One-Shot: Imagine
Title: Imagine
User: Bbluangleyes75
Pairing: Rob/Kristen
Rating: PG
Summary/Notes: Old School Rob and Kristen take their first steps in moving toward their future.
Disclaimer: I don’t own them, don’t know them, but a girl can dream… All mistakes are mine.
The knock at her trailer door sounded just as she grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. She opened it to see Rob standing with his hands shoved in his pockets, looking down at the ground, kicking rocks with the toes of his shoes. A shiver ran through her, though she couldn’t be certain if it was from the chill in the late night Oregon air or the close proximity of Rob.
“The car’s ready,” he told her, jerking his thumb over his shoulder.
“Oh, okay, I thought you left already…” she said, stepping down from the trailer, pushing the door shut behind her.
“Yeah, I was going to, but I got wrapped up and lost track of time. Do you mind if we share the ride?” He asked, looking up at her through his lashes.
“No, that’s fine. You have plans tonight?” She asked as she adjusted her backpack and took a step in the direction of their waiting car.
“Ugh, no. I just wanna take a shower and relax,” he shrugged and kicked a rock out in front of them as he started to walk.
Glancing at him through her tousled hair, she reached to run her fingers through it and push it from her face before asking, “Want to come over?”
Slowing minimally, he let her walk ahead a few steps while he processed her invitation. He so badly wanted to say yes and spend time with her. His heart was aching at the distance they’d put between themselves over the past week, but he had to remind himself why they hadn’t spent time together before he could answer her. He jerked his hand from his pocket and forced it into his own hair, pushing it back. His mind was racing…where was her boyfriend, had she missed him as much as he missed her, could he be around her and respect her relationship enough to leave her alone? Question after question popped into his mind as he studied the ground, but he couldn’t voice any of them out loud.
Halting ahead of him, she turned to face him. He shifted his weight from foot to foot and appeared to be fighting an inner battle. Watching him, she realized she’d missed him more than she cared to admit and that being around him made her feel so far away from where they’d been a week ago. He snapped back to reality and looked from the ground to meet her eyes. His pained expression took her breath away and she stepped towards him before stopping and waiting again for him to speak.
“Kristen…where…what…ummm,” he stuttered and quieted, shaking his head and staring at her intently.
Feeling unsure of herself under his close scrutiny, she dug in her pockets and withdrew her gloves, focusing on getting her frozen fingers covered so she wouldn’t have to look at him. She wanted so badly to just spend time with him, but she didn’t want to pressure him. She had essentially shut him out to appease Michael and it was one of the hardest things she’d ever done.
They’d gotten so close and had become really good friends so quickly, that to suddenly not have him in her life had been unbearable. She’d found herself missing him to the point of shutting down and picking fights with Michael. Spending time with her brother and her boyfriend used to bring her so much happiness, but the past week it’d only served as an annoyance and left her cranky and on edge.
When her fingers were protected from the cold and he still hadn’t spoken, she chanced a glance at him. He was looking down again, shoulders hunched against the cold, digging his feet into the loose gravel.
“If you don’t want to come over I can call Jake and see if he wants to hang out,” she rushed, her breath creating small clouds in the cold night air.
“Jake?” He questioned as he picked his head up and smirked.
“Ugh…Taylor,” she shook her head and fidgeted before trying to explain, “My brother’s been here all week, so we’ve been calling Taylor, Jake to avoid confusion. It’s easier than saying Brother Taylor and Movie Taylor.”
Chuckling at her longwinded explanation that she didn’t even have to give, because he understood, he nodded and teased, “So, If I say yes, will I be hanging out with Bella or Kristen and who do you want me to come as, Edward or Rob?”
She grinned at his antics briefly before wrapping her arms around herself and dropping her gaze, a sadness settling over her as she realized just how much she’d missed his playfulness. “I want Rob to hang out with me,” she sighed. “I’m just a girl asking a boy to be my friend,” she whispered, peeking up at him with her bright green eyes.
She seemed off to him and he wasn’t quite sure exactly what was going on with her, but her sadness invoked strong feelings in his chest, a tugging at his heart. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and make it all better, whatever the reason for her down mood, but he was hesitant. The fact they’d spent little to no time together recently, due to Michael and Taylor monopolizing her every free moment, left him feeling unsure of where he stood with her. He’d missed her in ways he felt he didn’t have the right to and he didn’t know what to do with it all. He didn’t want to push her away, but he didn’t want to be responsible for her doing something she might regret either. Her words hit him hard, she was more than just a girl to him and he wanted to be her friend, in actuality so much more.
Realizing where he’d heard words similar to the ones she’d just spoken, he laughed out loud, causing her to scowl at him. “Knotting Hill? Really Kristen? I didn’t peg you as the British romantic comedy type.”
Hearing him tease her about her loosely related movie quote brought forth a laugh from her that helped lift her mood. Shaking her head she waggled her eyes and teased back, “Yeah? There’s probably a lot about me you don’t know, Robert! Want to come over? I’ll let you in on some of my secrets!”
His eyes went wide as his heart thundered in his chest. “How can I say no to that? Finding out Kristen Stewart’s deepest, darkest secrets sounds very intriguing!”
She smiled broadly as he moved to her side, bumping her with his shoulder. She leaned and bumped him back, both of them laughing as they resumed the walk to their car.
“Do you wanna just shower at the house?” She offered.
“Ugh, I guess I could, but I don’t have any stuff with me,” he answered.
“Go get stuff from the trailer, you can bring it back in the morning,” she brainstormed as she leaned into him and matched his pace; trying to steal body his body heat to warm herself.
He stopped and looked between the waiting car and the row of trailers they’d just walked from. Weighing his options, he decided that if he just grabbed stuff from the set he could spend more time with her. Nodding, he turned back and spoke hurriedly, “Go get in the car before you catch pneumonia. I’ll grab some stuff and be right there.”
She made her way to the car as he strolled away. Reaching for the handle she turned to see him ducking into a trailer and her heart beat in her chest, double time. There was just something about him she couldn’t shake. Excitement spread through her and wiped away her doubts and morose feelings. Smiling ear to ear she ducked into the warm car, chills spreading through her, not from the cold, but from knowing that she and Rob would finally have time together.
Completely lost in thought, she jumped when he tore the door open and dove into the car. He was shivering; his nose red and his cheeks rosy from being exposed to the elements. Vigorously he rubbed his bare hands against his thighs in an attempt to warm them. As the heat from the vents collided with his ice cold skin he shuddered and fought to keep his teeth from actually chattering in his mouth. Kristen scooted closer to him on the bench seat and leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. She reached and covered his hands with her own, trying to help warm him as the car pulled away from the lot. He leaned his face on top of her head and pressed closer to her, instantly feeling warmer and better than he had all week.
****
Stepping in to the house with him right behind her, she immediately kicked off her shoes and rolled her toes on the floor to pop the knuckles while he stood watching. Turning towards him she smiled sheepishly as she plucked the mittens from her hands and shoved them deep into the pockets of her bubble coat, pulling it tighter around her small body instead of taking it off.
“You can use the bathroom in my bedroom if you want, the water pressure’s better in there. Use anything you need,” she offered.
He nodded and glanced around the house as if he was looking for something. He seemed more tense and uncomfortable than he’d been in the car with her.
“What’s wrong?” She asked tipping her head in question.
