, he was only twenty and he was eager to learn to use their bond and return to the fighting.
“My name is Raken. I’ll be in charge of your training,” the warrior said in a voice that was quiet yet strong. It reminded Dalen of the Karrem and he wondered just how long Raken had been bonded and if he’d always been like that.
“We leave now. It will take us three days travel to reach the training camp. Once there, your own progress will determine how long you stay in training. Talk among yourselves if you want, but we’ll get to know each other a little better when we stop to make camp for the night.” He looked up at the sky and sighed. “Which looks to be in just a few hours, thanks to the elders.” He grabbed a pack that wasn’t much larger than Dalen’s and hoisted it over his shoulder. “Let’s move out.”
Some of the others groaned as they adjusted packs that were too heavy and others just looked back silently at their families. A young woman wept openly, standing next to a family but obviously apart. He wondered who she was there for and it made him think of Aloma and Coltrane and he pushed the thought aside before Coltran could feel the melancholy that was tinged with jealousy. Dalen turned to look at his family instead. As the others made their way down the dirt road leading away from the village Dalen bowed his head again to his family, seeing their waves, before he turned and jogged up to the front of the others.
“You must travel a lot,” one of the young men said as Dalen settled in beside him.
Dalen smiled. “I’ve been in the same place for too long lately. It feels good to be on the road again.” He could feel Coltran’s joy as well and he looked across the Veil to see his bond mate walking with a smile on his lips.
**
They stopped before it got too dark out and Dalen knew it was because their camp would take a while to get set with everyone so new to the ways of travel. Raken proved to be a good teacher, explaining things but never doing them for his trainees, though Dalen didn’t need help with his assigned tasks. It wasn’t much but then they had a fire going and logs set about it to sit on or lean against and fresh trail rations the elders had sent along with them.
Dalen watched them all for a few minutes before moving away from the fire, trying to find a little peace for a few minutes. He could still see the others from where he moved in the woods but it was enough privacy for his needs. There was no stone marker so he kissed his fingers and pressed them lightly to a grizzled tree, taking his time to lower himself to his knees. He could feel Coltran beside him and he took a deep breath, enjoying the communion with his bond mate.
He could hear his soft murmur, the thanks he gave out into the world and he smiled, reassured that even though things had changed, so much was still the same.
He set his forearms on the ground and bowed his head until the rested on the back of his hands. He added his gratitude to Coltran’s then, thanks for Chantree and her support, for his family and their love, and always for Coltran and the bond that flowed between them.
He pushed away the sadness that wanted to come at the thought of what he’d left behind on the other side of the Veil, but he knew some of it must have played across the bond because Coltran was looking up at him with concern.
“I’m fine Coltran,” he said softly. “I just miss Chantree’s cooking.”
Coltran smiled then. “We both do. The elders sent you the tea though. At least you have that.”
Dalen patted the inner pocket of his jacket and smiled. “Yes, I do have that.” The heaviest part of his pack was the supply of ground tea leaves that Chantree had sent across the Veil with him, though he kept a smaller travel pouch on him just in case.
“Dalen, isn’t it?”
He turned to see one of the other young men watching him. “Yes, one moment,” he said as he took a deep breath and bowed one more time to complete his thanks. He stood then and looked at the other man.
“He’s young,” Coltran commented from across the Veil.
Dalen gave a snort as he shook his head at Coltran. “Was there something you needed?” he asked, directing his attention back at the man.
“Raken asked for us to come together now.”
Dalen nodded. “So I’m Dalen,” he prompted.
The other man blushed slightly. “Sep. I’m Sep.”
“You ever been away from your village before Sep?”
“No. It seemed sort of exciting up until we were getting ready to leave.”
Dalen nodded. “Don’t worry. We’ll make you a seasoned traveler yet.”
They joined the others then and Raken threw the stick he’d been playing with in the fire. “Now that we’re all settled I figure it’s time to make ourselves known. I’m Raken. My bond mate is Baren. We’ve been fighting the horde together for the past 7 years.”
The boy across the fire from Dalen sitting on the other side of Raken spoke up next. “I’m Eli,” he said, running his hand self-consciously through his short blond hair. “I uh… bonded Tolli about two weeks ago. We’ve been staying at the Binding House since then.”
“Patir,” said the boy next to him. “I bonded to Ghatri a month back.”
“Sep,” said Dalen’s new friend. “Junel and I bonded at the same time Eli did.” He said smiling at the other boy.
