Disappointment
Just when you think you're past it all, everything comes back and starts all over again.
I'm so tired. My head hurts. My back hurts. My arm hurts - I cut myself again last night. Actually I did something worse than cut; I carved something in my arm, and I'm so ashamed of myself. And I'm even more ashamed of myself that I actually enjoy seeing the word there, in its red letters. It says 'disappointment'. Story of my life. And it's even more appropriate because me carving that word makes me even more of a disappointment.
I let people down. And I know it. And I don't do anything to change. And I wonder; do I even want to change? Or do I just enjoy being miserable, messed up as I am? My mind is screwed up. I think disturbing thoughts that I don't even want to repeat here.
I'm tired.
I'm so tired. My head hurts. My back hurts. My arm hurts - I cut myself again last night. Actually I did something worse than cut; I carved something in my arm, and I'm so ashamed of myself. And I'm even more ashamed of myself that I actually enjoy seeing the word there, in its red letters. It says 'disappointment'. Story of my life. And it's even more appropriate because me carving that word makes me even more of a disappointment.
I let people down. And I know it. And I don't do anything to change. And I wonder; do I even want to change? Or do I just enjoy being miserable, messed up as I am? My mind is screwed up. I think disturbing thoughts that I don't even want to repeat here.
I'm tired.