His eyes roamed across the dining area, down the hall, and through the living room, “Maybe I should just use the guest bathroom.”
“You’re fine Rob, he won’t be coming back here tonight,” she said flatly and dropped her gaze before turning to make her way through the house to the kitchen, leaving him alone, just inside her front door.
He closed his mouth and stepped to follow her, bag still in hand. At the archway to the kitchen he paused to watch her as she flopped into a chair and ran her hand through her hair. She was starting to look sad again.
“Where is he?” He asked, leaning on the wall and moving the strap for his bag over his shoulder.
She retreated into her down coat further, nearly disappearing, and brought one of her fingers to her mouth, gnawing on her cuticle as she glanced at him before giving a nonchalant shrug and answering, “He went home.”
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and unzipped his jacket before asking her another question, “Where’s your brother?”
“He went too, he’ll be back in a few days,” she drug her hand from her mouth and wiggled to shed her coat, then twisted in her seat so she could drape it over the back of her chair.
“Michael coming back then too?” He dug deeper.
Turning to face him she slowly shook her head no and shrugged before down casting her eyes. She shoved a new finger in her mouth and resumed her chewing.
“Kristen?” He questioned gently, drawing her gaze back to his as she nibbled at her cuticle.
“You hungry?” she bounded from her seat and launched herself towards the refrigerator, ripped the door open, and ducked her head in.
He laughed at her unpredictable and spastic movements knowing that it was her defense mechanisms kicking in. She was avoiding him and his questions and it was best to just let her. They would have time to talk later. He knew her well enough to know that once she was more comfortable, she would let her walls down. He figured if she had time to relax, it wouldn’t be long before she told him all about Michael.
“Grilled cheese and soup?” she yelled out from the fridge as she pushed things around on the shelves.
“Sure,” he agreed and dropped his bag at his feet so he could remove his coat and hang it on the chair next to hers.
“Tomato okay?” she asked again as she turned and shut the fridge, catching him staring at her rear and blushing as she moved to the cupboards.
“Ugh, Yeah, whatever…tomato is fine,” he answered quietly.
Spinning from the cabinet to face him she laughed and modeled the can of Campbell’s soup she held in her hands, “Toe-Ma-toe it is,” she laughed as she exaggerated the word, trying to mimic his accent.
He laughed too and shook his head. “Arse,” he joked with her, backing up through the kitchen to retrieve his bag and head for the shower.
****
She watched him go in her peripheral vision, but stayed in the kitchen, chuckling to herself as she started to throw their dinner together. Once the soup was warming and she heard the water in her room running, she decided to go put on sweats before making their sandwiches. She stalled outside the door to her room and debated waiting, not sure if she should go in while he was in the adjoining bathroom. She concluded there would be no harm and no foul if she quickly got what she needed got out. Upon entering the room she noticed his bag perched on her bed with some of his belongings laid out and waiting for him and a pile of his clothes on the floor that he had stripped off and stepped over. Smiling she turned to the closet and opened the door, grabbing a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before turning to extract a pair of heavy wool socks from her dresser. On her way out, she looked back at his stuff again and froze. Just yesterday she’d been practically yelling at Michael about a pair of boxers that had simply missed the hamper! Why was it okay for Rob to be a hot mess, but if Michael even so much as left a sock out she was all over him? She pushed the thoughts out of her mind and went to the guest bedroom to change so she could get back to making their dinner, wanting to just forget the past week and get back to normal with Rob.
*****
Toweling himself dry, he stepped from the bathroom and went to his clothes on the bed. The pair of sweats and long-sleeved thermal shirt he’d grabbed felt good against his damp skin. He toweled his hair and walked back into the bathroom to hang it on the rack to dry. Looking around more closely he noticed that half of the counter space was empty. There was nothing to indicate that anyone but Kristen used this area. It was completely void of any male toiletries, razors or colognes. Going back to the bedroom, he glanced at the open closet door as he picked up his dirty clothes from the floor and shoved them into his bag. Once they were all tucked away, he crossed to the closet and peeked in. Again, only half of the space was taken, the remaining half held only empty hangers. Peering at the floor he saw only Kristen’s sneakers, mostly chucks. Smiling, he turned around, grabbed his bag and sauntered out of the room, satisfied with what he’d seen, but curious as to what was really going on.
****
She sat at the table playing with the ends of her hair and staring off into space. Cautiously he approached so he wouldn’t startle her. When she looked up he offered a smile as he sat at the spot that held two sandwiches and an extra-large bowl of steaming soup for him. She returned his smile and popped from her seat to retrieve two bottles of beer from the fridge before plopping back down and bringing one foot up to rest on the open spot on the seat of her chair. Grabbing her spoon, she dipped it the soup and brought it to her lips so she could blow on it. Completely in awe of her, he watched closely until she felt his eyes and looked up, a flash of worry crossing her features.
“You not hungry?” she asked, setting down her spoon and reaching to tear a piece of her sandwich off.
“Ugh, yeah, I am, I’m just really tired, I guess,” he offered an explanation before situating himself and starting to eat.
They ate in comfortable silence, chancing glances at one another and offering small smiles every so often. She finished first and sat back, running her hand through her hair before reaching to grab her beer and bring it to her lips. She released a sigh and dropped her head on the chair back.
“Full?” he asked as he popped the last piece of soup-covered sandwich in his mouth and reached for his own beer, mimicking her posture.
“Yeah…you? I can make you more if you want.” She lifted her head slightly to see him.
“Nah, that was perfect. I’m good thanks,” he replied.
“Wanna watch a movie?” she questioned, leaning to set her beer down so she could gather their dishes.
“You sure you don’t want to go to sleep? I can call for a ride,” he stood and stretched, arching his back and reaching his arms behind him.
She turned to answer him and caught the sight of his shirt pulling up just enough for her to see his defined stomach muscles accentuated by the happy trail of hair that disappeared under the waistline of his low-slung sweats. Flushing, she turned quickly back to the sink and gripped the counter, willing her inappropriate thoughts to go away before she faced him again.
“No, I…I…ugh…Don’t go! I mean, unless you want to of course,” she swallowed hard and started counting to ten.
“Want help with dishes?” He asked over her shoulder, oblivious to the errant thoughts running rampant in her brain.
“Ugh, no,” she choked out as she squeezed her eyes tightly shut.
“Ok, I’m gonna go smoke and call my mum,” he told her, grabbing his coat from the chair and shrugging it on.
“Okay, I’ll come out in a minute,” she mumbled and clenched the counter tighter. She listened to his retreating footsteps and relaxed only after the front door opened, then closed.
****
Sitting on opposite ends of the couch, each of them clenched a beer bottle in their hands. She leaned to press play on the remote and set her beer on the table before throwing herself into her corner of the couch and reaching for the blanket strewn across the back. Wiggling around, she fought with the blanket until she felt she was covered enough and settled in for the film. His heels came up on the table with a thud and she laughed immediately at the sight of his bare feet, propped directly in her line of sight. Without looking at her, he reached and grabbed a corner of her blanket and pulled it towards him, dragging it slowly from her body as the first previews for the movie started to dance across the screen. He started to whistle and look around, teasing her as he pulled more and more of her blanket from her, until he had gathered it all in his lap. Tears streamed down her face as she struggled to sit up and control her laughing before diving for the blanket and trying to pull it back.
