TAKE THIS TO YOUR GRAVE.
i think the hospital is the only thing that can keep me in love with you. this is shock-fucking-therapy that's long overdue, but i hate feeling as fucked as i do. i'm not waiting up at night anymore. nothing is coming to me anymore. i'm getting out. i'll never get out. if the shoe fits, fuck it. it feels like my nose is bleeding but the nurse is just prepping me. i hate the way she looks at me. i'm getting sick, really sick. things are not looking up and neither am i. maybe i should get a new set of eyes. this is not making sense anymore. fuck all your death. the beat is drowning on and on and on and on and on and on and on and so am i and i just don't care. there's someone inside me. the bottle's half empty because i've been pouring it out. talk about throwing everything away. this is a call for help. slice my skeleton in half if you can. PUT ME ON A SHIP WITH NO DESTINATION. LET ME ESCAPE. the kid across the table is talking about a word i heard on a song title one time. and i want to fucking smack him for it. his clever eyes and facial disguise does nothing for the person he's trying to hide. why am i even writing about him? i guess it's to get her off my mind but nothing works. tonight's goodbye was one of the worst. my parents skipped town and i trained to be a knight. all i wanted to do was rescue you, just once. because heroes always get the girl in the end. unfortunately i'm no hero, i'm just short of romantic. sympathy flying in a tree level and causing a backyard catastrophe. now how am i going to clean up this mess? drowning in sleep on purpose. i've got dinner dates and last-chance-planes to miss. every day it's, "i'll catch up tomorrow." it's a fool-proof plan. give me three years and we'll see who's got themselves turned around and inside out. go ahead and and pretend like i'm what you want. i feel like i'm another boy on the line of 'next-best-things'. everyone is downtown tonight but my friends and i. "mute the stereo so i can hear what she hast to say," i say. but the connection's lost. or you just hung up. or you never called at all. i faked this so hard that it became real in my head. now i'm waiting for calls from numbers that ring back 'dead'. i could make you feel like a princess but you'd find a better prince to share your nights with. when it all comes down to it, i love you so much and i secretly beg for a reply. and die for affection. i sleep through everything because i know i'm not missing much. but only because i can't help but miss everything. or everyone. or mainly just you.