Songs of Sadness.
He's killing me. I can't take be screamed at, locked in, walking on eggshells because I don't know what will set him off. Why is it that for the past six years that I've live here I've found the most fucked up people to live with in the world? I knew that this would end badly and I stuck it out to see if it could have possibly gotten better. Nope. It is in fact worse than I thought it would be and now I feel like I am dying, like I can't breathe, like I'll wake up one day and he'll be standing over my bed. I've got to move out. NOW!
He's killing me. It's one thing to say you're just friends, quite another to be friends with benefits, but the one common thread there is friends. Maybe I over reacted when he told me but I don't think so. He ditched me to fuck some other guy and I'm just supposed to be cool with it. I was cool with him fucking someone else, someone who he has had a crush on since he was 19, but could you not have given me a heads up? Did I not deserve a "Hey dude, don't wait up."? Do I look like your bitch? Apparently I do because I bought him dinner the day he told me about it. Yes, here's your reward for being an ass. Here's the thing: I have to stop having sex with him, or I have stopped. I was becoming too attached because in the case of normal people, having sex with someone for close to three months straight kind of gives me the right to be jealous when he decides to go fuck his unrequited love of 20 years. How can I compete with unrequited love? Oh, that's right, I can't. And I won't because I don't have to.
He's mostly killing me because he doesn't exist. A normal man. Not at all remarkable. He has a job and a car, he's not crazy, but most importantly he has a heart. That's it, not a long list.
He's killing me. It's one thing to say you're just friends, quite another to be friends with benefits, but the one common thread there is friends. Maybe I over reacted when he told me but I don't think so. He ditched me to fuck some other guy and I'm just supposed to be cool with it. I was cool with him fucking someone else, someone who he has had a crush on since he was 19, but could you not have given me a heads up? Did I not deserve a "Hey dude, don't wait up."? Do I look like your bitch? Apparently I do because I bought him dinner the day he told me about it. Yes, here's your reward for being an ass. Here's the thing: I have to stop having sex with him, or I have stopped. I was becoming too attached because in the case of normal people, having sex with someone for close to three months straight kind of gives me the right to be jealous when he decides to go fuck his unrequited love of 20 years. How can I compete with unrequited love? Oh, that's right, I can't. And I won't because I don't have to.
He's mostly killing me because he doesn't exist. A normal man. Not at all remarkable. He has a job and a car, he's not crazy, but most importantly he has a heart. That's it, not a long list.