(Be)longing
"I like you."
Telling people that I like them - that seems to be an apparent theme in my first few weeks of college life. Before you judge me for being desperate and lest you think I throw myself at their feet, pause for a few seconds and consider other options. I've learned that you shouldn't always go for the obvious.
I won't go into too much detail, most especially the Hows (that's too excruciating. funny, sure, but utter torture, I assure you). But I can tell you that I didn't readily choose to... admit. Honestly, I'm not the most honest and direct person. I use words, stalling tactics, and of course (you don't really know me if you don't know this), denial to get myself out of sticky and/or Velcro situations. I don't get to the point if I don't want to make it. Like now, can't you tell? There are some situations though, that you can't pull yourself out of. Circumstance forces you to say what you mean, and mean what you say. There are some situations wherein, you don't really have a choice.
Let's call unfortunate guy number 1... unfortunate guy number 1. I was... forced to tell him because I made a deal. I promised. And although promises can easily be broken - as I have experienced - for some reason I didn't want to. I had to tell him in exchange of... what? Now that I'm really thinking about it, I'm questioning if it was worth it. My pride for my being content. I'll see and decide on that later. I can see the world making me asa (sorry, but I can't express it in other words with the same effect), and this'll turn out to be another one of the "bests." Oh yeah, if you're reading this, remember, we promised. Not a word.
Unfortunate guy number 2 is pretty lucky. With all that hard work and hands-on skill, he surely deserves to be the one of the Top 2. The way he "found out" was hilarious. I would've wanted to be him, in a group of almost one-hundred people, and hear what people have to say... about me. Not to mention the really out of the box reasoning of "why you like him and what's your sexual fantasy?" Okay, let me explain.
Tanghalang Ateneo held its first General Assembly today. OrgAsm, as it was called (appropriately or not, it was really fun). For the trainees' introducing themselves, they had to say a)who their crush was in the room b)what their fantasy with them is and yeah, c)introduce themselves.
Speaking of TA, I really love it so far. Everyone's so... welcoming. It felt like I was at home when people I knew for only a day, remembered my name, greeted me, and oh wow, smiled. I miss that. Somehow, not everyone thinks acknowledgment is important. I do, and I feel bad whenever people don't respond to my Good mornings or greet me. I guess this what life is like in a new environment. I have to adapt to survive.
About choices, I've learned the hard way that it's okay to discern before you pick. In reality, this is what you really do, not dive in head first without checking how deep it is - what I almost always seem to do.
Who said life had to be a race? You've got to wait. Don't hurry. Don't run when you're asked to walk. Because you lose when you don't follow instructions. Not to mention you get tired for nothing.
Meant to be. I'm not sure if I believe in this concept. But right now, I think I'm where I'm supposed to be. In a way, I made it happen. I made it meant to be. So, waiting counts, but it also takes will - longing for something - and then working towards it. Especially if it's worth it.
So, I leave you with this: May today there be peace within. May you trust Jess that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
Telling people that I like them - that seems to be an apparent theme in my first few weeks of college life. Before you judge me for being desperate and lest you think I throw myself at their feet, pause for a few seconds and consider other options. I've learned that you shouldn't always go for the obvious.
I won't go into too much detail, most especially the Hows (that's too excruciating. funny, sure, but utter torture, I assure you). But I can tell you that I didn't readily choose to... admit. Honestly, I'm not the most honest and direct person. I use words, stalling tactics, and of course (you don't really know me if you don't know this), denial to get myself out of sticky and/or Velcro situations. I don't get to the point if I don't want to make it. Like now, can't you tell? There are some situations though, that you can't pull yourself out of. Circumstance forces you to say what you mean, and mean what you say. There are some situations wherein, you don't really have a choice.
Let's call unfortunate guy number 1... unfortunate guy number 1. I was... forced to tell him because I made a deal. I promised. And although promises can easily be broken - as I have experienced - for some reason I didn't want to. I had to tell him in exchange of... what? Now that I'm really thinking about it, I'm questioning if it was worth it. My pride for my being content. I'll see and decide on that later. I can see the world making me asa (sorry, but I can't express it in other words with the same effect), and this'll turn out to be another one of the "bests." Oh yeah, if you're reading this, remember, we promised. Not a word.
Unfortunate guy number 2 is pretty lucky. With all that hard work and hands-on skill, he surely deserves to be the one of the Top 2. The way he "found out" was hilarious. I would've wanted to be him, in a group of almost one-hundred people, and hear what people have to say... about me. Not to mention the really out of the box reasoning of "why you like him and what's your sexual fantasy?" Okay, let me explain.
Tanghalang Ateneo held its first General Assembly today. OrgAsm, as it was called (appropriately or not, it was really fun). For the trainees' introducing themselves, they had to say a)who their crush was in the room b)what their fantasy with them is and yeah, c)introduce themselves.
Speaking of TA, I really love it so far. Everyone's so... welcoming. It felt like I was at home when people I knew for only a day, remembered my name, greeted me, and oh wow, smiled. I miss that. Somehow, not everyone thinks acknowledgment is important. I do, and I feel bad whenever people don't respond to my Good mornings or greet me. I guess this what life is like in a new environment. I have to adapt to survive.
About choices, I've learned the hard way that it's okay to discern before you pick. In reality, this is what you really do, not dive in head first without checking how deep it is - what I almost always seem to do.
Who said life had to be a race? You've got to wait. Don't hurry. Don't run when you're asked to walk. Because you lose when you don't follow instructions. Not to mention you get tired for nothing.
Meant to be. I'm not sure if I believe in this concept. But right now, I think I'm where I'm supposed to be. In a way, I made it happen. I made it meant to be. So, waiting counts, but it also takes will - longing for something - and then working towards it. Especially if it's worth it.
So, I leave you with this: May today there be peace within. May you trust Jess that you are exactly where you are meant to be.