The word for the thing that I do with my time

[hungrymama]

I hate that moment of panic I feel when I'm at a gathering of people I don't really know and someone asks me the dread question "...and what do you do?" It take conscious effort not to look at my shuffling feet and preface my answer with "just". I've heard so many times that people without a life outside their children are boring or sad that I fear being dismissed before they've given me the chance (this rarely actually happens but the possibility hangs over such exchanges). There seems to be an enormous need to find terms that differentiate those mothers who engage in economic activity outside of their domestic role from those who do not* (for fathers we only seem to feel the need to differentiate those who eschew paid employment) yet finding terms which are accurate descriptors and which cannot be read as hurtful to one or the other group seems nearly impossible. Anything that implies that parenting and household duties do not constitute work is obviously out and anything that suggests that parenting mostly involves 'staying at home" is usually hopelessly inaccurate. For a while I was quite keen on "full time parent" until it was pointed out to me that this makes it sound like I think people stop being parents when they aren't with their kids. I think the difficulty there is that we tend to conflate the identity of parent (which I would continue to have even if my children died or were taken from me) with the work of parenting (which I am only engaged in when I'm doing something with or for my children). Still, if the term you use needs a long disclaimer every time you use it, it's not really workable. Maybe the answer is to change the world so that both the work and the role of parenting has enough status that we all, male and female, regardless of whether we have additional occupations,  announce ourselves proudly as parents without need for any qualifier. Until that day I need a better term to introduce myself with.

*I am very aware that this ignores the many parents who by virtue of part-time paid work, self employment or other circumstances sit outside of this binary.