Eyes Wide Open pt 5
That night after Don finally fell asleep Meryl snuck out of bed and went downstairs. She was relieved to see that the down stairs was empty meaning she was alone. She knew everyone was just trying to help but they weren’t helping. Weather they were willing to admit it or not she had changed, everything had changed. She was no longer the same wife and mother they remembered, she was physically the same sure but mentally and emotionally she had forever been altered.
Looking around downstairs for a few moments, scanning the photos on the wall, she suddenly felt she couldn’t breathe. Even though it was extremely cold outside she knew it was the only place she would be able to breathe.
Deciding to sneak outside she made herself comfortable on the oversized chair and started to smoke a cigarette. From a distance she could hear a song playing that soon made her start to cry
In what other lives have I known your kiss
And what forgotten moments have I felt like this
The way you touch me I come undone
You know me more than anyone
Whatever you want
In what other lives have I touched your face
And what words did we whisper in a strange forbidden place
To be with you baby is to find myself
We’re two of a kind, you and I
I couldn’t love anyone else
You are my beginning, my end
You are my lover, my friend
In this life, in this time
Whatever you want, whatever you need
I will be right here waiting, baby baby baby
Whatever you want, whatever you need
I will be right here waiting, yeah yeah yeah yeah
In what other lives did I feel your skin
And when exactly did I breathe you in
Feel like I’ve known you for a thousand years
You’re so familiar to me and there is no fear
You are my beginning, my end
You are my lover, my friend
In this life, in this time
Whatever you want, whatever you need
I will be right here waiting, baby baby baby
Whatever you want, whatever you need
I will be right here waiting, yeah yeah yeah yeah
Watch the sun go down, yeah yeah
My past and future in you are bound, oh yeah
I watch as time moves on, I’m alive and strong
And when I’m with you there’s no right, no wrong
Whatever you want, whatever you need
I will be right here waiting, baby baby baby
Whatever you want, whatever you need
I’m gonna be right here waiting, baby baby
Whatever you want (whatever you want), whatever you need (whatever you need)
I will be right here waiting, baby baby baby
Whatever you want, whatever you need
Whatever you want
Right here, right here waiting
Right here, right here waiting
She hadn’t heard the song in some time but she still loved it as much as she had before. The song reminded her of Don; such a strong and steady man who let her be herself and yet there was no doubt she would do anything in the world he asked her to do.
For a moment she felt relieved perhaps everything hadn’t changed after all, perhaps she just had to pick her moments, let things happen on their own, maybe the key was not trying and just letting what ever happened happen.
Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder, so lost in her own thoughts she practically jumped out of her skin. Turning around to see who it was she saw it was her youngest Louisa.
Noticing the way her mother jumped Louisa instantly felt bad. She could see how hard all of this was on her mother and she desperately wanted to make her feel more at ease, though much like her father and siblings she had no idea how to do that.
“I’m sorry I scared you. I heard noises and I just wanted to check it out.”
Meryl immediately noticed the uncomfortable look in her daughters eyes and she hated that she was the reason it was there. Before she had a chance to say anything Louisa took the seat next to her mom and sat in the quiet with her trying to find the right thing to say to put them both at ease.
“I’m glad you’re back ma ma I missed you… we all did.”
Feeling the tears returning to her eyes she closed them real quick to stop them from escaping. She knew her daughter already felt bad and she didn’t want to add to it. Changing the subject as fast as she could.
“How’s school?”
“Done in May and I can’t wait!” Louisa said with excitement. She wasn’t dumb though and she knew exactly what her mother was trying to do, but figured she’d go with it hoping it would ease the tension and get her mother’s mind off all of the drama of the last few weeks.
Over an hour later Louisa had filled her mom in on her classes; the ones she liked, the ones she didn’t, boys and everything in between.
Than out of nowhere Meryl brought up the one subject that the two women had carefully avoided.
