Untitled
A/N: Wrote this last monday, randomly (again), when I was on sick leave. Go figure. :)
BUT NOW I AM A FREE BIRD. So I'll share some lovin'. :>
P.S; Let me use that one wild card some writers tend to use. That one story that's named Untitled, because we can't find an appropriate title..... (and/or too lazy to :D )
-----
When love starts to feel more like a burden, is it worth losing yourself over?
Taeyeon glances around the room, noticing how everything is in disarray. Cushions scatter across the room, picture frames are toppled over and the jacket holder lay on the floor, sorely in plain sight. Her jacket messily tangles with another. She looks back at her; she looks back into the angry eyes of the love she has, wondering if this is all worth losing themselves over.
She stares into the angry eyes of the love of her life, and knows for sure, they no longer belong to the person she had fallen head over heels for. She runs her hand through her hair, looking away again and finds herself looking right into the mirror.
Slightly scratched from when the jacket holder was harshly thrashed across the room, she looks right into the reflection of her own angry eyes and notices how she no longer recognizes them either. She no longer recognizes herself. She looks away, again, choosing to just stare at the mess between them, because it’s easier that way, to deny how much their love has changed them. It’s better to feign ignorance because she gets to keep Tiffany with her, but for how long?
Is it selfish of her?
Did Tiffany know it too but ignoring it for the same reasons?
Is it selfish of them?
Love. It was wonderful, for a while. It made them happy, made them feel safe. Then, it starts feeling heavy. It made them paranoid, possessive. Love started to feel constricting. It started to feel like a prison. It made them angry, made them insecure.
She looks up into the eyes of a stranger, once again. She loves her. She loves her so much, but is it really worth it when she has her by her side but loses her anyway? Does she love her that much to selfishly do that to her? Her heart hurts and her vision blurs. She knows her answer, and she prays she’ll be strong enough for it. She prays Tiffany will be strong enough for it, too.
“Let’s- let’s stop this,” she says, slicing the lingering tension in the air like a knife. She notices how the angry eyes changes instantly to surprised, hurt ones. I’m sorry.
“What?” Tiffany questions, but Taeyeon knows she understands.
She smiles weakly and walks to her. With trembling hands, and feeling a lump in her throat, she cups her face gently. She can’t bear looking into her eyes any longer. She closes her eyes and brings their foreheads together.
“Look at us,” she says. “This- I don’t want to be like this. I-,” she pauses when her voice cracks, a lot like her heart did. She feels the tears escaping through her closed eyes, rolling down her cheeks. Her voice softens. “I don’t want us like this. I feel like I don’t know you - and I don’t even know myself - anymore. I just- please, let’s stop this.”
There’s a pause and she feels Tiffany take in a shaky breath as warm hands wipe her cheeks.
“Okay. I understand.”
That is all she says, and Taeyeon knows she’s hurting too. She didn’t have to open her eyes to know that Tiffany’s crying too, but Tiffany- Tiffany loves her too much to say otherwise. She knows that Tiffany would do anything she asks her to, even if it meant she has to let them go.
---
She keeps herself busy, tidying up the mess they made while arguing earlier. She keeps herself distracted from the cluttering and shuffling sounds from their bedroom.
It never used to be this way. Their love was never rough, back then. It was gentle and warm. It was never loud or harsh; she wonders where they could’ve gone wrong. Maybe along the way, while they were too focused on each other, they started losing themselves. Maybe there should’ve been a balance on loving someone well and being good to someone you love, too. There should’ve been a balance on taking care of their hearts as well as your own. Maybe somewhere along the way, they became so greedy for each other’s love that they forget to give it back. She doesn’t know, but she wishes it didn’t have to be this way.
Tiffany doesn’t take long to come out of their room with a duffle bag in hand. It doesn’t feel that long to Taeyeon, at least. There’s a small, sad, smile on her face and by the looks of her eyes, Taeyeon knows she had been crying, even if it's for a little while.
“You don’t have to go now, you know,” Taeyeon repeats, trying to stay strong. She has to be strong for them. If she really loves Tiffany, she knows she has to let her go.
Tiffany’s smile wavers, her eyes softening, and for a moment, Taeyeon sees the love of her life staring back at her again. “I know, but if I don’t leave now, I don’t think I’ll ever want to. I’ll- I’ll come back for the rest of my stuff when I find a place to settle down.”
She feels her heart break and even more so when Tiffany makes a move to take off her ring. “No,” she says, so softly that she wonders how Tiffany could have heard her when the latter pauses her actions. “Keep that- I want you to keep it.”
Tiffany looks confused and so torn that Taeyeon walks to her, pulling her into her arms. One last time. For now.
