Hm. Private Thoughts

[hufflepoof_cm]

I read the owl that Jason sent me. He told me that he's not happy with me and doesn't feel like talking to me. Just because I ran and hid when we were attacked. I guess I wasn't thinking, but I can't help it! I'm allergic to being hit. I really don't know what to do. Apologize? But it's not my fault. Anyone else in my situation would've done the

Comments

Private to Caleb

[lil_lord_luc]

Don't apologize. I like that you come to me with these things. Hopefully I can help you out a little.

The point of Professor Riddle's exercise was to say what we'd do in that sort of situation. We didn't know it was all fake. We didn't know that he was still alive and all. All we knew was to survive. You chose to hide. You're not known for your bravery.

I have to be honest here with you, Caleb. Jason is a Slytherin. We tend to save our own skins more often than not. I had my reasons for getting to that office as did Walden. So I don't know why precisely Jason is angry at you for displaying SLytherin behavior.

Walden and I have our own agreements with things. I trust him to take care of himself. He knows better than to die on me. I think this is also why he left me. He trusts me enough to take care of myself and to make certain I don't die. Just because he protects me at Hogwarts doesn't mean I can't handle myself if it should come down to that.

The point is, I'm willing to be strong for his sake because I don't want him to mourn over me. And he's strong for my sake as well.

Walden and I go way back. I'm not sure when the first time I told him such a thing was, but I was old enough to tell him and mean it around first year. However, since then my love for him changed. Love for a friend, for a brother-type figure, for a protector, and into that of a lover. In the end, however, I never stopped loving him and right now, I'm really glad this message is private.

There's no test you can perform to find out if you're in love with this person. How deep would their loss affect you? How much would you sacrifice for them? How far would you go for them?

The only one who can answer those questions is you. I can only give you advice and tell you of my own experiences, but I can't make any decisions for you.

If you feel you and Jason are going to fast, tell him. If you feel you want something different out of the relationship, tell him so. There's always a chance that he may be feeling the same as you, questioning if he's 'in' love with you rather than just loving you. You're young yet, Caleb. Even if he's not the right one for you, you'll find others in life. And if he is right for you, then you've got plenty of time to work out any kinks in your relationship with him.

I hope that helps.

Re: Private to Caleb

[hufflepoof_cm]

You're not known for your bravery.

I know. I leave the being brave bits up to Walden. I watched him fight. He's really good. I don't have the muscle for that kind of fighting.

I have to be honest here with you, Caleb. Jason is a Slytherin. We tend to save our own skins more often than not. I had my reasons for getting to that office as did Walden. So I don't know why precisely Jason is angry at you for displaying SLytherin behavior.

Well, I am a Hufflepuff. Not supposed to be afraid of hard work and all that. But I think you'd agree with me in that there's a difference between hard work and a room full of vampires!

He knows better than to die on me. I think this is also why he left me. He trusts me enough to take care of myself and to make certain I don't die.

So Jason doesn't trust me?

The point is, I'm willing to be strong for his sake because I don't want him to mourn over me. And he's strong for my sake as well.

Jason says that I should've stayed with him and kept him safe. But... who would've kept me safe? I'm NOT the knight on a white horse. Believe me, I know this better than anyone... I wish I had one!

In the end, however, I never stopped loving him and right now, I'm really glad this message is private.

Awww! That is so incredibly romantic! Like, fairy tale almost. You two will be together forever!

There's no test you can perform to find out if you're in love with this person. How deep would their loss affect you? How much would you sacrifice for them? How far would you go for them?

Am I bad person if I say that I would be sad if Jason broke up with me, but I think I could get over it quickly?

If you feel you and Jason are going to fast, tell him. If you feel you want something different out of the relationship, tell him so.

I can't do that! He'd get really upset and start crying and he'd promise to change himself or something silly or... Merlin, you don't think he'd try to hurt himself if I told him I wanted a break?? Oh damn. What am I going to do?

Re: Private to Caleb

[lil_lord_luc]

Walden's brave because that's his nature. But you need to remember that he's not foolhardy brave. He doesn't go rushing into things that he knows will bring about his death. Normally, he has a plan and backup. Normally, guess who gets to be his backup.

But, like I said, the thing with the vampires tested everyone. And Walden had a personal investment at stake. No pun intended.

There's a big difference between hard work and being brave. Hey, you should consider yourself lucky. Most people outside of Hufflepuffs think that your House would be easily picked off in battle. From what Professor Riddle said, I think you'd be the last one standing. Or crouching.

I don't think it's a matter of Jason not trusting you. I think he doesn't trust himself to handle things on his own. Take Severus for example. I brought him with me because I wanted to keep him safe. Not because I knew he needed my help or anything, but because I wanted backup for myself and because two people would do better than just one. Severus knows his curses.

But then, Severus and I simply have friendship. I'm not sure if it should be so different between you and Jason. Am I making any sense here?

I think Jason needs a protector in those cases. Not really a lover. A lover should be both, mind you, willing to potentially lay down their lives for one another. That's all part of the bond thing. However, you two haven't been going out for that long so any bond between you both has yet to fully form.

Is there any reason why you wouldn't think Jason couldn't handle himself? You should also try to trust in him that he'll be able to keep himself alive in order to keep you from feeling any grief. In the end, no matter who you have protecting you, it all comes down to your own strength and your willingness to stay alive.

You're not a bad person for saying such things. All relationships need time. The fact that you're afraid of talking to him of things that bother you don't indicate anything healthy.

I know this is going to sound cold but it needs to be said. Life is about choices. Everyone has to make them sooner or later. If you're afraid of the consequences now, then are you willing to stay quiet and let things get worse? You'll just end up unhappy in the end. But if you do say something and Jason does take it upon himself to get upset, then that's Jason's choice. Not yours.

If Jason hurts himself, that's his choice. That's his decision.

He's your age, after all. You're able to take certain things. If someone comes up to you and says they don't like you, would you hurt yourself? Would you become really upset? Would you try to find out why? Those are your choices along with many others. It's not the person's fault if you make a self-destructive choice.

As your lover, Jason should understand if you have any misgivings. He may be hurt for a little bit, but if he wants you to be happy as I'm sure you want him to be, he'll understand and accept what you have to say.

Re: Private to Caleb

[hufflepoof_cm]

Lucius, thank you so much for everything. I think I've decided what I need to do. And I won't take the cowards' way out on this one.

If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know.

Thanks again.

PS I know Walden's tickle spot if you haven't found it yet. *wink*

Re: Private to Caleb

[lil_lord_luc]

You're very welcome. Do let me know how it goes and if there's anything else I can do for you, just say so.

And don't worry about it. I found it as well. Though I think it's in a different spot than what you're thinking of.