Being a baby
I havent updated in a while. I haven't written anything really in a while.
I have left Korea.
It was really really sad. Kids cried. My coworkers cried. They made me a book of photos and letters from students. I read them when I got back to my apartment. Then I cried.
It was really hard to go. It was really hard to go to the bar on Friday night knowing I wouldn't see most of these people for a long time, if ever.
It was really overwhelming to know that it was over.
It is... over.
I expect at any moment to wake up on a bus going through cheongju, through shinae and to my apartment. My one room, shit apartment.
But I am not.
It will hit me when I get home.
Currently, I am in Saigon / Ho Chi Minh. I got fucked over by one hotel and 3 taxis but after a rough start I have enjoyed my time. Tomorrow morning I leave for Cambodia. I have no plan (no real plan anyway) and I am actually pretty nervous. Mexico went bad for me. I have this fear that Cambodia could go the same way. After Cambodia I will go to Thailand.
From Thailand I fly Egypt Air to Barcelona via Cairo.
This is the flight I am dreading. It is an 8 hour night flight on an airline and route with a HORRIBLE reputation. It has been a long time since I had my issues with panic attacks but recently I can feel the familliar bits of that nightmare comming back. It isn't a good feeling. That flight to Cairo is my nightmare. Flying at night is my hell. If it is stuffy and cramped. Jesus.
I have a lot of xanax. I took it en route to china and saigon and it seemed to help a little but I was always on edge. Towards the end of both flights I was aware that I was starting to become restless and couldnt stop moving. Its how I delayed panic attacks before.
When I came to Korea I reassured mysef by looking up safety records and flying facts. Looking up the safety record of Egypt Air and reviews of the Bangkok - Cairo route is NOT reassuring.
I fucking hate flying.
I have left Korea.
It was really really sad. Kids cried. My coworkers cried. They made me a book of photos and letters from students. I read them when I got back to my apartment. Then I cried.
It was really hard to go. It was really hard to go to the bar on Friday night knowing I wouldn't see most of these people for a long time, if ever.
It was really overwhelming to know that it was over.
It is... over.
I expect at any moment to wake up on a bus going through cheongju, through shinae and to my apartment. My one room, shit apartment.
But I am not.
It will hit me when I get home.
Currently, I am in Saigon / Ho Chi Minh. I got fucked over by one hotel and 3 taxis but after a rough start I have enjoyed my time. Tomorrow morning I leave for Cambodia. I have no plan (no real plan anyway) and I am actually pretty nervous. Mexico went bad for me. I have this fear that Cambodia could go the same way. After Cambodia I will go to Thailand.
From Thailand I fly Egypt Air to Barcelona via Cairo.
This is the flight I am dreading. It is an 8 hour night flight on an airline and route with a HORRIBLE reputation. It has been a long time since I had my issues with panic attacks but recently I can feel the familliar bits of that nightmare comming back. It isn't a good feeling. That flight to Cairo is my nightmare. Flying at night is my hell. If it is stuffy and cramped. Jesus.
I have a lot of xanax. I took it en route to china and saigon and it seemed to help a little but I was always on edge. Towards the end of both flights I was aware that I was starting to become restless and couldnt stop moving. Its how I delayed panic attacks before.
When I came to Korea I reassured mysef by looking up safety records and flying facts. Looking up the safety record of Egypt Air and reviews of the Bangkok - Cairo route is NOT reassuring.
I fucking hate flying.