They continued to wrestle for the blanket until they were up on their knees, literally playing tug-o-war with the knitted piece of fabric. Both put their full weight into their pulls throwing the other off balance and filling the room with more laughter. Her flushed cheeks, crazy hair, and grunting had Rob laughing so hard he let the blanket go slack, making her think that she’d finally won the battle. Letting down her guard she sat back on the heels of her feet and started to gather the blanket rapidly into her lap. Without warning, he jerked as hard as he could and she flew forward, crashing face first into his chest. Another hysterical laugh tore from her as she let go of the blanket and brought her small fist to pound on his chest.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” He tried to contain his own laughter, but feeling her vibrating against his chest with her own giggles only made him chuckle more.
Pulling back from him, she flipped her hair out of her face and fought to wipe away stray strands that were sticking her skin. Still laughing, she shook her head and attempted a pouty face, to make him feel bad for strong arming her, but it only served to make him laugh harder and her to follow. Her sides and stomach were aching from all the strenuous activity and guffawing she’d done and it was too much for her to handle in an upright position, so she collapsed forward into him again and rolled her face against his t-shirt clad chest. Feeling her against him was enough to increase his heart rate and slow his laughter. Without thinking before acting he wrapped his arms around her and rocked her gently. He was shocked when instead of pulling away from him; she wrapped her arms around his waist and rocked with him. Their giggling faded fast, until all that could be heard was the score for the movie playing on the television across the room and their uneven breathing as they regained their composure.
Just as quickly as they’d wrapped themselves up in each other, she pulled away and fought to remove the blanket from between them. Getting frustrated with being tangled up in it, she jumped from the couch and straightened her clothes while he shifted and balled the blanket up in a pile. Neither made eye contact until he stood and wiggled to release the pant legs from his calves where they’d ridden up while they’d wrestled. Standing nearly chest to chest, he looked down at her as she peered up at him through her lashes and gave a shy smile.
“You okay,” he breathed and reached to tuck her hair behind her ear so he could see her face better.
“Yeah,” she whispered, “You?”
“Better now that I’m here with you again,” he admitted and brushed his thumb across her cheek.
Leaning into his touch, she broke their eye contact and crossed her arms across her chest, not knowing what to say to his admission.
“Sorry,” he said as he dropped his hand from her face, stepping back so he’d have room to shake out the blanket. She stepped back too and watched him as he straightened it out and sank back down into his corner of the couch. He lifted the blanket up and tilted his head to the spot next to him, inviting her to sit and share the covers. Quickly she settled into the offered spot and he threw the blanket over her. Once her tiny frame was nestled against his side, she burrowed her face against his chest and he tucked the blanket around her before draping his arm over her, resting his hand on her back.
The movie previews had long since ended and the DVD menu was waiting for them to make a choice. He grabbed the remote, pulling her body with him, and pushed play before settling back into the couch. She let out a sigh and cuddled closer, finally feeling like they had overcome their uncertainty and found their way back to how it was before they’d denied themselves contact.
As the movie started, Kristen started bouncing her leg under the blanket and fidgeting. He cocked his head and pulled his neck back in order to look down at her. Halting all movement, she looked back at him, offering an apologetic smile.
“You okay?” He asked.
“Yeah, sorry,” she ducked her head, once again, to rest against his body.
While she fought to control her movements and refocus on the movie, he gently stroked her shoulder with his fingers and asked the question he’d been avoiding, “Why did Michael leave?”
Tensing under his touch, she shrugged, but didn’t say anything out loud. He continued tracing lazy patterns against her back and pretended to watch the movie until he heard her mumble something that he couldn’t quite catch. Once again he cocked his head and peered down at her, seeing her already looking up at him. They sat staring at one another for a minute before she took a deep breath and let it out, building her courage to speak the words louder.
“He left because of you. Because of us,” she said quietly.
“What? Me? Us?” he played dumb and raised his eyebrows.
“Never mind,” she said, turning her attention back to the TV.
“No, never mind. Tell me Kristen,” he coaxed her to talk more, pulling her tighter to his side to show her he was concerned and wanted to hear what had happened.
“He thinks there’s something going on. He says we’re too close, that it’s not normal,” she tried to offer a simple explanation and shrug it off.
“Well, we’re definitely not normal, but…” he tried to joke with her, but was met with only her silence. “We didn’t even see each other while he was here. I did everything possible to stay away and leave you alone so I wouldn’t piss him off. Last time he was here, even going over lines made him upset, so I…” he ranted out loud, wondering to himself what he could’ve done different to make her time with him better.
“I did too, but we didn’t get along very well. I was kind of a bitch. He was so angry, Rob! He said I was being a bitch because I wasn’t allowed to see you and that he wasn’t going to stand in the way anymore.” She looked up at him again; crocodile tears springing to her eyes, making them shine more brightly.
“You being grumpy means you miss me?” He chuckled and drug his hand up her shoulder to her cheek so he could catch her first runaway tear before smoothing a few loose hairs away from her face. “You must miss me a lot then, even when I’m around you can be unbearably grouchy.”
“I guess,” she laughed a little and winked at him, realizing how ridiculous it sounded when he repeated it back to her and put his own spin on it.
“Did you miss me?” He suddenly became serious again.
She wiggled against him and tried to drop her gaze so she didn’t have to look him in the eye, but he hooked his finger under her chin, not allowing her to shut him out. Closing her eyes instead, she nodded against his crooked finger and another tear fell from the corner of her eye. The pad of his thumb stroked her tender skin and captured the tear, wiping it away before it could make it down her cheek.
“I missed you too,” he whispered and bent to place a kiss on top of her head. With his admission and gentleness, she pushed herself into him more and her tears fell more quickly. “What’s wrong Kristen?” he murmured against the top of her head.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I was so goddamn irritated with him all week because he was being ridiculous. He was so focused and worried about you and me. He just wasn’t himself. Things are so strained between us,” she admitted without thinking and felt her face flush with embarrassment that she’d aired her relationship problems out loud, to him of all people.
“Yeah?” he chuckled again, but held back the elation he felt bubbling to the surface. Her confession was making him giddy, but he could tell she was struggling with her feelings and he didn’t want to discount them in any way.
“What’s wrong with me?” She berated herself and brought her hand to her face to wipe away her tears.
Her being so hard on herself squashed his inner happy dance. As badly as he wanted to say that there was nothing wrong with her, that Michael wasn’t worthy of her and that he would love her more than Michael ever could, he didn’t want to make any of this harder on her. Knowing that they’d grown close and that he’d most likely pursued her more than he should have, despite her relationship, and that because of his selfishness she was hurting, made him feel like an ass. As bad as he wanted her, he didn’t want to make her hurt and he definitely couldn’t stand the sight of her crying in his arms.
“I just don’t know if I love him like I should. You know?” she whimpered and pulled away from him, the blanket falling away from her as she turned towards him, drawing her knees to her chest.
“How should you love him?” He inquired as he turned to face her, following her lead to put space between them.
“I don’t know. Like I used to?” She whispered.
His heart flipped first, followed by his stomach, “You don’t? What changed?” He inquired, hope pulsing through his veins.
She rested her chin on her bent knees and focused on something across the room as if she was lost in thought. “You,” she breathed. “Since starting this movie he’s been different. It’s like he’s a totally different person and I hate what he’s become, what we’ve become,” she groaned.
