(no subject)
So I don't even know when I last actually posted an entry but I know it was in or around my birthday which was like, a month ago.
My brother - little brother - is getting married in 2 weeks. Like... how did this happen. I am the oldest aren't I the one supposed to be finding my happily ever after first? I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything but fuck. Can't life throw me a bone (literally!!) every now and then. Obviously not. If it rains it pours and apparently my life is all about the pouring. Ok so I know it's not a huge deal and I kind of feel like my life is complete sans man however it would make life easy-er-ish at times. And I'm lonely, And tired of being alone.
My job is. Ugh. I made an error a few weeks ago not realising the severity of this error. Easily fixed and not a huge deal although it could have been one.. it was a mistake.... I should have known better and I didn't. I just feel now that my boss no longer trusts me (I have been assured thats my own insecurity and in my head for the most part by my immediate supervisor) Anyway. Either way I just dont' feel that I need to be there anymore so I have begun actively looking for a new job. Now, for the most part I have been unhappy and thinking of looking for a new job for sometime this whole chain of events is just kind of the catalyst. Is it running away? Not sure. I know the last 3 weeks I have been working hard to earn back any respect that he may have lost for me. I just hate fucking up.
Anyway, I have had a few interviews and since then realised my office is not the end all and be all of the dental world and there are a lot of great positions out there with great hours and people and hopefully soon I will be given a good opportunity soon!
Things with Jeff are fucking retarded for lack of better phrase. He plays games big time - not allowing me enough rope (so to speak) to move on but not giving any indication any kind of reunion will ever happen. So what the hell am I holding on to any part of him for? I ask myself this everyday. I have no clue. Its just him - I just can't explain it - I am connected to him and I can't just break that but I really really REALLY need to move on. I think. Anyway. He knows how to keep me hanging on without giving me enough to rope him in. What s that considered? Not enough to hang yourself with?
Other then that. Yeah thats me. How boring is that. Just the same old heartbroken insecure girl I have been since I was 20. Only now I'm 30. Super Old. Yup I said it.
xoxo.
My brother - little brother - is getting married in 2 weeks. Like... how did this happen. I am the oldest aren't I the one supposed to be finding my happily ever after first? I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything but fuck. Can't life throw me a bone (literally!!) every now and then. Obviously not. If it rains it pours and apparently my life is all about the pouring. Ok so I know it's not a huge deal and I kind of feel like my life is complete sans man however it would make life easy-er-ish at times. And I'm lonely, And tired of being alone.
My job is. Ugh. I made an error a few weeks ago not realising the severity of this error. Easily fixed and not a huge deal although it could have been one.. it was a mistake.... I should have known better and I didn't. I just feel now that my boss no longer trusts me (I have been assured thats my own insecurity and in my head for the most part by my immediate supervisor) Anyway. Either way I just dont' feel that I need to be there anymore so I have begun actively looking for a new job. Now, for the most part I have been unhappy and thinking of looking for a new job for sometime this whole chain of events is just kind of the catalyst. Is it running away? Not sure. I know the last 3 weeks I have been working hard to earn back any respect that he may have lost for me. I just hate fucking up.
Anyway, I have had a few interviews and since then realised my office is not the end all and be all of the dental world and there are a lot of great positions out there with great hours and people and hopefully soon I will be given a good opportunity soon!
Things with Jeff are fucking retarded for lack of better phrase. He plays games big time - not allowing me enough rope (so to speak) to move on but not giving any indication any kind of reunion will ever happen. So what the hell am I holding on to any part of him for? I ask myself this everyday. I have no clue. Its just him - I just can't explain it - I am connected to him and I can't just break that but I really really REALLY need to move on. I think. Anyway. He knows how to keep me hanging on without giving me enough to rope him in. What s that considered? Not enough to hang yourself with?
Other then that. Yeah thats me. How boring is that. Just the same old heartbroken insecure girl I have been since I was 20. Only now I'm 30. Super Old. Yup I said it.
xoxo.