We're getting the band back together........well maybe not
Back in the day I had this garage band. Wehn I say back in the day, we're talking 12-13 years ago. It all started when some friends of mine had all started playing guitars and drums. I was quick study on guitar so I fit right in. We weren't particular good, but after some practicing we made a pretty solid cover band. Before I knew it though, each of us started lookng in different directions. The bassists was two years older and had just graduated. The singer started getting LSD (Lead Singer Disorder). And I wanted to play more challenging material. The drummer just wanted to play the shit out of his drums. So we had bitter breakup before ever playing any real gigs.
After that, I started to really get into playing other instruments and focused on more general musical goals. I started playing a number of different instruments and started taking the high school band a little more serious. I eventually switched to bass and learned to play the upright before my senior year. Since lead singer, drummer, and I were in class we decided to reform one last time before graduation. We played the May Day event at the school and went our seperate ways.
Since then, I've played a variety of college and semi-pro gigs (I spent a year as a music major at PSU). Unfortunately, my life took a sharp turn and I gave up almost entirely on music until I found my way back to college. At that point I almost started a band but that went to shit once we found out the drummer was in jail for grand theft auto. So, I waited a few years until I got my academic ass together and joined the college jazz band. This would have been fine, but they sucked ass. I went through with it only because the director was nice and really needed a bass player. At this point I gave up until about a year ago.
I decided last summer to start playing bass again. My musical muscles had nearly atrophied but I soon got better. I'm now playing bass better than I have in quite some time. So, it's time to find a gig, right?
Boy was I wrong........
I answered an ad that said the following:
EXP VOCALIST IN SEARCH OF MUSICIANS TO START MOTLEY CRUE TRIBUTE BAND
I know what you must be thinking right now. Are you fucking kidding me? Motley fucking Crue? Well, it turns out that there is a Crue tribute band in town. It's a very tongue in cheek, lets ham it up sort of band. However, I soon found out that this was not the band I thought it was nor was the exp vocalist who I thought he was.
So, I email the guy to see what the deal was. It turns out the guy wants to start a 80's metal cover band. This is great. After all, I spent my wasted youth listening to this music. Not to mention that I could probably learn about 20 80's metal songs in about a day's time. So, after a few email exchanges, I decide that something isn't quite right and I need to meet with this guy to find out what the fuck is going on.
(See, my idea was that I could inset myself on bass into just about any cover band. This would be a great way to jumpstart my bass playing, not to mention a way too wiggle myself into the music community. Not to mention that the time involved would probably be minimal since about every band I know of plays at most 1 gig a month.)
I'm thinking this guy is in his late 20's - early thirties. He's looking for some fun. He says he has expereince and he's has no delusions of grandure. Come to find out this kid is a recent college grad whose entire musical expereince involves some shitty band he was in that never played a live gig. And the other musicians turn out to be recent high school grads. I'm thinking, "you gotta be shitting me". I came out of the house for this horseshit.
I can get over the age thing, but this guy doesn't even come close to looking the part. The dudes got some serious male pattern baldness going on (complete with the comb forward look). This would fine, Dio's got some issues with the hair, but this guy has short, balding hair. He's in a t-shirt and jean shorts. Jean shorts? WTF? Do people wtill wear those? I try not to choke on my food laughing as this guy introdues himself. Then we get to talk about the "band" and music.
This is were i find out that he a recent unemployed college grad. He got into 80s metal after he discovered his older brother's tape collection. At this point I'm trying not to keep all my inner thoughts in my brain before I say something like, "What the fuck are you thinking? You put THAT AD in the mother fuckin' Free Times? Are you serious? You wouldn't metal if it was shoved up your young arse!" So, to be polite I ask him what kind of music he's into and 80's metal is it. you gotta be kidding me, right? It's one thing to ham it up and have some fun with some corny 80's metal, but it is another thing to actually take it completely seriously. Have a sense of irony, jackass. There's definitely a reason why most of those bands are now playing state fairs and bar mitzvahs.
He goes on to trash any music that isn't 80's metal. He even goes so far as to say the Darkness were kinda cool but that second album sucked. Man, this guy really doesn't get it. He goes on, complaining about hip-hop and nu-metal. Okay, if you're really into 80's metal, you complain about grundge 'cause that's what destroyed it. After the Darkness comment, I decide I should probably get out of there as soon as possible. I tell him I have somewhere to be and that's that.
Here's what his ad should really say:
Unemployed comp sci grad in search of living out his dream as frontman of shitty metal band.
Even the guys in Winger would have beat this guy up. Who is he kidding? I really doubt this guy can sing. First off, for those unfamiliar with the territory, the quintessential 80's metal singer needs to be able to belt out some serious ball-breaking tenor (think Sebastian Bach or Axl Rose for starters). This guy sounds like a baritone at best, better suited Neil Diamond covers.
