Moments pt 14
Standing there listening to his words echoing over and over in her mind - “I have been my best with you.” - seemed to trigger something in her mind. It wasn’t a full memory it was more of a flash, or a series of flashes.
----------------------------------------
Standing in a room with Don, she was explaining that she was taking on a new role in an un titled project that was the creation of Nancy Meyers after having assured Don that she was going to back away from work commitments after Julie and Julia. The look on Don’s face was one of disappointment and without bothering to say much Don walked out of the room and left Meryl standing there alone.
----------------------------------------
Coming back to present time she felt very confused. It was a semblance of a memory that she just experienced but not quite and what she couldn’t figure out is why the phrase “I have been my best with you.” triggered the experience at all.
Noticing something was off with Meryl; she seemed to be a million miles away and he was wondering if she was experiencing some sort of side effect from the accident, like he had feared when they were driving to the house in Connecticut. But he wanted to give Meryl the chance to confide in him when she was ready and he sensed that she wasn’t ready to confide in him just yet. He was struggling to remember that she was still Meryl, and with or without her memory, she was still the same at least to him, and that meant trusting her the way he always had.
The rest of the day had passed by rather uneventfully. Don had shown Meryl around the rest of the house, the home they had created and spent most of their marriage in, the home they had raised their family in.
He took her to his studio and she was truly awed by the pieces she saw and the talent he possessed which only made him that much more attractive to her. He took her to the basement bellow the house where he built a room for her many awards, every award, as well as every certificate that she received when nominated for one thing or another were in that room. She hated having the awards in view of company, feeling it may make people uncomfortable or intimidated, so she had them all gathered and placed in one room. She vary rarely went in that room but Don did. He would go down there and just bask in the talent that is his wife and feel a tremendous sense of pride in the knowledge that she was his.
They spent about an hour down by the water. He was trying everything he could think of to help her feel relaxed but also paying specific attention to particular spots along the property that may ignite more of a memory or reaction and yet nothing seemed to work.
Several delivery’s had arrived, mainly flowers, from the kids and her brothers, there were also large arrangements sent from Clint Eastwood, Jack Nicholson, Bob De Nero, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, Mike Nichols as well as Diane Keaton and Shirley MaClaine. All had variations of the same message;
------------------------------
“Meryl; you, Don and the kids are in our prayers. We love you and please don’t hesitate to call if you should need anything.”
------------------------------
Don was touched by the outreach and yet he had mixed feelings about the reaction all of this was creating; he knew his wife was loved and it was truly touching seeing how much she meant to people and yet at the same time he desperately wanted to protect her, to shield her, to take her somewhere she could heal and not be touched.
Meryl didn’t seem to be moved all that much one way or another. After watching the AFI tribute she knew who these people were but she had no emotional reaction, even though she found their concern very kind.
Finally around 11 that night he laid in bed and held her, much the way he had for over 34 years. He wondered if the roles were reversed if he would be as trusting as her, thinking how confused and afraid she must be, and yet she was completely willing to trust him and in thinking of that he knew there was more of her their than he had been willing to realize.
He had been so focused on her remembering; remembering him, the kids, and the life they had built, he had almost dismissed the clues that remained that were proof she wasn’t as lost as she initially appeared to be. Her wit, her sense of humor, her willingness and capacity to trust, all of this was classic Meryl and the accident hadn’t been able to take that from her, in fact it was only revealed those qualities more than ever before.
Meanwhile lost in sleep Meryl was dreaming.
-----------------------------------------
She was a little girl age 7 or 8 at the most. She was outside riding her bike in what appeared to be a suburban street when a car pulled up .Recognizing the car the girl made her way to the house.
“Mary.” A man’s voice said, he was a large man with a big booming voice but with the kindest face and she knew it was her father.
“Daddy…” placing her bike down on the grass and running toward the man who swept her up in his big strong arms and spun her around. When he finally placed her down he went to the back seat of his car and revealed the present he had bought for her.
It was a stuffed lama, with a long neck and eye lashes that reminded him of Mary. He had always commented on what an unusual beauty his girl was, she wasn’t beautiful in the classic sense, but she was his beauty.
