Dirka Dirka alla Jihad
Well... finally going to update since i flipped out at the computer..lets see... Life... Sucks.. overall.. it is terrible.. i cant explain.. i about two weeks ago.. FINALLY! Fuck Crestwood.Had my graduation party the day after. Was loads of fun, with the exception of the few cock sucking friends i had who left to go watch a movie.. so that was cool. made some good green there too.. my uncle got plastered and we all wrote on him. anyways getting side tracked. back to the good things in life right now.. i graduated, dont have a job, have a girlfriend whom i love and loves me back... and almost everything else is.. okay in my life at the moment... yet i feel so discontent... like nothing is where it belongs... i feel so... angry so much.. like i once used too.. like my freshman year angry..like.. put two more holes in my wall in less then a week..... just things havent been sitting well with me.. i mean.. is it normal to ram your head through the wall.. i mean litterally?i also punched my wall on a more recent freak out.. things were not good at all that day.. for some reason me and cortney started fighting.. and it was bad.. i was walking around.. just HATING my very existance.... and just feeling stupid, which is a word i use in place of suicide or suicidal, because those very words have absolutely no meaning in todays society. but the thing was.. i had no real reason for feeling that way. we started fighting about her getting a camera. i didnt want her to get one.. and it is really stupid as to why.. jealousy. anyways, i was in a generally shitty mood.. and we just started fighting after my mom left... it went on almost all night.. i felt kinda like she didnt care about me.. she made a comment about me not wanting her to get the camera.. anyways.. i went into my room and wanted to be alone.. so i could think and stuff.. and she came up.. she started bugging me and i made a comment about my wanting to do something stupid.. and she pinched my arm fat...i got angry.. asked her to get off of me.. wont lie either.. i was so upset at this point i was crying.. and as i begged for her to leave me alone.. she wouldnt.. i became frustrated and threw her off of me...that made me feel like shit.. cause then i knew i had freaked her out.. it was really bad... then i like broke down and cried harder then i have before...especially in front of someone.. at this point she tried to ask me what was wrong and i punched the wall...i just dont like the way things are going in my life at the moment.. i hate me for some of the things that i have done.. and some of the things i wont do, like be serious about getting a job..... Blah.. i am exhausted.. i might go to bed soon...anyways.. got about two weeks before sounds of the underground.. excited.. probably will post after that.. peace love niggas!!