Love, Meloncholy, and Pleading
I’ve spent around 2 hours tonight reading through PathoftheChosen and missing my friends. I do this about once a year, and I knew when I started reading the old posts that I would find myself here, but …I felt compelled. Reading through our game posts is like a window back in time; I can honestly feel and see and hear those games and those conversations. I miss that time. I miss those moments. I miss my friends.
I have a wonderful life here in Centralia. An amazing wife that I grow to love more each day; three incredible children that teach me what life and love is really about; a good home; a stressful/hard as can be/ yet completely fulfilling job. I have is made, and I realize this. I wouldn’t change this or trade it for anything in the world. But I can’t help getting depressed every now and then about the old times.
Man, we had some good times! Laughing about stupid stuff all night; role playing until dawn; drinking like Viking warriors; even if what we were doing was stupid and bad and destructive -like a lot of it was - it was made good because we were doing it and doing it together. The group. The guys. The NAS.
I really do love all of my friends, and I cherish those times, those memories. I write now with tears welling up in my eyes because I realize that what we had will always be in the past tense, the memory era. We will always be friends; we’ve been through too much for too long for our friendship to end. But what we had then was so much more than just mere friendship. It was a brotherhood, forged in hardship and toil, in mistakes and triumphs, in good times and in bad, in love and in sadness. We were Brothers; we lived our lives with and for each other and things were great. My heart breaks a little because I know that we can never be like that again. We’ll always be friends, and we’ll always be close friends, but we’ll never be the way we were again.
I have a family here in Centralia; Michael is finishing school, soon to depart to grad school and the world of computers in parts unknown; Eel and Rhiannon are in Carbondale doing school and staying incredibly busy; Matt lives in Indiana and is seldom home, at least to Centralia; Alan is married and busy with his own life. We’ve all moved on and are living our lives. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t despair of my situation or begrudge anyone of his or her success or plans. But we’ve all come to another stage of our lives, which unfortunately removes the possibility for frequent get-togethers and for us to revive those communal times.
I feel, as I write this, that I have said this all before…every time I get to be with some of you. Part of this, I think, is because we have not all been together since June 2007. This summer will be 2 years since we have all been in the same room. 4 years ago, it was rare to go two days without seeing the others, now it has been almost two years. I also think that part of this is that everyone else has been able to move on to places where they could make new friends and start a new group. I have only “work friends;” acquaintances that I speak too but no friends. I am still very close to Jeremy Hanon and Justin Bergen, but one lives in Highland and the other lives in Texas, meaning that all of my friendships are long-range friendships. I have no one here in town, no one that is close enough to call and go have coffee if I’m down or just needing time. If I want to see my friends, it has to be planned way in advance, scheduled, prepared for, and time must be monitored closely.
I don’t want to let go of those times, but I envy everyone else in his or her ability to move on, albeit circumstantial.
It is February 9, 2009. I want…no, not just want. I NEED to get together with my friends this summer. Two years of a handful of visits is not enough. I need to see you all and hang out, talk about old times and new times, dreams and plans and what we’re doing and where we’re going and how it’s all changed since back in the day. I honestly, truly need this, guys. I’ll admit, I also want this for a selfish reason: I need to record us all for my book. I’ll celebrate 3 years sober in July of 2009, which is amazing (praise God). I can’t be happier about this. But along with my success in sobriety is a forgetting of what is was all like. I need that for my book, and I need to here the stories and here you all so that I can do justice to what we went through and to your characters. I need to get together because I love you as my friends and I miss you terribly; I want to get together so that I can finish my book, our story, and so that I can do it justice.
School gets out around the first week of June. I am going on vacation the week of July 4-12. Other than these times, barring Lindsay’s schedule, I am free during the summer. I am putting this out here NOW, 4 months in advance. Matt, find a way and a time to be here for a few days; Eel and Rhiannon, find some time to be free; Michael, find a way to be around; Alan, be able to get away from home. We must get together. Michael may be moving out of the area soon for grad school; we’ll forever be small gatherings but never the full group if we don’t do it now. Please, work out a way to do this. For me. For the NAS and what we were.
