(no subject)
R2detour
If you break the word disintegration down; if, so to speak, you disintegrate the prefix dis from integrate, the concept of disintegration no longer elicits an image of dusty debris resulting from total annhilation; but, you have the actual denotation of the word (rather than it's generally accepted informal implication). In so many words, disintegration is the opposite of integration. This revelation has put an important spin on my idea of the meaning of The Cure album of the same title (Disintegration). My first thought concerned the loss of love, and the alternative effects gravity has on such a soul. Bleeding hearts and artists are not above physical laws, but rather, are influenced by them tenfold, as compared to the automatons they suspect the general population to be. Perhaps, this is somewhat analagous to the theme of the movie Dragonheart starring Dennis Quaid, and the voice of Sean Connery: essentially, the king is not above the code; but, because he is the king, he is servile. He, more than anybody, must obey the code, and set a proper example. But, this is all too tangential to go on and on. My point is just that disintegration is a removal of the individual from the whole of his or her community, whether that community be a sibling, a lover, a family, or a township. Jesus spoke something along the lines of, "wherever there are two gathered in my name, I am between them." This is the essence of community.
I was among friends when I began experimenting with drugs. That doesn't imply that it was happenstantial that I began equating one with the other. That was one of my first thoughts when I began experimenting, was that the magnitude of impact drugs have on the mind is something that should be explored with others whom you love and trust. This is for one's own safety. The potential a single individual has to enjoy a trip or a high is something I don't know too much about. I'm a dependent human being, and independent human beings are entities I admire and look up to. In truth, I don't know whether I've ever met an independent human being, but when I meet individuals whom I perceive as "realized," or who happen to convey themselves as such, there's almost an immediate sense of magnetism generated by our meeting. The mechanics of that magnetic field, I don't necessarily understand. I can only speculate. Anyway, in the period I mentioned formerly, at the tail-end of 2003, when I was ingesting over a gram of dextromethorphan hydrobromide at at time (that's about four bottles at a time), all of the abuse was exacted in private. None of the people I had called friends in the past were having anything to do with me, so there wasn't exactly anybody to trip with. At the heart of the matter, the whole reason I was drinking so much cough syrup and taking so many pills was because I didn't have any friends. I was orphaned at the age of 22, even though the plans for my orphanage had been in the making for years... and had likely been schematic in terms of the group of friends I fell into when I graduated from high school, from the initiation of our bond.
I'm assuming that this entry, and the last, have bored the shit out of anybody who happens to glance at this journal. So, to get to the meat of the fruit, I'm going to end this entry here. The portion I initially set out to compose I will dedicate a separate post to, that way you, yourselves, won't miss the comic relief. It is the reason I am writing, to begin with... and yet, I feel I've been dissecting the importance of the issue for far too long to find the right voice for the routine I was hoping to pen. Sigh. The best ideas are always inspired.
If you break the word disintegration down; if, so to speak, you disintegrate the prefix dis from integrate, the concept of disintegration no longer elicits an image of dusty debris resulting from total annhilation; but, you have the actual denotation of the word (rather than it's generally accepted informal implication). In so many words, disintegration is the opposite of integration. This revelation has put an important spin on my idea of the meaning of The Cure album of the same title (Disintegration). My first thought concerned the loss of love, and the alternative effects gravity has on such a soul. Bleeding hearts and artists are not above physical laws, but rather, are influenced by them tenfold, as compared to the automatons they suspect the general population to be. Perhaps, this is somewhat analagous to the theme of the movie Dragonheart starring Dennis Quaid, and the voice of Sean Connery: essentially, the king is not above the code; but, because he is the king, he is servile. He, more than anybody, must obey the code, and set a proper example. But, this is all too tangential to go on and on. My point is just that disintegration is a removal of the individual from the whole of his or her community, whether that community be a sibling, a lover, a family, or a township. Jesus spoke something along the lines of, "wherever there are two gathered in my name, I am between them." This is the essence of community.
I was among friends when I began experimenting with drugs. That doesn't imply that it was happenstantial that I began equating one with the other. That was one of my first thoughts when I began experimenting, was that the magnitude of impact drugs have on the mind is something that should be explored with others whom you love and trust. This is for one's own safety. The potential a single individual has to enjoy a trip or a high is something I don't know too much about. I'm a dependent human being, and independent human beings are entities I admire and look up to. In truth, I don't know whether I've ever met an independent human being, but when I meet individuals whom I perceive as "realized," or who happen to convey themselves as such, there's almost an immediate sense of magnetism generated by our meeting. The mechanics of that magnetic field, I don't necessarily understand. I can only speculate. Anyway, in the period I mentioned formerly, at the tail-end of 2003, when I was ingesting over a gram of dextromethorphan hydrobromide at at time (that's about four bottles at a time), all of the abuse was exacted in private. None of the people I had called friends in the past were having anything to do with me, so there wasn't exactly anybody to trip with. At the heart of the matter, the whole reason I was drinking so much cough syrup and taking so many pills was because I didn't have any friends. I was orphaned at the age of 22, even though the plans for my orphanage had been in the making for years... and had likely been schematic in terms of the group of friends I fell into when I graduated from high school, from the initiation of our bond.
I'm assuming that this entry, and the last, have bored the shit out of anybody who happens to glance at this journal. So, to get to the meat of the fruit, I'm going to end this entry here. The portion I initially set out to compose I will dedicate a separate post to, that way you, yourselves, won't miss the comic relief. It is the reason I am writing, to begin with... and yet, I feel I've been dissecting the importance of the issue for far too long to find the right voice for the routine I was hoping to pen. Sigh. The best ideas are always inspired.