So it's been five years...
I admit some folk might really wonder about me. I'm afraid to say that my social skills are very odd compared to most people. It wasn't until recently that someone pointed out to me that it's rather rude to just drop off the face of the Earth for a month or two, let alone a few years. Let me begin by apologizing to anyone who might read this who knew me in 2009. In spite of my good sense when it comes to fiction writing, I'm afraid dealing with real people is just not my cup of tea.
That being said, I'm going to be a teacher in fall 2015. I like to believe that I've grown quite some bit since I left the fandom community. I will not promise. That being said, I've decided to dive headfirst back into the story I was writing all that time ago, Devil's Game. I'm very pleased to say that I've asked a highly respected member of the community to be my alpha, in order to keep the story straight. I shall only reveal her at a later date. The social ignorance I earlier spoke of just realized I haven't asked if she wanted to be revealed as the alpha. *sigh*
All of that being said, I'd like to welcome back any readers who might still be about. I will update here when it's been loaded to the Petulant Poetess.
Five years is a long time. It's half a decade. So, in the spirit of catching folk up on what I've been doing since, I will tell what I can.
The man to which my last posts alluded agreed to be my husband in May of 2012. Just one month after the hidden post, I was pregnant with our first child. My little girl was born in September of 2010. It was a very difficult pregnancy. She is three now, and recently diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. As you can imagine, it was a very difficult time raising a developmentally delayed child while working full time and going to school full time. My husband has assumed the role of househusband due to a great many factors.
I also found myself with several unknown medical issues and compounding financial issues, and quickly spiraled into a deep depression. For the three years since my daughter's birth, I'd been in a depressive haze. I was taking eight different medications for this, that, and the next thing. Last year, for the first time, I stepped into a classroom for observation. The kids were rowdy, obnoxious, but they were adorable, too. I took joy in being able to instruct. At the end of my observation, I vowed that the depression that had kept me in its almighty jaws since time immemorial was at its end.
Some people might say what I did was incredibly risky and stupid. I know a lot of psychologists who would say exactly that. I took myself off of the drugs, including the antidepressant. I will not say it was easy. Death looked pretty good for a while there. My husband really helped me through a lot. I had to re-learn how to deal with emotions, because they had been unequivocally killed off and leveled for over ten years.
The good with the bad. Not only did I have to deal with the rage, the bone-deep sadness, the weariness, but I had the bewildering sense of having to deal with euphoria as well. There are still some days where I am in awe of how happy and bubbly I can be. There are also still days where I feel the flash of white-hot rage, the likes of which I had not felt since I was only sixteen years old.
But the side effects? I wanted to draw again. I wanted to help my little one learn to look me in the eyes with her gorgeous baby blues. Listen to her adorable sounds-like-a-mermaid-underwater voice request Doritos by pointing to a picture of Ruffles chips and say "chip, chip, chip," over and over again. And, finally and at long last... I wanted to write again.
So here I am, working on Devil's Game again. My alpha's got just as busy a life, but she's the first one to welcome me back and she deserves to read it first, I think. She has Chapter 18 right now. And I'm midway through Chapter 19. In spite of the darkness that has been the last five years, there has been unspeakable light, too. I've learned more. I've grown. And I feel, with my new life experiences as a mum and a teacher and a wife, that I can do this more than I ever could have before.
I'm ready! Are you?
That being said, I'm going to be a teacher in fall 2015. I like to believe that I've grown quite some bit since I left the fandom community. I will not promise. That being said, I've decided to dive headfirst back into the story I was writing all that time ago, Devil's Game. I'm very pleased to say that I've asked a highly respected member of the community to be my alpha, in order to keep the story straight. I shall only reveal her at a later date. The social ignorance I earlier spoke of just realized I haven't asked if she wanted to be revealed as the alpha. *sigh*
All of that being said, I'd like to welcome back any readers who might still be about. I will update here when it's been loaded to the Petulant Poetess.
Five years is a long time. It's half a decade. So, in the spirit of catching folk up on what I've been doing since, I will tell what I can.
The man to which my last posts alluded agreed to be my husband in May of 2012. Just one month after the hidden post, I was pregnant with our first child. My little girl was born in September of 2010. It was a very difficult pregnancy. She is three now, and recently diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. As you can imagine, it was a very difficult time raising a developmentally delayed child while working full time and going to school full time. My husband has assumed the role of househusband due to a great many factors.
I also found myself with several unknown medical issues and compounding financial issues, and quickly spiraled into a deep depression. For the three years since my daughter's birth, I'd been in a depressive haze. I was taking eight different medications for this, that, and the next thing. Last year, for the first time, I stepped into a classroom for observation. The kids were rowdy, obnoxious, but they were adorable, too. I took joy in being able to instruct. At the end of my observation, I vowed that the depression that had kept me in its almighty jaws since time immemorial was at its end.
Some people might say what I did was incredibly risky and stupid. I know a lot of psychologists who would say exactly that. I took myself off of the drugs, including the antidepressant. I will not say it was easy. Death looked pretty good for a while there. My husband really helped me through a lot. I had to re-learn how to deal with emotions, because they had been unequivocally killed off and leveled for over ten years.
The good with the bad. Not only did I have to deal with the rage, the bone-deep sadness, the weariness, but I had the bewildering sense of having to deal with euphoria as well. There are still some days where I am in awe of how happy and bubbly I can be. There are also still days where I feel the flash of white-hot rage, the likes of which I had not felt since I was only sixteen years old.
But the side effects? I wanted to draw again. I wanted to help my little one learn to look me in the eyes with her gorgeous baby blues. Listen to her adorable sounds-like-a-mermaid-underwater voice request Doritos by pointing to a picture of Ruffles chips and say "chip, chip, chip," over and over again. And, finally and at long last... I wanted to write again.
So here I am, working on Devil's Game again. My alpha's got just as busy a life, but she's the first one to welcome me back and she deserves to read it first, I think. She has Chapter 18 right now. And I'm midway through Chapter 19. In spite of the darkness that has been the last five years, there has been unspeakable light, too. I've learned more. I've grown. And I feel, with my new life experiences as a mum and a teacher and a wife, that I can do this more than I ever could have before.
I'm ready! Are you?