Seeing the stuffed animal her father had purchased for her she squealed and hugged the lama to her as tightly as possible and declared that the lamas name was Betty…
----------------------------------------------
Still laying in bed next to her he could hear her talking in her sleep
Almost in a whisper, “Betty” she repeated the name and then slowly started waking up and saw
Don looking at her with a bewildered expression on his face.
Not knowing what she was talking about, and having no way to know what she had just remembered in her dream he asked with genuine curiosity, “Who’s Betty?”
Rubbing her eyes and sitting up like a flash she went for the trunk at the end of the bed, opening it and taking out a few things she found what she was looking for. “Betty.”
Seeing her hold up the lama he knew instantly what she was talking about. Whenever she was sad or upset she would take Betty out of the trunk and it always brought her comfort. Seeing the huge smile that was taking over her face he felt like an idiot that he hadn’t remembered sooner, he should have brought her Betty while she was in the hospital but it didn’t seem to matter, she remembered and now he was left to wonder just how much.
Eventually getting back into bed with the lama she looked like a little kid and it made Don’s heart swell with love for her. For the first time since the accident she didn’t appear as lost and alone and for Don that was as beautiful a sight as any he had ever seen.
“You remember Betty?”
Laying on her side so she could look at Don she went on to tell him about her dream and then asked. “You knew about Betty?”
Putting his hand on her hip, “Yeah we had been together a little over a month and I found Betty on your bed and you told me how your Dad had bought it for you, it always made you feel safe and less alone. I’m so sorry I didn’t think to bring her to you while you were in the hospital.”
“I’m glad you didn’t it wouldn’t have meant as much if I didn’t come to the memory on my own. Considering how old she is it’s amazing how well she’s held up. I know it’s not much but it’s a start. I remember something from my life, I just wish it was you.” She still hadn't told him about earlier seeing as she wasn't sure exactly what she was remembering, is she was remembering anything at all, and until she knew she didn't want to get his hopes up for, what could be, no good reason.
He didn’t say it, couldn’t say it, but it killed him to see that look in her eye, the look he had been haunted by for over three weeks now, a look of complete confusion. He only prayed her memory would come back and she would go back to being the bright, busy, talented, intelligent woman she’d once been. It frightened him, just the thought that she may not be, that she may remain lost, limited, with no memory beyond three weeks ago. She was experiencing short term memory loss as well and everyone knew if this continued her career would be over. Her dream had been a huge step, it was the most she remembered on her own as of yet.
Moving closer to her and pulling her into his arms he ran his hand through her hair while his other still rested on her hip. “A memory is a memory it doesn’t matter what it is or how small, it’s a start.”
“Will you tell me something?”
“Anything.”
“In my dream my dad called me ‘beauty’ is that why you call me that?”
“The first time I saw you the first thing I noticed about you were your eyes, the way I could see straight to your soul when I looked in your eyes and to me that was a beautiful sight, the most beautiful, real, thing I had ever seen and since then I have called you ‘beauty’, because frankly there is no better word to describe you.”
Feeling more secure now that she had found a memory, even if it was such a simple, insignificant thing to remember in the great scheme of things she built up the courage to ask him a question that had been weighing on her for a while now. “Our life, if you knew than what you know now would you do it again?”
Taking her face in his hands he answered her instinctively “No question. The greatest thing I ever did was build a life with you. I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant having you here with me looking at me like you are.”
Leaning in to kiss him, not meaning for it to turn passionate but wanting to feel close to him. Yet best laid plans sometimes went amiss and this was no exception. Soon the kiss took on a life of its own, much like the kiss they shared in the hospital. But knowing what it meant to Don for her to remember before it became too intense she pulled back and rested her head on his chest.
“I can see why I married you.”
Letting out a small laugh at her comment he asked “Why’s that?”
“Because even when you have every reason in the world to run, when anyone else would take the easy route and leave, you stay and fight for me. Thank you for sticking with me.”
“When I asked you to marry me I promised you that if you gave me the opportunity I would love you more than anyone ever would and no matter what came at us in life we would always have each other. I meant that, I still mean that, right to the end I have you and you have me.”