The only other person left was standing at the other side of the fire and as he showed no interest in saying anything yet Dalen shrugged. “I’m Dalen and I’m bonded to Coltran.” He had to think for a minute, before realizing it had only been four years since their bonding. It felt like he’d been bonded his whole life. “Coltran and I started fighting the horde a year ago,” he said, repeating the phrase he’d heard from the Karrem. They didn’t track the time they were bonded, but rather time spent fighting.
“Liar,” the boy on the other side of the fire spat the words and Dalen looked up.
“Fakim,” Raken warned the other man.
“No, he’s barely at the age of maturity and he claims bonding a year back?”
Dalen stood, ignoring the other young man but turning towards Raken. “I am Dalen, the Fallen,” he said, pausing briefly for the gasps that came from the others. “I was bonded to Coltran four years ago. I lived with the Karrem for almost three years before I was called back to this side of the Veil. My bond mate and I proved ourselves to the Karrem and we were part of the scouting patrols on the western edge.” He bowed slightly to show his respect to the warrior and then took his seat.
He could feel the others and their astonishment as well as Fakim’s angry stare.
Raken nodded. “Baren said there was word of a new Fallen. How is it you can be here now then?”
Coltran sighed. “You might have wanted to keep that part quiet Dalen.”
Dalen looked at his bond mate, standing just behind him. “Would you have me lie when he’s going to train me?”
“Maybe for the journey. You’re not making friends with young Fakim over there.”
Dalen snorted as he looked at Fakim and then back to Coltran. “I thought that was why I had you.”
Coltran laughed and Dalen smiled with it. He turned back to Raken. “The Karrem believe that because I was bonded before crossing over that the travel across the Veil affected me less than it did the original Fallen.”
“The Karrem,” Raken said looking at the other men, “are what the veil-men call themselves.” He looked back to Dalen then.
“When I grew too sick Coltran begged the elders to send me to the other side of the Veil. I was already lost to them so my family agreed to let them try to help me. It worked and I was able to live among the Karrem for a while before the Veil began pulling me back across.”
“Will you be forced back and forth like that forever?” Sep asked, his eyes wide.
“I don’t know. I hope not. If the truth be known,”
“Don’t Dalen,” he heard Coltran, almost begging him not to say the words that they both knew were true.
“I’d rather not have come back. I hope the Veil allows me one last crossing, when my time is done.”
“You’d live with the veil-men the rest of your life?” Fakim sneered.
Dalen nodded. “Yes. It was a different world, and as much as I cherish my family and the care they’d always given me, it was with Coltran and his family that I became the man I needed to become.”
Raken silenced them all. “When we get to camp we’ll see just how far along they trained you.”
Dalen could see the challenge in his eyes and he looked forward to it.
**
“Tighter. Watch your elbows,” Dalen said as he watched the two men circling one another. Eli took the reprimand without comment, tucking himself in tighter as he continued to move around Fakim, the staff gripped tightly in his hands. Fakim was scowling as he always did when they were working with anything other than a blade. He seemed to think anything less than real metal was worthless and even though Raken had drilled it into their heads that anything could be a weapon in their hands, he never got over his dislike of the extra training.
Dalen loved it. He spent hours talking between Raken and Coltran, asking questions of the two of them about different techniques and enabling the exchange of ideas between them through the veil. Ranken’s bond mate Baren joined in sometimes as well, causing Coltran and Baren to have their own debates as Dalen and Raken amused each other by relaying what their bond mates were arguing over. Once they’d reached the training camp Raken had realized that Dalen really did know how to fight and though he and Coltran still had to learn to move together to fight against a single enemy he was more often lending a hand teaching his fellows than in the training himself. It wasn’t until after hours, when the other trainers gathered around to demonstrate things that Dalen typically got his own work out. He could push then, fighting against the instructors in the ways he’d been taught. None of them had been trained by the Karrem, though the older veterans seemed to have incorporated some of the movements into their own style.
It didn’t help him befriend the others that he’d come with, nor the rest of the younger men that were there to train for the first time. In fact, the word that he was Fallen had spread as soon as he arrived in the camp and everyone seemed to steer clear of him. Raken seemed the least concerned about it, though he sometimes made comment about the veil-men that had Dalen cringing, misunderstandings about the reason for something or the misuse of a word.
The fact that Dalen spoke the Karrem language didn’t help either. He hadn’t meant to share that tidbit but he missed a block and Raken landed a solid blow on his shoulder, causing him to curse in the other language. Raken had asked then if he spoke the language and Coltran was telling him to act as if it was just a few curse words that he’d picked up but Dalen wasn’t going to hide who he was. He hadn’t when he lived among the Karrem and he wasn’t going to do it on the other side of the Veil either.
