While These Visions Did Appear (6/8)
“Holy shit.”
“Dean?”
Dean stared at the computer screen, ignoring the way the librarian was scowling at him. “Sam, I think we have a problem.”
“What is it?”
Sam looked up from the musty city records and a part of Dean wished he’d agreed to play with the building plans instead of doing the background check.
“I think you need to look at this.”
Sam stood up and leaned over Dean’s shoulder, scanning the article the same as Dean had. “… the fire appears to have been caused by an electrical malfunction though the fire department could not confirm what appliance would have caused the fire to start and burn so hot in the baby’s nursery …. Mary Winchester died in her sleep, leaving behind her husband John and two sons, Dean and Sam.”
Dean waited for it to sink in and then Sam looked at him. “John Winchester?”
Dean scrolled down and there at the bottom of the page was a picture of the family. It was no doubt that they were looking at the same man. He was younger, with a large smile and his arms around his wife. His oldest son was on his other arm and the baby was in his wife’s arms.
He waited another second for Sam to take it the rest of the way. “Sam and Dean?”
Dean nodded.
“You don’t think-”
“No, I don’t. But I figure we need to do some more snooping before we move along.”
“Yeah.” Sam said, his eyes looking a little wild as he sat back in his seat next to Dean. “Yeah.”
“Good to see you boys.”
Dean gave Bobby a half smile as he let the older hunter pull him into a one armed embrace. He pushed past a second later and then Sam was wrapping both his arms around Bobby, like always. Some things never changed.
When Sam pulled away, he moved past Dean, making a beeline for the fridge. He came out and handed them each a cold one and managed to do it all without looking Dean in the eye.
Well, some things did change.
“Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what brings you two to town?”
“Something personal,” Dean said softly. Sam looked up at him and there was a small moment of connection before Sam looked away again.
“We found some information that says that Dean and I might be-“
“We need someone else to look at some information.” He said, cutting Sam off before he could say it. The words hung between them even though Bobby didn’t understand just yet. They did. They knew what it was saying and it was enough to put the distance between them. “We’ve got some background information and it seems to be leading us straight to one thing. I just want another set of eyes on it before we start putting any faith in it.”
“Alright. Let me see what you’ve got.”
Bobby led Dean into the kitchen and Sam didn’t bother following. He went into the study, pulling random books from the shelves.
“And Sam isn’t interested in this because-”
“Sam’s pretty sure he knows what this is all about.”
“Okay.”
Dean handed Bobby the file with everything they’d copied in Lawrence. “So we ended up in Lawrence, Kansas looking into a house.”
“Lawrence?” Bobby asked. “This is about John?”
“I don’t know. The house was his though. We were looking for a child who used to live there.”
“John’s business was bad Dean. When he first showed up, trying to find the demon that had killed his wife, we all thought he was gonna die within a few weeks. Proved us all wrong. One of the best hunters out there now. Best if you ask some people.”
“A demon killed his wife? I thought she died in a fire.”
He could feel Sam listening, could see from his peripheral how Sam’s fingers were no longer brushing over the words as he read.
“A fire yeah, but not like they said it happened. John wakes up to his wife screaming and goes to find her pinned on the ceiling. She was bleeding from the stomach and then fire enveloped the bedroom.”
“Nursery.”
“What?”
“The nursery. The article said she died in the nursery.”
“They didn’t have any kids,” Bobby said with a frown.
“What the hell?” Sam asked as he stopped pretending to stay out of it.
“Look, I’ve known John about as long as anyone and I know I’m one of the few people he’s trusted over the years with the full story. John and Mary were hoping to start a family some day, but they didn’t have one. There must have been an error in the report.”
Sam looked at Dean and Dean just looked right back. When Sam dropped his eyes, Dean looked at Bobby. “Just… read the file Bobby. Gonna get some shut eye.”
“You know the way.” The hunter didn’t even bother to look up as he began opening the file.
Sam followed him up, though Dean wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like Sam would touch him. They slept in separate beds now and on the few occasions Dean had actually reached out to his lover Sam had flinched away like he was some sort of pariah. It’d been two weeks since that day in the library and Dean wanted to break something, to kill something, to burn something beyond recognition.
He pushed into the spare room that Bobby let them use and Sam was still on his heels. Dean walked in, trying to ignore his lover. Former lover. Whatever. He looked out the window overlooking the back of Bobby’s property.