“You know I had a conversation with Third, one of the last ones we had before I left the hospital, he told me I could count on him and I know that goes even more for you. What I want you to know is that you can count on me to. I can only imagine how difficult this has been on you and I want you to feel you can tell me what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling”
“I look at you and I see every great moment I have ever had in my life. I remember the first time I saw you at the screening when Third introduced us, you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. The first time I worked up enough courage to kiss you, the way you felt in my arms the first time we made love. When we got married at your parent’s house and you were walking toward me with your dad I knew that my life was starting right then, that everything I had experienced before that moment, before you, meant nothing. When you told me you were pregnant with Henry and watching you grow as you carried our son and over the years carry our three perfect girls. Watching you give birth four times to these people that our love created. Every time I look at you I’m overwhelmed with a memory, sometimes more than one memory, of you and the life we have had and I hate that it is all lost to you, but then I feel guilty because after the accident it should be enough that you are here and alive but it’s not, I’m selfish and I want you back… you see you aren’t just the mother of my children you are the heart of our family and without you it means nothing”
Laying in the dark with him, having him hold her so tightly and Betty settled between them she wondered why she could remember something as simple as Betty and not have any recollection of the man in bed with her, the man who obviously loved her more than any other person in her life.
Within an hour they were both fast asleep, Don with his hand protectively around Meryl’s waist and Meryl still holding on to Betty.
What was starting as a dreamless sleep for Meryl was quickly becoming anything but…
--------------------------------------------------
Standing in the living room with Don, seeing the look of disappointment on his face when she confirmed she wasn’t ready to keep her word about taking a break. It had been decided that after Julie and Julia Meryl would take a much needed break, but that was before the Nancy Meyer’s script was pitched to her. It was, like Jack Nicholson had told her about Something’s Gotta Give, the first perfect script she had read and she knew if she turned it down she would regret it.
Don was mad and like anyone when he was mad he said things he wouldn’t say under normal circumstances. For the last two years Meryl had been working nonstop since the incredible, somewhat surprising, success of Mama Mia!. He was proud of her, he was always proud of her, that wasn’t the issue; he missed her. They were both getting older and after 30 years of raising kids and having 2 very demanding careers this was supposed to be there time and now Meryl had announced once again that it was going to have to wait. “You know Meryl you have always had the best of me it’s a shame it’s not me that gets the best of you but Hollywood…”
---------------------------------------------------
TBC…
So you got two memories out of me, well really one and a half, but i thought it was fair since i left you hanging before.
Anyway let me know what you think, as I said comments help me get inspired to update sooner than usual so if you want more let me know what you are thinking…
----------------------------------------
Standing in a room with Don, she was explaining that she was taking on a new role in an un titled project that was the creation of Nancy Meyers after having assured Don that she was going to back away from work commitments after Julie and Julia. The look on Don’s face was one of disappointment and without bothering to say much Don walked out of the room and left Meryl standing there alone.
----------------------------------------
Coming back to present time she felt very confused. It was a semblance of a memory that she just experienced but not quite and what she couldn’t figure out is why the phrase “I have been my best with you.” triggered the experience at all.
Noticing something was off with Meryl; she seemed to be a million miles away and he was wondering if she was experiencing some sort of side effect from the accident, like he had feared when they were driving to the house in Connecticut. But he wanted to give Meryl the chance to confide in him when she was ready and he sensed that she wasn’t ready to confide in him just yet. He was struggling to remember that she was still Meryl, and with or without her memory, she was still the same at least to him, and that meant trusting her the way he always had.
The rest of the day had passed by rather uneventfully. Don had shown Meryl around the rest of the house, the home they had created and spent most of their marriage in, the home they had raised their family in.
He took her to his studio and she was truly awed by the pieces she saw and the talent he possessed which only made him that much more attractive to her. He took her to the basement bellow the house where he built a room for her many awards, every award, as well as every certificate that she received when nominated for one thing or another were in that room. She hated having the awards in view of company, feeling it may make people uncomfortable or intimidated, so she had them all gathered and placed in one room. She vary rarely went in that room but Don did. He would go down there and just bask in the talent that is his wife and feel a tremendous sense of pride in the knowledge that she was his.
They spent about an hour down by the water. He was trying everything he could think of to help her feel relaxed but also paying specific attention to particular spots along the property that may ignite more of a memory or reaction and yet nothing seemed to work.
Several delivery’s had arrived, mainly flowers, from the kids and her brothers, there were also large arrangements sent from Clint Eastwood, Jack Nicholson, Bob De Nero, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, Mike Nichols as well as Diane Keaton and Shirley MaClaine. All had variations of the same message;
------------------------------
“Meryl; you, Don and the kids are in our prayers. We love you and please don’t hesitate to call if you should need anything.”
