My future
When I think about my future, I always come up with a blank. Things have been this way for as long as I can remember. It makes me feel like I am blind. I can't seem to grasp where my life has been, and I can't seem to picture myself in the future very well.
I have struggled throughout my life trying to figure out what I like and dislike, and I have spent way too many evenings and lonely afternoons wishing, hoping, that I will find my way...
I still have not found my way, I fear.
I've spent years with the wrong crowds, wandering through my life trying to find a place where I feel welcome and wanted. I have spent many years looking for a place, a group, a "clique", where I feel like I belong, and as of now, there are very few people who make me feel like I "belong".
I saw a psychologist recently, and he told me to write down a list of occupations that may interest me. I have thought about being a courier, and a pet groomer/caretaker, such as at a pet resort or a veterinary hospital.
I've taken a nursing assistant course, only to find, in the end, that I did not want to pursue a career in caring for people like that. I just don't have the drive, the passion, the desire, to continue along that path.
I keep telling myself I want to finish school... but in reality, I have had enough, more than enough, of schooling. The only reason I want to finish school is so that I have a degree, which would open up doors to many other occupations, which would otherwise be unavailable to someone without some sort of degree.
I just feel lost, still. I feel "home"less. I feel like a lost wanderer, who's soul is too pitiful to save. But I know I belong. I have wonderful friends, and a supportive family... I just can't figure out what I want to do with my life, which makes me feel worthless and unloveable.
And so, I feel unfulfilled, unmotivated.
I wish I could figure out myself, and figure out a way to break free from this. It's like being in a coma, and stuck, unable to bring myself out of unconsciousness.
~Reuben~
I have struggled throughout my life trying to figure out what I like and dislike, and I have spent way too many evenings and lonely afternoons wishing, hoping, that I will find my way...
I still have not found my way, I fear.
I've spent years with the wrong crowds, wandering through my life trying to find a place where I feel welcome and wanted. I have spent many years looking for a place, a group, a "clique", where I feel like I belong, and as of now, there are very few people who make me feel like I "belong".
I saw a psychologist recently, and he told me to write down a list of occupations that may interest me. I have thought about being a courier, and a pet groomer/caretaker, such as at a pet resort or a veterinary hospital.
I've taken a nursing assistant course, only to find, in the end, that I did not want to pursue a career in caring for people like that. I just don't have the drive, the passion, the desire, to continue along that path.
I keep telling myself I want to finish school... but in reality, I have had enough, more than enough, of schooling. The only reason I want to finish school is so that I have a degree, which would open up doors to many other occupations, which would otherwise be unavailable to someone without some sort of degree.
I just feel lost, still. I feel "home"less. I feel like a lost wanderer, who's soul is too pitiful to save. But I know I belong. I have wonderful friends, and a supportive family... I just can't figure out what I want to do with my life, which makes me feel worthless and unloveable.
And so, I feel unfulfilled, unmotivated.
I wish I could figure out myself, and figure out a way to break free from this. It's like being in a coma, and stuck, unable to bring myself out of unconsciousness.
~Reuben~