“Dean,”
He grasped the edge of the window frame and leaned in. “What Sam?” he asked, anger pushing out to Sam because he wouldn’t let Dean do anything else.
He heard Sam’s soft sigh but he was even more surprised when Sam came up behind him, dropping his head to rest between Dean’s shoulder blades. “Dean,”
His heart was pounding and the silence was heavy between them. He couldn’t break the moment though. He knew if he reached out he would just be rejected again and he couldn’t keep taking it, not from Sam. It was all in Sam’s court and Dean was just floundering around, waiting to see what he would do.
“I miss you.” The words were soft, barely a breath but he could feel it down his spine and he closed his eyes against the ache of it. “I miss touching you, waking next to you. I miss being yours.”
“Sammy, don’t.”
“I have to. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I need you. I don’t … I don’t think I can stop this Dean.”
Dean pushed then, pushed away from the wall forcing Sam to fall a few steps back. “What do you want Sam? Huh? Because I don’t know what they hell you think you need anymore, but you sure as hell haven’t been worried about what I needed the last few weeks.”
“I know.”
“Do you? Do you know what it’s like to have the only person that matters in the whole fucking world reject you? Pull away when you’ve done nothing wrong? No. You don’t, because no matter what I was thinking or feeling Sam I would never cut you out of my life like that.”
“I know. I can’t stop thinking about that file Dean, about John, about us being-”
“We don’t know anything Sam. We agreed to let Bobby take a look and see what he thought.”
“You think it matters Dean? Do you really think keeping me from saying it will make this any better?”
“Don’t Sam.”
“Why? So you don’t have to face up to what I have?” Sam crossed the room quickly, angry strides taking up the distance as he pushed Dean back against the window, hovering over him. “You think I want to think about it Dean? Want to think about all the times we’ve been together, want to remember every goddamn moment of that with this in my head? It’s why I couldn’t… I just … Dean …”
His voice broke and it was more than enough to break Dean. Because he hadn’t lied. No matter what Dean was feeling inside, he’d always take care of Sam first. “Sammy. We’ll figure this out. Somehow, we’ll get through this.”
Sam looked up at him and Dean didn’t have time to turn away before Sam’s lips were crashing into his. Sam held him in place like Dean would actually try to run. He didn’t want to run though, couldn’t run from Sam and the way he felt about him, but Sam had lost his faith in that.
When Sam pushed at his jacket Dean let it fall from his shoulders. He wasn’t sure what Sam wanted, but he was going to give it to him anyway.
He toed off his shoes as he pushed at Sam’s coat, felt Sam stumbling over his shoes as well and they were pushing and pulling towards the bed. He pulled Sam’s shirt over his head and nearly collided with the bed post because Sam decided to blind him by removing his shirt too. They were fumbling for belt buckles as they fell onto the bed and then they were naked, Sam on top of him, pressing him hard into the mattress.
Dean managed to get his hand up and as Sam kissed him, he caressed his face, his thumb running up and over his cheekbones again and again. It gentled Sam, calmed his movements but there was nothing peaceful in their joining. Sam didn’t let Dean prep him, just slid down Dean’s cock and rode him slow and steady, eyes closed with his head thrown back.
It was too much though and Dean grabbed for him, pulling him back to his lips, and then flipping them over so that he was in control again. Sam let him, his face turned to the side as Dean thrust in and out of his body.
When he felt his climax building, he used one hand to pull Sam’s face to his. “Look at me Sammy.” His lover didn’t open his eyes but Dean didn’t stop. “Damn it Sammy, look at me, you owe me that much.”
He understood his mistake then, knew instinctively that he should have let Sam look away but it was too late and as Sam came over his hand, Dean fell down the hole, painting his lover’s insides. He felt the tears running down his face and watched in horrid fascination as Sam’s fell as well.
He pulled away a second later and Sam turned onto his side, pulling away as much as he could in the small confines of the bed.
“Why?” Dean finally asked because he’d given Sam just what he wanted and he deserved an answer. He deserved to know why Sam was saying good-bye like this.
“In the morning, someone will say it. Tomorrow I can’t hide behind not knowing.” Sam got up then, dressing quickly. He paused at the door and Dean didn’t want him to go, didn’t want him to stay either, but more than anything he didn’t want to hear the next words out of Sam’s lips. “Tomorrow, Bobby will have to tell me that I’m in love with my big brother.”
