(no subject)

Apr 26, 2008 22:04

Anxious about surgery.

Concentrate on the good parts, not the bad. Or at least remember the good parts.
In cognitive behavioural therapy, this is called "modifying self-talk"

What if something goes wrong while I'm out.
          I'm not getting heart surgery; they're not going to crack my ribcage.
          They're barely opening me up. This isn't actually that invasive.
          If screwups happened a lot, surgeons would be poor. They aren't.
         Would I rather be conscious and powerless? AKA "a passenger in a car."
                   Other than sleep, I've never been unconscious before. This could be interesting.
                   I fixed the CFS thing, so if I do die, the timing is good. Maybe we can claim I was assassinated?
                   I should try to remember everything so I can write it down later.

What if the eyebrows are overraised?
          You really should raise the forehead and eyebrows if you're changing the shape of the brow.
          The pictures indicate that this is not a problem.
                   It will look right. It will feel right.

Cut a nerve; loss of sensation or motor control.
          Unlikely. He said there'd been no problems to date, and other patients confirm this.
                   Not jerking my hand away when I go to lean on my jaw because I know that that bone flare shouldn't be there.
                   Not looknig in the mirror and thinking What the fuck is that? Am I imagining that? That really shouldn't be there.
                   Long hair won't make me look like a guy in a dress.
                   Oh yeah, and it will look nice.

If the Adam's apple thing fucks up...
          He says he has a clean record, and not only is that a criminal thing to lie about, my research confirms his claim.
                   You don't have to do it. It can wait.

She said that her scalp advance there caused hair loss.
        That particular patient seemed angry at all of her surgeons
        And she was the only patient with complaints
        And most of her complaints are things you'd consider to be par for the course
        And if scalp advances caused hair loss, balding guys wouldn't use them.
        And the surgeon didn't list it as a side-effect, which would be very stupid under American medical law if it was.
        The only other woman who had a problem here was really happy with the response.
                  I'll be able to get a short haircut. Really short. Stubble. And it will look/feel like a female hair pattern.

Plastic Surgery is vain
          It's my body, bitch.
          I'd get a prehensile tail if I could.
          This ain't "cosmetic," it's reconstructive. Cissexed women with androgen problems feel the same way.
                   Dude. This is like science fiction!

Scars
          So? I have scars now. No-one notices, and they don't bother me.
                   If you get unwanted tissues taken out, there's a scar. What of it?
                   Cool! Scars!
                   They'll probably go away quickly.

Bright sunlight or a camera flash won't make me look like something I'm not.
        I can get mistaken for a teenage boy and/or FtM that much more often.
            Or heck, even read as a girl that much more often. I hear that's popular with a lot of MtFs.
                It will be done. Over. I don't have to do this again. And in the unlikely case that I do, it's on the house.
                    I know I don't need it, but I do know that I want it.
                        This needs to happen. It will precipitate something - I don't know what.
                             How could I say no to something this interesting?
                                  I will look and feel like me.

Plane leaves tomorrow.

transition, surgery, beauty, tg, embodiment, trans, mental health, cbt, ffs, gender, gq

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