Perfect timing
There's seems to be a running theme in my life lately, I'm constantly wondering if I'm using my time wisely or if I'm just letting it go to waste. You see, time is a tricky phenom, it can be your very best friend or your worst enemy. It comes in abundance when you least want it to and is seriously lacking when you are in most need of it.
I think there is such a thing as wasted time. And if time is wasting, then it means every second of that time would be a mistake we’re making. I know there are people in the world whose lives are nearing an end, and they live with regret. It is something I hope to never know, and I pray that I will do everything I can to be AWARE of myself, my life, my feelings - to be as honest as I can be so that I never have to look back on this life and think, "Fuck, I wasted so much time. I wish I had done this. I wish I had done that." I’ve always wished I hadn’t lived in as much fear as I have - as much fear as I do, but now that I’m aware of this, I hope to stop it because my life hasn’t been that long, and hopefully, there is so much more to come. However, I’ve loved my life - the heartaches and all because I know these experiences have been fruitful. I wouldn’t take any of them back. I’m hoping that maybe it took me this long to learn how to face the fact that I do live in fear, and maybe this has all been a part of my journey. But I don’t want to be naive. I don’t want to imagine that anything I do is what I’m "meant" to do because I think we also use this philosophy as a way to cop out on what we really should be doing even though it’s hard to know what that really is. In other words - we just stop trying. We ignore our passions and our paths in the name of "meant to be," when fate will only take us so far, and then it is up to us to MAKE things happen. So at what point is something we’re experiencing just a part of the journey versus a blatant form of avoidance from what our journey should actually be?
I believe in the idea of Timing. I realize that our experiences shape us. They make us who we are, and we would not BE who we are without them. We learn to accept these decisions we make, and we call them "decisions" rather than "mistakes" because they are all part of the "master plan" that develop us into who we will eventually be…when we…die? I don’t know. When do we become who we are? Are we always becoming and never being? Or is that the secret? Do we spend all our time trying to "become" and never paying attention to the fact that we actually "are" all along the way? So, if everything is an important and significant experience in our constant formation, then nothing could be a mistake…it’s always just an "experience."
Cogito, ergo sum. I think therefore I am - Rene Descartes. It’s been many years since my freshman year philosophy class - the most challenging course I’ve ever taken because it fascinated me, but it was so difficult for me. I don’t know that what I’m about to discuss is at all what Descartes meant, but I’ll tell you what those words mean to me right now, and we’ll just hope he doesn’t roll too violently in his grave. The fact that I’m bothering to question these things about mistakes/wasted time/purpose at all means that I may have a chance to actually living life well. My life may actually "be" and may then actually be "well" if I care enough to question it, examine it, and live my life being aware. I feel confident Descartes did not mean this when he wrote what we wrote, but is it so bad to find meaning in words outside of their writer’s intent?
I know people who are having a swell time, but are not making any strides to become what they want to become. They live their lives in a constant form of distraction, which in turn keeps them collecting "fruitless" memories of laughter. I say they are fruitless, but how can a life of wine and song be fruitless? Is it bad to enjoy every single day with no frequent worry about what you’ll eventually get out of it? This is what I’m starting to wonder. Won’t we eventually hit some sort of wall where we wake up slightly older than we realized we were to discover that with all that "fun" we’ve had, we never took the time to go through the hard shit that gives us that greatest sense of being, of accomplishment, of pride? If we do not stop all that "fun" and face the actual tragedies and deep life issues, won’t that fun eventually run out, and we’ve realized that time was just wasted?
No, no, I do not believe the man who sits in a dark room furiously scribbling his theories on life is superior to the man who is outside actually enjoying it. However, I do believe there needs to be a balance. One should always make room for reflection.
So then what does it mean if there is such a thing as a mistake? How do we know we’re making it? And this is the point where it may be okay to be terrified. If it is possible to waste our time, then how can we avoid wasting it? My guess - Awareness. Have your fun, but don’t stop checking in with yourself to make sure you’re doing all that you can. All that you can. Am I enjoying my days, but am I happy about who I am? Do I know where I’m going? Do I know where I want to go? Am I taking the steps I need to take to get there? These questions will torture us, and I think our 20’s is when we’re faced with it the most. This is when we’re getting on track, so does that track lead us at all where we want to end up? I think it’s okay if we do not know, but it’s important to KNOW that we don’t. This way, we know it’s at least a question we must remind ourselves to ask because if we don’t start asking, then we’re putting off the day we have an answer.
So, maybe it’s a very good thing to believe there is such a thing as a Mistake. If we don’t believe that our choices could in fact be wrong, then we won’t be motivated to make sure that they’re right. How do we know that those decisions are right? Yeah, I would love to have a definite answer to this question. I guess we have a responsibilty to know ourselves the absolute best way we can. And I can’t help but believe that if we are honest with ourselves, and we make that effort to know ourselves enough, then we’ll know when our choices are right. THIS does NOT mean that any of our decisions will be easy. Being right does not mean that we are avoiding pain. It means that we are willing to face the pain to reach our greater sense of self which will ultimately lead to a form of Happiness that is richer and more fulfilling than with those convenient forms of pleasant distraction with which we once allowed ourselves to be consumed. Honesty, Awareness, an appropriate level of Fear, and just a little bit of Hope, and maybe we’ll be okay.
As for me, I've been implementing some changes in my life to certain areas that have hindered me and left me at a standstill. With another birthday approaching, I just want to feel like I've made some steps forward instead of sticking in one place or even worse, stepping backwards. Even if the steps I'm taking are merely baby ones, it's still something which is better than nothing.
