(no subject)
i'm trying. i am. and i'm going to keep trying, but wanting and working and giving and asking and praying doesn't seem to get me there. SO what do i do? do i keep in the cycle? how i am supposed to foresee the route? all i know is if i dont i'll regret it. I am losing parts of myself to doubt and to worry. I am losing him from fear of what i reolve will not be the inevtiable. I also feel like the work i do... it's adding up to nothing. The things that i want to be good at... why am i failing? why am i failing myself? more and more i realize that i am not that special. and that other people work hard too, and i have no right to complain. i feel very small and without power, but also that i have made myself small and sans power through my entire life. what power will i give. what power will keep me together. why does everything i do and every effort feel insignificant? why can't i see what's there? Wy do i need affirmation? Why do i resent the people around me for the things i love about them or the things they cannot control? why can't i achieve the fucking things i want without other's help? what right do i have. i have none. i have the right to pursue happiness but in many ways it is pursuit.
what in me has changed and what in me refuses to?
and how wretched is it to know that there would be someone to wipe my tears away if only he could reach them.
what in me has changed and what in me refuses to?
and how wretched is it to know that there would be someone to wipe my tears away if only he could reach them.