Updates.
So I haven't heard back from godsgirls yet and it's making me a little nuts. I hear they deny everyone a zillion times before letting you through. So this is going to be a very, very, very long process.
I still haven't gotten a job because I have no transportation, but a friend of mine is supposed to loan me some money so I can afford to bus it to and from work for a while.
Things kind of keep getting worse, even if I really don't want them to. I try to avoid it but it's just not avoidable. It's really weird. All my problems were solved seemingly overnight by a location change, and now that I'm back they came back just as quickly. I've been drinking a lot lately because it seems like the only way I can keep from doing more dangerous things to cope.
I cried myself to sleep last night. When things get bad, all I can think about is how much happier I was out west and how badly I want that back. I just feel so fucking trapped and I don't know what to do about it.
The James situation is getting harder to deal with. He keeps saying all this ridiculously sweet shit to me and it just makes me miss him that much more. And then today he said something about how he really wants to pick up where we left off, but he's afraid it won't work if he doesn't get to see me for a long time. That really just bothers me because I know it will take a fucking miracle for me to be able to move out there in time. I really cannot afford to screw this up, but everything gets screwed up somehow.
All I know is I really, really want to be with him and I'm so afraid I won't be able to.
I still haven't gotten a job because I have no transportation, but a friend of mine is supposed to loan me some money so I can afford to bus it to and from work for a while.
Things kind of keep getting worse, even if I really don't want them to. I try to avoid it but it's just not avoidable. It's really weird. All my problems were solved seemingly overnight by a location change, and now that I'm back they came back just as quickly. I've been drinking a lot lately because it seems like the only way I can keep from doing more dangerous things to cope.
I cried myself to sleep last night. When things get bad, all I can think about is how much happier I was out west and how badly I want that back. I just feel so fucking trapped and I don't know what to do about it.
The James situation is getting harder to deal with. He keeps saying all this ridiculously sweet shit to me and it just makes me miss him that much more. And then today he said something about how he really wants to pick up where we left off, but he's afraid it won't work if he doesn't get to see me for a long time. That really just bothers me because I know it will take a fucking miracle for me to be able to move out there in time. I really cannot afford to screw this up, but everything gets screwed up somehow.
All I know is I really, really want to be with him and I'm so afraid I won't be able to.