------------------------------
Don was touched by the outreach and yet he had mixed feelings about the reaction all of this was creating; he knew his wife was loved and it was truly touching seeing how much she meant to people and yet at the same time he desperately wanted to protect her, to shield her, to take her somewhere she could heal and not be touched.
Meryl didn’t seem to be moved all that much one way or another. After watching the AFI tribute she knew who these people were but she had no emotional reaction, even though she found their concern very kind.
Finally around 11 that night he laid in bed and held her, much the way he had for over 34 years. He wondered if the roles were reversed if he would be as trusting as her, thinking how confused and afraid she must be, and yet she was completely willing to trust him and in thinking of that he knew there was more of her their than he had been willing to realize.
He had been so focused on her remembering; remembering him, the kids, and the life they had built, he had almost dismissed the clues that remained that were proof she wasn’t as lost as she initially appeared to be. Her wit, her sense of humor, her willingness and capacity to trust, all of this was classic Meryl and the accident hadn’t been able to take that from her, in fact it was only revealed those qualities more than ever before.
Meanwhile lost in sleep Meryl was dreaming.
-----------------------------------------
She was a little girl age 7 or 8 at the most. She was outside riding her bike in what appeared to be a suburban street when a car pulled up .Recognizing the car the girl made her way to the house.
“Mary.” A man’s voice said, he was a large man with a big booming voice but with the kindest face and she knew it was her father.
“Daddy…” placing her bike down on the grass and running toward the man who swept her up in his big strong arms and spun her around. When he finally placed her down he went to the back seat of his car and revealed the present he had bought for her.
It was a stuffed lama, with a long neck and eye lashes that reminded him of Mary. He had always commented on what an unusual beauty his girl was, she wasn’t beautiful in the classic sense, but she was his beauty.
Seeing the stuffed animal her father had purchased for her she squealed and hugged the lama to her as tightly as possible and declared that the lamas name was Betty…
----------------------------------------------
Still laying in bed next to her he could hear her talking in her sleep
Almost in a whisper, “Betty” she repeated the name and then slowly started waking up and saw
Don looking at her with a bewildered expression on his face.
Not knowing what she was talking about, and having no way to know what she had just remembered in her dream he asked with genuine curiosity, “Who’s Betty?”
Rubbing her eyes and sitting up like a flash she went for the trunk at the end of the bed, opening it and taking out a few things she found what she was looking for. “Betty.”
Seeing her hold up the lama he knew instantly what she was talking about. Whenever she was sad or upset she would take Betty out of the trunk and it always brought her comfort. Seeing the huge smile that was taking over her face he felt like an idiot that he hadn’t remembered sooner, he should have brought her Betty while she was in the hospital but it didn’t seem to matter, she remembered and now he was left to wonder just how much.
Eventually getting back into bed with the lama she looked like a little kid and it made Don’s heart swell with love for her. For the first time since the accident she didn’t appear as lost and alone and for Don that was as beautiful a sight as any he had ever seen.
“You remember Betty?”
Laying on her side so she could look at Don she went on to tell him about her dream and then asked. “You knew about Betty?”
Putting his hand on her hip, “Yeah we had been together a little over a month and I found Betty on your bed and you told me how your Dad had bought it for you, it always made you feel safe and less alone. I’m so sorry I didn’t think to bring her to you while you were in the hospital.”
“I’m glad you didn’t it wouldn’t have meant as much if I didn’t come to the memory on my own. Considering how old she is it’s amazing how well she’s held up. I know it’s not much but it’s a start. I remember something from my life, I just wish it was you.” She still hadn't told him about earlier seeing as she wasn't sure exactly what she was remembering, is she was remembering anything at all, and until she knew she didn't want to get his hopes up for, what could be, no good reason.
He didn’t say it, couldn’t say it, but it killed him to see that look in her eye, the look he had been haunted by for over three weeks now, a look of complete confusion. He only prayed her memory would come back and she would go back to being the bright, busy, talented, intelligent woman she’d once been. It frightened him, just the thought that she may not be, that she may remain lost, limited, with no memory beyond three weeks ago. She was experiencing short term memory loss as well and everyone knew if this continued her career would be over. Her dream had been a huge step, it was the most she remembered on her own as of yet.
