The curmudgeon's father's day post
I spent a little time on the internets yesterday and came across several blog posts within my reading list with the same theme. The authors had all lost their fathers, some recently, others decades ago. And they all ended with the same sentiment: if your father is still alive, call him; he wants to hear from you. I'm not intending to rain on anyone's parade, nor denigrate their paternal relationships.
My experience is a bit different. My father is a liar, swindler, and a cheat. He's been caught twice by the IRS engaging in significant tax fraud in businesses he owned. He cheated both me and my wife out tens of thousands of dollars. He opened a credit card in my name and used it, then left me with an unpaid bill to argue. Less than a month after I informed him that I was cutting off contact, he sued me for visitation rights to my children. He knew the suit was unfounded, but found an attorney willing to file anyway. While the suit was ongoing, he ran into a friend of mine at a restaurant. He proceeded to relate an imagined scenario where he would win the suit, we refuse to comply, and he then show up at our doorstep with a Sheriff's deputy, have us arrested, and take custody of our children.
My father may want to hear from me on Father's Day, or any day for that matter. I don't care; he lost that courtesy years ago. In my responsibility as a father, I will not expose my children to my own toxic relatives.
This isn't to say I hate Father's Day. I had an enjoyable time with my wife and children. But I do want to remind people that not everyone's father was great, nor even flawed but good-hearted. Some of our fathers are nasty, untrustworthy assholes and cutting off contact is the safest and sanest thing we can do.
My experience is a bit different. My father is a liar, swindler, and a cheat. He's been caught twice by the IRS engaging in significant tax fraud in businesses he owned. He cheated both me and my wife out tens of thousands of dollars. He opened a credit card in my name and used it, then left me with an unpaid bill to argue. Less than a month after I informed him that I was cutting off contact, he sued me for visitation rights to my children. He knew the suit was unfounded, but found an attorney willing to file anyway. While the suit was ongoing, he ran into a friend of mine at a restaurant. He proceeded to relate an imagined scenario where he would win the suit, we refuse to comply, and he then show up at our doorstep with a Sheriff's deputy, have us arrested, and take custody of our children.
My father may want to hear from me on Father's Day, or any day for that matter. I don't care; he lost that courtesy years ago. In my responsibility as a father, I will not expose my children to my own toxic relatives.
This isn't to say I hate Father's Day. I had an enjoyable time with my wife and children. But I do want to remind people that not everyone's father was great, nor even flawed but good-hearted. Some of our fathers are nasty, untrustworthy assholes and cutting off contact is the safest and sanest thing we can do.