And it brings me back to you....
Yes, here I am. Writing on Livejournal again. For the first time in almost year. Why? Well, life has pretty much been tipped upside down and shaken clean in that time. So I guess that I will start at the beginning.
I moved to Orlando right about a year ago to the day. It was supposed to be the start of something great. It was supposed to be the beginning of the next chapter in my life. It was supposed to be the end of Amanda and I's distance issues and the beginning of our love that was supposed to stand the test of time. Well, I am sad to say, it has been far from it.
Problem number one. I have not been able to to find steady work since I got here and it has caused me to have to give up my new car as well as caused an endless amount of undue stress in what was once my perfect relationship.
Number 2. Things have changed alot. The people in my life have changed alot. Things aren't what they once appeared to be and I really wish I would have thought about this more before I came here.
So, after all of the struggle and strife. The bad times and the even worst times. It would appear that I have finally lost just about all that I hold dear to me. Several of my once friends do not even speak to me and several more probably never will again. These relationships became to strained as I was trying to stay afloat that I had no time to maintain them.
But most importantly and the most devastating. I lost her. My beloved. My Amanda. Christ, I can't even type this without tearing up. The one person I wanted to spend my entire life with, who made me happier than any other, has called it quits.
I am a broken man. I have fought, and I have tried, and I have lost it all. I woke up today and don't even want to continue. My life feels so pointless without her. I know alot of people think that sounds overly dramatic, but alot of people do not know the kind of love we once shared. It was the kind that made you wake up each day with a smile. The kind that gave you life and happiness no matter what else was going on.
Yes, I do want to spend the rest of my life with her. To love her and hold her each day. But it appears that I have lost that chance.
I honestly don't know that I will ever be able to open up again after this. My heart is scarred so badly that I can barely handle being around other people save a select few. I spend each day praying that I will get to hear her voice one more time. No, I will never love another the same way. I will never give myself so completely to someone. Never will I sleep at night knowing that she is the one. For I had the one, and she is gone....
I write this as a last ditch effort. One more attempt to get the feelings out somehow. But all it is doing is making it all come over me once more like a cruel flood that is drowning what little of my heart remains.
Have a nice life everyone. This is my white flag. I bid you adieu.
They say it's better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all...
Whoever said that couldn't ever have been in love.
Goodbye from this broken soul.
-J
I moved to Orlando right about a year ago to the day. It was supposed to be the start of something great. It was supposed to be the beginning of the next chapter in my life. It was supposed to be the end of Amanda and I's distance issues and the beginning of our love that was supposed to stand the test of time. Well, I am sad to say, it has been far from it.
Problem number one. I have not been able to to find steady work since I got here and it has caused me to have to give up my new car as well as caused an endless amount of undue stress in what was once my perfect relationship.
Number 2. Things have changed alot. The people in my life have changed alot. Things aren't what they once appeared to be and I really wish I would have thought about this more before I came here.
So, after all of the struggle and strife. The bad times and the even worst times. It would appear that I have finally lost just about all that I hold dear to me. Several of my once friends do not even speak to me and several more probably never will again. These relationships became to strained as I was trying to stay afloat that I had no time to maintain them.
But most importantly and the most devastating. I lost her. My beloved. My Amanda. Christ, I can't even type this without tearing up. The one person I wanted to spend my entire life with, who made me happier than any other, has called it quits.
I am a broken man. I have fought, and I have tried, and I have lost it all. I woke up today and don't even want to continue. My life feels so pointless without her. I know alot of people think that sounds overly dramatic, but alot of people do not know the kind of love we once shared. It was the kind that made you wake up each day with a smile. The kind that gave you life and happiness no matter what else was going on.
Yes, I do want to spend the rest of my life with her. To love her and hold her each day. But it appears that I have lost that chance.
I honestly don't know that I will ever be able to open up again after this. My heart is scarred so badly that I can barely handle being around other people save a select few. I spend each day praying that I will get to hear her voice one more time. No, I will never love another the same way. I will never give myself so completely to someone. Never will I sleep at night knowing that she is the one. For I had the one, and she is gone....
I write this as a last ditch effort. One more attempt to get the feelings out somehow. But all it is doing is making it all come over me once more like a cruel flood that is drowning what little of my heart remains.
Have a nice life everyone. This is my white flag. I bid you adieu.
They say it's better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all...
Whoever said that couldn't ever have been in love.
Goodbye from this broken soul.
-J