The Battle of the Five Armies
The short version: I liked this film much more than I had anticipated/than I liked the second one (which I was not much a fan of). In fact, I tentatively seem to have liked it quite a bit. Enough to think I want to see it again in the theatre.
The longer and spoilery version:
In completely random order:
- I liked how they handled Smaug's death. The badass black bolt (in lieu of the black arrow) made sense to me, because killing a dragon with a regular arrow was one of the things about the novel that I found it hard to suspend disbelief for. And I liked the incorporation of Bard's kid.
- I have mixed feelings on the Arkenstone. It was presented like an evil thing in itself, almost analogous to the One Ring. I don't like how that kind of removed both agency and responsibility from Thorin--like, oh hey, all the assholey things this dude does can be excused by this inherited Arkenstone-carried malady. Riiight. On the other hand, it made Bilbo look a lot better, whereas I completely resented his dealings with the Arkenstone in the book (since Thorin is my favorite character in the book).
- I'm sure I'll get things thrown at me for this, but I find movie!Thranduil both more interesting and less objectionable than book!Thranduil.
- Tauriel. I even ended up liking the stupid romance thing (although it's still not cool that the only prominent female character had to have a romance). Lord knows why. Maybe it's the mood I'm in with the block of ice in my thoracic cavity doing weird things lately.
- Action scenes. This is a red letter day! I actually didn't hate and/or want to snooze through PJ's action scenes! In fact, most of them kept me engaged. Wow.
- The exceptions to the above being the usual Legolas moments, including his Ang Lee thing on the collapsing steps. Really? At least with Thranduil and his war elk impaling and beheading all those peeps, we kind of see where Legolas gets this shit.
- Speaking of Legolas, more cringeworthy dialogue. The scene where the war bats emerge was worst; captain obvious syndrome is apparently catching, since Tauriel was at it, too.
- Bilbo and Thorin. I get why people ship these versions of them. (Does the fact that I get it also mean I ship it? *worried look*)
- Gandalf and his smoking. <3
- RADAGAST RIDING AN EAGLE. Oh, but he has EVEN MORE BIRD SHIT ON HIM NOW. At this point I can only give up and laugh.
- Azog's sabre arm thingy. He may be a terrible piece of CGI, but that arm thingy is badass. You realize this means he removed the other one, which goes right through his stump, and then jammed that one in. Damn, son.
- Also, Azog's war signal banner thingies. *gesticulates wildly at icon* THOSE ARE AMAZING I LOVE THOSE.
- Fili's death. D= D= D=
- Ice. Works for me. (But that bit where Thorin spies Azog just floating along under the ice--was that supposed to be scary? It was hilarious.)
- Dain called Thranduil a pixie or something? LMAO.
- The orcs and trolls are too much like stormtroopers. Also, there's that one really badly CGIed troll, and when the little girl sees it and screams, I interpreted the scream to mean "eek, terrible CGI!" And there's that one troll with like morning stars for prosthetics on all its limbs? If that was supposed to be funny, mission accomplished.
- DOL GULDUR. Worst dialogue ever, and left too many loose ends, but I'm just kind of glad I got to see a film version of that at all. And, I mean, SARUMAN FIGHTING (pretty much like my headcanon version of the character would, except probably more effectively, heh).
- The ending was way too abrupt. They had a couple wrenching tail-end-of-battle scenes (I got something in my eye *sniff*), and then Bilbo and Gandalf were leaving, and they didn't wrap up the plots for any of the other characters. Extremely unsatisfying, that. While the ending is of course supposed to be not altogether happy, in a bittersweet way, this just left me with a hollow and depressed sense. Although Lobelia's cameo was delightful.
- Soundtrack: It lacks the distinctive themes which made Shore's LotR work so memorable, but I enjoyed it quite a bit. Unlike the DoS soundtrack, which it sounded like he totally phoned it in. Some nice creepy tracks in this one. And the lack of such distinctive themes means I might be able to use this soundtrack for writing, which I would never attempt with LotR soundtracks.