"Maybe if we meet again, maybe we can start over. Maybe- maybe then, we’d love each other better,” she tells her and almost cries when she feels Tiffany holding her like she's the most fragile thing in the world, knowing she won’t feel her that close for some time. “Keep it, okay?”
Tiffany buries her face against the crook of her neck and nods a little. “Yeah, okay.”
That's all she says. Tiffany loves her too much to say otherwise, and Taeyeon is sorry that she loves her too much to completely let go.
====
Her eyes somehow find another pair amongst the crowd and she’s met with a familiar smile. What are the odds of bumping into her, in a place so crowded? What are the odds they'd meet again along the busy streets in the city, walking alongside the crowd on a Sunday afternoon? She isn’t sure but maybe that’s always how it’s going to be with them. Maybe they’ll always find a way back to each other; Taeyeon likes to think that.
Gentle brown eyes gaze into her own, paired up with a warm smile. No grudges can be seen at all, and it’s selfish on her part, but maybe she still finds a little love in them.
It’s been a year, with barely any contact except for a couple of texts or a call - or two- during special occasions. It’s been a whole year and even though it had taken a while to get used to it. It had taken a while for it to stop hurting so much when she longs for her presence, but she’s been coping well. She’s been finding herself, again. It’s been going really well, if she has to say so herself. She feels free, lighter, and somewhat happier. She feels like herself again, if not better.
A whole year has passed but Taeyeon still finds her heart fluttering when she finds herself looking into the eyes of the love of her life. Tiffany’s back. The girl she has fallen head over heels for is back; she just knows it. Her heart starts pounding against her chest when Tiffany, looking more radiant than ever, turns and starts walking towards her. She can only hope she looks just as good too.
Tiffany stops right in front of her, gives her a glance through, and when her smile widens, her eyes twinkling just a little, suddenly Taeyeon isn’t so worried about how she looks like anymore.
“Hi,” Tiffany starts, eyes curving up beautifully.
Her voice, so familiar and foreign at the same time, bounces off the walls of her heart. She hasn't heard it in months, and even longer since she's heard it in person. Taeyeon feels herself smile brightly at the sound. It’s been long enough.
“Hi,” she greets, a little shyly. Funny, how it feels like they’re meeting for the first time.
“Um,” Tiffany’s smile turns gentle. A pause briefly renders between them as they continue to look at each other. “I’m- I’m Tiffany,” she says in the end, offering a hand out to Taeyeon.
She looks at her in surprise, searching the eyes that had a little sparkle of mischief in them and wonders what she’s possibly up to. Suddenly she hears her own voice ringing loudly in her memory.
“Maybe if we meet again, maybe we can start over. Maybe- maybe then, we’d love each other better.”
Her heart clenches, just a little, at that and she stares at the hand offered to her. She notices how it trembles slightly and she notices the ring on her ring finger. She looks down on her own hand, and fiddles with its twin still wrapped around her own. Are they ready to do it again? Can they love better this time?
She looks up, meeting the soft gaze again. Tiffany’s a lot like gravity; she’s a lot like home. Taeyeon can travel the world and somehow, she knows she’ll end up going back to her in the end. One way or another, even if they both find another to love, Tiffany will always have her heart. She knows that. Yet, a little hesitantly, she doesn’t want to have her and lose her again. She doesn’t want them to lose themselves in love again.
She gives a last look at her ring and takes a deep breath, deciding she’ll never know unless she gives them another chance. A chance, she knows, as she looks into Tiffany’s unwavering gaze, will be worth it this time. She looks into the eyes of love, and she knows that Tiffany's back, and that the girl has somehow been holding on to them all these while too.
Her hand reaches out and is instantly met with Tiffany’s cold one. “I’m Taeyeon,”she finally replies, and smiles at how Tiffany’s trembles seem to cease immediately. It's almost like she's the one who can hold Tiffany's heart still; Taeyeon likes to think that.
Tiffany’s smile, right then, is one Taeyeon will always hold dear to her heart. “Well, then, Taeyeon,” she says, her hand not letting go just yet. “I was wondering if you’re free now, for a cup of coffee….with me?”
She didn’t hesitate this time, thankful for the sudden urge to go for a walk earlier that day.
Another chance. “Sure, I’d love to.”
Tiffany finally lets go, and gestures for them to make a move. Taeyeon smiles, falling into step right beside her and knows she’s home.
Maybe they’ll love better now.
