Family ties severed forever
Howard and Elaine:
I know this is after the fact, but frankly, we believe what has been said in this letter is necessary.
To say the least we are deeply disappointed and dismayed that you decided to evict Jason. You can call it whatever you want, asked to leave, thrown out, removed but the fact is you have EVICTED my son. How do you do this to family. It is not like Jason destroyed your apartment or disobeyed your rules except leaving the key (we will give you that one), or had friends there, drank alcohol or did drugs, or destroyed your furniture. Even if you are right, we were not there, it boils down to the fact he was messy. You even stated to me 4 days before all this happened he did not trash the apartment.
It is apparent to us that your offer was never with your heart. You never got it that Jason was living there not occupying your space or just a room. You never gave him a chance to clean when he left or even gave him the courtesy not to POP in until I suggest it. Every time you talked to him or came to New York you found fault with him. He is great person and never once did you even suggest to him to go out to dinner or a drink or talk with to get to know him. You resented Jason from the very beginning.
Yes, your expectations of anyone are too high. I am sorry if this statement as you put it, is an insult on any level. But when Elaine said to Shelley that she expected the apartment immaculate (the way she left it) everyday so that it remained in the conditioned he received is not realistic for him or anyone living there for 10 weeks. Jason had no reason to expect to have to keep the apartment, as Elaine put it, “immaculate”. In fact point 17 in her email to Jason said, “ 17) Before you leave, would you please remove and wash the sheets and make the bed. Also, if you could use the Roomba and Swifter to tidy up and use the respective sponges to wipe down the kitchen and bathroom counters, we'd appreciate it.
Lets review what happened and perhaps when you read this you will agree that mistakes were made by all concerned.
1. I never asked you if Jason could stay in your apartment. If you remember, I was asking you if you knew or had any ideas for housing for Jason. Ferne was standing next to us and she asked you if Jason could stay in your apartment, not me! Of course, when you said you may be able to offer Jason the place, we were delighted. Particularly, as you said to me to alleviate the sticker shock.
2. There clearly was a misunderstanding about the no visitor rules. This was compounded
by the rules not being given to Jason until after he moved in and the tour Elaine gave us of the apartment’s common areas and rooftop. Jason moved in on June 3rd and the rules were sent on the evening of June 6th. You may think as you put it we called Elaine a liar, but Shelley, Jason and I all heard from Elaine that when she showed us the common area she said, this is a good place to have your friends. Further, when she showed us the rooftop, she said this a great place to see the fireworks and I and she heard me, what a great place to watch with your friends and Elaine said it would be extremely crowed and not too have more than one or two.
3. Granted there was an issue concerning the no visitor rule and frankly as we stated it was more of a concern or ours than Jason.
4. We understand that since it is your apartment you can make all the rules you can and except for the key issue, Jason respected all of them.
5. That even if the apartment was messy or dusty or had some food on eating table, is that a reason to evict someone. I am sure when you were growing up as well as all of us we were messy and as I quote you Howard, “You may be a lot more responsible than I was back in the couple of years after I finished my undergrad degree. Comparing yourself to how I was at that age is probably not all that fair to you. I mean that as a compliment.”
Perhaps you can take a step back and look at what happened from a different perspective. Now this is me talking Howard, I am more hurt than you can imagine. All we are talking about is monetary possessions, if they are damaged they can be replaced. It is apparent to me that you believe they are more important than family. When your dad fell and you family needed Shelley and I we were there no questions asked. We dropped everything to provide your dad and mom all the love, affection and support they could possibly needed, while you were traveling everywhere. We had your mom for dinner every week and sometimes twice a week. We spent countless hours at the hospital and I in fact Shelley help your mom deal with the hopice arrangements while you were in Europe. It is family get, perhaps you never will, Jason never did anything that deserved to be evicted.
Also, I heard what Shelley said to Elaine and I do not know what Elaine said but Shelley is hurt and offended as you turned her words around and took them out of context. She deserved better than that.
Howard, it is my nature to be forgiving and hopefully, in the future I can forgive you for what you did, but I will never forget.
We will see what time brings. They say time will heal all wounds. I would not know, this is a new experience for me, particularly with family.