Moving closer to her and pulling her into his arms he ran his hand through her hair while his other still rested on her hip. “A memory is a memory it doesn’t matter what it is or how small, it’s a start.”
“Will you tell me something?”
“Anything.”
“In my dream my dad called me ‘beauty’ is that why you call me that?”
“The first time I saw you the first thing I noticed about you were your eyes, the way I could see straight to your soul when I looked in your eyes and to me that was a beautiful sight, the most beautiful, real, thing I had ever seen and since then I have called you ‘beauty’, because frankly there is no better word to describe you.”
Feeling more secure now that she had found a memory, even if it was such a simple, insignificant thing to remember in the great scheme of things she built up the courage to ask him a question that had been weighing on her for a while now. “Our life, if you knew than what you know now would you do it again?”
Taking her face in his hands he answered her instinctively “No question. The greatest thing I ever did was build a life with you. I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant having you here with me looking at me like you are.”
Leaning in to kiss him, not meaning for it to turn passionate but wanting to feel close to him. Yet best laid plans sometimes went amiss and this was no exception. Soon the kiss took on a life of its own, much like the kiss they shared in the hospital. But knowing what it meant to Don for her to remember before it became too intense she pulled back and rested her head on his chest.
“I can see why I married you.”
Letting out a small laugh at her comment he asked “Why’s that?”
“Because even when you have every reason in the world to run, when anyone else would take the easy route and leave, you stay and fight for me. Thank you for sticking with me.”
“When I asked you to marry me I promised you that if you gave me the opportunity I would love you more than anyone ever would and no matter what came at us in life we would always have each other. I meant that, I still mean that, right to the end I have you and you have me.”
“You know I had a conversation with Third, one of the last ones we had before I left the hospital, he told me I could count on him and I know that goes even more for you. What I want you to know is that you can count on me to. I can only imagine how difficult this has been on you and I want you to feel you can tell me what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling”
“I look at you and I see every great moment I have ever had in my life. I remember the first time I saw you at the screening when Third introduced us, you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. The first time I worked up enough courage to kiss you, the way you felt in my arms the first time we made love. When we got married at your parent’s house and you were walking toward me with your dad I knew that my life was starting right then, that everything I had experienced before that moment, before you, meant nothing. When you told me you were pregnant with Henry and watching you grow as you carried our son and over the years carry our three perfect girls. Watching you give birth four times to these people that our love created. Every time I look at you I’m overwhelmed with a memory, sometimes more than one memory, of you and the life we have had and I hate that it is all lost to you, but then I feel guilty because after the accident it should be enough that you are here and alive but it’s not, I’m selfish and I want you back… you see you aren’t just the mother of my children you are the heart of our family and without you it means nothing”
Laying in the dark with him, having him hold her so tightly and Betty settled between them she wondered why she could remember something as simple as Betty and not have any recollection of the man in bed with her, the man who obviously loved her more than any other person in her life.
Within an hour they were both fast asleep, Don with his hand protectively around Meryl’s waist and Meryl still holding on to Betty.
What was starting as a dreamless sleep for Meryl was quickly becoming anything but…
--------------------------------------------------
Standing in the living room with Don, seeing the look of disappointment on his face when she confirmed she wasn’t ready to keep her word about taking a break. It had been decided that after Julie and Julia Meryl would take a much needed break, but that was before the Nancy Meyer’s script was pitched to her. It was, like Jack Nicholson had told her about Something’s Gotta Give, the first perfect script she had read and she knew if she turned it down she would regret it.
Don was mad and like anyone when he was mad he said things he wouldn’t say under normal circumstances. For the last two years Meryl had been working nonstop since the incredible, somewhat surprising, success of Mama Mia!. He was proud of her, he was always proud of her, that wasn’t the issue; he missed her. They were both getting older and after 30 years of raising kids and having 2 very demanding careers this was supposed to be there time and now Meryl had announced once again that it was going to have to wait. “You know Meryl you have always had the best of me it’s a shame it’s not me that gets the best of you but Hollywood…”
---------------------------------------------------
TBC…
So you got two memories out of me, well really one and a half, but i thought it was fair since i left you hanging before.
Anyway let me know what you think, as I said comments help me get inspired to update sooner than usual so if you want more let me know what you are thinking…