Sep was probably the closest person to him outside of the instructors with Eli a step behind. Both seemed to want to learn more about their bond mates and their world. They weren’t what Dalen would call friends yet but they were interested in learning from him so they spent more time with him than anyone else. Patir seemed determined to stay as far from him as possible and Fakim set himself against Dalen at every possible turn. If Dalen said he could do something Fakim was there to try to prove him wrong. If Dalen said something couldn’t be done, Fakim would try anyway.
It didn’t make for the easiest life, but Dalen had already made his choice and though Coltran often scoffed at it, Dalen didn’t need other friends so long as he had Coltran on the other side.
They weren’t released to join the war until the five of them that had come together were all ready and though it meant more time for Dalen, he was happy to have the extra time to train. He’d already been up against the horde and he was in no rush to be in a battle again, except that both he and Coltran felt the need to prove their worth as the Fallen which couldn’t happen in any other way.
“They wouldn’t fear you so much if you’d stop doing that,” Raken said as he entered the small garden in the training camp. It wasn’t the best place for the discussion but it was one they’d been having off and on for the last three months.
Dalen raised his head from the bow he’d been in. “They wouldn’t fear me if they’d forget I was Fallen.”
“It’s not that you’re Fallen that bothers them. It’s that you accept it so well.”
Dalen laughed as he sat back on his heels. “So if I was as angry as Fakim I would be better liked?”
“Perhaps.”
Dalen shook his head. “I am angry, but not for reasons that would make any of you happy. People have treated me like I was different from the time I was bonded but they never bothered to find out what it was like for me. I was twelve when I bonded. Imagine finding Baren at that age, when you were so young that everything was an adventure. I wanted to go to the other side of the Veil and be with my bond mate. I wanted it so much I hid what was happening to me, afraid that they’d find a way to break the bond and I’d have rather died.”
“Most of the newly bonded fight against it.”
“I was twelve. It wasn’t until I was thirteen and woke across the Veil did I finally understand what it meant. When I did, I felt guilty that my mother was crying herself to sleep over me when I was happier than I’d ever been. I’m never going to be one of the others. Coltran will always be the most important thing to me.”
He saw his bond mate stir from his bowed position. “Just so long as you keep yourself safe on the other side I can live with that.”
Dalen looked at Coltran, smiling before he shook his head and turned back to Raken. “I’d be getting a lecture on keeping myself safe it you weren’t here.”
Raken nodded. “Baren says good things of Coltran. He says that the two of you had a good reputation among the scouts. That you’ll be even better across the Veil from one another.”
Dalen bowed his head in thanks.
“He also said that Coltran is far too aware of you and the bond. Baren says they all worry because he is only half alive, waiting for you to return.”
Dalen looked at him, not sure what to say about that. Was he supposed to be shocked that the Karrem would think that of Coltran? “I was his to care for when I was still too young to be bound. I am all the life he will ever have and he is all I will ever have. I have no need for more. Someday, Veil willing, I will finish this fight and return across to the home that was built for me there. This fight we are about to enter is nothing more than an obstacle I must overcome to get home.”
He’d never spoken so directly about the bond before and he had no idea how Raken would take it. The other man nodded as he listened but he was shaking his head by the end. “You would have been a strong warrior no matter what, but I think I will count myself lucky to see the first of the Fallen going into battle. You and Coltran will be something to see.”
He walked away then and Dalen just shook his head.
“He’s right,” Coltran said softly. “You could say less about us. The others know who you are, what you are. You don’t need to remind them constantly.”
“And what then Coltran?” he asked. “Should I stop giving gratitude every day to make them more comfortable? Should I stop the thing that helps me to focus, on the thing that makes it possible for me to rein in my anger? Should I stop speaking to you? Just pretend that you aren’t there the way Fakim does to Honra? Should I forget about Chantree and warm spiced food and her soft smile and the home she cared for? Should I forget everything you and I were to one another?”
Coltran bowed his head slightly and Dalen wanted to take back the words but he couldn’t. “Coltran, you understand. I know you do. I can’t forget the life I lived. I can’t, I won’t forget you. I continue to hope that I will someday find a way back to you, but until then I won’t let go of what little I still have.”
Coltran looked up, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. “I know. They … the others fear for me little one. They fear that I can’t bring myself away from the Veil to live my life. They didn’t know you though. Someday, they’ll understand. But I do. We both hold on to what we can.”
