For talking_muses
May Prompt: 3c. Despair
Spoilers for 2.21 'All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1' under this cut. You have been warned!
What people don’t tend to realise that if you lose too much you start losing sight of everything including yourself. Every passing second is like an eternity, nothing feels the way it should and life is a stretch of highway that you don’t have the will to travel along any more.
Dean’s lost his mother, himself, his father and now Sam.
As long as Dean had Sam he had something but now he has nothing and he’s had enough. He’s fought so long and so hard but nothing is ever enough and everything he does is insignificant in the long run. Sam’s dead and Dean can’t bring himself to bury him and he can’t bring himself to accept that Sam’s gone.
Bobby’s there, telling Dean that he needs to get himself together. The things Dean would probably be saying to anybody else in this position but Dean isn’t listening. He’s lost too much and he doesn’t care any more.
He just wants this to be over, for the pain to stop and the world to end. He doesn’t care enough to keep fighting when all it does is lose him the people he loves. What’s the point? How is any of this fair? Hasn’t he given enough? Hasn’t he lost enough already?
The only thing that seems to mask the pain is the burning taste of whiskey in the back of his throat. It blurs the sharp broken corners of Dean’s heart until he doesn’t know where they start and end. It’s stupid and Dean knows it’s stupid but he’s lost everything, he doesn’t know what he’s fighting for any more.
He doesn’t even know if he wants to fight any more.
He failed Sam, he failed dad and worst of all - he’s failed himself. He promised that he’d take care of Sam and if he could he would save him. Sam’s dead, died in Dean’s arm. How was that Dean saving Sam? If only he’d gotten there sooner.
Everything is a regret and nothing will ever steal away the sorrow and pain in Dean’s eyes.
He knew this would be the way, knew he’d be the one to bury every member of his family because everybody always leaves. It hurts and he’s angry in a way he hadn’t expected and he’s bitter; he’s lost everything that ever mattered to him to this fight - to a fight that seems endless and pointless.
Dean’s tired of fighting, tired of losing things and tired being the one to bear the weight of the world on his shoulders. Why can’t someone else do it? Why can’t somebody else lose the people they love? Why does he have to be the one that loses everything?
It isn’t fair, it’s never been fair.
Dean doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t even know where to begin and it feels like he’s been swallowed whole by the crushing weight of despair and there’s nothing left to surface with again. Dean doesn’t think he has the strength to survive this and if he’s absolutely honest with himself he doesn’t want to survive this.
Sam’s dead and Dean’s drowning.
Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural
Word Count : 522
Spoilers for 2.21 'All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1' under this cut. You have been warned!
What people don’t tend to realise that if you lose too much you start losing sight of everything including yourself. Every passing second is like an eternity, nothing feels the way it should and life is a stretch of highway that you don’t have the will to travel along any more.
Dean’s lost his mother, himself, his father and now Sam.
As long as Dean had Sam he had something but now he has nothing and he’s had enough. He’s fought so long and so hard but nothing is ever enough and everything he does is insignificant in the long run. Sam’s dead and Dean can’t bring himself to bury him and he can’t bring himself to accept that Sam’s gone.
Bobby’s there, telling Dean that he needs to get himself together. The things Dean would probably be saying to anybody else in this position but Dean isn’t listening. He’s lost too much and he doesn’t care any more.
He just wants this to be over, for the pain to stop and the world to end. He doesn’t care enough to keep fighting when all it does is lose him the people he loves. What’s the point? How is any of this fair? Hasn’t he given enough? Hasn’t he lost enough already?
The only thing that seems to mask the pain is the burning taste of whiskey in the back of his throat. It blurs the sharp broken corners of Dean’s heart until he doesn’t know where they start and end. It’s stupid and Dean knows it’s stupid but he’s lost everything, he doesn’t know what he’s fighting for any more.
He doesn’t even know if he wants to fight any more.
He failed Sam, he failed dad and worst of all - he’s failed himself. He promised that he’d take care of Sam and if he could he would save him. Sam’s dead, died in Dean’s arm. How was that Dean saving Sam? If only he’d gotten there sooner.
Everything is a regret and nothing will ever steal away the sorrow and pain in Dean’s eyes.
He knew this would be the way, knew he’d be the one to bury every member of his family because everybody always leaves. It hurts and he’s angry in a way he hadn’t expected and he’s bitter; he’s lost everything that ever mattered to him to this fight - to a fight that seems endless and pointless.
Dean’s tired of fighting, tired of losing things and tired being the one to bear the weight of the world on his shoulders. Why can’t someone else do it? Why can’t somebody else lose the people they love? Why does he have to be the one that loses everything?
It isn’t fair, it’s never been fair.
Dean doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t even know where to begin and it feels like he’s been swallowed whole by the crushing weight of despair and there’s nothing left to surface with again. Dean doesn’t think he has the strength to survive this and if he’s absolutely honest with himself he doesn’t want to survive this.
Sam’s dead and Dean’s drowning.
Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural
Word Count : 522