to my future boyfriend
Dear Future Boyfriend,
Believe me. I do need you.
You see, I grew up with two older brothers who never left me food and refused to let me tag along, with the Spice Girls yelling "GIIIIIRL POWER!!!" with peace signs and platform boots waving in the air, with magazines insisting that I didn't need guys to feel happy and have fun, with male classmates treating me like just another one of the guys. I realized, early on in life, that guys weren't going to treat me like a princess, that I had to learn how to take care and love myself. So I did.
And now, I'm being told that the reason I haven't met you yet (or have I, and I just don't know it yet?) is because I don't make guys feel needed. Something about my personality being "too much" for guys, yada yada. (Personally, I think it's my waistline that's too much.)
While my other feminist friends are yelling "SO WHAT?! I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH THEIR INSECURITIES!", I choose to understand you. (See? Great girlfriend material already!) I don't think it's a male insecurity; I think it's a basic human emotion to want to be needed. Nobody wants to feel useless or unnecessary, and I imagine I'd want you to need me too. So let me assure you that you are, indeed, very much needed, and I will tell you why.
First of all, I'm not going to dumb myself up or make myself helpless on purpose. I refuse to do this and present myself as someone I'm not. It would be like lying to you anyway, and lying in a relationship is never good. I've been taking care of myself for a long time now, and so please understand and accept I am a strong, capable, independent young woman. In fact, this is one of the things that you will like in me.
I can carry my own handbag. (I hate, hate those boyfriends carrying their girlfriend's handbags. HELLO. Women like bags, and if we're going to own them and carry them, LET US. Carrying them for us means you want us to say "I carry bags just so that my boyfriend can carry it for me." Carry our backpacks, our laptop bags. BUT OUR HANDBAGS? Unless they have back problems, please don't make your girlfriends look like helpless wimps.) I can drive myself. I can read maps. I can hold my own drink.
But none of this means I'm invincible, that I don't need anything or anyone. It certainly doesn't mean that I don't need you.
I need you because (let's cover the basics first) I love you, and I love being around people I love. It makes me happy, and I like being happy.
I need you because you will be my partner, my boyfriend, and possibly my husband, and we will be together for a lot of things in our lives. As we walk through life's journey, I need you to be my confirmation. When I see a falling star and yell "DID YOU SEE THAT?!", when I discover a new restaurant and want to try a new dish, when say something that I think is funny, when I work hard for my dreams and make them come true, when I grow older and look back at everything I've done, I need you to be there. You will be my witness to my life, our life.
I need you to be my consolation, my shoulder to cry on. Life can and will get difficult, and I will need you to be there when things go wrong or awry. I need you to be that strong guy I know you are to pull me together when I fall apart. When I do something bad, you will remind me about the good in me and push me to be better.
I need you to be my affirmation, to choose me everyday, again and again. Billions of people in this world, and I need you to remind me why I'm here, why I'm one of a kind, and why you chose to be with me. You will know me, possibly better than I know myself, understand me, and remind me who I am.
I need you to challenge me. You will read my work and critique honestly, disagree with some of my opinions (but respect them) and ask me to explain and defend them, weigh the pros and cons of my choices with me, remind me to stick to my New Year's resolutions, dare me to do crazy things, encourage me to swallow my fears. You will believe in me and in so doing, you will make me stronger.
I need you to inspire me. When I look at you, I'll see the incredible man you are and know that men can be faithful to one woman, that hard work can turn dreams into reality, that people can hold onto their values even if times change. You will enthrall me with your passion, your ideas, your dreams, your English (because you know good English makes me weak in the knees), your love for life.
Yes, I love and celebrate myself, but who says I don't need you? It's true that I don't need you to be a happy, complete and fulfilled person, but I still need you to share my self and my life with. (And yes, I need you to fix the occasional glitch on my laptop.) I mean, isn't happiness fantastic when you share it with someone? It multiples joy by a hundredfold! I choose you to want to be with you, to need you, to spend my life with because you make it better, make me better.
And if you don't believe any of this, I really need you to find me so I can show you and tell you what an awesome person you are. You will make me so very, very happy. I will do everything that I said I'd need you to do here (and more!) because I want to make you happy too, as happy as you will make me. You may not realize it, but oh my God, you're incredible, and I'm going to be the luckiest girl in the world.