I love my friends. I wish you all the best. Know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers, and that I cannot wait until we can all be together.
Brandon
I have a wonderful life here in Centralia. An amazing wife that I grow to love more each day; three incredible children that teach me what life and love is really about; a good home; a stressful/hard as can be/ yet completely fulfilling job. I have is made, and I realize this. I wouldn’t change this or trade it for anything in the world. But I can’t help getting depressed every now and then about the old times.
Man, we had some good times! Laughing about stupid stuff all night; role playing until dawn; drinking like Viking warriors; even if what we were doing was stupid and bad and destructive -like a lot of it was - it was made good because we were doing it and doing it together. The group. The guys. The NAS.
I really do love all of my friends, and I cherish those times, those memories. I write now with tears welling up in my eyes because I realize that what we had will always be in the past tense, the memory era. We will always be friends; we’ve been through too much for too long for our friendship to end. But what we had then was so much more than just mere friendship. It was a brotherhood, forged in hardship and toil, in mistakes and triumphs, in good times and in bad, in love and in sadness. We were Brothers; we lived our lives with and for each other and things were great. My heart breaks a little because I know that we can never be like that again. We’ll always be friends, and we’ll always be close friends, but we’ll never be the way we were again.
I have a family here in Centralia; Michael is finishing school, soon to depart to grad school and the world of computers in parts unknown; Eel and Rhiannon are in Carbondale doing school and staying incredibly busy; Matt lives in Indiana and is seldom home, at least to Centralia; Alan is married and busy with his own life. We’ve all moved on and are living our lives. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t despair of my situation or begrudge anyone of his or her success or plans. But we’ve all come to another stage of our lives, which unfortunately removes the possibility for frequent get-togethers and for us to revive those communal times.
I feel, as I write this, that I have said this all before…every time I get to be with some of you. Part of this, I think, is because we have not all been together since June 2007. This summer will be 2 years since we have all been in the same room. 4 years ago, it was rare to go two days without seeing the others, now it has been almost two years. I also think that part of this is that everyone else has been able to move on to places where they could make new friends and start a new group. I have only “work friends;” acquaintances that I speak too but no friends. I am still very close to Jeremy Hanon and Justin Bergen, but one lives in Highland and the other lives in Texas, meaning that all of my friendships are long-range friendships. I have no one here in town, no one that is close enough to call and go have coffee if I’m down or just needing time. If I want to see my friends, it has to be planned way in advance, scheduled, prepared for, and time must be monitored closely.
I don’t want to let go of those times, but I envy everyone else in his or her ability to move on, albeit circumstantial.
It is February 9, 2009. I want…no, not just want. I NEED to get together with my friends this summer. Two years of a handful of visits is not enough. I need to see you all and hang out, talk about old times and new times, dreams and plans and what we’re doing and where we’re going and how it’s all changed since back in the day. I honestly, truly need this, guys. I’ll admit, I also want this for a selfish reason: I need to record us all for my book. I’ll celebrate 3 years sober in July of 2009, which is amazing (praise God). I can’t be happier about this. But along with my success in sobriety is a forgetting of what is was all like. I need that for my book, and I need to here the stories and here you all so that I can do justice to what we went through and to your characters. I need to get together because I love you as my friends and I miss you terribly; I want to get together so that I can finish my book, our story, and so that I can do it justice.
School gets out around the first week of June. I am going on vacation the week of July 4-12. Other than these times, barring Lindsay’s schedule, I am free during the summer. I am putting this out here NOW, 4 months in advance. Matt, find a way and a time to be here for a few days; Eel and Rhiannon, find some time to be free; Michael, find a way to be around; Alan, be able to get away from home. We must get together. Michael may be moving out of the area soon for grad school; we’ll forever be small gatherings but never the full group if we don’t do it now. Please, work out a way to do this. For me. For the NAS and what we were.
I love my friends. I wish you all the best. Know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers, and that I cannot wait until we can all be together.
Brandon