“Maybe you guys need more time. Maybe we should stop talking,” he said, gagging on his own suggestion because the thought of not having her in his life made him sick to his stomach.
“What if I don’t want to? What if that’s not an option for me? What if you’re where I draw the line?” She asked, folding into herself physically as she opened herself up to him completely with her words.
He stared at her with wide eyes as her words registered. “I don’t know Kristen, that’s up to you.”
Peeking at him, she saw that he understood that she was telling him how she felt about him and dropped her gaze again. Shutting her surroundings out, she thought about how the past week proved what she already knew, but hadn’t been able to admit. Having them both in her life was fast becoming too difficult. She felt as if she was stuck between a rock and a hard place, because she couldn’t figure out how to make it all work for everyone involved and everyone was miserable. Since she met him, she’d been trying to deny her connection with Rob, but the more time they spent together, the more she craved his presence in her life and having to spend time without him had sent her into a tailspin. She knew Michael wasn’t going to allow her to have Rob in her life and she was sure that was a term of his she couldn’t accept.
“I’m tired,” she mumbled. Breaking out of her thoughts, she looked at Rob, pleading with her eyes to drop it; she was too tired to deal with it anymore and feeling overly exposed after her confessions.
“Okay, let me call for someone to come get me,” he offered and reached for his phone, elated at her revelations, but disappointed that she was shutting down.
“Stay?” she breathed.
“Kristen?” He dropped his phone on the table again. His heart was telling him to say yes, but in his mind he knew that doing things like this with her was making it harder on the both of them. He’d stayed with her many times before; completely innocent nights they’d spent sleeping, but now, seeing her so upset about the situation led him to believe that they shouldn’t share a bed.
“I don’t want to be alone. I’ve really missed you and I don’t want you to leave…Please?” She asked. Her big green eyes focused on him, pleading.
“Ugh,” he groaned and plunged his hands into his hair, tugging at it as he shook his head, his conscience at war with his feelings.
“Do you not want to?” she asked as she turned her attention to the blanket, playing with the fringe to keep herself busy as she waited for his answer.
“Oh God, No! I want to, I just don’t…I…um,” he rushed and pulled his hands from his hair, slapping them on the tops of his legs, “Jesus Christ, I want nothing more than to stay with you, but I think you need to figure stuff out, Love.”
His term of endearment for her, slipping from his lips, shocked her and caused her to snap her gaze up to meet his. He cringed at her reaction, immediately regretting that he called her anything but her name, but offered a slight smile as an apology. A wide smile broke across her face and her eyes shone with happiness for a brief moment before she launched herself across the couch and into his chest. Knocking him off balance they tumbled back and he hit his head on the armrest behind him.
“Fuck, sorry,” she chuckled and tried to away. He quickly wrapped his arms around her, holding her against his chest, throwing all of his prior concerns out the window in favor of taking what he could because he wasn’t sure when or if he’d be able to hold her again.
“Kristen, I will not get in the way of what you have with Michael. I can’t be the reason for whatever happens between you two. I think if there’s a possibility you aren’t ready to let that go, then I need to leave,” he whispered.
She listened intently to his words and relaxed into him, feeling more right in his arms in the moment than she’d ever felt with Michael. Understanding what he was trying to tell her, she felt her heart swell a little more knowing that he was looking out for her best interest and not trying to manipulate the situation satisfy his own needs.
They laid together, the sound of the movie playing in the background, but neither of them speaking. He was still holding her, rubbing her back, but he was lost in his thoughts and she was lost in hers.
“Stay with me, please. I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but right now I want to be close to you,” she breathed.
“What about him?” He asked, reminding her that it wasn’t just about the two of them just because he wasn’t around.
“I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but I don’t have an answer yet,” she admitted as she played with the texture of his shirt.
“Really? A while?” He sounded shocked, but smiled as he asked.
“Yeah a while,” she answered, turning her head so he could see her roll her eyes, before taking her lip between her teeth and looking away from his face and his goofy grin.
“Imagine how good it could be…” he whispered almost too quietly for her to hear. Her eyes fluttered shut and all she could do was gently nod, letting him know she already had.
“Pajamas and a pillow between us, right?” he laid down his ground rules for her and lightened the heaviness between them.
“You drive a hard bargain, but if that’s what it takes,” she shook with a slight laugh against his chest.
“Maybe I should sleep on the couch,” he thought aloud.
“Maybe you should relax. Why would tonight be any different than any other time we’ve spent the night together?” She feigned irritation as she picked her head up from his chest gave him a wink and a smile.
“That was before,” he said, winking and smiling back.
“Before?” She tilted her head.
“Before I knew your deepest, darkest secrets,” he teased her.
“Ugh, Jesus Christ!” she laughed and crawled off of him, “Give me a break.”
“I’m, just daft I guess,” he laughed as well, standing from the couch to follow her to bed.
****
With a pillow firmly placed in the middle of the queen sized bed, they crawled in and got situated for the night. He reached for his phone and set the alarm before rolling to face the middle of the bed, folding the pillow under his head. Turning off the bedside lamp she snuggled down under the covers and rolled to the middle as well, placing her hand on the pillow between them and smashing it down so she could see him. When she saw the look on his face, she immediately sat up and flipped the light back on.
“What’s wrong?” she asked with a worried tone.
“Is this his pillow?” he whined and sat up as well.
“No, it’s my pillow, but he did use it,” she clarified, not understanding exactly where he was going with his question.
“Is this his side of the bed?” he continued.
“Ugh, I guess…I have to sleep over here…habit,” she shrugged.
“Give me your pillow,” he told her, holding his hand out, waiting for her to meet his request.
She reached for her pillow, but stopped, realizing what was happening. Snatching the pillow from Rob, she sniffed it then tossed it on the floor, crawled out of bed, and grabbed her phone.
“What are you doing?” he asked looking confused, “I just wanted you to switch me pillows.”
“Come on,” she walked to the door and waited for him. With a look of utter bewilderment, he reluctantly clambered from the bed, grabbed his own phone, and made his way to her. Clutching his hand in her own, she exited the bedroom and led him down the hall to the guest room. Opening the door, she pulled him in and pointed to the right side of the full size bed. Raising an eyebrow he stood and looked at her, wondering what she was doing. Without saying anything, she dropped his hand and made her way to the bed to turn down the covers and flip one of the pillows so it was lying down the center before she tossed her phone on the nightstand and crawled under the covers. He crossed to the empty side of the bed and crawled in, folding the new pillow beneath his head again. She heard a distinct sniff from him before he settled.
“Better?” she asked into the dark room.
“Mmm, hmm,” he murmured and scooted closer to her.
“Good,” she said and laid down, reaching her hand over their barrier pillow and opening it as an invitation.
“Thank you,” he whispered as he entwined their fingers.
“Anything for you,” she mumbled with a sleepy voice.
“Anything?” He teased.
“Good Night, Rob,” she dismissed his joke.
“Night Kristen,” he breathed as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
****
Lying in the dark, side by side, they held each other’s hand, both of them thinking of what could be, but not sure about how to get there. He was so sure of what he wanted and she thought she was too, but the obstacles in their way seemed overwhelming. She replayed his words in her mind, “Imagine how good it could be…” Sighing, she snuggled into the covers, rubbed her stocking covered feet against his bare feet and gave his hand one last gentle squeeze before she drifted off and dreamed of exactly how good she knew it would be.