*****
The end, for reals. I scared you for a moment, didn't I? :D
I know I used to reply to every comment, but I got lazy and ran out of things to say. I do still read them though, and thankful that any would take the time at all to say all the nice things. It makes me feel good. <3
Good day, good night. Bye bye :>
http://ask.fm/humyourheart
BUT NOW I AM A FREE BIRD. So I'll share some lovin'. :>
P.S; Let me use that one wild card some writers tend to use. That one story that's named Untitled, because we can't find an appropriate title..... (and/or too lazy to :D )
-----
When love starts to feel more like a burden, is it worth losing yourself over?
Taeyeon glances around the room, noticing how everything is in disarray. Cushions scatter across the room, picture frames are toppled over and the jacket holder lay on the floor, sorely in plain sight. Her jacket messily tangles with another. She looks back at her; she looks back into the angry eyes of the love she has, wondering if this is all worth losing themselves over.
She stares into the angry eyes of the love of her life, and knows for sure, they no longer belong to the person she had fallen head over heels for. She runs her hand through her hair, looking away again and finds herself looking right into the mirror.
Slightly scratched from when the jacket holder was harshly thrashed across the room, she looks right into the reflection of her own angry eyes and notices how she no longer recognizes them either. She no longer recognizes herself. She looks away, again, choosing to just stare at the mess between them, because it’s easier that way, to deny how much their love has changed them. It’s better to feign ignorance because she gets to keep Tiffany with her, but for how long?
Is it selfish of her?
Did Tiffany know it too but ignoring it for the same reasons?
Is it selfish of them?
Love. It was wonderful, for a while. It made them happy, made them feel safe. Then, it starts feeling heavy. It made them paranoid, possessive. Love started to feel constricting. It started to feel like a prison. It made them angry, made them insecure.
She looks up into the eyes of a stranger, once again. She loves her. She loves her so much, but is it really worth it when she has her by her side but loses her anyway? Does she love her that much to selfishly do that to her? Her heart hurts and her vision blurs. She knows her answer, and she prays she’ll be strong enough for it. She prays Tiffany will be strong enough for it, too.
“Let’s- let’s stop this,” she says, slicing the lingering tension in the air like a knife. She notices how the angry eyes changes instantly to surprised, hurt ones. I’m sorry.
“What?” Tiffany questions, but Taeyeon knows she understands.
She smiles weakly and walks to her. With trembling hands, and feeling a lump in her throat, she cups her face gently. She can’t bear looking into her eyes any longer. She closes her eyes and brings their foreheads together.
“Look at us,” she says. “This- I don’t want to be like this. I-,” she pauses when her voice cracks, a lot like her heart did. She feels the tears escaping through her closed eyes, rolling down her cheeks. Her voice softens. “I don’t want us like this. I feel like I don’t know you - and I don’t even know myself - anymore. I just- please, let’s stop this.”
There’s a pause and she feels Tiffany take in a shaky breath as warm hands wipe her cheeks.
“Okay. I understand.”
That is all she says, and Taeyeon knows she’s hurting too. She didn’t have to open her eyes to know that Tiffany’s crying too, but Tiffany- Tiffany loves her too much to say otherwise. She knows that Tiffany would do anything she asks her to, even if it meant she has to let them go.
---
She keeps herself busy, tidying up the mess they made while arguing earlier. She keeps herself distracted from the cluttering and shuffling sounds from their bedroom.
It never used to be this way. Their love was never rough, back then. It was gentle and warm. It was never loud or harsh; she wonders where they could’ve gone wrong. Maybe along the way, while they were too focused on each other, they started losing themselves. Maybe there should’ve been a balance on loving someone well and being good to someone you love, too. There should’ve been a balance on taking care of their hearts as well as your own. Maybe somewhere along the way, they became so greedy for each other’s love that they forget to give it back. She doesn’t know, but she wishes it didn’t have to be this way.
Tiffany doesn’t take long to come out of their room with a duffle bag in hand. It doesn’t feel that long to Taeyeon, at least. There’s a small, sad, smile on her face and by the looks of her eyes, Taeyeon knows she had been crying, even if it's for a little while.
“You don’t have to go now, you know,” Taeyeon repeats, trying to stay strong. She has to be strong for them. If she really loves Tiffany, she knows she has to let her go.
Tiffany’s smile wavers, her eyes softening, and for a moment, Taeyeon sees the love of her life staring back at her again. “I know, but if I don’t leave now, I don’t think I’ll ever want to. I’ll- I’ll come back for the rest of my stuff when I find a place to settle down.”
She feels her heart break and even more so when Tiffany makes a move to take off her ring. “No,” she says, so softly that she wonders how Tiffany could have heard her when the latter pauses her actions. “Keep that- I want you to keep it.”
Tiffany looks confused and so torn that Taeyeon walks to her, pulling her into her arms. One last time. For now.
