(no subject)

[hpfreak3]

Sometimes I really wish I believed in soulmates. I feel like life would be so much easier. If I met a guy and it didn't instantly click and feel like this is the person for me, I could just move on and not worry about it and keep looking for him. But I don't really. I mean I think there are people out there more suited to be with each other than others, but what does that even mean? I was in love with a guy for 2.5 years that I thought was the one for me. I didn't fall head over heels with him the first time I met him. Our love grew over time and I thought he was the one I was going to be with forever. We had our problems but that's the way relationships are right? You have to work through the problems. But then he broke my heart and I've since realized he wasn't good for me and i was able to fall out of love with him pretty quickly. Especially when I met a guy that I did fall head over heels in love with when I first met him. I thought HE was the one for me. Again there were problems but i thought we could work through them. He didn't agree and again I had my heart broken. I also realized that he wasn't good for me after the fact, but that didn't stop me from still being in love with him. Now I just feel like every guy I meet I don't know what to think. Is it ok to meet someone and let things grow over time and see what happens? Or is that leading them on if it doesn't end up working out? Should I hold out for a guy that makes me feel like Nick did? Someone I just instantly was in love with even though we weren't ultimately compatible? And hopefully they're just better at working through problems than he was? Or should I try to love someone that would be good for me? Is that settling? I just don't know anymore. Like I hung out with this guy Steve tonight who seemed really nice and sweet, but really different from guys I usually go for at least recently. But he is freakishly like Sean. Like similar physical charcteristics, similar mannerisms, their voices are even eerily similar. I like him but besides the sean thing a few things raised a couple flags for me. is like enough to let it go and see what happens? Does every guy I  date need to be someone i see as my future husband after a date or two? probably not but that's how my mind works. I don't wanna end up hurting anyone. I sometimes wonder how I can even think about taking a chance of getting hurt again myself with how much I've gone through. What if i end up passing on Steve, a guy that really likes me, and then I can't find anyone else that will have me? But do I want to be in a relationship with somebody and then wonder well am I settling? Should I still be looking for someone better instead of seeing how this goes? Because I never thought I was before but now I realize I was. And the whole Sean thing I can feel myself projecting things onto him that aren't fair because he reminds me so much of Sean. Is that fair to either of us to have that baggage creeping in already? I wish life wasn't so complicated sometimes. I'm just so afraid of making a wrong decision, picking the wrong guy. When I message a guy it hurts when they don't reply and it seems to happen more often than not. So if I stop sending messages, what if the right guy passes me up because I didn't send him a message? This all probably doesn't even make sense but I just needed to get it out. I just feel like my head is such a mess all the time. And alll i do is sit around and complain about how confusing and terrible my love life is when people actually have real problems. And then I feel stupid. :-/
I just wish I had the answers, or someone could tell me the answers, or at least give me a little hint. Oh well that's enough from me for now I think. Sorry to be a bummer Vicky since you're probably the only one that will read this lol.