User: Bbluangleyes75
Pairing: Rob/Kristen
Rating: PG
Summary/Notes: Old School Rob and Kristen take their first steps in moving toward their future.
Disclaimer: I don’t own them, don’t know them, but a girl can dream… All mistakes are mine.
The knock at her trailer door sounded just as she grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. She opened it to see Rob standing with his hands shoved in his pockets, looking down at the ground, kicking rocks with the toes of his shoes. A shiver ran through her, though she couldn’t be certain if it was from the chill in the late night Oregon air or the close proximity of Rob.
“The car’s ready,” he told her, jerking his thumb over his shoulder.
“Oh, okay, I thought you left already…” she said, stepping down from the trailer, pushing the door shut behind her.
“Yeah, I was going to, but I got wrapped up and lost track of time. Do you mind if we share the ride?” He asked, looking up at her through his lashes.
“No, that’s fine. You have plans tonight?” She asked as she adjusted her backpack and took a step in the direction of their waiting car.
“Ugh, no. I just wanna take a shower and relax,” he shrugged and kicked a rock out in front of them as he started to walk.
Glancing at him through her tousled hair, she reached to run her fingers through it and push it from her face before asking, “Want to come over?”
Slowing minimally, he let her walk ahead a few steps while he processed her invitation. He so badly wanted to say yes and spend time with her. His heart was aching at the distance they’d put between themselves over the past week, but he had to remind himself why they hadn’t spent time together before he could answer her. He jerked his hand from his pocket and forced it into his own hair, pushing it back. His mind was racing…where was her boyfriend, had she missed him as much as he missed her, could he be around her and respect her relationship enough to leave her alone? Question after question popped into his mind as he studied the ground, but he couldn’t voice any of them out loud.
Halting ahead of him, she turned to face him. He shifted his weight from foot to foot and appeared to be fighting an inner battle. Watching him, she realized she’d missed him more than she cared to admit and that being around him made her feel so far away from where they’d been a week ago. He snapped back to reality and looked from the ground to meet her eyes. His pained expression took her breath away and she stepped towards him before stopping and waiting again for him to speak.
“Kristen…where…what…ummm,” he stuttered and quieted, shaking his head and staring at her intently.
Feeling unsure of herself under his close scrutiny, she dug in her pockets and withdrew her gloves, focusing on getting her frozen fingers covered so she wouldn’t have to look at him. She wanted so badly to just spend time with him, but she didn’t want to pressure him. She had essentially shut him out to appease Michael and it was one of the hardest things she’d ever done.
They’d gotten so close and had become really good friends so quickly, that to suddenly not have him in her life had been unbearable. She’d found herself missing him to the point of shutting down and picking fights with Michael. Spending time with her brother and her boyfriend used to bring her so much happiness, but the past week it’d only served as an annoyance and left her cranky and on edge.
When her fingers were protected from the cold and he still hadn’t spoken, she chanced a glance at him. He was looking down again, shoulders hunched against the cold, digging his feet into the loose gravel.
“If you don’t want to come over I can call Jake and see if he wants to hang out,” she rushed, her breath creating small clouds in the cold night air.
“Jake?” He questioned as he picked his head up and smirked.
“Ugh…Taylor,” she shook her head and fidgeted before trying to explain, “My brother’s been here all week, so we’ve been calling Taylor, Jake to avoid confusion. It’s easier than saying Brother Taylor and Movie Taylor.”
Chuckling at her longwinded explanation that she didn’t even have to give, because he understood, he nodded and teased, “So, If I say yes, will I be hanging out with Bella or Kristen and who do you want me to come as, Edward or Rob?”
She grinned at his antics briefly before wrapping her arms around herself and dropping her gaze, a sadness settling over her as she realized just how much she’d missed his playfulness. “I want Rob to hang out with me,” she sighed. “I’m just a girl asking a boy to be my friend,” she whispered, peeking up at him with her bright green eyes.
She seemed off to him and he wasn’t quite sure exactly what was going on with her, but her sadness invoked strong feelings in his chest, a tugging at his heart. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and make it all better, whatever the reason for her down mood, but he was hesitant. The fact they’d spent little to no time together recently, due to Michael and Taylor monopolizing her every free moment, left him feeling unsure of where he stood with her. He’d missed her in ways he felt he didn’t have the right to and he didn’t know what to do with it all. He didn’t want to push her away, but he didn’t want to be responsible for her doing something she might regret either. Her words hit him hard, she was more than just a girl to him and he wanted to be her friend, in actuality so much more.
Realizing where he’d heard words similar to the ones she’d just spoken, he laughed out loud, causing her to scowl at him. “Knotting Hill? Really Kristen? I didn’t peg you as the British romantic comedy type.”
Hearing him tease her about her loosely related movie quote brought forth a laugh from her that helped lift her mood. Shaking her head she waggled her eyes and teased back, “Yeah? There’s probably a lot about me you don’t know, Robert! Want to come over? I’ll let you in on some of my secrets!”
His eyes went wide as his heart thundered in his chest. “How can I say no to that? Finding out Kristen Stewart’s deepest, darkest secrets sounds very intriguing!”
She smiled broadly as he moved to her side, bumping her with his shoulder. She leaned and bumped him back, both of them laughing as they resumed the walk to their car.
“Do you wanna just shower at the house?” She offered.
“Ugh, I guess I could, but I don’t have any stuff with me,” he answered.
“Go get stuff from the trailer, you can bring it back in the morning,” she brainstormed as she leaned into him and matched his pace; trying to steal body his body heat to warm herself.
He stopped and looked between the waiting car and the row of trailers they’d just walked from. Weighing his options, he decided that if he just grabbed stuff from the set he could spend more time with her. Nodding, he turned back and spoke hurriedly, “Go get in the car before you catch pneumonia. I’ll grab some stuff and be right there.”
She made her way to the car as he strolled away. Reaching for the handle she turned to see him ducking into a trailer and her heart beat in her chest, double time. There was just something about him she couldn’t shake. Excitement spread through her and wiped away her doubts and morose feelings. Smiling ear to ear she ducked into the warm car, chills spreading through her, not from the cold, but from knowing that she and Rob would finally have time together.
Completely lost in thought, she jumped when he tore the door open and dove into the car. He was shivering; his nose red and his cheeks rosy from being exposed to the elements. Vigorously he rubbed his bare hands against his thighs in an attempt to warm them. As the heat from the vents collided with his ice cold skin he shuddered and fought to keep his teeth from actually chattering in his mouth. Kristen scooted closer to him on the bench seat and leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. She reached and covered his hands with her own, trying to help warm him as the car pulled away from the lot. He leaned his face on top of her head and pressed closer to her, instantly feeling warmer and better than he had all week.
****
Stepping in to the house with him right behind her, she immediately kicked off her shoes and rolled her toes on the floor to pop the knuckles while he stood watching. Turning towards him she smiled sheepishly as she plucked the mittens from her hands and shoved them deep into the pockets of her bubble coat, pulling it tighter around her small body instead of taking it off.
“You can use the bathroom in my bedroom if you want, the water pressure’s better in there. Use anything you need,” she offered.
He nodded and glanced around the house as if he was looking for something. He seemed more tense and uncomfortable than he’d been in the car with her.
“What’s wrong?” She asked tipping her head in question.