Dalen nodded as he let himself fall back, looking up at the stars. “Play for me Coltran,” he asked softly. “Play something to make me remember.” It felt like a lifetime ago that he’d heard that title for the first time, that Coltran had spoken across the Veil calling him little one. He closed his eyes, feeling homesick and heartbroken at the same time.
A moment later the sound of reed pipes crept out of the garden and to the training camp. It was a sad melody and those that could hear it on the other side of the Veil wondered about the grievous story that must be behind the haunting tune.
In another week he would be going off to training, leaving his family behind again and he was actually looking forward to it. He felt too big in his skin there with their continued attempts to make him into the child he could never remember being.
As the sun began to creep into the sky, he made his way down the family yard and to the small garden his mother kept. He felt a presence with him and ignored it, knowing there were no words that needed to be said. For the first time Coltran could see a glimpse of the world Dalen had come from and he had no way of understanding it. Instead he stopped at the end of the small stone path and bowed his head. He took a deep breath, wondering why he was letting his parent’s concerns stop him from what he felt was right. They didn’t understand the idea of giving thanks like this, or celebrating the life he lived the way the Karrem did and maybe he was underestimating them by not trying to explain it. He wasn’t sure, but he let himself fall to his knees then, resting his weight on his heels before he bowed deeply in the garden, sending his gratitude into the world.
It felt good to remind himself of what he had in his life, especially when the week had seen so much change. It let him focus on the things he’d once had and what he still had. He could hold his sister in his arms again, kiss his mother’s cheek, shake his father and brother’s hands. And as always, there was Coltran, even if he was vision from the other side of the Veil.
Coltran moved beside him, the ghost of his presence taking up position to offer his own thanks. Dalen ignored him as he had learned to on the other side, keeping his meditation to himself, but as he was done he looked over and could see Coltran, and behind him the vague impression of the hillside on which he stood, the land beyond him dim in the filmy window the Veil gave them. When Coltran looked up there was a sad smile on his face. “I wondered if you would continue with our ways or if you would leave them behind.”
Dalen looked down at his hands. “I don’t think I could leave them anymore than you could. It’s not the same here though.”
Coltran looked around him and Dalen knew he was looking at the vague images of a world he would never walk in. “No, it isn’t.”
“Dalen?”
Dalen stood up, turning to face his brother. “Yes Derek?”
“Who are you talking to?”
Dalen took a deep breath. “Coltran. We were discussing the difference in his garden and this one.” Coltran snickered beside him but Dalen ignored it. Derek couldn’t see or hear him anyway.
“What were you doing, sitting like that?”
“Are you going to interrogate me for everything I do Derek?”
“We don’t … do things like that.”
Dalen’s eyes widened and he felt his anger rising at Derek, his self-appointed reminder of how different he was. “I do.”
“You aren’t among the veil-men anymore. Maybe it would be better if you acted less like them.”
Dalen laughed, surprising his brother. Coltran was oddly silent. “You’re right. We aren’t among the Karrem. But remember Derek, I don’t belong there anymore than I belong here. You’ve spent years mourning the fact that I’m one of the Fallen. You don’t get to forget it now that I’m back. You don’t get to try to force me to live a life I don’t want. The Veil has already asked too much of me. I won’t allow anyone else to.”
“Dalen,” Coltran took a step closer but it would never be close enough with the Veil separating them.
“No Coltran. It was not my choice to come back here,” he said, looking up to see his brother’s shocked expression. “I would have stayed with the Karrem had Coltran not had the courage to send me the last step through. I would have died rather than cross the Veil again so don’t tell me what I should or should not do brother. You don’t know what this life has cost me.”
Dalen pushed past him and stopped, finding his parents at the back door as well. He felt an echo of frustration through the bond and knew that Coltran was as disturbed by it all as he was. He took a deep breath and shook his head. “I need to speak to the elders to see when they want me to go to training.”
“Dalen, are you sure it’s a good idea? Maybe you need more time to … adapt.”
He smiled sadly at his mother. “What will I adapt to? I’m Fallen.” The words had stopped meaning anything on the other side, the people he’d come to know had accepted him for who he was. On this side though it had meaning again. “They said another week, but I don’t see the reason to postpone it.”
“Dalen,” Coltran’s voice was almost a whisper in his ear and he looked over his shoulder to see his bond mate there. “You have to give them time. They lost you so abruptly. They’ve been mourning you ever since.”