“You know everything that happened with Jack it’s going to come out at the trial if there’s anything you want to ask me now would be the time.”
Looking at her mother sitting in the dark wearing leggings and a large dark blue angora sweeter that seemed to engulf her entire petite frame Louisa knew she had a million questions but in that moment only one seemed to matter, and it wasn’t a question so much as a statement.
“You know we never stopped looking for you. Me, Grace, Mamie, Henry, Daddy, Ben, your brothers we never stopped…”
Just than Meryl remembered what Jack had said to her just before he left for Canada.
“You know they aren’t looking for you anymore, everyone believes you’re dead…”
Noticing the far away look in her mothers eyes, Louisa gently touched Meryl’s hand and waited for her to speak.
Almost like a flood gate opening Meryl said everything she had been thinking.
“When I left for Maine I didn’t remember a thing and I know that hurt you kids and your daddy even though you didn’t admit it. It wasn’t that I was choosing not to remember I just couldn’t. But I knew that I cared for the 5 of you, I knew that you were important to me I just didn’t know why. I left believing that a little space would help, and it did. I remembered it was in a dream, almost like a short movie but it was all there. I woke up and I felt free, everything was back. I thought about calling your daddy and then changed my mind. I couldn’t tell him over the phone. So I packed up, locked up the cabin and got in my car. But it was too good to be true because in the rearview window there he was, Jack. Feeling like he would leave once we talked I got out of the car and that was the biggest mistake I could have made.
Regardless, I got out of the car and we went inside and talked. Finally he left and I was free to go as well. Locking up the door and suddenly something hit me on the back of the head. It all happened so fast; one second I’m securing the cabin getting ready to come home, the next I find myself waking up in a brick room that can only be described as a cell. Why didn’t I just call your dad right when I woke up? Why did I get out of the car when I saw Jack? Things happened in that cabin that I would sell my soul to make disappear. Things that will come out and I fear you will never be able to look at me the same again and that kills me…”
Louisa was about to speak but stopped herself because Meryl kept going.
“What happened in that cabin was degrading, humiliating, exhausting, hateful and painful. Once upon a time Jack was a good, decent man but he wanted more than I could give and I honestly believed that letting him go was the kindest thing I could do. I honestly thought he would get over it, get over me. We weren’t together all that long but I was wrong he never got over how I ended things. He obsessed, he plotted for years, decades, wanting me to pay for what he called ‘misleading him’. And almost as if out of a script I had my accident, which led to my memory loss, which gave Jack his opportunity to play on my weakness and the twisted part was I let him. I gave him the opening, the only reason he got in is because I let him… what happened in the cabin, that was my fault and that’s what makes all of this so much worse.”
Hating what she was hearing Louisa tried to set her mother straight. “Ma ma it wasn’t your fault. No one, and I mean no one, blames you for a second.”
Meryl knew Louisa meant what she said but the trouble was Meryl meant what she said as well. It was her fault Jack had the means and opportunity to do what he did because she gave him the opening. She should’ve had more faith in Don after the accident instead she doubted him and because of those doubts Jack was able to wedge himself into Meryl’s life and the aftermath was just as much her fault as it was his.
The two girls sat in the silence for a few more moments before Meryl stood up as if she was going to head inside.
Instead she kneeled in front of her youngest daughter. “You know looking at you right now I see my mother. She was the single greatest woman I ever knew and with the grace of God you will turn out just like her. I’m proud of you baby girl and no matter what comes out at the trial just remember everything I did, everything I allowed to happen, I did it hoping against hope that I would find my opportunity and get out of that room alive…”
Without giving Louisa the opportunity to respond, Meryl stood up and gently kissed the top of her daughters head before she headed inside and went back upstairs.
Back in the bedroom Meryl shared with Don she was relieved to see he was still sound asleep. Standing by the door for the longest time she just watched him wondering when the other shoe would drop.
Song - Whatever You Need by Tina Turner
if you’ve never heard it have a listen it is an AMAZING song
TBC...
