why?

[humastrau]

If there is one word or one question that i hate more then any other one, its why. its so simple and yet so very complex. we get taught in elementary school the many uses and positive effects it has on our communication but its all a bunch of bullshit. what do we do when asked this or have to comment it. it happens for a reason and you just have to accept it. no! i am tired of living by the sentence, not everything happens for a reason and it just happens and you can't even begin to explian it and if you try to think about you'll lose your mind and perhaps go into some depression stage. there has been a lot of why's this year and problly not one of them have been answered and the only thing that will dormet them is time. we humans will never just forget about them but keep them on the back burner unless there pointless why's. we all have many of those. many things happen to us and we one don't deserve it or two have no idea how it happened. we get our hearts not broken but ripped out of our very body by the people we love. we get our hopes up then suddenly there down. are we the good people think we are. i want you all to think extra hard about what and how you act to people. you say something mean to someone or break there heart. sure it may not seem there hurt but i am know when they go home there gonna give what you did or said some great thought and in the process there gonna feel so aweful they won't stand it. we all experienced this, some more then others. sometimes its easier for others and then its not. its no where easy for me and its the hardest thing i have to do. another thing of the topic, i don't care if you find this confusing and i don't have to explian what i mean either.. the answer to your 'why" is, its my journal and i can write about anything and everything without thinking about anybody but me. but i am thinking about others here. on a scale of a good personality, i think i am a decident person and deserve a better understanding of the things that happen around me espically love issues. i am not perfect, i have flaws, i use to be very self centered, i use to have a shell i hid in but the thin that help me out of that was love. we tend to be afriad of change and its usally only one person afirad of it and the other wants it and that conflict is resolved by ignoring the person and obtaining feelings of hate and anger. we need to use a common communication skill called talking it out. many lovers never speek again cause it was easier for them to hate each other and get over each other a lot faster then to sit down and cry and even talk. but i know talking can be painful cause you want answers and there just not there. you can't understand it and sometimes you never will. and yes i know that feeling as well. i now know why people are afriad of love. once you let it in your heart you can never go back. that once missing whole is complete and you can't be any happier but then there's a possiblity of a break up that leaves you more then hurt behind anything. you can come out totally a different person. i didn't change but my thought process did. i was shy with it and now i know i am not. the first kiss, the first intiment moment, they are so special and usally you are either nervous or scared but that feeling only lasts about as long as you wait and think aobut it. its the feeling of two ppl becoming one and experiencing love at greater altitudes then words can explian. we need each other. many releationships have flaws but not all, we cheat, lie, make up excusses. again why do we want to hurt the ppl that love us. think about it.

now japan is totally differnet. everybody treats things with respect and time. there is thought and love put into everything. and love is a shy topic but they know how to and went not to express it. when you go out you love the person with all your heart and nothing cna ever change that. there is no cheating, maybe a fraction of a fraction percent do that. i am sure love can be found in both countries but japan you have a less change of getting hurt and you can communicate easier and many things are just easier to do because of the atomsphere and the type of personalitlies they have.

to be quite honest, i am much like edgar allen poe. he could never be without a soul mate. he always had one. but iam not the same. as you all know but i know i can't be 100% happy all the time cause i am lonely. i have all my friends but i am lonely in anothe way. having that feeling that someone loves you so much they would give up a lot to be with you. there are many types of love. friend love, family love ( hardly exists, i don't really have that) and releationship love. i have all 2 types and they just don't complete me. another mind fucking question: how is that you can't be happy without it but are afriad of it at the same time? are you then afriad of being happy. is happiness so long gone that its easier to be depressed or sad easier then being happy. hmmm.. just think about it