To my one and only brother
Dear Rick,
I never thought for any reason that I would have to write a letter to you in my wildest dreams. As long as I can remember, most of the time we spent together was you helping me grow up. Times tables used to be cruel before you. Coach Krichbaum was blown away by my free throw and layup game that you taught me in that basketball court off of Weller Road (or at least I think it was Weller Road). Were it not for you I never would have become more pass rushing oriented than focused on coverage and intercepting the ball, especially in Madden and GameDay, moreso GameDay. Those football game scores always looked like basketball game scores.
It wasn't pleasant when you eventually got kicked out of Stilton Circle nearing the height of mom and dad's issues. Bobbie, Debbie, Mom and I were worried about where you were and what would go on. Time went by and being the child that I was at the time, I always heard things ages too late, if at all. But that's ok, i was taken care of. I eventually got used to not seeing you on a regular basis after that, but in retrospect given your age at the time, i fully understand now and could never dream of faulting you for it. Then again, it was not like you were afforded a choice anyways. Time went on and we did what we had to do in our lives. You had finally started establishing yourself by the time I reached college, and I was happy to know that you were beginning to get things on track.
These past few years though haven't been the same. You and I spoke of it previously and I'm not going to defile this letter with that. I might have been the one you trusted, but bobbie, debbie and mom wanted to get to you somehow too. They always wanted to, and didn't want you to feel that they judge you. Unfortunately it is inevitable in some cases. I always tried though, and you saw that. I think that's why you always kept me filled in on the details.
I've rambled on in this letter. I don't know where it came from or where it is going. This will most likely not be the last (probably the last in this particular medium). All that I know is that by the will of some person, be it you, be it another, you are no longer here. It touched me to know that I was the last person you spoke to in person, shortly before... yeah. I wish our goodbye was more appropriate though. I should have told you I loved you. Something I haven't said to my father since i was a child. Something I haven't said to my mother until today and before that since I was a child. Something I hardly say, end of story. The fact of the matter is that I did love you and it was terrible to see you walk away. We had good and meaningful times together, despite a couple of run ins and things i was helpless to when i was significantly younger. Your mother, sisters and I love you and we wish you left instructions on how to honor you and celebrate your life. Debbie felt awful for not going out last night, she took it to heart at first but I reassured her that I saw you. Big Jim is blown out of the water. Little Jim is frustrated there was nothing he could do (but we all know you would never ask anyone younger than myself for help, it's ok). Justin cried about some philosophical realizations he made about life and I reassured him that I'm there for him. Lauren's birthday was yesterday and she was playing with a friend, so we let her be.
Aside from that, that's the current state of emotions now. I thought you should know, brother.
I will see you, my brother, again. If there is any justice and mercy, it will be. Thank you for seeing me one last time.
Rick... I love you man. Thanks for chillin for a few. I wish we could watch the Redskins - Ravens game now. It's been a while since we watched a football game together, right? ...right...?
Love,
Christopher aka "Pumpkin"
11/11/1967 - 08/25/2007
I never thought for any reason that I would have to write a letter to you in my wildest dreams. As long as I can remember, most of the time we spent together was you helping me grow up. Times tables used to be cruel before you. Coach Krichbaum was blown away by my free throw and layup game that you taught me in that basketball court off of Weller Road (or at least I think it was Weller Road). Were it not for you I never would have become more pass rushing oriented than focused on coverage and intercepting the ball, especially in Madden and GameDay, moreso GameDay. Those football game scores always looked like basketball game scores.
It wasn't pleasant when you eventually got kicked out of Stilton Circle nearing the height of mom and dad's issues. Bobbie, Debbie, Mom and I were worried about where you were and what would go on. Time went by and being the child that I was at the time, I always heard things ages too late, if at all. But that's ok, i was taken care of. I eventually got used to not seeing you on a regular basis after that, but in retrospect given your age at the time, i fully understand now and could never dream of faulting you for it. Then again, it was not like you were afforded a choice anyways. Time went on and we did what we had to do in our lives. You had finally started establishing yourself by the time I reached college, and I was happy to know that you were beginning to get things on track.
These past few years though haven't been the same. You and I spoke of it previously and I'm not going to defile this letter with that. I might have been the one you trusted, but bobbie, debbie and mom wanted to get to you somehow too. They always wanted to, and didn't want you to feel that they judge you. Unfortunately it is inevitable in some cases. I always tried though, and you saw that. I think that's why you always kept me filled in on the details.
I've rambled on in this letter. I don't know where it came from or where it is going. This will most likely not be the last (probably the last in this particular medium). All that I know is that by the will of some person, be it you, be it another, you are no longer here. It touched me to know that I was the last person you spoke to in person, shortly before... yeah. I wish our goodbye was more appropriate though. I should have told you I loved you. Something I haven't said to my father since i was a child. Something I haven't said to my mother until today and before that since I was a child. Something I hardly say, end of story. The fact of the matter is that I did love you and it was terrible to see you walk away. We had good and meaningful times together, despite a couple of run ins and things i was helpless to when i was significantly younger. Your mother, sisters and I love you and we wish you left instructions on how to honor you and celebrate your life. Debbie felt awful for not going out last night, she took it to heart at first but I reassured her that I saw you. Big Jim is blown out of the water. Little Jim is frustrated there was nothing he could do (but we all know you would never ask anyone younger than myself for help, it's ok). Justin cried about some philosophical realizations he made about life and I reassured him that I'm there for him. Lauren's birthday was yesterday and she was playing with a friend, so we let her be.
Aside from that, that's the current state of emotions now. I thought you should know, brother.
I will see you, my brother, again. If there is any justice and mercy, it will be. Thank you for seeing me one last time.
Rick... I love you man. Thanks for chillin for a few. I wish we could watch the Redskins - Ravens game now. It's been a while since we watched a football game together, right? ...right...?
Love,
Christopher aka "Pumpkin"
11/11/1967 - 08/25/2007