NEXT - the trial starts.
Sorry if it was crap but it was the best I could come up with not wanting to let to much more time pass before I posted. Let me know what you think.
Looking around downstairs for a few moments, scanning the photos on the wall, she suddenly felt she couldn’t breathe. Even though it was extremely cold outside she knew it was the only place she would be able to breathe.
Deciding to sneak outside she made herself comfortable on the oversized chair and started to smoke a cigarette. From a distance she could hear a song playing that soon made her start to cry
In what other lives have I known your kiss
And what forgotten moments have I felt like this
The way you touch me I come undone
You know me more than anyone
Whatever you want
In what other lives have I touched your face
And what words did we whisper in a strange forbidden place
To be with you baby is to find myself
We’re two of a kind, you and I
I couldn’t love anyone else
You are my beginning, my end
You are my lover, my friend
In this life, in this time
Whatever you want, whatever you need
I will be right here waiting, baby baby baby
Whatever you want, whatever you need
I will be right here waiting, yeah yeah yeah yeah
In what other lives did I feel your skin
And when exactly did I breathe you in
Feel like I’ve known you for a thousand years
You’re so familiar to me and there is no fear
You are my beginning, my end
You are my lover, my friend
In this life, in this time
Whatever you want, whatever you need
I will be right here waiting, baby baby baby
Whatever you want, whatever you need
I will be right here waiting, yeah yeah yeah yeah
Watch the sun go down, yeah yeah
My past and future in you are bound, oh yeah
I watch as time moves on, I’m alive and strong
And when I’m with you there’s no right, no wrong
Whatever you want, whatever you need
I will be right here waiting, baby baby baby
Whatever you want, whatever you need
I’m gonna be right here waiting, baby baby
Whatever you want (whatever you want), whatever you need (whatever you need)
I will be right here waiting, baby baby baby
Whatever you want, whatever you need
Whatever you want
Right here, right here waiting
Right here, right here waiting
She hadn’t heard the song in some time but she still loved it as much as she had before. The song reminded her of Don; such a strong and steady man who let her be herself and yet there was no doubt she would do anything in the world he asked her to do.
For a moment she felt relieved perhaps everything hadn’t changed after all, perhaps she just had to pick her moments, let things happen on their own, maybe the key was not trying and just letting what ever happened happen.
Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder, so lost in her own thoughts she practically jumped out of her skin. Turning around to see who it was she saw it was her youngest Louisa.
Noticing the way her mother jumped Louisa instantly felt bad. She could see how hard all of this was on her mother and she desperately wanted to make her feel more at ease, though much like her father and siblings she had no idea how to do that.
“I’m sorry I scared you. I heard noises and I just wanted to check it out.”
Meryl immediately noticed the uncomfortable look in her daughters eyes and she hated that she was the reason it was there. Before she had a chance to say anything Louisa took the seat next to her mom and sat in the quiet with her trying to find the right thing to say to put them both at ease.
“I’m glad you’re back ma ma I missed you… we all did.”
Feeling the tears returning to her eyes she closed them real quick to stop them from escaping. She knew her daughter already felt bad and she didn’t want to add to it. Changing the subject as fast as she could.
“How’s school?”
“Done in May and I can’t wait!” Louisa said with excitement. She wasn’t dumb though and she knew exactly what her mother was trying to do, but figured she’d go with it hoping it would ease the tension and get her mother’s mind off all of the drama of the last few weeks.
Over an hour later Louisa had filled her mom in on her classes; the ones she liked, the ones she didn’t, boys and everything in between.
Than out of nowhere Meryl brought up the one subject that the two women had carefully avoided.
“You know everything that happened with Jack it’s going to come out at the trial if there’s anything you want to ask me now would be the time.”
Looking at her mother sitting in the dark wearing leggings and a large dark blue angora sweeter that seemed to engulf her entire petite frame Louisa knew she had a million questions but in that moment only one seemed to matter, and it wasn’t a question so much as a statement.