On to Chapter Seven
“Dean?”
Dean stared at the computer screen, ignoring the way the librarian was scowling at him. “Sam, I think we have a problem.”
“What is it?”
Sam looked up from the musty city records and a part of Dean wished he’d agreed to play with the building plans instead of doing the background check.
“I think you need to look at this.”
Sam stood up and leaned over Dean’s shoulder, scanning the article the same as Dean had. “… the fire appears to have been caused by an electrical malfunction though the fire department could not confirm what appliance would have caused the fire to start and burn so hot in the baby’s nursery …. Mary Winchester died in her sleep, leaving behind her husband John and two sons, Dean and Sam.”
Dean waited for it to sink in and then Sam looked at him. “John Winchester?”
Dean scrolled down and there at the bottom of the page was a picture of the family. It was no doubt that they were looking at the same man. He was younger, with a large smile and his arms around his wife. His oldest son was on his other arm and the baby was in his wife’s arms.
He waited another second for Sam to take it the rest of the way. “Sam and Dean?”
Dean nodded.
“You don’t think-”
“No, I don’t. But I figure we need to do some more snooping before we move along.”
“Yeah.” Sam said, his eyes looking a little wild as he sat back in his seat next to Dean. “Yeah.”
“Good to see you boys.”
Dean gave Bobby a half smile as he let the older hunter pull him into a one armed embrace. He pushed past a second later and then Sam was wrapping both his arms around Bobby, like always. Some things never changed.
When Sam pulled away, he moved past Dean, making a beeline for the fridge. He came out and handed them each a cold one and managed to do it all without looking Dean in the eye.
Well, some things did change.
“Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what brings you two to town?”
“Something personal,” Dean said softly. Sam looked up at him and there was a small moment of connection before Sam looked away again.
“We found some information that says that Dean and I might be-“
“We need someone else to look at some information.” He said, cutting Sam off before he could say it. The words hung between them even though Bobby didn’t understand just yet. They did. They knew what it was saying and it was enough to put the distance between them. “We’ve got some background information and it seems to be leading us straight to one thing. I just want another set of eyes on it before we start putting any faith in it.”
“Alright. Let me see what you’ve got.”
Bobby led Dean into the kitchen and Sam didn’t bother following. He went into the study, pulling random books from the shelves.
“And Sam isn’t interested in this because-”
“Sam’s pretty sure he knows what this is all about.”
“Okay.”
Dean handed Bobby the file with everything they’d copied in Lawrence. “So we ended up in Lawrence, Kansas looking into a house.”
“Lawrence?” Bobby asked. “This is about John?”
“I don’t know. The house was his though. We were looking for a child who used to live there.”
“John’s business was bad Dean. When he first showed up, trying to find the demon that had killed his wife, we all thought he was gonna die within a few weeks. Proved us all wrong. One of the best hunters out there now. Best if you ask some people.”
“A demon killed his wife? I thought she died in a fire.”
He could feel Sam listening, could see from his peripheral how Sam’s fingers were no longer brushing over the words as he read.
“A fire yeah, but not like they said it happened. John wakes up to his wife screaming and goes to find her pinned on the ceiling. She was bleeding from the stomach and then fire enveloped the bedroom.”
“Nursery.”
“What?”
“The nursery. The article said she died in the nursery.”
“They didn’t have any kids,” Bobby said with a frown.
“What the hell?” Sam asked as he stopped pretending to stay out of it.
“Look, I’ve known John about as long as anyone and I know I’m one of the few people he’s trusted over the years with the full story. John and Mary were hoping to start a family some day, but they didn’t have one. There must have been an error in the report.”
Sam looked at Dean and Dean just looked right back. When Sam dropped his eyes, Dean looked at Bobby. “Just… read the file Bobby. Gonna get some shut eye.”
“You know the way.” The hunter didn’t even bother to look up as he began opening the file.
Sam followed him up, though Dean wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like Sam would touch him. They slept in separate beds now and on the few occasions Dean had actually reached out to his lover Sam had flinched away like he was some sort of pariah. It’d been two weeks since that day in the library and Dean wanted to break something, to kill something, to burn something beyond recognition.
He pushed into the spare room that Bobby let them use and Sam was still on his heels. Dean walked in, trying to ignore his lover. Former lover. Whatever. He looked out the window overlooking the back of Bobby’s property.