Dalen scoffed. “They started mourning when we bonded Coltran. My leaving didn’t start it.” He looked up at his parents and saw the way they reacted to him talking across the Veil. “I am Fallen. I don’t belong in this world anymore but I’m here. My duty is to fight the horde and I will see it done.”
“You don’t have to run off to battle so soon,” his father said softly. “No one would think less of you if you weren’t ready to learn about the horrors just yet.”
He laughed softly because he knew they’d been told about his training on the other side. They couldn’t accept it, any more than they would be able to accept him. “I don’t need to learn about the horrors, Father. I spent the last year fighting them, being a scout for the Karrem and learning their movements. I’ll go train so that I can learn to use the bond with Coltran across the Veil, but I have spent the last three years training and fighting as the veil-men do. I’ll make the arrangements. You have been gracious, but I have a purpose here and I have to see it through,” he said as he bowed his head lightly out of respect.
When he moved to walk past them, his parents moved out of the way, allowing him the space he needed.
**
The elders tried to talk him into staying for another two weeks but in the end it was Coltran’s words that convinced him. His bond mate reminded him that the Karrem had been given a lot of time to adjust to who he was but he was expecting his family to understand the person he’d become instantly. They were trying, he knew they were, but their expectations of the boy that would cross the Veil were far different from the man that had come back to them. Dalen was a much different person, one that fit in far better with a culture they would never know. He tried to bite his tongue then, to take a deep breath before he could lash out at his family. Coltran kept quiet through most of the encounters though and that caused as many problems as it solved when Dalen realized what he was doing. He had no intention of shutting his bond mate out of his life just because the others couldn’t see or hear him. If they wanted to understand him then they needed to understand the life he lived, and that included his time with the Karrem and his bond.
When it was time to leave, he thought his parents were just as relieved as he was. They loved him, but they were still looking for the little boy in him and he was growing resentful of the constant comparison to the life he would have lived had he not become one of the Fallen.
The day was dreary and gray, a fitting day for travel Coltran had teased across the Veil. He’d laughed at the comment while trying to shift his bags on his back. He was doing better than the four other young men who were standing around the Binding House with their families waiting to go. None of them looked like they’d ever been far from home. The Binding House was probably the farthest they’d ever gone and he couldn’t imagine what it was like for them, newly bonded and having them constantly at their side while being thrust into a war at the same time.
“We were lucky,” he said softly for Coltran’s ears.
Coltran looked up at him and even if he couldn’t see them, he knew that Coltran was looking towards the other Karrem. “We’re probably the only ones that think so.”
It made Dalen smile, knowing that Coltran saw their bonding as a blessing rather than the curse that so many people seemed to believe the Fallen was.
A man came out of the Binding House and though he wasn’t an old man he was obviously a veteran of the war. The others watched him warily but Dalen was curious about the man and his bond mate. He couldn’t see the other man’s bond mate any more than the others could, but the idea that someone else was there caught Dalen’s fancy. It was the first time he’d ever met others with a bond mate and the man before him was confident and outgoing, unlike the boys who had just bonded.
Dalen said good bye to his family then, kissing his mother and sister and hugging his father and brother. The good bye was brief, but he wasn’t sure what to say to them. He was as glad to be leaving this time as he would have been had he been conscious last time. As much as he loved his family, he was part of a different world now. He would be back to visit from time to time, but it would never again be home. In place of his family, that word belonged to a simple house on a ridge overlooking a valley, where Chantree would someday welcome him back.
He took a few steps back and looked his family over one more time before bowing low at the waist. “Thank you for your care of me.” He could feel other eyes on him and knew that people were staring at yet another of his oddities but he didn’t let it distract him from the respect he felt his family deserved. “I will do my best to honor you and to make you proud.”
He turned away then to find the warrior that was to lead them to the training camp watching him. He didn’t say anything but he could feel the regard that was directed at him. Coltran radiated warmth through the bond and he realized that his bond mate was just as excited to get to training as he was. As much as he thought of Coltran as the much older and wiser of them, he was only twenty and he was eager to learn to use their bond and return to the fighting.
“My name is Raken. I’ll be in charge of your training,” the warrior said in a voice that was quiet yet strong. It reminded Dalen of the Karrem and he wondered just how long Raken had been bonded and if he’d always been like that.
“We leave now. It will take us three days travel to reach the training camp. Once there, your own progress will determine how long you stay in training. Talk among yourselves if you want, but we’ll get to know each other a little better when we stop to make camp for the night.” He looked up at the sky and sighed. “Which looks to be in just a few hours, thanks to the elders.” He grabbed a pack that wasn’t much larger than Dalen’s and hoisted it over his shoulder. “Let’s move out.”