The longer and spoilery version:
In completely random order:
- I liked how they handled Smaug's death. The badass black bolt (in lieu of the black arrow) made sense to me, because killing a dragon with a regular arrow was one of the things about the novel that I found it hard to suspend disbelief for. And I liked the incorporation of Bard's kid.
- I have mixed feelings on the Arkenstone. It was presented like an evil thing in itself, almost analogous to the One Ring. I don't like how that kind of removed both agency and responsibility from Thorin--like, oh hey, all the assholey things this dude does can be excused by this inherited Arkenstone-carried malady. Riiight. On the other hand, it made Bilbo look a lot better, whereas I completely resented his dealings with the Arkenstone in the book (since Thorin is my favorite character in the book).
- I'm sure I'll get things thrown at me for this, but I find movie!Thranduil both more interesting and less objectionable than book!Thranduil.
- Tauriel. I even ended up liking the stupid romance thing (although it's still not cool that the only prominent female character had to have a romance). Lord knows why. Maybe it's the mood I'm in with the block of ice in my thoracic cavity doing weird things lately.
- Action scenes. This is a red letter day! I actually didn't hate and/or want to snooze through PJ's action scenes! In fact, most of them kept me engaged. Wow.
- The exceptions to the above being the usual Legolas moments, including his Ang Lee thing on the collapsing steps. Really? At least with Thranduil and his war elk impaling and beheading all those peeps, we kind of see where Legolas gets this shit.
- Speaking of Legolas, more cringeworthy dialogue. The scene where the war bats emerge was worst; captain obvious syndrome is apparently catching, since Tauriel was at it, too.
- Bilbo and Thorin. I get why people ship these versions of them. (Does the fact that I get it also mean I ship it? *worried look*)
- Gandalf and his smoking. <3
- RADAGAST RIDING AN EAGLE. Oh, but he has EVEN MORE BIRD SHIT ON HIM NOW. At this point I can only give up and laugh.
- Azog's sabre arm thingy. He may be a terrible piece of CGI, but that arm thingy is badass. You realize this means he removed the other one, which goes right through his stump, and then jammed that one in. Damn, son.
- Also, Azog's war signal banner thingies. *gesticulates wildly at icon* THOSE ARE AMAZING I LOVE THOSE.
- Fili's death. D= D= D=
- Ice. Works for me. (But that bit where Thorin spies Azog just floating along under the ice--was that supposed to be scary? It was hilarious.)
- Dain called Thranduil a pixie or something? LMAO.
- The orcs and trolls are too much like stormtroopers. Also, there's that one really badly CGIed troll, and when the little girl sees it and screams, I interpreted the scream to mean "eek, terrible CGI!" And there's that one troll with like morning stars for prosthetics on all its limbs? If that was supposed to be funny, mission accomplished.
- DOL GULDUR. Worst dialogue ever, and left too many loose ends, but I'm just kind of glad I got to see a film version of that at all. And, I mean, SARUMAN FIGHTING (pretty much like my headcanon version of the character would, except probably more effectively, heh).
- The ending was way too abrupt. They had a couple wrenching tail-end-of-battle scenes (I got something in my eye *sniff*), and then Bilbo and Gandalf were leaving, and they didn't wrap up the plots for any of the other characters. Extremely unsatisfying, that. While the ending is of course supposed to be not altogether happy, in a bittersweet way, this just left me with a hollow and depressed sense. Although Lobelia's cameo was delightful.
- Soundtrack: It lacks the distinctive themes which made Shore's LotR work so memorable, but I enjoyed it quite a bit. Unlike the DoS soundtrack, which it sounded like he totally phoned it in. Some nice creepy tracks in this one. And the lack of such distinctive themes means I might be able to use this soundtrack for writing, which I would never attempt with LotR soundtracks.