Just wanting this bad fucking nightmare to end....
Lets see.. how has my life been? FUCKING SHITTY.. ever fucking time I try to see the better things.. the things in the up part of life.. life kicks me in the nuts while i stare to the sky.. as you can tell.. im not very happy.. never fucking will be.. lets see.. ozzfest is next week.. something to look forward too.. i guess.. ill just live day to day until then.. i dont see how i am going to make it in life any more.. i really dont.. i have no ambition.. no will to even carry on.. and yet.. the only person who i thought cared.. says she does.. but i dont feel it..she says she cares.. says she wants to be with me... she says alot.. but when it comes down to it.. i dont know how she really feels and it hurts... the only way i can explain it.. is that this is the same thing i put her through just with different ppl.. and i feel so shitty about doing it now.. i mean.. i cant believe i have caused the only person i love this much hurt..i feel so shitty about it now.. i wish none of this had ever happened.. anything.. i dont want to say i wish i never met her.. cause i am glad that i did.. but all this hurt.. all this frustration.. i know i didnt want to mistreat her.. i never really intended to.. it kind of happened.. and things never really got any better.. more recently she began talking to a very close friend of mine.. and she has a crush on him.. which coincidentally... crushed me.. lol.. but it really did.. and still does... i am so just fed up with dealing with the shit in my life... i really am... i dont know what im going to do... just sit, decay, and die.