Some of the others groaned as they adjusted packs that were too heavy and others just looked back silently at their families. A young woman wept openly, standing next to a family but obviously apart. He wondered who she was there for and it made him think of Aloma and Coltrane and he pushed the thought aside before Coltran could feel the melancholy that was tinged with jealousy. Dalen turned to look at his family instead. As the others made their way down the dirt road leading away from the village Dalen bowed his head again to his family, seeing their waves, before he turned and jogged up to the front of the others.
“You must travel a lot,” one of the young men said as Dalen settled in beside him.
Dalen smiled. “I’ve been in the same place for too long lately. It feels good to be on the road again.” He could feel Coltran’s joy as well and he looked across the Veil to see his bond mate walking with a smile on his lips.
**
They stopped before it got too dark out and Dalen knew it was because their camp would take a while to get set with everyone so new to the ways of travel. Raken proved to be a good teacher, explaining things but never doing them for his trainees, though Dalen didn’t need help with his assigned tasks. It wasn’t much but then they had a fire going and logs set about it to sit on or lean against and fresh trail rations the elders had sent along with them.
Dalen watched them all for a few minutes before moving away from the fire, trying to find a little peace for a few minutes. He could still see the others from where he moved in the woods but it was enough privacy for his needs. There was no stone marker so he kissed his fingers and pressed them lightly to a grizzled tree, taking his time to lower himself to his knees. He could feel Coltran beside him and he took a deep breath, enjoying the communion with his bond mate.
He could hear his soft murmur, the thanks he gave out into the world and he smiled, reassured that even though things had changed, so much was still the same.
He set his forearms on the ground and bowed his head until the rested on the back of his hands. He added his gratitude to Coltran’s then, thanks for Chantree and her support, for his family and their love, and always for Coltran and the bond that flowed between them.
He pushed away the sadness that wanted to come at the thought of what he’d left behind on the other side of the Veil, but he knew some of it must have played across the bond because Coltran was looking up at him with concern.
“I’m fine Coltran,” he said softly. “I just miss Chantree’s cooking.”
Coltran smiled then. “We both do. The elders sent you the tea though. At least you have that.”
Dalen patted the inner pocket of his jacket and smiled. “Yes, I do have that.” The heaviest part of his pack was the supply of ground tea leaves that Chantree had sent across the Veil with him, though he kept a smaller travel pouch on him just in case.
“Dalen, isn’t it?”
He turned to see one of the other young men watching him. “Yes, one moment,” he said as he took a deep breath and bowed one more time to complete his thanks. He stood then and looked at the other man.
“He’s young,” Coltran commented from across the Veil.
Dalen gave a snort as he shook his head at Coltran. “Was there something you needed?” he asked, directing his attention back at the man.
“Raken asked for us to come together now.”
Dalen nodded. “So I’m Dalen,” he prompted.
The other man blushed slightly. “Sep. I’m Sep.”
“You ever been away from your village before Sep?”
“No. It seemed sort of exciting up until we were getting ready to leave.”
Dalen nodded. “Don’t worry. We’ll make you a seasoned traveler yet.”
They joined the others then and Raken threw the stick he’d been playing with in the fire. “Now that we’re all settled I figure it’s time to make ourselves known. I’m Raken. My bond mate is Baren. We’ve been fighting the horde together for the past 7 years.”
The boy across the fire from Dalen sitting on the other side of Raken spoke up next. “I’m Eli,” he said, running his hand self-consciously through his short blond hair. “I uh… bonded Tolli about two weeks ago. We’ve been staying at the Binding House since then.”
“Patir,” said the boy next to him. “I bonded to Ghatri a month back.”
“Sep,” said Dalen’s new friend. “Junel and I bonded at the same time Eli did.” He said smiling at the other boy.
The only other person left was standing at the other side of the fire and as he showed no interest in saying anything yet Dalen shrugged. “I’m Dalen and I’m bonded to Coltran.” He had to think for a minute, before realizing it had only been four years since their bonding. It felt like he’d been bonded his whole life. “Coltran and I started fighting the horde a year ago,” he said, repeating the phrase he’d heard from the Karrem. They didn’t track the time they were bonded, but rather time spent fighting.
“Liar,” the boy on the other side of the fire spat the words and Dalen looked up.
“Fakim,” Raken warned the other man.
“No, he’s barely at the age of maturity and he claims bonding a year back?”