So get here when you can. <3
Love,
Monique
Believe me. I do need you.
You see, I grew up with two older brothers who never left me food and refused to let me tag along, with the Spice Girls yelling "GIIIIIRL POWER!!!" with peace signs and platform boots waving in the air, with magazines insisting that I didn't need guys to feel happy and have fun, with male classmates treating me like just another one of the guys. I realized, early on in life, that guys weren't going to treat me like a princess, that I had to learn how to take care and love myself. So I did.
And now, I'm being told that the reason I haven't met you yet (or have I, and I just don't know it yet?) is because I don't make guys feel needed. Something about my personality being "too much" for guys, yada yada. (Personally, I think it's my waistline that's too much.)
While my other feminist friends are yelling "SO WHAT?! I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH THEIR INSECURITIES!", I choose to understand you. (See? Great girlfriend material already!) I don't think it's a male insecurity; I think it's a basic human emotion to want to be needed. Nobody wants to feel useless or unnecessary, and I imagine I'd want you to need me too. So let me assure you that you are, indeed, very much needed, and I will tell you why.
First of all, I'm not going to dumb myself up or make myself helpless on purpose. I refuse to do this and present myself as someone I'm not. It would be like lying to you anyway, and lying in a relationship is never good. I've been taking care of myself for a long time now, and so please understand and accept I am a strong, capable, independent young woman. In fact, this is one of the things that you will like in me.
I can carry my own handbag. (I hate, hate those boyfriends carrying their girlfriend's handbags. HELLO. Women like bags, and if we're going to own them and carry them, LET US. Carrying them for us means you want us to say "I carry bags just so that my boyfriend can carry it for me." Carry our backpacks, our laptop bags. BUT OUR HANDBAGS? Unless they have back problems, please don't make your girlfriends look like helpless wimps.) I can drive myself. I can read maps. I can hold my own drink.
But none of this means I'm invincible, that I don't need anything or anyone. It certainly doesn't mean that I don't need you.
I need you because (let's cover the basics first) I love you, and I love being around people I love. It makes me happy, and I like being happy.
I need you because you will be my partner, my boyfriend, and possibly my husband, and we will be together for a lot of things in our lives. As we walk through life's journey, I need you to be my confirmation. When I see a falling star and yell "DID YOU SEE THAT?!", when I discover a new restaurant and want to try a new dish, when say something that I think is funny, when I work hard for my dreams and make them come true, when I grow older and look back at everything I've done, I need you to be there. You will be my witness to my life, our life.
I need you to be my consolation, my shoulder to cry on. Life can and will get difficult, and I will need you to be there when things go wrong or awry. I need you to be that strong guy I know you are to pull me together when I fall apart. When I do something bad, you will remind me about the good in me and push me to be better.
I need you to be my affirmation, to choose me everyday, again and again. Billions of people in this world, and I need you to remind me why I'm here, why I'm one of a kind, and why you chose to be with me. You will know me, possibly better than I know myself, understand me, and remind me who I am.
I need you to challenge me. You will read my work and critique honestly, disagree with some of my opinions (but respect them) and ask me to explain and defend them, weigh the pros and cons of my choices with me, remind me to stick to my New Year's resolutions, dare me to do crazy things, encourage me to swallow my fears. You will believe in me and in so doing, you will make me stronger.
I need you to inspire me. When I look at you, I'll see the incredible man you are and know that men can be faithful to one woman, that hard work can turn dreams into reality, that people can hold onto their values even if times change. You will enthrall me with your passion, your ideas, your dreams, your English (because you know good English makes me weak in the knees), your love for life.
Yes, I love and celebrate myself, but who says I don't need you? It's true that I don't need you to be a happy, complete and fulfilled person, but I still need you to share my self and my life with. (And yes, I need you to fix the occasional glitch on my laptop.) I mean, isn't happiness fantastic when you share it with someone? It multiples joy by a hundredfold! I choose you to want to be with you, to need you, to spend my life with because you make it better, make me better.
And if you don't believe any of this, I really need you to find me so I can show you and tell you what an awesome person you are. You will make me so very, very happy. I will do everything that I said I'd need you to do here (and more!) because I want to make you happy too, as happy as you will make me. You may not realize it, but oh my God, you're incredible, and I'm going to be the luckiest girl in the world.
So get here when you can. <3
Love,
Monique