"Maybe if we meet again, maybe we can start over. Maybe- maybe then, we’d love each other better,” she tells her and almost cries when she feels Tiffany holding her like she's the most fragile thing in the world, knowing she won’t feel her that close for some time. “Keep it, okay?”
Tiffany buries her face against the crook of her neck and nods a little. “Yeah, okay.”
That's all she says. Tiffany loves her too much to say otherwise, and Taeyeon is sorry that she loves her too much to completely let go.
====
Her eyes somehow find another pair amongst the crowd and she’s met with a familiar smile. What are the odds of bumping into her, in a place so crowded? What are the odds they'd meet again along the busy streets in the city, walking alongside the crowd on a Sunday afternoon? She isn’t sure but maybe that’s always how it’s going to be with them. Maybe they’ll always find a way back to each other; Taeyeon likes to think that.
Gentle brown eyes gaze into her own, paired up with a warm smile. No grudges can be seen at all, and it’s selfish on her part, but maybe she still finds a little love in them.
It’s been a year, with barely any contact except for a couple of texts or a call - or two- during special occasions. It’s been a whole year and even though it had taken a while to get used to it. It had taken a while for it to stop hurting so much when she longs for her presence, but she’s been coping well. She’s been finding herself, again. It’s been going really well, if she has to say so herself. She feels free, lighter, and somewhat happier. She feels like herself again, if not better.
A whole year has passed but Taeyeon still finds her heart fluttering when she finds herself looking into the eyes of the love of her life. Tiffany’s back. The girl she has fallen head over heels for is back; she just knows it. Her heart starts pounding against her chest when Tiffany, looking more radiant than ever, turns and starts walking towards her. She can only hope she looks just as good too.
Tiffany stops right in front of her, gives her a glance through, and when her smile widens, her eyes twinkling just a little, suddenly Taeyeon isn’t so worried about how she looks like anymore.
“Hi,” Tiffany starts, eyes curving up beautifully.
Her voice, so familiar and foreign at the same time, bounces off the walls of her heart. She hasn't heard it in months, and even longer since she's heard it in person. Taeyeon feels herself smile brightly at the sound. It’s been long enough.
“Hi,” she greets, a little shyly. Funny, how it feels like they’re meeting for the first time.
“Um,” Tiffany’s smile turns gentle. A pause briefly renders between them as they continue to look at each other. “I’m- I’m Tiffany,” she says in the end, offering a hand out to Taeyeon.
She looks at her in surprise, searching the eyes that had a little sparkle of mischief in them and wonders what she’s possibly up to. Suddenly she hears her own voice ringing loudly in her memory.
“Maybe if we meet again, maybe we can start over. Maybe- maybe then, we’d love each other better.”
Her heart clenches, just a little, at that and she stares at the hand offered to her. She notices how it trembles slightly and she notices the ring on her ring finger. She looks down on her own hand, and fiddles with its twin still wrapped around her own. Are they ready to do it again? Can they love better this time?
She looks up, meeting the soft gaze again. Tiffany’s a lot like gravity; she’s a lot like home. Taeyeon can travel the world and somehow, she knows she’ll end up going back to her in the end. One way or another, even if they both find another to love, Tiffany will always have her heart. She knows that. Yet, a little hesitantly, she doesn’t want to have her and lose her again. She doesn’t want them to lose themselves in love again.
She gives a last look at her ring and takes a deep breath, deciding she’ll never know unless she gives them another chance. A chance, she knows, as she looks into Tiffany’s unwavering gaze, will be worth it this time. She looks into the eyes of love, and she knows that Tiffany's back, and that the girl has somehow been holding on to them all these while too.
Her hand reaches out and is instantly met with Tiffany’s cold one. “I’m Taeyeon,”she finally replies, and smiles at how Tiffany’s trembles seem to cease immediately. It's almost like she's the one who can hold Tiffany's heart still; Taeyeon likes to think that.
Tiffany’s smile, right then, is one Taeyeon will always hold dear to her heart. “Well, then, Taeyeon,” she says, her hand not letting go just yet. “I was wondering if you’re free now, for a cup of coffee….with me?”
She didn’t hesitate this time, thankful for the sudden urge to go for a walk earlier that day.
Another chance. “Sure, I’d love to.”
Tiffany finally lets go, and gestures for them to make a move. Taeyeon smiles, falling into step right beside her and knows she’s home.
Maybe they’ll love better now.
*****
The end, for reals. I scared you for a moment, didn't I? :D
I know I used to reply to every comment, but I got lazy and ran out of things to say. I do still read them though, and thankful that any would take the time at all to say all the nice things. It makes me feel good. <3
Good day, good night. Bye bye :>
http://ask.fm/humyourheart