(no subject)
So it's been a long time since I have updated this thing and to be honest with you a lot of stuff has happened since I last updated and everything. School has been pretty fucking shitty. The farmboys and girls out in Shirley are really fucking ridiculous and need to stab themselves in the face because they are so retarded. This school is so superficial and everything and you have to be some perfect little fuck to be accepted in the school. I love my fucking ICP classes and they OWN everyone. AP US history? I really do love that class. So, the last time that I updated I was like 2 months after my love moved away from me. My emotions have been jumbled ever since the day she left me and moved 50 miles away. I haven't been able to love again...in fact the own person that I think I will ever love again is her. I don't believe that there is anything more to life once you have been completely devastated by your one true love. Honestly, I know she didn't move and leave me on purpose and she had no choice but still, it's so hard to believe that I will ever love again. My midterm grades were good. I'm taking the SATs again in June because I want to get a better score than I have previously gotten (1350) and also because I think Hofstra might possibly want the new SATs for the 2008 graduates. It's April and graduation seems so close...I can finally imagine what it's going to be like finishing up High School (especially in WF) and just having the whole summer to myself and then going away to college. I'll finally be close to everyone who loves me and who I love more than life itself. Lately I have been hanging out with Anjelica,Jackie,Cristen,Rhaya,Aj,Mark,Rob,Jordan and just everyone else who I have been close with since I have moved to Shirley. Lately I have been smoking alittle too much and drinking way too heavily and it's really scary to actually think that I might be becoming an alcoholic. I have been writing a lot and my book is coming along. Rhaya read it and told me that it's scary that these are all my feelings. She got mad at me because I haven't been "talking about my feelings" she told me that I can come to her for anything and with any problems or anything and I knew that but it's just so hard to explain the things to people when all I want to do is just keep them to myself. I have been letting all these things build up in my head and I swear, I feel like I am going to explode any minute. It's scary that the only person who can calm me is 50 miles away and we have no way of seeing eachother until I go away to school. I'm scared that I will become so fucked up that I will push everyone that I love away. I'm sorry for being alive...I'm starting to think that maybe if I didn't exist people would be a lot happier.
Hubbs.
Hubbs.