(no subject)

[hugzwitlove]

I haven't been so well lately. There's been a certain thing on my mind. Apparently down the line, I hurt someone who was very close to me. I'm not sure of all the details, but I can guess at a lot of them. She hasn't talked to me since about October and I don't really know what to do. I've tried to move on, tried to ignore it, but it's stayed with me. I think about it everyday and over break I thought there'd be some change, but no such luck. In fact, I got my hopes up again just for them to crash and burn in my face. And now I'm back at school, the place I love so much and I find myself being antisocial. Being upset and no longer being able to sleep. I can't get it out of my mind. I wrote an email last night. A final goodbye or hopefully the starting point to rebuild. I told her everything. Everything I'd been feeling the past couple months. And then I let her know it was her choice. The ball was in her court. I was done trying over and over to contact her only to find rejection. And I wished her the best of luck with everything. And I said goodbye.
I now can't decide if that was the right action or what might've been. But I can't go on like this. My birthday's sunday and I'm so excited, but there's this huge dark cloud brewing over me. I don't know how to move on, I don't know how to let it go. I know I need to. And I want to. But it just feels so hard.