“Dean,”
He grasped the edge of the window frame and leaned in. “What Sam?” he asked, anger pushing out to Sam because he wouldn’t let Dean do anything else.
He heard Sam’s soft sigh but he was even more surprised when Sam came up behind him, dropping his head to rest between Dean’s shoulder blades. “Dean,”
His heart was pounding and the silence was heavy between them. He couldn’t break the moment though. He knew if he reached out he would just be rejected again and he couldn’t keep taking it, not from Sam. It was all in Sam’s court and Dean was just floundering around, waiting to see what he would do.
“I miss you.” The words were soft, barely a breath but he could feel it down his spine and he closed his eyes against the ache of it. “I miss touching you, waking next to you. I miss being yours.”
“Sammy, don’t.”
“I have to. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I need you. I don’t … I don’t think I can stop this Dean.”
Dean pushed then, pushed away from the wall forcing Sam to fall a few steps back. “What do you want Sam? Huh? Because I don’t know what they hell you think you need anymore, but you sure as hell haven’t been worried about what I needed the last few weeks.”
“I know.”
“Do you? Do you know what it’s like to have the only person that matters in the whole fucking world reject you? Pull away when you’ve done nothing wrong? No. You don’t, because no matter what I was thinking or feeling Sam I would never cut you out of my life like that.”
“I know. I can’t stop thinking about that file Dean, about John, about us being-”
“We don’t know anything Sam. We agreed to let Bobby take a look and see what he thought.”
“You think it matters Dean? Do you really think keeping me from saying it will make this any better?”
“Don’t Sam.”
“Why? So you don’t have to face up to what I have?” Sam crossed the room quickly, angry strides taking up the distance as he pushed Dean back against the window, hovering over him. “You think I want to think about it Dean? Want to think about all the times we’ve been together, want to remember every goddamn moment of that with this in my head? It’s why I couldn’t… I just … Dean …”
His voice broke and it was more than enough to break Dean. Because he hadn’t lied. No matter what Dean was feeling inside, he’d always take care of Sam first. “Sammy. We’ll figure this out. Somehow, we’ll get through this.”
Sam looked up at him and Dean didn’t have time to turn away before Sam’s lips were crashing into his. Sam held him in place like Dean would actually try to run. He didn’t want to run though, couldn’t run from Sam and the way he felt about him, but Sam had lost his faith in that.
When Sam pushed at his jacket Dean let it fall from his shoulders. He wasn’t sure what Sam wanted, but he was going to give it to him anyway.
He toed off his shoes as he pushed at Sam’s coat, felt Sam stumbling over his shoes as well and they were pushing and pulling towards the bed. He pulled Sam’s shirt over his head and nearly collided with the bed post because Sam decided to blind him by removing his shirt too. They were fumbling for belt buckles as they fell onto the bed and then they were naked, Sam on top of him, pressing him hard into the mattress.
Dean managed to get his hand up and as Sam kissed him, he caressed his face, his thumb running up and over his cheekbones again and again. It gentled Sam, calmed his movements but there was nothing peaceful in their joining. Sam didn’t let Dean prep him, just slid down Dean’s cock and rode him slow and steady, eyes closed with his head thrown back.
It was too much though and Dean grabbed for him, pulling him back to his lips, and then flipping them over so that he was in control again. Sam let him, his face turned to the side as Dean thrust in and out of his body.
When he felt his climax building, he used one hand to pull Sam’s face to his. “Look at me Sammy.” His lover didn’t open his eyes but Dean didn’t stop. “Damn it Sammy, look at me, you owe me that much.”
He understood his mistake then, knew instinctively that he should have let Sam look away but it was too late and as Sam came over his hand, Dean fell down the hole, painting his lover’s insides. He felt the tears running down his face and watched in horrid fascination as Sam’s fell as well.
He pulled away a second later and Sam turned onto his side, pulling away as much as he could in the small confines of the bed.
“Why?” Dean finally asked because he’d given Sam just what he wanted and he deserved an answer. He deserved to know why Sam was saying good-bye like this.
“In the morning, someone will say it. Tomorrow I can’t hide behind not knowing.” Sam got up then, dressing quickly. He paused at the door and Dean didn’t want him to go, didn’t want him to stay either, but more than anything he didn’t want to hear the next words out of Sam’s lips. “Tomorrow, Bobby will have to tell me that I’m in love with my big brother.”
On to Chapter Seven