Dalen stood, ignoring the other young man but turning towards Raken. “I am Dalen, the Fallen,” he said, pausing briefly for the gasps that came from the others. “I was bonded to Coltran four years ago. I lived with the Karrem for almost three years before I was called back to this side of the Veil. My bond mate and I proved ourselves to the Karrem and we were part of the scouting patrols on the western edge.” He bowed slightly to show his respect to the warrior and then took his seat.
He could feel the others and their astonishment as well as Fakim’s angry stare.
Raken nodded. “Baren said there was word of a new Fallen. How is it you can be here now then?”
Coltran sighed. “You might have wanted to keep that part quiet Dalen.”
Dalen looked at his bond mate, standing just behind him. “Would you have me lie when he’s going to train me?”
“Maybe for the journey. You’re not making friends with young Fakim over there.”
Dalen snorted as he looked at Fakim and then back to Coltran. “I thought that was why I had you.”
Coltran laughed and Dalen smiled with it. He turned back to Raken. “The Karrem believe that because I was bonded before crossing over that the travel across the Veil affected me less than it did the original Fallen.”
“The Karrem,” Raken said looking at the other men, “are what the veil-men call themselves.” He looked back to Dalen then.
“When I grew too sick Coltran begged the elders to send me to the other side of the Veil. I was already lost to them so my family agreed to let them try to help me. It worked and I was able to live among the Karrem for a while before the Veil began pulling me back across.”
“Will you be forced back and forth like that forever?” Sep asked, his eyes wide.
“I don’t know. I hope not. If the truth be known,”
“Don’t Dalen,” he heard Coltran, almost begging him not to say the words that they both knew were true.
“I’d rather not have come back. I hope the Veil allows me one last crossing, when my time is done.”
“You’d live with the veil-men the rest of your life?” Fakim sneered.
Dalen nodded. “Yes. It was a different world, and as much as I cherish my family and the care they’d always given me, it was with Coltran and his family that I became the man I needed to become.”
Raken silenced them all. “When we get to camp we’ll see just how far along they trained you.”
Dalen could see the challenge in his eyes and he looked forward to it.
**
“Tighter. Watch your elbows,” Dalen said as he watched the two men circling one another. Eli took the reprimand without comment, tucking himself in tighter as he continued to move around Fakim, the staff gripped tightly in his hands. Fakim was scowling as he always did when they were working with anything other than a blade. He seemed to think anything less than real metal was worthless and even though Raken had drilled it into their heads that anything could be a weapon in their hands, he never got over his dislike of the extra training.
Dalen loved it. He spent hours talking between Raken and Coltran, asking questions of the two of them about different techniques and enabling the exchange of ideas between them through the veil. Ranken’s bond mate Baren joined in sometimes as well, causing Coltran and Baren to have their own debates as Dalen and Raken amused each other by relaying what their bond mates were arguing over. Once they’d reached the training camp Raken had realized that Dalen really did know how to fight and though he and Coltran still had to learn to move together to fight against a single enemy he was more often lending a hand teaching his fellows than in the training himself. It wasn’t until after hours, when the other trainers gathered around to demonstrate things that Dalen typically got his own work out. He could push then, fighting against the instructors in the ways he’d been taught. None of them had been trained by the Karrem, though the older veterans seemed to have incorporated some of the movements into their own style.
It didn’t help him befriend the others that he’d come with, nor the rest of the younger men that were there to train for the first time. In fact, the word that he was Fallen had spread as soon as he arrived in the camp and everyone seemed to steer clear of him. Raken seemed the least concerned about it, though he sometimes made comment about the veil-men that had Dalen cringing, misunderstandings about the reason for something or the misuse of a word.
The fact that Dalen spoke the Karrem language didn’t help either. He hadn’t meant to share that tidbit but he missed a block and Raken landed a solid blow on his shoulder, causing him to curse in the other language. Raken had asked then if he spoke the language and Coltran was telling him to act as if it was just a few curse words that he’d picked up but Dalen wasn’t going to hide who he was. He hadn’t when he lived among the Karrem and he wasn’t going to do it on the other side of the Veil either.
Sep was probably the closest person to him outside of the instructors with Eli a step behind. Both seemed to want to learn more about their bond mates and their world. They weren’t what Dalen would call friends yet but they were interested in learning from him so they spent more time with him than anyone else. Patir seemed determined to stay as far from him as possible and Fakim set himself against Dalen at every possible turn. If Dalen said he could do something Fakim was there to try to prove him wrong. If Dalen said something couldn’t be done, Fakim would try anyway.