What I really know is that life can be very surprising. For the good and the bad. The last few months alone have been such a whirlwind, I can hardly believe it. I’m trying to just run with it, keep my eyes straight ahead because when you look any other direction, you can get dizzy. Seize the day.
I think there is such a thing as wasted time. And if time is wasting, then it means every second of that time would be a mistake we’re making. I know there are people in the world whose lives are nearing an end, and they live with regret. It is something I hope to never know, and I pray that I will do everything I can to be AWARE of myself, my life, my feelings - to be as honest as I can be so that I never have to look back on this life and think, "Fuck, I wasted so much time. I wish I had done this. I wish I had done that." I’ve always wished I hadn’t lived in as much fear as I have - as much fear as I do, but now that I’m aware of this, I hope to stop it because my life hasn’t been that long, and hopefully, there is so much more to come. However, I’ve loved my life - the heartaches and all because I know these experiences have been fruitful. I wouldn’t take any of them back. I’m hoping that maybe it took me this long to learn how to face the fact that I do live in fear, and maybe this has all been a part of my journey. But I don’t want to be naive. I don’t want to imagine that anything I do is what I’m "meant" to do because I think we also use this philosophy as a way to cop out on what we really should be doing even though it’s hard to know what that really is. In other words - we just stop trying. We ignore our passions and our paths in the name of "meant to be," when fate will only take us so far, and then it is up to us to MAKE things happen. So at what point is something we’re experiencing just a part of the journey versus a blatant form of avoidance from what our journey should actually be?
I believe in the idea of Timing. I realize that our experiences shape us. They make us who we are, and we would not BE who we are without them. We learn to accept these decisions we make, and we call them "decisions" rather than "mistakes" because they are all part of the "master plan" that develop us into who we will eventually be…when we…die? I don’t know. When do we become who we are? Are we always becoming and never being? Or is that the secret? Do we spend all our time trying to "become" and never paying attention to the fact that we actually "are" all along the way? So, if everything is an important and significant experience in our constant formation, then nothing could be a mistake…it’s always just an "experience."
Cogito, ergo sum. I think therefore I am - Rene Descartes. It’s been many years since my freshman year philosophy class - the most challenging course I’ve ever taken because it fascinated me, but it was so difficult for me. I don’t know that what I’m about to discuss is at all what Descartes meant, but I’ll tell you what those words mean to me right now, and we’ll just hope he doesn’t roll too violently in his grave. The fact that I’m bothering to question these things about mistakes/wasted time/purpose at all means that I may have a chance to actually living life well. My life may actually "be" and may then actually be "well" if I care enough to question it, examine it, and live my life being aware. I feel confident Descartes did not mean this when he wrote what we wrote, but is it so bad to find meaning in words outside of their writer’s intent?
I know people who are having a swell time, but are not making any strides to become what they want to become. They live their lives in a constant form of distraction, which in turn keeps them collecting "fruitless" memories of laughter. I say they are fruitless, but how can a life of wine and song be fruitless? Is it bad to enjoy every single day with no frequent worry about what you’ll eventually get out of it? This is what I’m starting to wonder. Won’t we eventually hit some sort of wall where we wake up slightly older than we realized we were to discover that with all that "fun" we’ve had, we never took the time to go through the hard shit that gives us that greatest sense of being, of accomplishment, of pride? If we do not stop all that "fun" and face the actual tragedies and deep life issues, won’t that fun eventually run out, and we’ve realized that time was just wasted?
No, no, I do not believe the man who sits in a dark room furiously scribbling his theories on life is superior to the man who is outside actually enjoying it. However, I do believe there needs to be a balance. One should always make room for reflection.
So then what does it mean if there is such a thing as a mistake? How do we know we’re making it? And this is the point where it may be okay to be terrified. If it is possible to waste our time, then how can we avoid wasting it? My guess - Awareness. Have your fun, but don’t stop checking in with yourself to make sure you’re doing all that you can. All that you can. Am I enjoying my days, but am I happy about who I am? Do I know where I’m going? Do I know where I want to go? Am I taking the steps I need to take to get there? These questions will torture us, and I think our 20’s is when we’re faced with it the most. This is when we’re getting on track, so does that track lead us at all where we want to end up? I think it’s okay if we do not know, but it’s important to KNOW that we don’t. This way, we know it’s at least a question we must remind ourselves to ask because if we don’t start asking, then we’re putting off the day we have an answer.
So, maybe it’s a very good thing to believe there is such a thing as a Mistake. If we don’t believe that our choices could in fact be wrong, then we won’t be motivated to make sure that they’re right. How do we know that those decisions are right? Yeah, I would love to have a definite answer to this question. I guess we have a responsibilty to know ourselves the absolute best way we can. And I can’t help but believe that if we are honest with ourselves, and we make that effort to know ourselves enough, then we’ll know when our choices are right. THIS does NOT mean that any of our decisions will be easy. Being right does not mean that we are avoiding pain. It means that we are willing to face the pain to reach our greater sense of self which will ultimately lead to a form of Happiness that is richer and more fulfilling than with those convenient forms of pleasant distraction with which we once allowed ourselves to be consumed. Honesty, Awareness, an appropriate level of Fear, and just a little bit of Hope, and maybe we’ll be okay.
As for me, I've been implementing some changes in my life to certain areas that have hindered me and left me at a standstill. With another birthday approaching, I just want to feel like I've made some steps forward instead of sticking in one place or even worse, stepping backwards. Even if the steps I'm taking are merely baby ones, it's still something which is better than nothing.
What I really know is that life can be very surprising. For the good and the bad. The last few months alone have been such a whirlwind, I can hardly believe it. I’m trying to just run with it, keep my eyes straight ahead because when you look any other direction, you can get dizzy. Seize the day.