Daily Livejournal Spam for You #13
Last night, I made the classic mistake: I looked on your facebook. I really don't ever learn. The fact that you've been on lately gave me mixed feelings: on the one hand, you're probably reading these, which is nice to know. On the other hand, you are probably not any closer to coming back. I felt you get a little farther away. I didn't think that was possible. I've been in a spiral all week, and today did not help me. It was fun to get dressed up, and I attached a picture for your perusal. It was a nice day. But I didn't accomplish any of the things I needed to, I let the time slip by without keeping track of it, and I'm as out of control as ever. I feel very much as though I'm making a fool out of myself lately. I get so tired of constantly putting myself out there, of wondering what people see me as. I miss some kind of security with the people around me. I know I didn't really have that at my last school either, but I had it with you. I miss you. I am excited to go see Jess next weekend. Maybe a little time back home will give me the distance I need from you, from the people here, from everything. I have been trying to turn all the attention and interest I've been investing in others back toward myself, and it's been helping me to refocus and center, but I'm still too aware of the people around me, too overextended, too exposed.