It didn’t make for the easiest life, but Dalen had already made his choice and though Coltran often scoffed at it, Dalen didn’t need other friends so long as he had Coltran on the other side.
They weren’t released to join the war until the five of them that had come together were all ready and though it meant more time for Dalen, he was happy to have the extra time to train. He’d already been up against the horde and he was in no rush to be in a battle again, except that both he and Coltran felt the need to prove their worth as the Fallen which couldn’t happen in any other way.
“They wouldn’t fear you so much if you’d stop doing that,” Raken said as he entered the small garden in the training camp. It wasn’t the best place for the discussion but it was one they’d been having off and on for the last three months.
Dalen raised his head from the bow he’d been in. “They wouldn’t fear me if they’d forget I was Fallen.”
“It’s not that you’re Fallen that bothers them. It’s that you accept it so well.”
Dalen laughed as he sat back on his heels. “So if I was as angry as Fakim I would be better liked?”
“Perhaps.”
Dalen shook his head. “I am angry, but not for reasons that would make any of you happy. People have treated me like I was different from the time I was bonded but they never bothered to find out what it was like for me. I was twelve when I bonded. Imagine finding Baren at that age, when you were so young that everything was an adventure. I wanted to go to the other side of the Veil and be with my bond mate. I wanted it so much I hid what was happening to me, afraid that they’d find a way to break the bond and I’d have rather died.”
“Most of the newly bonded fight against it.”
“I was twelve. It wasn’t until I was thirteen and woke across the Veil did I finally understand what it meant. When I did, I felt guilty that my mother was crying herself to sleep over me when I was happier than I’d ever been. I’m never going to be one of the others. Coltran will always be the most important thing to me.”
He saw his bond mate stir from his bowed position. “Just so long as you keep yourself safe on the other side I can live with that.”
Dalen looked at Coltran, smiling before he shook his head and turned back to Raken. “I’d be getting a lecture on keeping myself safe it you weren’t here.”
Raken nodded. “Baren says good things of Coltran. He says that the two of you had a good reputation among the scouts. That you’ll be even better across the Veil from one another.”
Dalen bowed his head in thanks.
“He also said that Coltran is far too aware of you and the bond. Baren says they all worry because he is only half alive, waiting for you to return.”
Dalen looked at him, not sure what to say about that. Was he supposed to be shocked that the Karrem would think that of Coltran? “I was his to care for when I was still too young to be bound. I am all the life he will ever have and he is all I will ever have. I have no need for more. Someday, Veil willing, I will finish this fight and return across to the home that was built for me there. This fight we are about to enter is nothing more than an obstacle I must overcome to get home.”
He’d never spoken so directly about the bond before and he had no idea how Raken would take it. The other man nodded as he listened but he was shaking his head by the end. “You would have been a strong warrior no matter what, but I think I will count myself lucky to see the first of the Fallen going into battle. You and Coltran will be something to see.”
He walked away then and Dalen just shook his head.
“He’s right,” Coltran said softly. “You could say less about us. The others know who you are, what you are. You don’t need to remind them constantly.”
“And what then Coltran?” he asked. “Should I stop giving gratitude every day to make them more comfortable? Should I stop the thing that helps me to focus, on the thing that makes it possible for me to rein in my anger? Should I stop speaking to you? Just pretend that you aren’t there the way Fakim does to Honra? Should I forget about Chantree and warm spiced food and her soft smile and the home she cared for? Should I forget everything you and I were to one another?”
Coltran bowed his head slightly and Dalen wanted to take back the words but he couldn’t. “Coltran, you understand. I know you do. I can’t forget the life I lived. I can’t, I won’t forget you. I continue to hope that I will someday find a way back to you, but until then I won’t let go of what little I still have.”
Coltran looked up, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. “I know. They … the others fear for me little one. They fear that I can’t bring myself away from the Veil to live my life. They didn’t know you though. Someday, they’ll understand. But I do. We both hold on to what we can.”
Dalen nodded as he let himself fall back, looking up at the stars. “Play for me Coltran,” he asked softly. “Play something to make me remember.” It felt like a lifetime ago that he’d heard that title for the first time, that Coltran had spoken across the Veil calling him little one. He closed his eyes, feeling homesick and heartbroken at the same time.
A moment later the sound of reed pipes crept out of the garden and to the training camp. It was a sad melody and those that could hear it on the other side of the Veil wondered about the grievous story that must be behind the haunting tune.