Not All Memories
Not All Memories
Derek didn’t know if he’d heard him right, but this wasn’t the time to start questioning that sort of thing. John pushed against him, his hips pistoning in and out of him, his hands holding his own down on the dirty mattress. He didn’t know what had caused this, didn’t understand how John knew just how to rile him up and how to touch him, didn’t know what this was that had been growing between them since he’d first found John Connor.
“I remember this…” He heard John say and Derek wanted to break in two, wanted to be anything John needed but he didn’t want to be a replacement for someone else. Didn’t want to be the person who helped him remember someone else. Only there was no one else and if it meant that John held onto his humanity a little longer, a little harder at the end of the day, then Derek as willing to forget his own misgivings about the nature of this and just enjoy it for what it was.
John’s lips covered his suddenly, tongue demanding entrance and it was everything he’d ever fantasized about. When he pulled back and looked Derek in the eye, there was something there, some emotion that he didn’t know how to explain. “Want you to remember this too.” John said sadly.
There was so much pain in his voice that Derek nearly choked on it. “I will remember this John, Jesus you think I could forget this?”
It was John’s turn to choke, his laughter bitter and raw and he buried himself in Derek’s neck as he fucked into him even harder, sobbing the whole time.
Later, when he asked, John said it was nothing. Just… childish notions and memories of the only stable thing he’d ever had since his childhood. When Derek asked what that had to do with him, John smiled sadly again. He didn’t answer. Derek never asked again. John Connor had way too many secrets. It wasn’t for another two years that he understood. By then, he did the only thing he could do.
When John was buried inside him for the first time, eyes wide and wondering, he pulled him down for a kiss, held him close and when their eyes met, he smiled. “I remember this.” He said softly. “You need to remember this too.”
John smiled, a little confused at Derek’s sudden sentimental side. “Why?”
“In the future… just… remember. Not all memories are bad.”