His eyes roamed across the dining area, down the hall, and through the living room, “Maybe I should just use the guest bathroom.”
“You’re fine Rob, he won’t be coming back here tonight,” she said flatly and dropped her gaze before turning to make her way through the house to the kitchen, leaving him alone, just inside her front door.
He closed his mouth and stepped to follow her, bag still in hand. At the archway to the kitchen he paused to watch her as she flopped into a chair and ran her hand through her hair. She was starting to look sad again.
“Where is he?” He asked, leaning on the wall and moving the strap for his bag over his shoulder.
She retreated into her down coat further, nearly disappearing, and brought one of her fingers to her mouth, gnawing on her cuticle as she glanced at him before giving a nonchalant shrug and answering, “He went home.”
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and unzipped his jacket before asking her another question, “Where’s your brother?”
“He went too, he’ll be back in a few days,” she drug her hand from her mouth and wiggled to shed her coat, then twisted in her seat so she could drape it over the back of her chair.
“Michael coming back then too?” He dug deeper.
Turning to face him she slowly shook her head no and shrugged before down casting her eyes. She shoved a new finger in her mouth and resumed her chewing.
“Kristen?” He questioned gently, drawing her gaze back to his as she nibbled at her cuticle.
“You hungry?” she bounded from her seat and launched herself towards the refrigerator, ripped the door open, and ducked her head in.
He laughed at her unpredictable and spastic movements knowing that it was her defense mechanisms kicking in. She was avoiding him and his questions and it was best to just let her. They would have time to talk later. He knew her well enough to know that once she was more comfortable, she would let her walls down. He figured if she had time to relax, it wouldn’t be long before she told him all about Michael.
“Grilled cheese and soup?” she yelled out from the fridge as she pushed things around on the shelves.
“Sure,” he agreed and dropped his bag at his feet so he could remove his coat and hang it on the chair next to hers.
“Tomato okay?” she asked again as she turned and shut the fridge, catching him staring at her rear and blushing as she moved to the cupboards.
“Ugh, Yeah, whatever…tomato is fine,” he answered quietly.
Spinning from the cabinet to face him she laughed and modeled the can of Campbell’s soup she held in her hands, “Toe-Ma-toe it is,” she laughed as she exaggerated the word, trying to mimic his accent.
He laughed too and shook his head. “Arse,” he joked with her, backing up through the kitchen to retrieve his bag and head for the shower.
****
She watched him go in her peripheral vision, but stayed in the kitchen, chuckling to herself as she started to throw their dinner together. Once the soup was warming and she heard the water in her room running, she decided to go put on sweats before making their sandwiches. She stalled outside the door to her room and debated waiting, not sure if she should go in while he was in the adjoining bathroom. She concluded there would be no harm and no foul if she quickly got what she needed got out. Upon entering the room she noticed his bag perched on her bed with some of his belongings laid out and waiting for him and a pile of his clothes on the floor that he had stripped off and stepped over. Smiling she turned to the closet and opened the door, grabbing a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before turning to extract a pair of heavy wool socks from her dresser. On her way out, she looked back at his stuff again and froze. Just yesterday she’d been practically yelling at Michael about a pair of boxers that had simply missed the hamper! Why was it okay for Rob to be a hot mess, but if Michael even so much as left a sock out she was all over him? She pushed the thoughts out of her mind and went to the guest bedroom to change so she could get back to making their dinner, wanting to just forget the past week and get back to normal with Rob.
*****
Toweling himself dry, he stepped from the bathroom and went to his clothes on the bed. The pair of sweats and long-sleeved thermal shirt he’d grabbed felt good against his damp skin. He toweled his hair and walked back into the bathroom to hang it on the rack to dry. Looking around more closely he noticed that half of the counter space was empty. There was nothing to indicate that anyone but Kristen used this area. It was completely void of any male toiletries, razors or colognes. Going back to the bedroom, he glanced at the open closet door as he picked up his dirty clothes from the floor and shoved them into his bag. Once they were all tucked away, he crossed to the closet and peeked in. Again, only half of the space was taken, the remaining half held only empty hangers. Peering at the floor he saw only Kristen’s sneakers, mostly chucks. Smiling, he turned around, grabbed his bag and sauntered out of the room, satisfied with what he’d seen, but curious as to what was really going on.
****
She sat at the table playing with the ends of her hair and staring off into space. Cautiously he approached so he wouldn’t startle her. When she looked up he offered a smile as he sat at the spot that held two sandwiches and an extra-large bowl of steaming soup for him. She returned his smile and popped from her seat to retrieve two bottles of beer from the fridge before plopping back down and bringing one foot up to rest on the open spot on the seat of her chair. Grabbing her spoon, she dipped it the soup and brought it to her lips so she could blow on it. Completely in awe of her, he watched closely until she felt his eyes and looked up, a flash of worry crossing her features.
“You not hungry?” she asked, setting down her spoon and reaching to tear a piece of her sandwich off.
“Ugh, yeah, I am, I’m just really tired, I guess,” he offered an explanation before situating himself and starting to eat.
They ate in comfortable silence, chancing glances at one another and offering small smiles every so often. She finished first and sat back, running her hand through her hair before reaching to grab her beer and bring it to her lips. She released a sigh and dropped her head on the chair back.
“Full?” he asked as he popped the last piece of soup-covered sandwich in his mouth and reached for his own beer, mimicking her posture.
“Yeah…you? I can make you more if you want.” She lifted her head slightly to see him.
“Nah, that was perfect. I’m good thanks,” he replied.
“Wanna watch a movie?” she questioned, leaning to set her beer down so she could gather their dishes.
“You sure you don’t want to go to sleep? I can call for a ride,” he stood and stretched, arching his back and reaching his arms behind him.
She turned to answer him and caught the sight of his shirt pulling up just enough for her to see his defined stomach muscles accentuated by the happy trail of hair that disappeared under the waistline of his low-slung sweats. Flushing, she turned quickly back to the sink and gripped the counter, willing her inappropriate thoughts to go away before she faced him again.
“No, I…I…ugh…Don’t go! I mean, unless you want to of course,” she swallowed hard and started counting to ten.
“Want help with dishes?” He asked over her shoulder, oblivious to the errant thoughts running rampant in her brain.
“Ugh, no,” she choked out as she squeezed her eyes tightly shut.
“Ok, I’m gonna go smoke and call my mum,” he told her, grabbing his coat from the chair and shrugging it on.
“Okay, I’ll come out in a minute,” she mumbled and clenched the counter tighter. She listened to his retreating footsteps and relaxed only after the front door opened, then closed.
****
Sitting on opposite ends of the couch, each of them clenched a beer bottle in their hands. She leaned to press play on the remote and set her beer on the table before throwing herself into her corner of the couch and reaching for the blanket strewn across the back. Wiggling around, she fought with the blanket until she felt she was covered enough and settled in for the film. His heels came up on the table with a thud and she laughed immediately at the sight of his bare feet, propped directly in her line of sight. Without looking at her, he reached and grabbed a corner of her blanket and pulled it towards him, dragging it slowly from her body as the first previews for the movie started to dance across the screen. He started to whistle and look around, teasing her as he pulled more and more of her blanket from her, until he had gathered it all in his lap. Tears streamed down her face as she struggled to sit up and control her laughing before diving for the blanket and trying to pull it back.
