An ending to end with.
Dear everyone that knows me,
Sometimes when you hear your life is gonna change or your perception of someone will, your first instinct is to do all that is within your power to stop that from happening or deny it access to what you know true. I beg you to listen to me with an open heart and an open mind and understand that there is no changing this. That I am gay. In my heart I've identified as lesbian since as far back as I can remember.
This in NO WAY means that any of our experiences together have been in vain or untrue. They were as real and are as important to me and my life as I hope they are and were to you. I have always felt passionately connected to everyone that has played a role in my life. There was never a moment that I was denying myself the robust emotions that comes out of any form of love. And I do love you. All of our experiences have been authentic and real. But I have always sacrificed a part of myself and forsaken my ultimate happiness for the sake of others and I have reached a point in my life where I not only do not WANT to give up my right to happiness but I simply CAN NOT give it up any longer. It will come as no surprise that I will lose alliances along the way. People will look at me differently, and I accept that. What I can't do anymore is suffer and struggle alone, on the inside.
Again, while this is an unrevealed side of me to you, I can assure you that this has been as ongoing as any form of sexuality existing within me. I have denied myself for decades what my body and heart has longed for and so I could never truly give my whole self and I have never been able to truly love without hesitation-without internal stuggle and subconscious defiance.
Honestly, I have never felt split between hetero-life and lesbian. I am what I am. But I was living life in a way that I felt was expected of me while abandoning my kind out of self-preservation. And for what?
I have repeatedly asked myself if my happiness is worth possibly losing my kids, my life, my home over... And I'm torn. I want be an example to 'be true to yourself', while wondering am I being selfish after all?
All I ask is that you understand I love you, but I am no longer willing to be corrupt in my nature. If you choose to walk away, I accept that. If we can't be friends, I accept that. And if you feel betrayed, I understand.
[This is a rough draft to my coming out to the father of my children, my friends, and family]
Sometimes when you hear your life is gonna change or your perception of someone will, your first instinct is to do all that is within your power to stop that from happening or deny it access to what you know true. I beg you to listen to me with an open heart and an open mind and understand that there is no changing this. That I am gay. In my heart I've identified as lesbian since as far back as I can remember.
This in NO WAY means that any of our experiences together have been in vain or untrue. They were as real and are as important to me and my life as I hope they are and were to you. I have always felt passionately connected to everyone that has played a role in my life. There was never a moment that I was denying myself the robust emotions that comes out of any form of love. And I do love you. All of our experiences have been authentic and real. But I have always sacrificed a part of myself and forsaken my ultimate happiness for the sake of others and I have reached a point in my life where I not only do not WANT to give up my right to happiness but I simply CAN NOT give it up any longer. It will come as no surprise that I will lose alliances along the way. People will look at me differently, and I accept that. What I can't do anymore is suffer and struggle alone, on the inside.
Again, while this is an unrevealed side of me to you, I can assure you that this has been as ongoing as any form of sexuality existing within me. I have denied myself for decades what my body and heart has longed for and so I could never truly give my whole self and I have never been able to truly love without hesitation-without internal stuggle and subconscious defiance.
Honestly, I have never felt split between hetero-life and lesbian. I am what I am. But I was living life in a way that I felt was expected of me while abandoning my kind out of self-preservation. And for what?
I have repeatedly asked myself if my happiness is worth possibly losing my kids, my life, my home over... And I'm torn. I want be an example to 'be true to yourself', while wondering am I being selfish after all?
All I ask is that you understand I love you, but I am no longer willing to be corrupt in my nature. If you choose to walk away, I accept that. If we can't be friends, I accept that. And if you feel betrayed, I understand.
[This is a rough draft to my coming out to the father of my children, my friends, and family]