(no subject)
i talked to toby today. well, in text messages.
why the fuck do i care for him so much?
why is everything towards him unconditional?
me: can i have my cousins number? if you wont give it to me at least just text back no.
him: i was so scared to text you esp. after you said you hate me and stopped returning my texts. i i did not know what i was to do i fucked up so bad you were so good to me.
me: yeah i was good to you. i have never felt like a bigger piece of shit than when you ditched me at prom, never called me back. i thought you were special.
him: i text you befor your prom and said that i lost my job and couldnt get the money. i tried til the last minute but felt so ashamed i did not want to let you down.
him: I KNOW IT MEANS NOTHING TO YOU BUT YOU WERE ONE OF THE BEST FRIENDS I EVER HAD AN I CAN NOT EVEN TRY TO SAY HOW SORRY I AM I AM THE PEICE OF SHIT.
me: it means everything to me.
him: if someday you can forgive me. well i do not even know if i would know how to talk to you now. you never hurt me and i hurt you so bad.
me: i do not knwo why you hurt me i do not understand. i thought you actually had love for me.
him: i do. i just fucked up everything i was doing at that time, was bad.
me: you could have communicated, would you not have thoufh that better than blowing me off?
him: i was not trying to do that.
me: well you did obviously my feelings were not being thought aboutl.
him: i do not know what to say. i love you. i am so sorry you do not need to talk to me i do not know what you are feeling.
me: i love you too but you just hurt me so bad. have a good life.
him:if you someday decide otherwise i would like to know whats going on in your life.
him: i want to ask you so much but i do not know where to start. maybe i could call you tomorrow. i would like that. you can think about it. i have to sleep. i work at five.
:(
why the fuck do i care for him so much?
why is everything towards him unconditional?
me: can i have my cousins number? if you wont give it to me at least just text back no.
him: i was so scared to text you esp. after you said you hate me and stopped returning my texts. i i did not know what i was to do i fucked up so bad you were so good to me.
me: yeah i was good to you. i have never felt like a bigger piece of shit than when you ditched me at prom, never called me back. i thought you were special.
him: i text you befor your prom and said that i lost my job and couldnt get the money. i tried til the last minute but felt so ashamed i did not want to let you down.
him: I KNOW IT MEANS NOTHING TO YOU BUT YOU WERE ONE OF THE BEST FRIENDS I EVER HAD AN I CAN NOT EVEN TRY TO SAY HOW SORRY I AM I AM THE PEICE OF SHIT.
me: it means everything to me.
him: if someday you can forgive me. well i do not even know if i would know how to talk to you now. you never hurt me and i hurt you so bad.
me: i do not knwo why you hurt me i do not understand. i thought you actually had love for me.
him: i do. i just fucked up everything i was doing at that time, was bad.
me: you could have communicated, would you not have thoufh that better than blowing me off?
him: i was not trying to do that.
me: well you did obviously my feelings were not being thought aboutl.
him: i do not know what to say. i love you. i am so sorry you do not need to talk to me i do not know what you are feeling.
me: i love you too but you just hurt me so bad. have a good life.
him:if you someday decide otherwise i would like to know whats going on in your life.
him: i want to ask you so much but i do not know where to start. maybe i could call you tomorrow. i would like that. you can think about it. i have to sleep. i work at five.
:(