They continued to wrestle for the blanket until they were up on their knees, literally playing tug-o-war with the knitted piece of fabric. Both put their full weight into their pulls throwing the other off balance and filling the room with more laughter. Her flushed cheeks, crazy hair, and grunting had Rob laughing so hard he let the blanket go slack, making her think that she’d finally won the battle. Letting down her guard she sat back on the heels of her feet and started to gather the blanket rapidly into her lap. Without warning, he jerked as hard as he could and she flew forward, crashing face first into his chest. Another hysterical laugh tore from her as she let go of the blanket and brought her small fist to pound on his chest.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” He tried to contain his own laughter, but feeling her vibrating against his chest with her own giggles only made him chuckle more.
Pulling back from him, she flipped her hair out of her face and fought to wipe away stray strands that were sticking her skin. Still laughing, she shook her head and attempted a pouty face, to make him feel bad for strong arming her, but it only served to make him laugh harder and her to follow. Her sides and stomach were aching from all the strenuous activity and guffawing she’d done and it was too much for her to handle in an upright position, so she collapsed forward into him again and rolled her face against his t-shirt clad chest. Feeling her against him was enough to increase his heart rate and slow his laughter. Without thinking before acting he wrapped his arms around her and rocked her gently. He was shocked when instead of pulling away from him; she wrapped her arms around his waist and rocked with him. Their giggling faded fast, until all that could be heard was the score for the movie playing on the television across the room and their uneven breathing as they regained their composure.
Just as quickly as they’d wrapped themselves up in each other, she pulled away and fought to remove the blanket from between them. Getting frustrated with being tangled up in it, she jumped from the couch and straightened her clothes while he shifted and balled the blanket up in a pile. Neither made eye contact until he stood and wiggled to release the pant legs from his calves where they’d ridden up while they’d wrestled. Standing nearly chest to chest, he looked down at her as she peered up at him through her lashes and gave a shy smile.
“You okay,” he breathed and reached to tuck her hair behind her ear so he could see her face better.
“Yeah,” she whispered, “You?”
“Better now that I’m here with you again,” he admitted and brushed his thumb across her cheek.
Leaning into his touch, she broke their eye contact and crossed her arms across her chest, not knowing what to say to his admission.
“Sorry,” he said as he dropped his hand from her face, stepping back so he’d have room to shake out the blanket. She stepped back too and watched him as he straightened it out and sank back down into his corner of the couch. He lifted the blanket up and tilted his head to the spot next to him, inviting her to sit and share the covers. Quickly she settled into the offered spot and he threw the blanket over her. Once her tiny frame was nestled against his side, she burrowed her face against his chest and he tucked the blanket around her before draping his arm over her, resting his hand on her back.
The movie previews had long since ended and the DVD menu was waiting for them to make a choice. He grabbed the remote, pulling her body with him, and pushed play before settling back into the couch. She let out a sigh and cuddled closer, finally feeling like they had overcome their uncertainty and found their way back to how it was before they’d denied themselves contact.
As the movie started, Kristen started bouncing her leg under the blanket and fidgeting. He cocked his head and pulled his neck back in order to look down at her. Halting all movement, she looked back at him, offering an apologetic smile.
“You okay?” He asked.
“Yeah, sorry,” she ducked her head, once again, to rest against his body.
While she fought to control her movements and refocus on the movie, he gently stroked her shoulder with his fingers and asked the question he’d been avoiding, “Why did Michael leave?”
Tensing under his touch, she shrugged, but didn’t say anything out loud. He continued tracing lazy patterns against her back and pretended to watch the movie until he heard her mumble something that he couldn’t quite catch. Once again he cocked his head and peered down at her, seeing her already looking up at him. They sat staring at one another for a minute before she took a deep breath and let it out, building her courage to speak the words louder.
“He left because of you. Because of us,” she said quietly.
“What? Me? Us?” he played dumb and raised his eyebrows.
“Never mind,” she said, turning her attention back to the TV.
“No, never mind. Tell me Kristen,” he coaxed her to talk more, pulling her tighter to his side to show her he was concerned and wanted to hear what had happened.
“He thinks there’s something going on. He says we’re too close, that it’s not normal,” she tried to offer a simple explanation and shrug it off.
“Well, we’re definitely not normal, but…” he tried to joke with her, but was met with only her silence. “We didn’t even see each other while he was here. I did everything possible to stay away and leave you alone so I wouldn’t piss him off. Last time he was here, even going over lines made him upset, so I…” he ranted out loud, wondering to himself what he could’ve done different to make her time with him better.
“I did too, but we didn’t get along very well. I was kind of a bitch. He was so angry, Rob! He said I was being a bitch because I wasn’t allowed to see you and that he wasn’t going to stand in the way anymore.” She looked up at him again; crocodile tears springing to her eyes, making them shine more brightly.
“You being grumpy means you miss me?” He chuckled and drug his hand up her shoulder to her cheek so he could catch her first runaway tear before smoothing a few loose hairs away from her face. “You must miss me a lot then, even when I’m around you can be unbearably grouchy.”
“I guess,” she laughed a little and winked at him, realizing how ridiculous it sounded when he repeated it back to her and put his own spin on it.
“Did you miss me?” He suddenly became serious again.
She wiggled against him and tried to drop her gaze so she didn’t have to look him in the eye, but he hooked his finger under her chin, not allowing her to shut him out. Closing her eyes instead, she nodded against his crooked finger and another tear fell from the corner of her eye. The pad of his thumb stroked her tender skin and captured the tear, wiping it away before it could make it down her cheek.
“I missed you too,” he whispered and bent to place a kiss on top of her head. With his admission and gentleness, she pushed herself into him more and her tears fell more quickly. “What’s wrong Kristen?” he murmured against the top of her head.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I was so goddamn irritated with him all week because he was being ridiculous. He was so focused and worried about you and me. He just wasn’t himself. Things are so strained between us,” she admitted without thinking and felt her face flush with embarrassment that she’d aired her relationship problems out loud, to him of all people.
“Yeah?” he chuckled again, but held back the elation he felt bubbling to the surface. Her confession was making him giddy, but he could tell she was struggling with her feelings and he didn’t want to discount them in any way.
“What’s wrong with me?” She berated herself and brought her hand to her face to wipe away her tears.
Her being so hard on herself squashed his inner happy dance. As badly as he wanted to say that there was nothing wrong with her, that Michael wasn’t worthy of her and that he would love her more than Michael ever could, he didn’t want to make any of this harder on her. Knowing that they’d grown close and that he’d most likely pursued her more than he should have, despite her relationship, and that because of his selfishness she was hurting, made him feel like an ass. As bad as he wanted her, he didn’t want to make her hurt and he definitely couldn’t stand the sight of her crying in his arms.
“I just don’t know if I love him like I should. You know?” she whimpered and pulled away from him, the blanket falling away from her as she turned towards him, drawing her knees to her chest.
“How should you love him?” He inquired as he turned to face her, following her lead to put space between them.
“I don’t know. Like I used to?” She whispered.
His heart flipped first, followed by his stomach, “You don’t? What changed?” He inquired, hope pulsing through his veins.
She rested her chin on her bent knees and focused on something across the room as if she was lost in thought. “You,” she breathed. “Since starting this movie he’s been different. It’s like he’s a totally different person and I hate what he’s become, what we’ve become,” she groaned.
