Eggshell Flooring
Went to Tyson and Molly's handfasting on the first.
Came home. While I was gone (less than 24 hours) my bicycle was stolen. The broken lock hung on the open locker. I called Stephen. Started crying only when I talked to him. I guess I felt safe enough to break down a little.
He picked me up. We had some high-quality prope and made love all morning. I mean really made love. I was there with him in love. Until I wanted him inside me. Then I "wanted" to "get" something, and I turned to violence. We ended up twelve hours after we'd started, frustrated and angry. It's difficult to remember the beautiful love part when I end us so angry.
I'm tired. Sleeping again, but not breathing. The prope cleared my nose for about 18 hours. I've started coughing. My contacts stay in their case and my glasses protect my eyes a bit. I'm angry.
When I make a mistake or misunderstand something, Stephen acts like I am intentionally assaulting him. I know he's on edge. I know why. I have hurt him a lot, seemingly on purpose. It's just one more thing.
He said, in his usual insightful-guru way, that I need to stop lying to my new boyfriend. He says I am giving impressions to my new boyfriend about my old boyfriend. I denied having a new boyfriend, and he laughed at me. He even said, "What's his name? Chad?"
I don't know what Chad and I will be together. I feel like being alone.
"He's not strong enough, you know. You'll break him if you fuck with him at all," warned Stephen. "You have to be totally gentle and honest with him. That's not something you're good at."
I know.
Came home. While I was gone (less than 24 hours) my bicycle was stolen. The broken lock hung on the open locker. I called Stephen. Started crying only when I talked to him. I guess I felt safe enough to break down a little.
He picked me up. We had some high-quality prope and made love all morning. I mean really made love. I was there with him in love. Until I wanted him inside me. Then I "wanted" to "get" something, and I turned to violence. We ended up twelve hours after we'd started, frustrated and angry. It's difficult to remember the beautiful love part when I end us so angry.
I'm tired. Sleeping again, but not breathing. The prope cleared my nose for about 18 hours. I've started coughing. My contacts stay in their case and my glasses protect my eyes a bit. I'm angry.
When I make a mistake or misunderstand something, Stephen acts like I am intentionally assaulting him. I know he's on edge. I know why. I have hurt him a lot, seemingly on purpose. It's just one more thing.
He said, in his usual insightful-guru way, that I need to stop lying to my new boyfriend. He says I am giving impressions to my new boyfriend about my old boyfriend. I denied having a new boyfriend, and he laughed at me. He even said, "What's his name? Chad?"
I don't know what Chad and I will be together. I feel like being alone.
"He's not strong enough, you know. You'll break him if you fuck with him at all," warned Stephen. "You have to be totally gentle and honest with him. That's not something you're good at."
I know.