What the fuck was I thinking?!? I should have know from the start since he seemed eager to give me a spot in the band without hearing me play a single note. Not to mention that there was no song list or repetoire to tweek. I would have given him a chance had he been able to give me a list of songs or had atleast one fucking thing going for him. So, I emailed him this morning to decline the offer and wished him luck. I was tempted to show up one practice with a tape recorder just to document the absurdity of the situation.
After that, I started to really get into playing other instruments and focused on more general musical goals. I started playing a number of different instruments and started taking the high school band a little more serious. I eventually switched to bass and learned to play the upright before my senior year. Since lead singer, drummer, and I were in class we decided to reform one last time before graduation. We played the May Day event at the school and went our seperate ways.
Since then, I've played a variety of college and semi-pro gigs (I spent a year as a music major at PSU). Unfortunately, my life took a sharp turn and I gave up almost entirely on music until I found my way back to college. At that point I almost started a band but that went to shit once we found out the drummer was in jail for grand theft auto. So, I waited a few years until I got my academic ass together and joined the college jazz band. This would have been fine, but they sucked ass. I went through with it only because the director was nice and really needed a bass player. At this point I gave up until about a year ago.
I decided last summer to start playing bass again. My musical muscles had nearly atrophied but I soon got better. I'm now playing bass better than I have in quite some time. So, it's time to find a gig, right?
Boy was I wrong........
I answered an ad that said the following:
EXP VOCALIST IN SEARCH OF MUSICIANS TO START MOTLEY CRUE TRIBUTE BAND
I know what you must be thinking right now. Are you fucking kidding me? Motley fucking Crue? Well, it turns out that there is a Crue tribute band in town. It's a very tongue in cheek, lets ham it up sort of band. However, I soon found out that this was not the band I thought it was nor was the exp vocalist who I thought he was.
So, I email the guy to see what the deal was. It turns out the guy wants to start a 80's metal cover band. This is great. After all, I spent my wasted youth listening to this music. Not to mention that I could probably learn about 20 80's metal songs in about a day's time. So, after a few email exchanges, I decide that something isn't quite right and I need to meet with this guy to find out what the fuck is going on.
(See, my idea was that I could inset myself on bass into just about any cover band. This would be a great way to jumpstart my bass playing, not to mention a way too wiggle myself into the music community. Not to mention that the time involved would probably be minimal since about every band I know of plays at most 1 gig a month.)
I'm thinking this guy is in his late 20's - early thirties. He's looking for some fun. He says he has expereince and he's has no delusions of grandure. Come to find out this kid is a recent college grad whose entire musical expereince involves some shitty band he was in that never played a live gig. And the other musicians turn out to be recent high school grads. I'm thinking, "you gotta be shitting me". I came out of the house for this horseshit.
I can get over the age thing, but this guy doesn't even come close to looking the part. The dudes got some serious male pattern baldness going on (complete with the comb forward look). This would fine, Dio's got some issues with the hair, but this guy has short, balding hair. He's in a t-shirt and jean shorts. Jean shorts? WTF? Do people wtill wear those? I try not to choke on my food laughing as this guy introdues himself. Then we get to talk about the "band" and music.
This is were i find out that he a recent unemployed college grad. He got into 80s metal after he discovered his older brother's tape collection. At this point I'm trying not to keep all my inner thoughts in my brain before I say something like, "What the fuck are you thinking? You put THAT AD in the mother fuckin' Free Times? Are you serious? You wouldn't metal if it was shoved up your young arse!" So, to be polite I ask him what kind of music he's into and 80's metal is it. you gotta be kidding me, right? It's one thing to ham it up and have some fun with some corny 80's metal, but it is another thing to actually take it completely seriously. Have a sense of irony, jackass. There's definitely a reason why most of those bands are now playing state fairs and bar mitzvahs.
He goes on to trash any music that isn't 80's metal. He even goes so far as to say the Darkness were kinda cool but that second album sucked. Man, this guy really doesn't get it. He goes on, complaining about hip-hop and nu-metal. Okay, if you're really into 80's metal, you complain about grundge 'cause that's what destroyed it. After the Darkness comment, I decide I should probably get out of there as soon as possible. I tell him I have somewhere to be and that's that.
Here's what his ad should really say:
Unemployed comp sci grad in search of living out his dream as frontman of shitty metal band.
Even the guys in Winger would have beat this guy up. Who is he kidding? I really doubt this guy can sing. First off, for those unfamiliar with the territory, the quintessential 80's metal singer needs to be able to belt out some serious ball-breaking tenor (think Sebastian Bach or Axl Rose for starters). This guy sounds like a baritone at best, better suited Neil Diamond covers.
What the fuck was I thinking?!? I should have know from the start since he seemed eager to give me a spot in the band without hearing me play a single note. Not to mention that there was no song list or repetoire to tweek. I would have given him a chance had he been able to give me a list of songs or had atleast one fucking thing going for him. So, I emailed him this morning to decline the offer and wished him luck. I was tempted to show up one practice with a tape recorder just to document the absurdity of the situation.