Peer Pressure
I'm not certain I've experienced anything quite as powerful as having the trainning staff from the gym behind you in line at the cafeteria. Suddenly, I'm ordering fish, and extra veggies with no carbs...
I shouldn't be surprised. I shouldn't be surprised that I contracted pink eye, that I am feeling overwhelmed and disorganized, and spiraly. I should be surprised that I am not losing weight. Two huge factors: stress, and eating unhealthy foods and lots of both. I shouldn't be surprised that some of my relationships are stressed. I shouldn't be surprised that my work isn't perfect. I shouldn't be surprised that I feel alone in my struggle. I shouldn't be surprised that I feel conflicted about my purpose in life.
I shouldn't be surprised that after eating a healthy lunch, I feel good. I shouldn't be surprised that I am appreciated. I shouldn't be surprised that I deserve to be loved.
I am able to breathe a bit more now that Birdsongs has opened. (Although every time I think about how it's opened I think how quickly it's going to close.) I am grateful for the gym, with the trainer and a pool at my workplace - as well as the health insurance. I have a loving family. I am in an amazing artistic space. I am not bored at my day job. If i didn't have surprises, I would be more unhappy. I am not that unhappy.
I think, maybe, it's easy to let myself believe that I am crippled by misery. That this misery can be solved by what I ingest or how much I sleep. I haven't been waking up early to meditate. Now, that I'm not out until 11pm, maybe I can keep doing my 40 day sadhana thingy. I can learn math, I can take the GRE, I can study animal behavior. I can teach, I can eat more veggies. I can be a happy go lucky person.
Because that's my natural state.
I shouldn't be surprised. I shouldn't be surprised that I contracted pink eye, that I am feeling overwhelmed and disorganized, and spiraly. I should be surprised that I am not losing weight. Two huge factors: stress, and eating unhealthy foods and lots of both. I shouldn't be surprised that some of my relationships are stressed. I shouldn't be surprised that my work isn't perfect. I shouldn't be surprised that I feel alone in my struggle. I shouldn't be surprised that I feel conflicted about my purpose in life.
I shouldn't be surprised that after eating a healthy lunch, I feel good. I shouldn't be surprised that I am appreciated. I shouldn't be surprised that I deserve to be loved.
I am able to breathe a bit more now that Birdsongs has opened. (Although every time I think about how it's opened I think how quickly it's going to close.) I am grateful for the gym, with the trainer and a pool at my workplace - as well as the health insurance. I have a loving family. I am in an amazing artistic space. I am not bored at my day job. If i didn't have surprises, I would be more unhappy. I am not that unhappy.
I think, maybe, it's easy to let myself believe that I am crippled by misery. That this misery can be solved by what I ingest or how much I sleep. I haven't been waking up early to meditate. Now, that I'm not out until 11pm, maybe I can keep doing my 40 day sadhana thingy. I can learn math, I can take the GRE, I can study animal behavior. I can teach, I can eat more veggies. I can be a happy go lucky person.
Because that's my natural state.