“You know we never stopped looking for you. Me, Grace, Mamie, Henry, Daddy, Ben, your brothers we never stopped…”
Just than Meryl remembered what Jack had said to her just before he left for Canada.
“You know they aren’t looking for you anymore, everyone believes you’re dead…”
Noticing the far away look in her mothers eyes, Louisa gently touched Meryl’s hand and waited for her to speak.
Almost like a flood gate opening Meryl said everything she had been thinking.
“When I left for Maine I didn’t remember a thing and I know that hurt you kids and your daddy even though you didn’t admit it. It wasn’t that I was choosing not to remember I just couldn’t. But I knew that I cared for the 5 of you, I knew that you were important to me I just didn’t know why. I left believing that a little space would help, and it did. I remembered it was in a dream, almost like a short movie but it was all there. I woke up and I felt free, everything was back. I thought about calling your daddy and then changed my mind. I couldn’t tell him over the phone. So I packed up, locked up the cabin and got in my car. But it was too good to be true because in the rearview window there he was, Jack. Feeling like he would leave once we talked I got out of the car and that was the biggest mistake I could have made.
Regardless, I got out of the car and we went inside and talked. Finally he left and I was free to go as well. Locking up the door and suddenly something hit me on the back of the head. It all happened so fast; one second I’m securing the cabin getting ready to come home, the next I find myself waking up in a brick room that can only be described as a cell. Why didn’t I just call your dad right when I woke up? Why did I get out of the car when I saw Jack? Things happened in that cabin that I would sell my soul to make disappear. Things that will come out and I fear you will never be able to look at me the same again and that kills me…”
Louisa was about to speak but stopped herself because Meryl kept going.
“What happened in that cabin was degrading, humiliating, exhausting, hateful and painful. Once upon a time Jack was a good, decent man but he wanted more than I could give and I honestly believed that letting him go was the kindest thing I could do. I honestly thought he would get over it, get over me. We weren’t together all that long but I was wrong he never got over how I ended things. He obsessed, he plotted for years, decades, wanting me to pay for what he called ‘misleading him’. And almost as if out of a script I had my accident, which led to my memory loss, which gave Jack his opportunity to play on my weakness and the twisted part was I let him. I gave him the opening, the only reason he got in is because I let him… what happened in the cabin, that was my fault and that’s what makes all of this so much worse.”
Hating what she was hearing Louisa tried to set her mother straight. “Ma ma it wasn’t your fault. No one, and I mean no one, blames you for a second.”
Meryl knew Louisa meant what she said but the trouble was Meryl meant what she said as well. It was her fault Jack had the means and opportunity to do what he did because she gave him the opening. She should’ve had more faith in Don after the accident instead she doubted him and because of those doubts Jack was able to wedge himself into Meryl’s life and the aftermath was just as much her fault as it was his.
The two girls sat in the silence for a few more moments before Meryl stood up as if she was going to head inside.
Instead she kneeled in front of her youngest daughter. “You know looking at you right now I see my mother. She was the single greatest woman I ever knew and with the grace of God you will turn out just like her. I’m proud of you baby girl and no matter what comes out at the trial just remember everything I did, everything I allowed to happen, I did it hoping against hope that I would find my opportunity and get out of that room alive…”
Without giving Louisa the opportunity to respond, Meryl stood up and gently kissed the top of her daughters head before she headed inside and went back upstairs.
Back in the bedroom Meryl shared with Don she was relieved to see he was still sound asleep. Standing by the door for the longest time she just watched him wondering when the other shoe would drop.
Song - Whatever You Need by Tina Turner
if you’ve never heard it have a listen it is an AMAZING song
TBC...
NEXT - the trial starts.
Sorry if it was crap but it was the best I could come up with not wanting to let to much more time pass before I posted. Let me know what you think.