Dennis Robert Galbraith

[hroswithadear]

Why... Why won't you leave me be? Can I never have any peace? I am forever to be tortured by the memories? The way you look at me, the way your hand feels caressing my face? I have to be haunted forever by the memory of the way in which my heart jumped at the sound of your steps? The very fragments of my soul still splitting into shards for laughing eyes so singularly brilliantly amber staring back into mine. why.. why do you do this to me? why are you so far the only man I have ever known who is at the same time worthy and unworthy of me? How am I to reconcile the longing with the knowledge? I know you do not care about saline sliding down my face, and you do not think about the fate of my desolate heart. I know this... at the same time I know that I will never find one like you again, and I lament the struggle for my footing in this world without you. I know that you and I are two who should never have tried.. I know these things. I know them very well. Yet..... I long so for the feeling I had when you wrapped your arms around me and kept me safe and warm. I miss the feeling I got when you looked at me, like a fire startled to life around us and no one could break through it. I miss and long for the voice coming from out of the darkness telling me that I am beautifull... special... Yours. I miss belonging to you. I long for the demands you placed upon my body.. the long hours of torturous love making... ending only when I sobbingly pleaded with you to be satisfied. I long for the laughter and the elation I had when you and I were together, before the fall. I miss the mighty before we slid so far down into recrimination and hate. I miss you so very much Dennis. I miss everything... every look, every phone call, every adventure, every exchange of wild energy when we kissed. I miss it all, I miss feeling safe, I miss feeling like a woman, a lady even. I miss shocking you with my attempts to make life better. I miss mostly the feeling of your body wrapped around mine. I miss you horridly... I long for a single kind word from you. I long to reach out and take your hand. I know that I cannot do that. I know for sure I would never survive another round. I know... I fucking know that I will never be able to love another person the way I love you, I know that because I have never stopped loving you, and I don't think I ever could. I sent you this song one day after you told me to forget it. One day after you destroyed me. One day after the end. One day... I .. I don't think you understand even now exactly what you have done to me. I do not think you ever will know the depths of what you have tossed me into. Here I am a year later, still agonizing over the details of something I knew from the beginning would only cause me further harm, and I cannot regret it. I will simply have to live my life with a shadow lingering after me. a shadow which is what could have been and never will... the memories of what should have never been, and what could have anyway. the shadow will remind me of why I am incapable of giving anything but my body to anyone ever again. The torture of a broken soul.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GuX-F08fwI

And yours to me?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3w2i0XQLHoI