“Maybe you guys need more time. Maybe we should stop talking,” he said, gagging on his own suggestion because the thought of not having her in his life made him sick to his stomach.
“What if I don’t want to? What if that’s not an option for me? What if you’re where I draw the line?” She asked, folding into herself physically as she opened herself up to him completely with her words.
He stared at her with wide eyes as her words registered. “I don’t know Kristen, that’s up to you.”
Peeking at him, she saw that he understood that she was telling him how she felt about him and dropped her gaze again. Shutting her surroundings out, she thought about how the past week proved what she already knew, but hadn’t been able to admit. Having them both in her life was fast becoming too difficult. She felt as if she was stuck between a rock and a hard place, because she couldn’t figure out how to make it all work for everyone involved and everyone was miserable. Since she met him, she’d been trying to deny her connection with Rob, but the more time they spent together, the more she craved his presence in her life and having to spend time without him had sent her into a tailspin. She knew Michael wasn’t going to allow her to have Rob in her life and she was sure that was a term of his she couldn’t accept.
“I’m tired,” she mumbled. Breaking out of her thoughts, she looked at Rob, pleading with her eyes to drop it; she was too tired to deal with it anymore and feeling overly exposed after her confessions.
“Okay, let me call for someone to come get me,” he offered and reached for his phone, elated at her revelations, but disappointed that she was shutting down.
“Stay?” she breathed.
“Kristen?” He dropped his phone on the table again. His heart was telling him to say yes, but in his mind he knew that doing things like this with her was making it harder on the both of them. He’d stayed with her many times before; completely innocent nights they’d spent sleeping, but now, seeing her so upset about the situation led him to believe that they shouldn’t share a bed.
“I don’t want to be alone. I’ve really missed you and I don’t want you to leave…Please?” She asked. Her big green eyes focused on him, pleading.
“Ugh,” he groaned and plunged his hands into his hair, tugging at it as he shook his head, his conscience at war with his feelings.
“Do you not want to?” she asked as she turned her attention to the blanket, playing with the fringe to keep herself busy as she waited for his answer.
“Oh God, No! I want to, I just don’t…I…um,” he rushed and pulled his hands from his hair, slapping them on the tops of his legs, “Jesus Christ, I want nothing more than to stay with you, but I think you need to figure stuff out, Love.”
His term of endearment for her, slipping from his lips, shocked her and caused her to snap her gaze up to meet his. He cringed at her reaction, immediately regretting that he called her anything but her name, but offered a slight smile as an apology. A wide smile broke across her face and her eyes shone with happiness for a brief moment before she launched herself across the couch and into his chest. Knocking him off balance they tumbled back and he hit his head on the armrest behind him.
“Fuck, sorry,” she chuckled and tried to away. He quickly wrapped his arms around her, holding her against his chest, throwing all of his prior concerns out the window in favor of taking what he could because he wasn’t sure when or if he’d be able to hold her again.
“Kristen, I will not get in the way of what you have with Michael. I can’t be the reason for whatever happens between you two. I think if there’s a possibility you aren’t ready to let that go, then I need to leave,” he whispered.
She listened intently to his words and relaxed into him, feeling more right in his arms in the moment than she’d ever felt with Michael. Understanding what he was trying to tell her, she felt her heart swell a little more knowing that he was looking out for her best interest and not trying to manipulate the situation satisfy his own needs.
They laid together, the sound of the movie playing in the background, but neither of them speaking. He was still holding her, rubbing her back, but he was lost in his thoughts and she was lost in hers.
“Stay with me, please. I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but right now I want to be close to you,” she breathed.
“What about him?” He asked, reminding her that it wasn’t just about the two of them just because he wasn’t around.
“I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but I don’t have an answer yet,” she admitted as she played with the texture of his shirt.
“Really? A while?” He sounded shocked, but smiled as he asked.
“Yeah a while,” she answered, turning her head so he could see her roll her eyes, before taking her lip between her teeth and looking away from his face and his goofy grin.
“Imagine how good it could be…” he whispered almost too quietly for her to hear. Her eyes fluttered shut and all she could do was gently nod, letting him know she already had.
“Pajamas and a pillow between us, right?” he laid down his ground rules for her and lightened the heaviness between them.
“You drive a hard bargain, but if that’s what it takes,” she shook with a slight laugh against his chest.
“Maybe I should sleep on the couch,” he thought aloud.
“Maybe you should relax. Why would tonight be any different than any other time we’ve spent the night together?” She feigned irritation as she picked her head up from his chest gave him a wink and a smile.
“That was before,” he said, winking and smiling back.
“Before?” She tilted her head.
“Before I knew your deepest, darkest secrets,” he teased her.
“Ugh, Jesus Christ!” she laughed and crawled off of him, “Give me a break.”
“I’m, just daft I guess,” he laughed as well, standing from the couch to follow her to bed.
****
With a pillow firmly placed in the middle of the queen sized bed, they crawled in and got situated for the night. He reached for his phone and set the alarm before rolling to face the middle of the bed, folding the pillow under his head. Turning off the bedside lamp she snuggled down under the covers and rolled to the middle as well, placing her hand on the pillow between them and smashing it down so she could see him. When she saw the look on his face, she immediately sat up and flipped the light back on.
“What’s wrong?” she asked with a worried tone.
“Is this his pillow?” he whined and sat up as well.
“No, it’s my pillow, but he did use it,” she clarified, not understanding exactly where he was going with his question.
“Is this his side of the bed?” he continued.
“Ugh, I guess…I have to sleep over here…habit,” she shrugged.
“Give me your pillow,” he told her, holding his hand out, waiting for her to meet his request.
She reached for her pillow, but stopped, realizing what was happening. Snatching the pillow from Rob, she sniffed it then tossed it on the floor, crawled out of bed, and grabbed her phone.
“What are you doing?” he asked looking confused, “I just wanted you to switch me pillows.”
“Come on,” she walked to the door and waited for him. With a look of utter bewilderment, he reluctantly clambered from the bed, grabbed his own phone, and made his way to her. Clutching his hand in her own, she exited the bedroom and led him down the hall to the guest room. Opening the door, she pulled him in and pointed to the right side of the full size bed. Raising an eyebrow he stood and looked at her, wondering what she was doing. Without saying anything, she dropped his hand and made her way to the bed to turn down the covers and flip one of the pillows so it was lying down the center before she tossed her phone on the nightstand and crawled under the covers. He crossed to the empty side of the bed and crawled in, folding the new pillow beneath his head again. She heard a distinct sniff from him before he settled.
“Better?” she asked into the dark room.
“Mmm, hmm,” he murmured and scooted closer to her.
“Good,” she said and laid down, reaching her hand over their barrier pillow and opening it as an invitation.
“Thank you,” he whispered as he entwined their fingers.
“Anything for you,” she mumbled with a sleepy voice.
“Anything?” He teased.
“Good Night, Rob,” she dismissed his joke.
“Night Kristen,” he breathed as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
****
Lying in the dark, side by side, they held each other’s hand, both of them thinking of what could be, but not sure about how to get there. He was so sure of what he wanted and she thought she was too, but the obstacles in their way seemed overwhelming. She replayed his words in her mind, “Imagine how good it could be…” Sighing, she snuggled into the covers, rubbed her stocking covered feet against his bare feet and gave his hand one last gentle squeeze before she drifted off and dreamed of exactly how good she knew it would be.