We wish you the best,
Don and Shelley
I know this is after the fact, but frankly, we believe what has been said in this letter is necessary.
To say the least we are deeply disappointed and dismayed that you decided to evict Jason. You can call it whatever you want, asked to leave, thrown out, removed but the fact is you have EVICTED my son. How do you do this to family. It is not like Jason destroyed your apartment or disobeyed your rules except leaving the key (we will give you that one), or had friends there, drank alcohol or did drugs, or destroyed your furniture. Even if you are right, we were not there, it boils down to the fact he was messy. You even stated to me 4 days before all this happened he did not trash the apartment.
It is apparent to us that your offer was never with your heart. You never got it that Jason was living there not occupying your space or just a room. You never gave him a chance to clean when he left or even gave him the courtesy not to POP in until I suggest it. Every time you talked to him or came to New York you found fault with him. He is great person and never once did you even suggest to him to go out to dinner or a drink or talk with to get to know him. You resented Jason from the very beginning.
Yes, your expectations of anyone are too high. I am sorry if this statement as you put it, is an insult on any level. But when Elaine said to Shelley that she expected the apartment immaculate (the way she left it) everyday so that it remained in the conditioned he received is not realistic for him or anyone living there for 10 weeks. Jason had no reason to expect to have to keep the apartment, as Elaine put it, “immaculate”. In fact point 17 in her email to Jason said, “ 17) Before you leave, would you please remove and wash the sheets and make the bed. Also, if you could use the Roomba and Swifter to tidy up and use the respective sponges to wipe down the kitchen and bathroom counters, we'd appreciate it.
Lets review what happened and perhaps when you read this you will agree that mistakes were made by all concerned.
1. I never asked you if Jason could stay in your apartment. If you remember, I was asking you if you knew or had any ideas for housing for Jason. Ferne was standing next to us and she asked you if Jason could stay in your apartment, not me! Of course, when you said you may be able to offer Jason the place, we were delighted. Particularly, as you said to me to alleviate the sticker shock.
2. There clearly was a misunderstanding about the no visitor rules. This was compounded
by the rules not being given to Jason until after he moved in and the tour Elaine gave us of the apartment’s common areas and rooftop. Jason moved in on June 3rd and the rules were sent on the evening of June 6th. You may think as you put it we called Elaine a liar, but Shelley, Jason and I all heard from Elaine that when she showed us the common area she said, this is a good place to have your friends. Further, when she showed us the rooftop, she said this a great place to see the fireworks and I and she heard me, what a great place to watch with your friends and Elaine said it would be extremely crowed and not too have more than one or two.
3. Granted there was an issue concerning the no visitor rule and frankly as we stated it was more of a concern or ours than Jason.
4. We understand that since it is your apartment you can make all the rules you can and except for the key issue, Jason respected all of them.
5. That even if the apartment was messy or dusty or had some food on eating table, is that a reason to evict someone. I am sure when you were growing up as well as all of us we were messy and as I quote you Howard, “You may be a lot more responsible than I was back in the couple of years after I finished my undergrad degree. Comparing yourself to how I was at that age is probably not all that fair to you. I mean that as a compliment.”
Perhaps you can take a step back and look at what happened from a different perspective. Now this is me talking Howard, I am more hurt than you can imagine. All we are talking about is monetary possessions, if they are damaged they can be replaced. It is apparent to me that you believe they are more important than family. When your dad fell and you family needed Shelley and I we were there no questions asked. We dropped everything to provide your dad and mom all the love, affection and support they could possibly needed, while you were traveling everywhere. We had your mom for dinner every week and sometimes twice a week. We spent countless hours at the hospital and I in fact Shelley help your mom deal with the hopice arrangements while you were in Europe. It is family get, perhaps you never will, Jason never did anything that deserved to be evicted.
Also, I heard what Shelley said to Elaine and I do not know what Elaine said but Shelley is hurt and offended as you turned her words around and took them out of context. She deserved better than that.
Howard, it is my nature to be forgiving and hopefully, in the future I can forgive you for what you did, but I will never forget.
We will see what time brings. They say time will heal all wounds. I would not know, this is a new experience for me, particularly with family.
We wish you the best,
Don and Shelley